Hold on to your Dreams (13 page)

The sound of a child’s laughter made Gertrude glance up sharply. Through the office window she could see a group of people around her father, including Fred, who was talking animatedly to a small girl being held by a tall man. Even from this distance he was easily recognisable, and she couldn’t believe her eyes. What on earth was Alexander Glendale doing carrying a child? Fascinated, she couldn’t take her eyes off the scene.

They were obviously discussing the merits of several small chairs, and her father was sketching on a pad. The little girl was put in one of them and all the men crouched down, deep in discussion. A poorly dressed woman was standing behind the chair and resting her hands on the little girl’s shoulders.

After a while, Mr Glendale picked up the child again,
and left with the woman. Fred waved happily until they disappeared from sight.

She was bursting with curiosity and was pleased to see her father heading for the office. ‘What was that all about?’ she asked as soon as he came in.

‘We’ve been asked to make a chair with wheels on for the little girl. She has difficulty walking and is being treated by Alexander’s physician. He’s going to operate on her soon, and then she won’t be able to walk at all for a while.’ Sutton was already busy making a detailed drawing.

She frowned. ‘The service of an eminent physician will be expensive, surely.’

‘Very, but without expert help she will always be disabled. I understand from the child’s mother that Alexander is paying for the treatment and the chair.’

‘That’s more than generous of him,’ was all she could think of to say.

‘He’s a generous man. Fred told me he’s taking an interest in all the children in their street. He’s very good with them, and visits regularly to check they are all right.’

‘Well! That’s a side of him I never knew existed.’

‘You’ve never bothered to look closely, have you my dear?’

She shook her head. ‘I’ll need to revise my opinion of him. After I’ve had time to digest this.’

‘I would say that’s long overdue,’ her father murmured, head bent over his work.

Accepting the rebuke, she stared into space, eyes closed as she focussed on the first time she had ever seen Alexander Glendale. He had walked into the room and
every eye turned towards him. His strong character had overwhelmed her, and instinct told her this was not a man to get close to. He gave the impression of being completely unapproachable – a man of authority who would expect to be obeyed without question. When he’d declared his interest in her she’d been frightened. Her family were close, openly showing affection for each other, but there didn’t seem to be anything gentle or loving about this imposing man. But she’d just seen him handle the little girl with tenderness, talking to her and smiling. That smile had transformed him. And the fact that he was taking an interest in children from the slums showed there must be a different man under his stern exterior. Had she been too hasty in her assessment of him – too harsh? Had she misjudged him so badly? She really thought she had!

‘What are you doing here, my dear?’

Her father’s voice broke her thoughts. ‘Aunt Hanna’s with mother, so I thought I’d collect some of the paperwork to deal with at home.’

‘Would you send out the payment reminders as well?’

‘Yes, of course.’ She gathered up everything she needed. ‘This will give me something to do. But I have an errand to run before I can start on it.’

‘I know how busy you are, so do the work when you can.’ He smiled affectionately at her. ‘I don’t know what I’d do without you.’

‘Have you found him?’ Hope flared in Gertrude when she saw who was waiting for her when she arrived home two hours later.

Alexander was studying her intently, a deep frown of concern furrowing his brow. ‘Please sit down.’

She waved her hands impatiently, very aware of the tone of command in his voice. ‘If you have news, please tell me.’

‘I have seen your brother and he gave me this note for your mother.’

She took it from him, turning it over and over in her hands. ‘Mother needs to see him. Where is he? Did you tell him how ill she is?’

‘I told him. Sit down.’ Alexander stepped forward, making her sink into the chair behind her. She was close to collapse. ‘Read the note.’

With trembling hands she rested the paper on the arm of the chair before it was steady enough to read. The note was disappointingly short. ‘All this says is that he’s all right. What good is that? Tell me where he is and I’ll drag him here if I have to.’

‘That isn’t possible, I’m sorry to say. He’s joined the army and is on a ship bound for South Africa.’

Every trace of colour drained from her face, and she whispered, ‘Oh no!’

Stooping down in front of her, he handed her a pristine handkerchief so she could wipe the moisture from her eyes. ‘The ship was ready to sail when I arrived. I only managed to see your brother because I knew the sergeant. That short note was all we had time for.’

She took the handkerchief and dabbed her eyes, then twisted the fine cotton into a ball as she fought for composure. This was devastating news. It embarrasse her
to appear so distressed in front of him, but she was so very tired of trying to be brave. She wasn’t brave at all. What was she going to do now?

‘May I offer some advice?’ he suggested, as he stood up again.

‘Yes, please.’

‘Give your mother the note, but tell her you still don’t know where he is.’

She nodded. ‘I’ll have to lie because I certainly can’t tell her he’s on his way to fight the Boers. That will make her frantic with worry.’ She gazed up at him. ‘What shall I tell father? He ought to know.’

‘I agree. Would you like me to talk to him?’

‘Oh, would you?’ Her voice trembled.

‘I’ll go to the workshop when I leave here.’

‘Thank you.’ She stood up, holding on to the back of the chair for support. ‘Forgive me, I haven’t offered you any refreshments.’

‘There’s no need.’ He moved towards her. ‘You’re exhausted. You must rest.’

Something inside her snapped. ‘Rest? How can I rest? Father is working and worrying himself into an early grave. The business I believed to be sound is struggling to make a profit. My fool of a brother could get himself killed in a war, and my mother is dangerously ill. She’s regained consciousness, but her recovery is being hampered by worry. Not only is she fretting about Edward, but she’s afraid I’m going to be left with nothing. I don’t care! I just want her to get well, and for her and father to be happy again. Nothing else—’

Alexander’s frown deepened, then he took hold of her arms and made her sit down again. With two strides he’d reached the drinks table and poured a brandy. Handing it to her, he said, in a tone of voice only a fool would disobey, ‘Drink this.’

The strong liquid made her cough and she couldn’t take more than a sip. Her show of weakness made her ashamed. ‘I’m sorry. I’m embarrassing you.’

‘Stop apologising, Gertrude!’

That made her bristle with indignation. She wouldn’t be spoken to in that tone of voice! She might be down, but she still had some fight in her. Forcing her legs to remain steady, she stood to face him. ‘I was trying to be polite. And just because you own us doesn’t mean you can order me around. Thank you for bringing me news of my brother, and the offer to tell my father, but on reflection I believe it will be better if I break the news to him.’

‘Don’t be stubborn. You’re clearly in no fit state to shoulder this burden alone.’

‘I am perfectly capable! The news about Edward has been upsetting, and for a moment I was confused. But I’m all right now. I’ll do whatever has to be done for my family. Somehow I’ll stop mother worrying about us.’

He hesitated for a moment, then said, ‘There’s one way you can ease your parents’ difficulties and concerns.’

‘Oh?’ Despite her anger, she was ready to listen.

‘Marry me and I’ll give you the house as a wedding gift. I—’

‘How dare you!’ she exploded. He was trying to buy her. That hurt so much she clutched her sides, feeling
physical pain. She’d begun to think about him in a more kindly way, and then he does this to her. It was cruel. Her first assessment of him had obviously been the correct one.

‘Let me finish.’

‘I am not for sale, Mr Glendale.’ She lifted her head in defiance. ‘And the fact you think I am is insulting!’

He didn’t have a chance to reply because the door opened and Hanna swept in. ‘Stop shouting, Gertie. What’s going on here?’

‘Mr Glendale is leaving, Aunt.’ Then she turned on her heel and stormed out of the room.

Fifteen minutes later there was a firm tap on her bedroom door. She knew who it was. ‘Come in.’

Her aunt sat next to her on the bed. ‘He wants to apologise for upsetting you.’

‘No!’

‘Don’t be so damned stubborn, Gertie. I don’t know what went on between you down there, but he’s gone to a lot of trouble to trace Edward, at your request. At least have the decency to thank him for that, and listen to his apology.’

‘I’ve already thanked him.’ She stared at the note still clutched in her hand. ‘He told you Edward’s joined the army then?’

‘Yes, the bloody fool. Why the blazes didn’t he come to me? But we’ll discuss this later. Put aside your wounded pride and listen to Alex’s apology.’

‘He hurt me.’

‘He knows that, and believe me, that’s the last thing he would want to do.’

‘You always talk about him as if you know him well.’

‘My husband was acquainted with the Glendales. I’ve known Alex since he was ten years old.’

She gave her aunt a startled look. ‘I didn’t know that.’

‘There’s a great deal you don’t know about me. I never talk about those years. They are best forgotten, but I will tell you a little about Alex. His great grandfather came from Scotland. He was a shrewd man and soon began to build up the family fortune. Each male has carried on the business. When Alex’s father, and then his mother and sister died so tragically, he was left with no choice but to resign his commission in the army and return home. He has inherited the sharp business mind, and although I know it was the last thing he wanted to do, he left the life he loved and came back to deal with the family affairs. He’s a strong man, which is a blessing or he would not have survived such devastating losses, but that doesn’t mean he is without feelings. He’s still trying to pull his shattered life together. He understands only too well what our family is going through, and that is why he has spent time helping us.’ Hanna stood up. ‘You’re an intelligent girl, but you should have grown out of this habit of making hasty judgements about people and situations, and I’m going to be very cross if you don’t start acting your age. You’re a woman now, Gertie, not some silly child who throws tantrums every time someone upsets her.’

She flinched at the merited rebuke, and nodded.

‘Good.’ Hanna opened the door. ‘Show him how gracious you can be.’

At least Gertrude had allowed him to apologise, but he hadn’t been prepared to do more than that. He’d upset her, and for that he was very sorry, but she had reacted so quickly to his suggestion that he hadn’t had time to tell her why he was making the proposal. When she’d said she would do whatever she had to for her family, he had spoken without thinking. He swore under his breath. As if she wasn’t suffering enough, he’d caused her more distress. He would never forget the pain in her eyes as she’d accused him of trying to buy her, and to be truthful, that’s exactly how it had sounded. But if she’d only continued to listen he’d have been about to tell her how he felt. He should have done that first, of course, but he hadn’t. The trouble with him was he was used to giving orders, and he had appeared abrupt in his handling of a sensitive girl. Much too late to recognise that now; the damage had been done.

Still muttering curses, Alex walked. He didn’t know where, or care, oblivious to the cold drizzle. Hadn’t he told himself repeatedly that Gertrude was not for him? Had he listened? No, he damned well hadn’t. The dream of winning her had persisted. Well, he’d better conquer that desire. Now!

‘You’re getting wet, sir.’

He started, unaware his carriage was following him slowly. He hadn’t even heard the clip of the horse’s hooves on the road. Without saying a word he climbed in, settled in the plush seats and closed his eyes. When the horse began to canter, he sat up and opened his eyes again.

What was done couldn’t be changed, though he would give anything to be able to take back those hasty words. He’d ruined whatever slim chance he might have had with her, but that would not change his desire to help them. The loss of his own family had made him more aware of the suffering of others. He couldn’t change the world, but he could help a few people along the way.

His own life needed to be put into order as well, and he’d spent enough time on something that could never be. He’d done all he could for the Melrose family at the moment, and now it was time to retreat.

‘Where to, sir?’ the driver called.

‘Home.’ Home, he thought bitterly. Once it had been, but now it was just a huge, empty shell. He would make sure May was all right and then go to his Hampshire estate. The peace there would help him sort things out in his mind. It was time to lay some ghosts. He should have done it months ago.

The carriage stopped and he got out. ‘I won’t need you again today, Dickson.’

His butler was waiting at the door, shaking his head in disapproval as he removed his master’s wet coat. ‘Mr Shawbridge is waiting to see you, sir. Shall I tell him you are unavailable?’

The last thing he wanted at the moment was a visitor, but he’d better see Michael. ‘No, I’ll see him. Where have you put him?’

‘In the library, sir.’

Alex entered the room and walked straight to the drinks table, as Michael leapt to his feet. After pouring two large brandies, Alex sat down. ‘Please sit down. What can I do for you, Michael?’

Before speaking, his visitor took a large gulp of the brandy. ‘I thought you’d like to hear the news. The Hayworth brothers have been expelled from the club for cheating. There’s one hell of a row going on.’

Michael was clearly ill at ease and he hoped the damned fool hadn’t also been caught. ‘And have they also connected you with them?’

‘No!’ he declared in alarm. ‘You know, don’t you?’

Alex nodded.

‘Oh God! Now I understand your warning to me, and I thank you. I’ve been an idiot, but I’ll never get involved in anything like that again.’

‘You’d be wise to choose your friends more carefully.’

‘I never took any of the money.’ Michael gulped down the last of his drink. ‘It just seemed like a bit of fun, but that’s no excuse, is it?’

‘No, it isn’t. People have been hurt, and that is unacceptable.’ Alex refilled the glasses, well pleased with the news, but still concerned for Michael. He was sure the young man didn’t mean to do anything dishonest, but he was so easily led, and the brothers were very persuasive. ‘Will they implicate you?’

‘Unlikely. Their reputations are ruined, and no one will believe anything they say again. They left for France this afternoon, and it will be a long time before they can return. The people they cheated are clamouring for their money back. They won’t get it, though.’

‘Not a chance.’

‘Er …’ Michael turned his glass round and round in his hands. ‘I’m moving to Suffolk, Alex. I’ve met a girl, Frances Handley, and we’re to have a Christmas wedding.’

It was the kind of news that helped to lift some of the gloom from him, and he smiled, genuinely pleased. ‘Congratulations, I’ve met the family and she’ll make you a fine wife.’

The worry cleared from Michael’s face. ‘I know she will. Thank you. I wasn’t sure how you’d take it.’

‘My sister has been dead for nearly two years, and you cannot live in the past. I’m delighted for you. I shall expect an invitation to the wedding.’

‘You’re already on the list.’ Michael smiled and sat back, relaxed at last.

They talked for another hour and then Alex was left to dine alone. It was satisfying to know the brothers had been exposed with no hint of Fred’s involvement. There was no chance of the Melrose family getting any of their
money back, but it was a victory nonetheless. There was a measure of justice in their banishment from this country.

He gazed into the fire, watching the multicoloured flames dancing, and he took a deep breath, relaxing in the warmth and quiet. He’d told Michael he couldn’t live in the past. It was time he took his own advice and moved on with his life.

Pacing restlessly, Gertrude looked out of the window for the fourth time.

‘Do sit down, Gertie!’ Hanna scolded. ‘I swear you’re making me quite dizzy.’

She did as ordered, fingering the note in her hand. ‘I wish Father would come home. I won’t tell Mother we’ve heard from Edward until I’ve spoken to him.’

‘And you’re quite right not to. But you should have told him your mother asked you to trace Edward.’

‘I know I shouldn’t have kept that from him, but he’s never shown any interest in finding him. Now I hope he’ll be relieved that we can put Mother’s mind at ease. But I need to ask him how much he thinks we should tell her.’

‘Very little, I’d say.’ Hanna tipped her head to one side, listening. ‘Ah, here he comes now.’

‘How is she?’ he asked, as soon as he walked into the room.

‘Sleeping at the moment.’ Hanna handed her brother a glass of whisky. ‘Sit down. Gertie has something to tell you.’

It took her no more than ten minutes to explain about the search for Edward. When her father made no comment,
she held out the note. ‘I apologise for not being honest with you, but Mother didn’t want you to know how bad she felt. Please read the note.’

He made no attempt to take it from her. ‘What does he say?’

‘Only that he’s all right and Mother is not to worry about him. She desperately needs to know Edward is safe, but how much do we tell her?’

‘You’re the only one who can make that decision, Sutton,’ Hanna told him.

He drained his glass and put it on the small table beside his chair. ‘Give her the note and say it was delivered here by hand, but no one saw the messenger. She must
not
be told the blasted idiot has joined the army.’

He stood up, clearly angry. ‘Is that understood?’

‘Yes, Father.’ Gertrude watched him stride out of the room. ‘He’s furious with me. That’s the first time I’ve ever been anything but open and honest with him.’

‘It isn’t that. He’s blaming himself for Florence’s illness, and he’s distressed Edward is going to be in such danger.’

‘But he doesn’t care what Edward does.’

Her aunt gave her a sad glance. ‘He cares, my dear. He sent Edward away because he knew his son would sink further into trouble unless he was brought to his senses. The way he did it may seem brutal, but it had to be done, and I believe it was the right thing. Edward is now in the army and the discipline will make or break him. I’d bet on it being the making of him.’

‘I never thought of it like that. I believed Father sent him away because he hated him for what he’d done to us.’

‘No, my dear. Sutton has constantly urged Edward to come into the business and live a useful, productive life, but the boy kept making excuses, saying he would consider it in a few months. But he never intended working. He was out of control.’

‘Poor Father, what a terrible burden for him to carry.’

‘It is, but he’ll survive with our help. Don’t be deceived by his gentleness, he’s a strong man. Now, why don’t you go and see your mother?’

Gertrude rushed over to her aunt and gave her an affectionate hug. ‘You’re so wise and sensible. I don’t know what we’d do without you in this crisis.’

‘You’d manage. You’re just like your father, though you don’t realise it yet. Now, off you go.’ Hanna waved her away.

Her aunt always managed to put things in their proper perspective, Gertrude thought as she made her way up to her mother’s room. And if she had inherited even a small amount of her father’s character, then she was blessed indeed. The problem was she didn’t feel strong; she was floundering, close to panic some of the time. It was only the love she felt for her brother and parents that stopped her crumbling. The only person she ever let her guard down with was David.

Quietly opening her mother’s door, she peered in. ‘Is she awake, nurse?’ she whispered.

‘Come in, Miss. Your mother’s had a wash and change of nightclothes, and she’s more comfortable now.’ The nurse straightened the bedclothes. ‘Stay for a while, but don’t tire her.’

‘I won’t.’ She walked towards the bed, a bright smile on her face. ‘I have good news, Mother.’

‘Edward?’

She nodded, sat on a chair by the bed and held out the note. ‘He’s written to you.’

‘Read it to me.’

As she read her brother’s brief words, she saw the tears gather in her mother’s eyes.

‘Oh, thank God! He’s all right! Where is he? I want to see him. Need to see him.’

‘Edward doesn’t say where he is.’ She was trying not to say more than was necessary. ‘But he’s fine, and I expect he’ll write again.’

Her mother took the note from her, kissed it, and then clutched it to her heart. With a sigh of relief she closed her eyes.

Believing she’d fallen asleep, Gertrude began to stand up, sad for her mother’s suffering, and knowing it wasn’t going to be possible for her to see her son for a very long time.

‘Got to find our daughter a husband,’ her mother murmured. ‘Got to have someone to take care of her.’

Gertrude sat down again, dismayed to realise her mother was still worrying about her.

The nurse touched her shoulder. ‘She’s talking in her sleep, that’s all. Knowing her son’s all right will help her rest easier.’

‘That’s what I’d hoped, but she’s also worrying about me.’

‘Only natural.’ The nurse smiled understandingly. ‘A mother is always concerned about her children, and
I’m afraid worry is also a result of the illness. She feels helpless, you see.’

Afraid she was going to break down, Gertrude left quickly and made for her own room. It was vital her mother didn’t worry, especially about her. What was she going to do? She couldn’t conjure up a husband!

The tension inside her was unbearable and there was no relief from tears. Her eyes were dry. She knew the answer to the problem had been there when Mr Glendale had suggested they marry. And what had she done? Insulted him and stormed away.

Fool! Damned fool! It would have been a loveless marriage, but there were still many marriages of convenience. He needed a wife; needed a family of his own again. It might not have been so bad; he was a good man. Everyone said so. But she found him so disturbing …

Sitting on the edge of the bed, she rested her head in her hands. He’d never speak to her again. When she had gone back downstairs he’d told her she had stormed out before he’d had a chance to explain the reason for his offer. He obviously hadn’t been prepared to tell her then, and how could she blame him? After being snubbed so rudely it was understandable that he’d keep his reasons to himself.

She should have listened to what he had to say. But it was easy to be wise after the event, and it was a bad habit of hers to react too quickly without hearing the whole story. She would have to make sure she learnt from this.