Holding On (14 page)

“I’m just saying….”

She poured cocoa into Ella’s mug then added some milk to cool it down. “Careful, sweetie, it’s still hot.”

“Marshmallows?” Daniel grabbed the bag from the cupboard, knowing the answer.

“Yes, lots.”

Daniel sprinkled the mini-puffs into her cup. Ella poked at them with her spoon, humming to herself.

He dropped another handful into Marienne’s mug. He wondered if she was too tired to talk. “I got an email last night.” He paused. “From Justine.”

Marienne’s eyes bugged. “Really?” She put a muffin in front of Ella and handed another to Daniel.

“Yes.” He took a bite. Pumpkin, just as he’d thought. “Mmm that’s good.” It was still warm.

“What did she say?” Marienne’s eyes darted back and forth between his.

He wondered if he shouldn’t have mentioned it. “Not much, really. She talked to an old schoolmate of ours who had heard that I’d taken a job at Dartmouth. I think she’s a bit miffed she found out from someone else. You know she likes to be the first to know everything.”

“True.”

“Honestly I’m surprised that was enough to prompt a message. I hadn’t heard from her in almost a year. Not that I’d tried to contact her. We don’t have anything to say to each other.”

Marienne’s expression relaxed, and Daniel was glad. She had absolutely no reason to feel on edge. Justine was no threat to her. She never had been. Daniel had been drawn to Marienne since the first time he’d met her. It had taken a while for him to realize how drawn, but the connection had been immediate.

They were simply meant to be.

Chapter Eighteen

It had been nearly six weeks since Drew was born. Daniel was well aware of the date not only because of how much Drew had grown, but because that was how long the doctor had said Marienne would need to wait before having intercourse. As much as Daniel loved having Drew in their lives, he missed having sex with Marienne. A lot.

“We’ll need to use a condom.” Marienne warned him. He headed to the drugstore the next day and stood in awe of the selection. He hadn’t used one in over a decade. Justine had been on the pill the entire time they were dating and married, and Marienne had too, until they decided to try to get pregnant.
Ribbed. Lubricated. Spermicidal. Natural skin?
He felt as ridiculous as a teenager. He bought a variety, hoping Marienne might have more knowledge of which was best and hoping that perhaps they’d get around to using all of them.

It occurred to him that six weeks was not a magical number of days. Her body might be ready a few days before, or might not be ready for a few more weeks. It didn’t matter. He just wanted to try. It was all he’d been able to think about for days. Being with her again, close to her, inside her.

The house was quiet when he got home. Ella’s door was closed. Daniel assumed Marienne was upstairs nursing.

He headed straight to their bedroom to stash his purchase in the bedside table. To his delight he found Marienne, napping, alone. He eased onto the bed alongside her, watching her sleep. She looked so peaceful, curled into a ball, already in a nightgown though it was only eight in the evening. He wrapped himself around her, breathing in her sweet vanilla scent.

****

Marienne was dreaming. She was on a beach, watching the waves, the gentle rhythm relaxing her, then she felt strong arms around her. Daniel’s arms. She leaned back into them, snuggling against him. His breath caressed her neck, as gentle as the breeze. She sighed, feeling him move against her.

It took a moment for her to realize that she was no longer asleep. Daniel’s nose grazed along her ear, his heat radiating through her. She pulled his arm tighter around her. “Mmmmmm.”

“I’m sorry I woke you,” he whispered, his mouth still skimming her skin. “I just couldn’t resist.”

She turned to face him, wincing as her incision pulled. He cringed at the sound. “Are you okay?” Worry darkened his eyes.

“I’m fine,” she said, angling toward him as his erection pressed against her. “I miss you.” She ran her hand over his back, pulling his hips closer.

“Three more days,” he said, his lips brushing hers.

Heat pooled between her legs. Kissing him felt so good, and it had been so long…. “Let’s try now.”

Daniel pulled back. “Really?”

Marienne answered by kissing him and beginning to unbuckle his belt. She worked her way past shirttails and boxers until her fingers wrapped around him. So warm. So smooth. She’d forgotten how good it felt to touch him. He moaned into her mouth, his hand skimming the edge of her panties.

He hesitated. “You’re sure this is okay? I don’t want to hurt you.”

“I’ll tell you if it hurts.” She arched against his fingers to show him how wet she was. She wanted him so badly she almost forgot about the condom.

Daniel rolled to the other side of the bed and opened his nightstand drawer. “I bought these today.” He handed her four boxes of condoms.

She laughed. “Feeling optimistic?”

“Feeling foolish. I’d no idea what to buy. Do you have a preference?”

She shook her head. “Let’s go with these. The box is pretty.”

Daniel opened the carton with enough gusto that the condoms flipped all over the bed. Marienne plucked one off the pillow. “Do you want to do the honors, or should I?”

“By all means.” Daniel laid back, his eyes gleaming.

She tore the package open, trying to remember the best way to do this. She turned the condom over, twice, trying to figure out which way it unrolled. The sight of Daniel, ready to go, was distracting her. She reached down and stroked him, wishing she could just climb on top of him, but she knew that wasn’t a good idea. His erection bobbed impatiently when she let go.

Pinch the tip then roll.

“Nicely done,” he said, tugging her down next to him. “Now where were we?”

He swept her hair aside and nuzzled her neck, his hand moving over her breast. No sooner did he touch her nipple than the whimpers could be heard echoing from the baby monitor. Within a second they became full-on wails.

Drew was awake.

Marienne groaned, “Oh no.”

The second she heard his screams her breasts began to tingle as her milk let down, soaking not only her shirt, but Daniel’s. The look on his face was one she’d just as well not have seen, a mix of frustration and sadness.

“I’m sorry.” She scrambled out of bed as the cries got louder.

****

Daniel flopped back against the pillows. His shirt clung to his chest in two round spots where Marienne had leaked. The pale yellow condom seemed to be mocking him. He reached down and rolled it off, thankful he’d gone so many years without using one. He was about to head to the bathroom when the doorbell rang.

What now?
He pulled on his pants and trotted down the stairs. The UPS guy greeted him with a smile and a delivery that belonged to their next-door neighbor
. If we had started to have sex this would have ruined it anyway.

Today was clearly not the right day.

Chapter Nineteen

A few nights later Daniel was more than ready to try again. Marienne had been grinning at him all through dinner, and it was all he could do not to pull her into the laundry room and ravish her on the pile of unfolded clothes.

Ella fell asleep on the couch. Daniel debated letting her sleep there. He was afraid she’d wake up if he carried her to bed. Marienne assured him she wouldn’t. They’d had a busy day, and Ella was exhausted. He gingerly placed her on her bed, holding his breath when she yawned and stretched. She curled onto her side and was back asleep in an instant.
Thank God.

Daniel dimmed the lights in the bedroom while he waited for Marienne to finish getting Drew settled. He knew she’d prefer darkness. She was still complaining that she was fat from the pregnancy. Daniel didn’t care. He just wanted to see her.

He shifted, trying to get comfortable. His erection strained against his jeans. He decided to take them off and get in bed.

It seemed like an eternity before he heard Marienne tiptoe down the hallway. She shut their bedroom door, careful to be as quiet as possible, then turned to face him.

She smiled. “I was afraid you’d be asleep.”

“You’re kidding, right?”

“No. That took forever.”

“Come here.” He sat up in bed, resisting the temptation to leap up and take her against the closet door.

She sat down on the edge of the bed, the soft light reflecting off her darkened eyes. He began undoing the buttons on her shirt. “You’re wearing far too many clothes.”

She lifted the covers and laughed. “You’re not.”

He pulled her into a kiss, dragging her down on top of him. The sensation of her breasts crushed against his chest made him throb. She curled her fingers around him, caressing him with long, slow strokes.

“Careful,” he said. He didn’t want things to be over before they’d even started. Her hand felt so good he didn’t trust himself to be able to hold back.

“I’m not worried.” She buried her tongue in his mouth and he could no longer think about anything at all.

****

Marienne listened for any sound of Drew awakening as she watched Daniel roll on the condom. She didn’t want any interruptions this time. Her body ached to feel him on top of her, inside her. She was beyond impatient.
Please let this go well. And don’t let it hurt too much.

He kissed her, his silky hair grazing her cheek then her neck as he trailed his lips to her collarbone. His fingers, tender and gentle, ran up her thigh making her insides flutter with anticipation.

She wrapped her arms around him, drawing him closer, until he was situated. His hardness rubbed against her. “Ready?” he asked, his eyes searching hers.

“God yes.” She took a breath and placed the tip of him inside her. The condom rasped a little, but she didn’t care. She tilted her hips and raised them, loving the sound he emitted as he slipped all the way in.

He moved slowly and she knew he was trying to be as gentle as possible, but she was still a bit sore. She shifted beneath him, trying to find a position that was comfortable.

“Are you okay?” He held still, his face colored with concern.

She ran her knuckles across his cheek then brought her lips to his. Kissing him sent a wave of heat rippling through her. She could feel the ache in her belly lessening as everything liquefied. Daniel expanded inside her, his cock felt hard as stone. She rocked back and forth, knowing he was close to coming.

The pressure built deep within her as she swelled around him. It felt so good to be with him again. She closed her eyes, trying to concentrate, willing herself to let go. Daniel started to shake, his lips more urgent against hers, then she felt him give way. He cried out, muffling the sound against the pillow behind her head. She quickened her pace. She was close. So close. But it wasn’t going to happen.

Daniel continued to move, and she knew he was trying to help her along. She kissed him, running her fingers through his hair. “It’s okay,” she said

He pulled back to look at her, his brow pinched. “I can keep going.”

She smiled. He still seemed rock hard. “I’m sure you could, but it’s not necessary.”

He stilled. “Am I hurting you?”

“No, it’s just not going to happen. Not today.”

“Oh.” He raised his hips and slipped off her, looking confused.

She waited until he’d removed the condom and lay back down. She ran her hand down his chest, playing with the hair on his tummy. “It’s no big deal.” She kissed his arm. “It takes a while to get back into things after all the baby hormones.”

****

He propped himself up, facing her. “Is there anything I can do? Anything else?” His fingers traced her hip, eager to do whatever she might ask of them.

She shook her head, and he frowned. Marienne laughed. “Don’t look so distraught. It’s not a big deal.”

It is to me.
He wanted to make her happy. It hadn’t occurred to him that sex might feel different for her now. “Did this happen with Ella?”

“Yes. Much worse, actually. Though part of that was probably that I didn’t really want to be having sex with Frank. That was never one of the best parts of our marriage.”

“You did want to try tonight, right?”

She let out an exasperated gasp. “Yes.” She turned his face, her round eyes focused right on his. “I couldn’t wait to make love with you again. I don’t care that I didn’t have an orgasm, I just wanted to be with you.”

Daniel’s heart filled. “Well you can be with me whenever you’d like.” He kissed the side of her head, feeling her relax alongside him. Within moments her breathing slowed, and he knew she was asleep.

The fact that she hadn’t come was unsettling.
Was it still pleasurable? Would doing it more often make the ability return faster?
And, most importantly, when could they try again?

Chapter Twenty

Lynn stopped by the following afternoon. Marienne was glad for the adult company. Drew had been restless all morning, making packing nearly impossible. He’d finally settled in for a nap and Ella was thrilled to have Rebecca over for a play date. It was warm enough that the girls decided to play in the back yard. Marienne kept the sliding glass door open so they could keep an eye on them.