Holding On (20 page)

“So how was the rest of your
day?”            

I
was
trying
to
think
about
how
I
really
wanted
to
answer
that question.
It
wasn’t
supposed
to
be
so
loaded,
and
he
probably
had
no idea that it
was.

“It was
okay.
I went shopping for some new clothes with my
mom and then took an unscheduled nap.
That’s
why I was running late.
Normally,
I would have been ready on time, but I fell
asleep.”

“It really isn’t a big deal,
Becca.”       

The
way
he
said
my
name
made
my
stomach
turn
itself
over.
Wow!
I
was
sitting
there,
twirling
my
hair
around
my
finger
and
biting
my
lip. All would be signs to any guy that I wanted something from him,
but Ethan wasn’t looking at me,
thankfully.

I
let
the
conversation
die
as
we
wound
our
way
up
the
mountain.
Ten
minutes
later,
he
pulled
into
an
overlook
and
turned
the
car
off.
We
sat in silence for a few minutes before he unlocked his seatbelt
and opened his
door.

“Were
here,” he announced like it was no big deal. I looked
around and
saw
a
large
parking
lot
and
a
brick
half
wall
in
front
of
us.
Not
exactly the way I pictured our night going.

He came around and opened the door for me and helped me out
of the
car.
After closing my door, he opened the back door and pulled
out a
picnic
basket
and
a
blanket.
This
was
going
to
be
way
better
than
I pictured.

We
walked
ahead
to
the
wall,
and
Ethan
spread
the
blanket
out over
the
top
of
it.
I
was
so
caught
up
in
watching
him
I
hadn’t
noticed the
view,
but when I did, I was entranced. The lights from the city
were
absolutely
beautiful,
and
you
could
see
all
the
way
across
town
from where
we
were.
Looking
up,
I
noticed
how
clear
the
sky
was.
You
could see
almost
every
constellation.
With
the
lights
of
the
city
below
us,
there was
nothing
blocking
our
view.
It
was
truly
beautiful
up
here
and
a
little bit
romantic.

He helped me up on the wall and then began to unpack the
basket he was carrying. As he unpacked things, I continued to stare out at
the
city.
I
had
never
seen
anything
like
it
before.
I
was
sure
that
the
only thing more beautiful than the sight of the city at night from up here
was
a sunset. I wondered what it would look like.
We
were facing south,
so
the sunset would be to our right, over another set of
mountains.

Ethan
hopped
up
on
the
wall
next
to
me.
The
food
was
between
us, but
he
was
still
within
arm’s
reach,
and
I
could
feel
the
heat
radiating from his
body.
He handed me a bottled water and a sandwich but
still
hadn’t
said
anything.
We
sat
in
silence
for
a
while
and
ate
before
he finally broke the tension hanging in the
air.

“I
hope
you
don’t
mind
coming
up
here
instead
of
going
to
a restaurant,” he
said.

When
I
looked
over
to
him,
his
face
had
such
a
serious
look.
He
was actually concerned that I would have preferred to go
somewhere
else.
I
really
didn’t.
It
couldn’t
get
much
better
than
this
for
a
“first
date” of
sorts.

“No,
it’s
great. The view is spectacular, and the company’s not
so
bad
either,”
I
said
teasingly,
trying
to
lighten
his
mood.
It
must
have worked
because
a
smile
crept
across
his
face,
and
you
could
see
the tension he was holding in his shoulder
lift.

“Good.
This
is
my
favorite
place
to
go
when
I
need
to
get
away from everything.
It’s
kind of special to
me.”

His words sank in, and I realized that he was trying to show me
a part of who he was on the
inside.

We
talked
for
a
few
minutes,
and
I
started
to
feel
more
comfortable the
more
I
learned
about
him.
He
had
just
asked
me
about
my
dad.
I hesitated for a moment, and as I started to
reply,
I heard a howling
that sounded fairly close to where we were. I sat straight up and started
to look around. When my eyes met his, he knew that I was scared, and
he helped me down from the wall without a
word.

I jumped in the car and watched him pack up our
picnic. Once
he
put
the
basket
in
the
backseat
and
climbed
in
the
car,
he turned to face me, instead of starting the car like I thought he
would.

“It
was
pretty
close
to
where
we
were,
so
I
can
understand
why
you got scared. Coyotes tend to wander up this way because people
leave scraps of food behind,” he explained.

His statement was simple, like he was used to being interrupted
by this. If he came here often after dark, I figured it had happened
before.

“I’m
just
glad
that
I
didn’t
see
it,
or
else
I
would
have
really
freaked out,” I said. It was the truth. I had remained calmer on the outside
than I
had
been
on
the
inside.
The
truth
was,
I
was
freaking
out
and
didn’t want him to see it. I was still trying to calm down a little if I was
being honest
with
myself.
I
knew
that
I
was
probably
safe
in
the
car,
but
I
also knew that if I saw the coyote that I would freak
out.

“Well,
do
you
want
to
head
back
down
and
grab
a
coffee,
or
do
you want me to take you
home?”

“Are
we
safe
if
we
sit
in
your
car
and
talk?”
I
squeaked.
I
knew
that my voice was giving away the fact that I was scared, but I didn’t care.
I didn’t
want
to
go
home
yet.
I
really
wanted
to
be
alone
with
him
as
long as we were safe inside his
car.

“Yeah,
we’re
safe.”
He
took
a
long
pause,
and
I
knew
that
he wanted to say more. “What did you want to talk about because
there’s something that I need to get off my chest? I have been trying to
figure out how to tell you all
night.”

That sounded bad. It actually sounded very bad. I didn’t know
him that well, but I knew enough about guys to know that they didn’t
really enjoy
talking
about
their
feelings,
and
if
there
was
something
he
wanted
or needed to tell me, I probably was not going to like to hear
it.