Horrid Henry and the Mega-Mean Time Machine (3 page)

“Don’t be horrid, Henry!” screamed Mom. Her voice echoed. A dog walker passed her and glared.

“Peter, would you rather run a mile, jump a fence, or eat a country pancake?” said Henry sweetly.

“Ooh,” said Peter. “I love pancakes. And a country one must be even more delicious than a city one.”

“Ha ha,” cackled Horrid Henry, sticking out his tongue. “Fooled you. Peter wants to eat cow pies!”

“MOM!” screamed Peter.

Henry walked.

And walked.

And walked.

His legs felt heavier, and heavier, and heavier.

“This field is muddy,” moaned Henry. “I’m bored,” groaned Henry.

“My feet hurt,” complained Henry. “Can’t we go home? We’ve already walked miles,” whined Henry.

“We’ve been walking for ten minutes,” said Dad.

“Please can we go on walks more often,” said Perfect Peter. “Oh, look at those fluffy little sheepies!”

Horrid Henry pounced. He was a zombie biting the head off the hapless human.

“AAAAEEEEEE!” squealed Peter.

“Henry!” screamed Mom.

“Stop it!” screamed Dad. “Or no TV for a week.”

When he was king, thought Horrid Henry, any parent who made their children go on a hike would be dumped barefoot in a scorpion-infested desert.

Horrid Henry dragged his feet. Maybe his horrible mean parents would get fed up waiting for him and turn back, he thought, kicking some moldy leaves.

Squelch.

Squelch.

Squelch.

Oh no, not
another
muddy meadow. And then suddenly Horrid Henry had an idea. What was he thinking? All that fresh air must be rotting his brain. The sooner they got to the stupid lake, the sooner they could get home for
Rapper Zapper Zaps Terminator Gladiator
.

“Come on, everyone, let’s run!” shrieked Henry. “Race you down the hill to the lake!”

“That’s the spirit, Henry,” said Dad. Horrid Henry dashed past Dad.

“OW!” shrieked Dad, tumbling into the stinging nettles.

Horrid Henry whizzed past Mom.

“Eww!” shrieked Mom, slipping in a cow pie.

Splat!

Horrid Henry pushed past Peter.

“Waaa!” wailed Peter. “My boots are getting dirty.”

Horrid Henry scampered down the muddy path.

“Wait Henry!” yelped Mom. “It’s too slipp—aaaiiieeeee!”

Mom slid down the path on her bottom.

“Slow down!” puffed Dad.

“I can’t run that fast,” wailed Peter.

But Horrid Henry raced on.

“Shortcut across the field!” he called. “Come on slowpokes!” The black and white cow grazing alone in the middle raised its head.

“Henry!” shouted Dad.

Horrid Henry kept running.

“I don’t think that’s a cow!” shouted Mom.

The cow lowered its head and charged.

“It’s a bull!” yelped Mom and Dad. “RUN!”

“I said it was dangerous in the countryside!” gasped Henry, as everyone clambered over the fence in the nick of time. “Look, there’s the lake!” he added, pointing.

Henry ran down to the water’s edge. Peter followed. The embankment narrowed to a point. Peter slipped past Henry and snagged the best spot, right at the water’s edge where the ducks gathered.

“Hey, get away from there,” said Henry.

“I want to feed the ducks,” said Peter.

“I want to feed the ducks,” said Henry. “Now move.”

“I was here first,” said Peter.

“Not any more,” said Henry.

Horrid Henry pushed Peter.

“Out of my way, worm!”

Perfect Peter pushed him back.

“Don’t call me worm!”

Henry wobbled.

Peter wobbled.

Splash!

Peter tumbled into the lake. Crash!

Henry tumbled into the lake.

“My babies!” shrieked Mom, jumping in after them.

“My—glug glug glug!” shrieked Dad, jumping into the muddy water after her.

“My new boots!” gurgled Perfect Peter.

Bang!

Pow!

Terminator Gladiator slashed at Rapper Zapper.

Zap!

Rapper Zapper slashed back.

“Go Zappy!” yelled Henry, lying bundled up in blankets on the sofa. Once everyone had scrambled out of the lake, Mom and Dad wanted to get home as fast as possible.

“I think the park next time,” mumbled Dad, sneezing.

“Definitely,” mumbled Mom, coughing. “Oh, I don’t know,” said Horrid Henry happily. “A little water never hurt anyone.”

Horrid Henry flicked the switch. The time machine whirred. Dials spun. Buttons pulsed. Latches locked. Horrid Henry Time Traveler was ready for blastoff!

Now, where to go, where to go?

Dinosaurs, thought Henry. Yes! Henry loved dinosaurs. He would love to stalk a few Tyrannosaurus Rexes as they rampaged through the primordial jungle.

But what about King Arthur and the Knights of the Round Table? “Arise, Sir Henry,” King Arthur would say, kicking Lancelot out of his chair. “Sure thing, King,” Sir Henry would reply, twirling his sword. “Out of my way, worms!”

Or what about the siege of Troy? Heroic Henry, that’s who he’d be, the fearless fighter dashing about doing daring deeds.

Tempting, thought Henry. Very tempting.

Wait a sec, what about visiting the future, where school was banned and parents had to do whatever their children told them? Where everyone had their own spaceship and ate candy for dinner. And where King Henry the Horrible ruled supreme, chopping off the head of anyone who dared to say no to him.

To the future, thought Henry, setting the dial.

Bang! Pow! Henry braced himself for the jolt into hyperspace—10, 9, 8, 7, 6—

“Henry, it’s my turn.”

Horrid Henry ignored the alien’s whine. —5, 4, 3—

“Henry! If you don’t share I’m going to tell Mom.”

AAAARRRRGGGHHHHHH. The Time Machine shuddered to a halt. Henry climbed out.