Hot Dirty Love (Copperline #5) (20 page)

“What happened?”

“Don’t know really. Don’t really care. I’d written him off a long time ago. He didn’t give two shits about me either, any more than my mom did.” I inhaled, a deep cleansing breath to try and ease the slight tightness quickly developing in my throat. “The chick had cleared out by the time someone found him. They figured she probably bailed when he collapsed, left him there to die alone.”

“That’s awful.”

I gave her a bitter smile. “That’s my legacy.”

“History doesn’t have to repeat itself,” she whispered with a slow shake of her head as she cupped my face in her hands. “You aren’t him. You’re better than that.” Her voice was low and firm.

But I just shrugged. “Meh, you’re just blinded by my mad fucking skills.”

It was meant to be a joke, a moment of levity, but Rain didn’t laugh. She didn’t smile, even a little, so I pulled her close. I told myself I did it to break the tension, the thick sorrow that hung in the air, yet as she wrapped her arms around me, holding me, I felt something else invade my dark mood.

A warmth. A light in the shadows.

“Thank you for telling me. It explains a lot about you,” she said into my neck. “And it breaks my heart for the little boy that you were.”

I pulled back and looked down to see a glistening of tears reflecting in the pale glimmer of moonlight and smiled sadly.

“I’ve had time to get over it,” I offered. “It’s no call for tears at this point.”

“Fuck off,” she whispered back. “You can’t tell me what to do. Not outside of class.”

I wryly smiled and then folded her back into my arms. On my lap, facing me, she wrapped her arms tightly around my shoulders.

“I’ve never told anyone about that,” I admitted with my face pressed into her hair.

“Not even the Mofos?” she asked.

It had stayed locked down inside me for most of my life, poisoning my ego. My confidence. Admitting it to her seemed to lighten it, to ease the sharp stab of pain that had never faded.

“Nope. I’m not touchy-feely. I don’t share. That’s Cody, not me,” I said with a dry, lifeless laugh. “I’m the comic relief of the group.”

She squeezed me just a little tighter.

“Your secret’s safe with me,” she promised.

I didn’t want to wake up.

I felt the warm softness of her body pressed against me, her limbs tangled with mine. So warm and sweet and soft. So much comfort and peace, like my soul had let go of something putrid in the darkness. I felt lighter, more free.

And a little afraid that it would all vanish when I opened my eyes.

Finally, though, the gentle caresses of her fingertips on my chest stirred me. I opened my eyes to see her there, lying in my arms. We’d moved up to my bed where she had stripped the clothes from my body and held me to erase the last of my bitter mood.

Now the pale dawn cascaded through the windows, just slight rays of light that played with the luminous shadows, coloring everything with a blue-gray cast. In this light, she looked even more beautiful, if that was possible. Gorgeous. A fragile aura of warmth and comfort surrounded her.

“Morning,” I whispered. The stillness of the world outside prevented me from speaking any louder.

“Morning,” she quietly replied.

I trailed my forefinger down her cheek, then continued on to the hollow at the base of her throat. Rolling slowly to cover her with my body, I nudged her naked thighs apart to settle between them.

“I’m gonna fuck you again,” I murmured, lowering my lips to hers.

“Okay,” she breathed into my mouth, then moaned as I breeched her wet center once more.

Bare.

Holy fuck… so good…

“Jesus, please tell me you’re on the pill.”

“I am,” she breathed.

God, it was like slipping into heaven. The most incredible sweetness of her taking me in. Hot and wet, her silky folds slightly swollen from the night before. She gasped as I pushed deep, slow and solid inside her.

For a minute I was afraid to move. I had
never
gone without a condom. Not once. Not wanting to risk bringing a kid into this world who would grow up to be like me, I had wrapped it up every fucking time from day one, no matter what the chick said.

And now, deep inside Rain and experiencing all that she was, I seriously thought I was going to die.

Her legs curled around my hips, her heels digging into my calves, and she began to lift her pelvis to rock up into me.

“Jesus, Rain,” I gasped. “Hold on, don’t move yet, or this’ll be over before it starts.”

“Please… please, Justin.”

Her body was pulsing with life, cutting my staying power to complete shit. Her hips tilted and rose, bringing me deeper. The gentle, beckoning movement coaxed me to rock into her, enamored with the slow, sweet slide of being skin-to-skin.

In spite of my words, I didn’t fuck her, though.

I wasn’t sure what it was—steady and powerful, sure and deliberate—but it was most definitely not fucking. Long, slow, deep strokes. Careful and sensual.

Every moan and sob felt triumphant. Every shattered intake of breath felt earned as she buried her face against my neck and trembled around me. As waves of pleasure rocked through her, my own release rushed freely into her silky heat. I let the comfort of her softness wash through me, driving out the ragged cynicism that had festered in my soul.

She held me for a long time after. Her fingertips stroked soft trails down the back of my head, sweet caresses along my shoulder. Just touching me. It all felt so stark and honest.

I lifted my head to look down at her. As I slowly moved up, drawing her closer, yet holding her gaze, her palm cupped my jaw. Looking for something, even though I had no clue what it was. Watching the play of emotion sift through her. I gently pressed a tender kiss to her lips. Slow. Barely even a whisper. Full of emotion.

Like nothing I’d ever done before.

I justified it by telling myself it was the whole bareback thing. I told myself it wasn’t her, but rather the experience of fucking without anything between us.

Essentially, I lied to myself.

She kissed me back the same way. Just a brush of our lips. Reverent. Cautious. Full of wonder and even trembling a little with fear.

She lifted her arms and wrapped herself around me, her face pressed against my neck, her whole body shaking. Trembling even more as I tightened my hold on her, sheltering her in my arms.

And for the longest time after, in the still morning, we lay tangled in each other’s arms. I stroked my fingertips down the smooth swell of her hip before slipping my hand around her waist and pulling her even tighter against my chest. Her breathing slowed as she drifted into sleep. I, too, allowed my own mind to succumb, far too overwhelmed to do anything else.

So weird.

I had never in my life had anything remotely relationshippy. I’d never once asked a girl out, or a dude, for that matter. I’d never bought flowers or made plans.

I’d never started looking towards the future, wondering where things would go. I’d never even thought about tying myself to a single person.

Actually, I guess I still hadn’t. I suddenly realized I was tying myself to
two
.

What the fuck?

However, the dynamic in our little trio began to shift after the night Brannon and Sophie’s kid was born. After the morning that followed.

It was bound to anyway, though, eventually.

After all, Cole worked out of town, often gone for a couple weeks at a time, whereas I saw Rain every day. More than once on days when we had class.

And the more I was around her, the more she kind of fascinated me. I found myself studying her more and more as she studied petroleum engineering. She would get this look on her face when she quit seeing me and started seeing the solution working out in her head. I could almost see her mind churning, her face lighting up when it all became clear to her. The excited thrill that warmed her eyes.

Douche-dick Brian was always brown-nosing like a fucker to score points, so unlike Rain who clearly strove to be unobtrusive as she worked things through. Her quiet accomplishment filled me with such an immense sense of pride that I just couldn’t even dwell on it.

As much as I really didn’t want her to be, she was my star student. This pushed me to push her in an attempt to
not
go easier on her. I made her work for it.

She was up to the task, though. Well, most of the time. At first.

Then her grades started to slip.

I knew why. It was obvious she wasn’t studying, not as much as she should be. I knew this because, for the most part, if we weren’t in class or if I wasn’t playing at the Copperline, we were in bed.

Or up against a wall. Or in the shower. Or somehow naked and tangled together.

She began to get tense as her GPA dropped, and got just flat owly when it dropped a little more.

But it was when she failed a test that I saw a new side to her.

She looked at the paper and frowned. She actually looked pissed. Genuinely pissed the fuck off. Her eyes became dark and her expression stormy. When class time was up, she got up and left without even looking at me, making a beeline for the door like she had hell on her heels.

I sent her a text and waited all afternoon for her to call or text me back. Something. Some contact.

But nothing.

Cole messaged me, though, hinting he may stop by, but I actually told him not to. I made up a lame excuse about having some shit to do with the band.

“Mofos call and you come runnin’ like a bitch, huh?” he teased, but it seemed to have a bit of a bite to it. He either didn’t believe me or he didn’t approve, but I brushed it off. I needed to sort this shit out with Rain.

It was dark by the time I got home, and I started a fire in the fireplace to ward off the chill. My house felt massive all of a sudden. Too quiet and cold.

I waited.

And as time went on and I sat there staring into the flames, I started to get a little annoyed.

I was fair. Firm, but fair. I did hold her up to a higher standard, but truthfully because she was really fucking smart. Brilliant. She was better than that grade showed, but I hadn’t scored her unfairly. My motherfucking teachers aid had actually done the marking.

And she was acting like a spoiled kid.

I was on the verge of texting her again to find out where the fuck she was when I saw headlights in the driveway. She pulled up and came inside, keeping her eyes cast down as she took off her coat. She barely looked at me as she sat on the couch.

And I’d hit my limit.

“What the fuck is your problem?” Maybe not the best way to start, but I was kinda raging by this point. “Are you pissed that I gave you an F?”

“You didn’t
give
me shit,” she muttered.

“I didn’t even grade the papers. John did.”

“Like that fucking matters,” she shot back, then lurched up from the couch to head for her coat and the door, mumbling the whole way. “I don’t even know why I came tonight. I’m not in the mood for this.”