Hotbox (67 page)

He headed up the stairs with Cue right at his heels.

I sat there, feeling something that I couldn’t believe I was feeling again. My entire life was over, and the man responsible for it was sitting there
,
smiling triumphantly.

“Now who has the boss wrapped around his little finger?” Dean boasted
haughtily
as he stood up and left the room.
Dax
and
Roy
went with him
,
and I was left alone.

I sat in a spinning room for I don’t know how long. Finally I dropped my face into my hands and cried.

I wasn’t sure how much time had passed, but eventua
lly I dragged myself up the stai
rs and out the back door. I walked
between two buildings to take the long way to my truck. I wondered if I should just keep walking and see where I ended up. Maybe I could step in front of a moving bus and make things easier on Jayden.

If my night wasn’t already devastating enough, Dean and
Dax
were standing
across
the street when I made it to my truck.
Dax
remained where he was,
smoking a cigarette,
but Dean crossed the street and approached me.

“Cheer up, Ty. There are worse things,” he smiled.

“Oh? Like what?”

“Well, I can think of a lot of things but…I’m not sure you’d want to hear ‘em.”

I shook my head and opened the door, only for him to slam it shut again.

“
You know, I always wond
ered why we never got along, Ty,” he sneered.
“
There are a dozen men that I’d like to see dead, and I’ll be honest… You’re one of
‘em
. But this…th
is is even better.
Trading my services to the boss, just so I can see you suffer. It’s like five Christmases rolled into one. This is going to be a blast to witness. I can’t wait.” He paused for a second, gave me a big smile, and walked away. “Until next time,” he called
over his shoulder
.

I didn’t want him around me for another second, but something was eating at me. “Wait,” I called.

He stopped in the middle of the street and slowly turned around. The smirk on his face was the last thing I wanted to see, but I had to know. “Why tell me to forget breaking it off with her? You got your way and it would have happened. Why drag it out. You tried to be the ‘nice guy’? What the hell does that mean?”

He stepped closer to me as his smile grew. “What, you don’t think I have it in me to be nice?” He waited for a response but I didn’t give one. He crossed his arms across his chest. “I meant the nice guy in a business sense, Ty. Don’t get your hopes up. I was willing to renegotiate, but it just didn’t work out to my favor. And then for some reason,
Kristof
seemed all too eager to change the rules again. I don’t know why and I don’t care, but business is business. And the news from Bobby happened at the same time… It just worked out the way it did. Do I think Jayden knows anything? No. But that doesn’t mean she won’t. You’ve put yourself in a stupid position and you only have yourself to blame.”

He turned around and left, leaving me speechless because he was right. My past had always been chained to my ankle, and happiness with the perfect girl had blinded me into forgetting that.

I sat in my truck for quite a while after that. I couldn’t face Jayden
that night
.
I just couldn’t.

The engine started and I drove out of town. I head
ed
north, to Tacoma,
to see my father. Somehow I felt better knowing that I didn’t lie to Jayden about
that
. I expected to have to search the bars to find him; I’d pour out my problems to him whether he was drunk or sober.

But to my surprise I found him at home watching TV. He was shocked to see me, and probably even more shocked that I broke down right in front of him. He sat me on the couch and listened to
me unload
t
he tragic saga called my life. If that wasn’t bad enough, m
y phone rang halfway through with a call from Jayden. I was in no shape to talk to her and I felt horrible about it, but my father answered and said that I had fallen asleep
. She was
considerate
and told him to keep me for the night so I didn’t try to drive home tired. She also wanted him to pass along how much she loved me.

That caused me to break down all over again.

Time seemed to have no meaning and, before I knew it
, midnight rolled around. Alt
hough there was no solution to my problem, I was glad that I had someone that understood what I was
up against
. My father had probably been through more problems with
Olevsky
than I was aware of, and after going through my own
suffering because of the man and his employees, I felt a new respect for my dad. I felt a little more forgiving than I used to be, and even though he had made some bad decisions that severely affected me
over the years
, I could easily see how it happened. I wasn’t condoning his choices, but I was no longer angry with him.
I myself
was on the verge of cracking open a bottle and drowning my sorrows.

“How about you just…move all your stuff back here again,” my dad said. “There’s no way you can live in that town i
f this is how it’s going to be.”
I didn’t reply so he continued with,
“Well the way I see it, it’s how it’ll have to be, son. They can’t expect you to break off all ties while you’re still living there. It’s impossible. You might still see her aroun
d, her friends are around, and she
know
s
where you live… If
Olevsky
were desperate to keep you there, then maybe there would be a way out of this
. But you’re not an employee of his
; he doesn’t need you there.”

I had finally made a stand, broken free from the organization, and now that’s exactly why I had no way out?
It was all a bunch of crap. It was just too much.
My father had been right: there really was no way
to shake
them.

We talked for another hour until I was just too emotionally drained to speak coherently. I fell asleep on the couch, but it was a tormented sleep. I had nightmares all night long, mostly of how hurt Jayden was going to be. She was going to hate me—I almost hoped she
would
hate me instead of
feeling hurt—but h
er friends were definitely going to hate me.

My dad was right. There was no way I could stay in that town.

The next morning I found some paper and began writing a letter. After several tries, I finally came up with what I felt said the least, but the most at the same time:

Dear Jayden,

First of all I want you to know that
I love you more than anything and I never wanted to hurt you, but we can’t be together right now. I can’t explain it just yet, but as long as you believe that everything we shared was real, that’s all I care about. I hope I can someday make you understand. For now I am so sorry and I hope you’ll forgive me.

             
             
             
             
             
I’ll always love you and I’m yours forever,

             
             
             
             
             
Ty

When I was done, I cried again. I don’t think I’d ever cried so much in my life.

Chapter Thirty-Seven

I was somehow able to have a normal conversation with Jayden on Saturday afternoon. It was really hard, though. I felt like the breakup had already happened and wished I could just stay out of town and leave it at that.

I mentioned that I was probably going to stay with my dad for another night. She was a little surprised, but was happy about it. I knew she supported any progress that
the two of us might be making, b
ut s
he was disappointed that I wouldn’t be going with her to the
Davis
’s to celebrate
Patti’s
birthday. I told her it might be good to occasionally go places without me.
             
“I actually went out last night,” she said. There was a little different tone to her voice.

“Oh? With who?”

“Cali.”

“Yeah? What’d you guys do?”

“Just met up with Silvia and went out to dinner.”

“Did you have fun?”

“Yeah, we did. I missed you, though.” There was still an odd tone to her voice.

“Yeah, I missed you, too.”

Why did I have to say stuff like that out loud? Why did I have to drag her through this? I was so close to just telling her right then, over the phone, that we couldn’t see each other any more. But the
opportunity
was lost when Cali arrived at her house and she said she had to go. They were going shopping for a little bit.

“Jayden, I love you,” I couldn’t help
but say
.

“I love you, too,” she replied. “I’ll see you tomorrow. Hopefully.”

We hung up and I realized my dad was in the room. I saw the look on his face and I knew exactly what he was thinking.

“Maybe you shouldn’t drag this out anymore,” he finally said.

I groaned to myself, but I didn’t have a response.

“Are you hoping that something’s going to change again? Are you holding off, hoping that you won’t have to do it?”

“Maybe,” I barely mumbled.

He nodded but didn’t say anything further. I flipped the TV on, trying to find something that might distract me.

“We have an opening at the shop
, Ty
. You can come work with me.
The pay will be fair, and we could really use you
. I can talk to Kent about—”

             
“Please,
Dad
. Not now. I’ll- I’ll think about i
t, okay? Thanks for the thought, though.
”

             
He nodded and headed into the kitchen. “Can I make you a sandwich? Soup?”

             
“Sure,” I replied vacantly. I wasn’t even hungry. In fact, I hadn’t eaten since
lunch the day before
.

A few minutes later my dad set a sandwich and a bowl of soup on the coffee table in front of me. I felt like a kid when he instructed me to eat it, although I couldn’t for the life of me remember a time when my dad ever served me food. It was a very odd moment.

             
I spent Sunday much the same way. It was
suiting
to stare outside at the gray sky and the rain pouring down. It seemed to fit my mood. Either that, or it was making me feel wor
se. It even hailed with
thunder and lightning throughout the evening. My dad suggested it was a sign that I just stay another night, and I actually agreed.

Jayden called me again that
night
. I was wondering if she was already sensing that something was up because she sounded really odd on the phone. She seemed a little distant, almost spacey, and s
he didn’t even talk very much. But i
t was just as stormy down south, so she i
nsisted that I stay with my dad
as well.

             
I called Lou and told him m
y
situation and he was fine with
me
coming
in late on Monday.

“Great weather to start October, huh?” he laughed.

I was tempted to tell him that he’d need to find someone to replace me, but maybe it was one more thing I was trying to hold off on. My father was right. I was still hoping for a miracle.

             
But I did head for home on Monday.
My dad seemed to sympathize when I reluctantly got into my truck to leave. He came to my window and stood, even though it was still
pouring
out
side
.

“Call me if there’s anythi
ng I can do, okay? Anything. If
you need me to come get you or…pack up your stuff…” He paused for a moment before he added, “I’ll even t
alk to Jayden if you want. Just
let me know, son. Okay?”

I took a deep breath and nodded. I really didn’t trust myself to speak. Backing out of the driveway, I waved at my dad while he still remained standing in the rain.