How I Lost You (3 page)

Even when I was grounded, she could charm her way past the door. Unless it was a serious offense, but those were few and far between. Dad expected us to obey his rules. But funny enough, so did I.

Kya stood and picked up her gear bag, tossing it over her shoulder. “If you have to stick around, I'm going to see if I can catch a ride with those girls,” she said. “I want to get home.”

I hid my annoyance that she was ditching me and waved as she pranced out the door, her bad mood apparently dissipating. When I finished changing, I headed back to the front counter and picked up a magazine, hoping James wouldn't take too long.

A few minutes later, the door dinged and James walked back inside.

“Graceling,” he said. He walked behind the counter. “You grounded tonight?”

Was I really that predictable? I nodded, jumping off the stool and picking up my bag. “Kya's coming over with a movie. You should stop by.”

“I'll probably be too late.” He rolled his eyes. “And not so much into breathing the same air as Kya these days.” He took over my spot on the stool.

“What'd you do to piss her off?” I asked.

He glared at me. “Why do you always take her side?”

I glared back. “Because you can never seem to resist teasing her.”

He picked up the magazine I'd been looking at and flipped it open. “Maybe we've merely outgrown each other.”

“Oh please, James. Get over it,” I said. “You love us, you know you do.”

“She's turned into someone I don't know,” he said, softly flipping to a new page and not looking up. “Maybe I never really did.”

I stared at him, but he put down the magazine and then searched through a drawer, pretending to look for something.

“It'll be quiet in here tonight. No games scheduled. Guess I'll be stuck cleaning.”

I ignored his attempts to change the topic. “Kya needs people to look out for her.”

“She's doesn't need me,” James said and jumped off the stool.

“She does. She needs your help believing in herself. What she can be. Not what other people expect her to be.”

“What makes her so special?” he asked softly, almost sadly, as he knelt down and opened the cupboard where Dad kept cleaning supplies.

“James,” I replied equally softly. “She's our friend. We're the Three Musketeers.”

I wished we could talk about the real reasons she struggled.

“I love both of you,” I said.

“Whatever you say.” He pulled out a bottle of toilet cleaner and made a face.

I sighed. “What'd she say to piss you off this time?”

“Nothing.” He glanced up and smiled but it looked kind of sad. “And now I literally have to go and clean shit up.”

Neither of them would tell me what they'd argued about. I knew James had a strong sense of right and wrong. He didn't understand that sometimes circumstances could sprout up a lot of gray. Bad things sometimes tarnished people's souls. Kya had stains. There were some things she couldn't get over. It wasn't always black and white.

 

Kya pointed at Brady. She'd brought him over along with her DVD of
The
Virgin
Suicides
. We were at her favorite scene in the movie, where the boys take the Lisbon sisters to a school dance. Brady was almost fast asleep on the sofa beside her. She wrinkled up her nose, lifted her hand to her forehead, and made a capital L sign with her fingers.

“Loser,” she mouthed to me and glared at Brady.

Apparently, his number was up. I faked a smile, kind of sorry for Brady. He certainly didn't know he'd failed a major test. One should never show boredom during a viewing of
The
Virgin
Suicides
.

Boyfriends were disposable to Kya. She'd treat boys like crap and they'd fall at her feet, trying to win her over. Usually they'd turn to me for help. I got to play the friend role. Over and over again.

Brady reached up to grab her hand and mumbled something I couldn't hear, but she pushed him away and jumped up from the couch. Distracted from the movie, which was much more her favorite than mine, my insides squished with unease for Brady who didn't even know he was past his expiration date.

“You want a soda, Grace?” she said, walking toward the stairs.

“Hey, what about me?” Brady called.

She ignored him and his face drooped, betraying his disappointment. Once she made up her mind, there was really nothing to stop it.

“Sure. I'd love a soda. Oh, and make yourself at home,” I called, well versed in the art of sarcasm, thanks to my mom.

Kya turned back to stick her tongue out and then smiled, disappearing down the stairs toward the kitchen. I heard the fridge door open and her voice and my brother's. Indie treated her better than he did me most of the time.

“Kya says you're into paintball and stuff,” Brady said to me.

I looked at him. Eloquent, Brady. Especially since we've been in the same school for three years and you're only now bringing this up.

“Yup,” I turned my attention back to the screen. No use trying to bond with him at this point. Ex-boyfriend-to-be. Soon it would be my job to ignore his existence; he just didn't know it yet.

Kya returned up the stairs, holding three cans of soda. She tossed one to Brady. At him really. It almost smacked him in the head. Then she walked over to the couch where I sat and scootched in, snuggling up beside me, handing me a can, and then resting her head on my shoulder. She plopped up her feet up on the coffee table in front of us.

“Oh, I almost forgot,” she said, and reached into her hoodie pocket and pulled out a box. She tossed it in the air. “Nerds for my nerd.”

I grabbed it. “Yay!” I ripped open the box with my teeth, poured some in my hand, and held out the box but she shook her head.

“So. There a party tonight?” she called to Brady.

“I thought you wanted to stay in? Watch a movie. At your bestie's.” He imitated her voice on the last sentence and frowned at me as if it was my fault Kya could make him do whatever she wanted. Including hanging out at my place on a Friday night. It really was something, how much boys liked her despite the way she treated them.

I ignored him, less and less sorry for his impending heartbreak. I poured Nerds into my mouth and swirled them around my cheeks with my tongue.

“I told you, Grace is grounded,” she said to him. “Again,” she growled at me and shoved her elbow in my side. “On Friday night.”

Brady spoke slowly, as if thinking carefully about his next words. “Danny is having some people stop by. His parents are home. But we could go there if you want.”

“Nah. I don't want to leave Gracie alone.” Kya sipped her soda loudly. “But you should go. You like parties.”

Brady protested but Kya interrupted. “No, really. It's okay, Brady.” I glanced over. She smiled the smile that melted hearts. “I can tell you're not into this movie. Not everyone is. You should go and have fun with your friends. I'll stay and keep Grace company.”

She untangled herself and jumped up from my couch. My shoulder cooled from the sudden loss of her body heat. She walked to Brady, grabbed him by the hand, and pulled him to his feet. He slid his arm around her waist but she wiggled away. His mouth turned into a pout.

“Go have fun with your friends,” she said. She pulled him out of the family room.

“How about tomorrow night?” I heard him ask. “Can we hang out then? Just the two of us?”

I stared at the TV and tossed some more candies into my mouth.

“Grace and I are working,” Kya told him as she walked him down the stairs. I heard a buzz of noise, and then the front door slammed and she returned a few minutes later without him.

“We aren't working tomorrow night,” I told her. “You are so mean to boys.”

“Only the ones who let me.” She laughed. “Which is why I'll always love you better.” She snuggled up beside me and we stared at the TV screen together, so many things unsaid.

I tried to think of something comforting to say. To let her know I understood her reluctance to get emotionally close to a boy. “Buds before studs,” I said instead.

“Sisters before misters.” She rested her head on my shoulder and sighed. “You're so much easier than a boyfriend.”

“Watch who you're calling easy,” I joked.

She laughed and it reminded me of the first time we met.

I
was
alone
in
my
new
bedroom, feeling sorry for myself when I heard a noise. Our house was on the corner of a cul-de-sac, and my bedroom window faced the right side of our yard. I peeked out the window and there they were on the trampoline. James and Kya. Having a blast. A noisy one.

A
minute
later, Kya looked right into my window. Busted and embarrassed, I shrank down on my bed. My face burning. Hiding. When I peeked out the window again, she grinned and motioned to me. Waved her arms in the air as she bounced.

“Hey, new girl. We can see you. Are you going to watch all day, or are you going to come over and jump?” she yelled. I looked around my room. As if she might be talking to someone else. But I was the only new girl peeking out her bedroom window.

My
heart
pounding
with
nerves
and
excitement, I slipped downstairs and slid open the sliding doors in the kitchen that led to the deck and the backyard. I walked to the middle of the grass and then stopped, looking around. I hadn't thought it through very well, given the fence closing in our yard. It gave an illusion of privacy in the suburban wastelands.

“Climb over,” Kya called from her yard.

I
sized
up
the
fence. It wasn't designed for climbing. I shook my head. “I'll come around to the front on the street.”

“Come on. Climb over. You're already out here. It's not hard. We'll catch you,” Kya shouted.

It
was
a
test. One she didn't necessarily want me to pass. I found out later how much Kya liked to test people.

“Come on, new girl. Try,” Kya called.

I
could
hear
James
protesting, trying to stick up for me.

But
the
challenge
trickled
over
the
fence. And right there, I fell for her hard. Actually, I fell right on top of her. I climbed the fence and when I swung my leg over the top of it, my pant leg caught on a branch of lavender. I hung there until Kya grabbed my leg and yanked. Hard to say which was louder, the rip of my jeans or my shriek, and then I landed on top of Kya. Fortunately, she laughed. The crazy snort laugh didn't suit her stunning looks but it was contagious. I started to laugh too and then James joined in. Lavender flowers came down with me and tickled at my skin, and when I pulled them out of my pant leg, the smell filled my nose, mingling with our laughter. We'd ended up sniggering so hard we had to go into her house to use the bathroom. Lavender would forever remind me of that day.

When
we
got
back
to
the
trampoline, I found out Kya always wanted to jump higher. Do more flips. She reeked of excitement, along with a twinge of danger. We were meant for each other. Two pieces of a puzzle that fit together. And James fit in too.

“You want to go to hot yoga with me tomorrow?” I asked after a moment.

“Can't.”

“Why not?”

“I have plans.”

I waited, but she didn't say more. I knew better than to pry. Sometimes she liked to have secrets from me. I guess because I knew more about her than anyone else.

“Hmm. Well. What about coming over for breakfast? Saturday morning. Dad's cooking. You know how that goes. There will be monkey pancakes. James is coming.
Monkey
pancakes
are
so
great…
” I sang.

“Your family is so weird.” She smiled though. She had a standing invitation to join us. Mom and Dad thought filling her belly with monkey pancakes might somehow help.

“Anyhow, James won't want me there.” She lifted her thumb to her mouth and chewed.

“Give me a break. Besides, you and James have to make up,” I said. “Why not over monkey pancakes?”

She shook her head and reached for the remote. “Want to start the movie from the beginning?” she asked.

I didn't. It was not my favorite. It was hers. And I'd seen it so many times already.

“Sure,” I said. “If you do.”

“You're the best.” She blinked quickly and held her arm next to mine. “We have to get back to the beach soon. I am totally losing my tan and summer is fading fast.”

She was many, many shades darker than I was. My paleness required copious amounts of sunscreen and sun-shirts. I wasn't as crazy about the sun or beaches. Her skin soaked up rays and turned a deep brown. Mine turned pink and then back to white.

I glanced at her. She seemed distant. Sad. She smiled at me but it faded fast.

“You okay?” I asked.

Something was bugging her. I knew the way you know things about your best friend. I also knew Kya well enough to know that, if she didn't want to talk about it, there was no use trying to force her. It was hard, staying quiet about something that mattered so much. I wanted to help her, but most of the time I didn't even know how.