How to Be a Great Lover (8 page)

• FAVORITE LUBRICANTS FOR MANUAL SEX
  

  I put together a team of field researchers to go and investigate Inch lubricants felt and tasted the best for different sexual activities. The results of our efforts are listed below, though this is by no means an exhaustive study. An asterisk denotes that the product is colorless.
  

  • ASTROGLIDE
    . The Astroglide company uses Second Only to Mother Nature as its byline, and our field researchers would have to agree this product is the closest to our own natural intimate moisture. Astroglide is one of the most popular and easy-to-find brands of water-based personal lubricant. It has a slightly sweet taste and is odorless. You can buy it at your local drugstore and in many supermarkets as well.
    

    Secrets from Lou's Archive
    

    Many women I know prefer colorless lubricants, as they won't stain the sheets or any other material.
    

  • SENSURA/SEX GREASE
    . This is the water-based lubricant of choice for many connoisseurs. It is a clear thick liquid with a velvety texture that maintains its slick feel for a long time. The same product is marketed and packaged under two different names— for the ladies it is called Sensura and bottled in pink, for the men it is called Sex Grease and bottled in black.
    
  • K-Y LIQUID
    . This is the water-based liquid version of the classic lube. It is very similar to Astroglide in texture and taste.
    

Secret from Lou's Archive

If, while using Midnite Fire, a drop starts down your wrist or the side of your hand, lick it off in front of him to show that you and your tongue are connected.

THE BODY SHOP PEPPERMINT FOOT LOTION.

This one was a pleasant surprise, discovered by one of our more creative researchers. The mint allows for a cool feeling in combination with a tingly warmth created by repeated stroking. This is an oil-based product, however, which must be washed off completely before applying a latex condom. This one may also stain the sheets because it has oil in it. Start sparingly as too much may make him momentarily numb.

FAVORITE LUBRICANTS FOR ORAL SEX

At the risk of being annoying, I must again warn you to avoid, at all costs, using any lubricant containing the spermicidal Nonoxynol-9 during oral sex. This ingredient not only tastes awful, it will have a slight numbing effect on your mouth.

• ASTROGLIDE
  . Once again, Astroglide leads the pack because of its natural feel (light, odorless, tasteless) and how easy it makes it to do the techniques.
  
• SENSURA/SEX GREASE
  . Much like Astroglide, this is a favorite because of how it eases friction and heightens the manipulations while maintaining a natural feel. Some women say they detect a slight chemical taste in this product, but others don't taste anything at all.
  
• K-Y LIQUID
  . Field researchers rated this the same as Astroglide. Similar in taste and texture.
  

  Secret from Lou's Archive
  

  Both Astroglide and Sensura/Sex Grease are favorites for use during The Italian Method of condom application. Just be sure there is no excess lube on the shaft when applying it or the condom is likely to roll right back up or slip off.
  

FAVORITE LUBRICANTS FOR INTERCOURSE

• SENSURA/SEX GREASE
  . This one beat out Astroglide for use during intercourse because of its slightly thicker, velvety texture. All the researchers agreed that there is something heavenly about making love with the help of Sensura/Sex Grease.
  
• ASTROGLIDE
  . What can I say? For anyone who wants the benefit of extra comfort during intercourse, but doesn't want to feel anything even the slightest bit unnatural, Astroglide is the lubricant of choice.
  

  FAVORITE LUBRICANTS FOR SEX TOYS
  

  When applying lubricant for the purpose of comfort when using sex toys, I recommend sticking to those that are water based, clear, and fragrance-free. Some of the newer plastic and silicone compounds of which the toys are made tend to break down over time when exposed to oil. And anytime you use a product that has dye or fragrance in it, you run the risk (even if only a slight one) of having an allergic reaction when you use it internally. Most companies (certainly the ones mentioned above) go to great lengths to test their ingredients for potential Allergic reactions. But no one can guarantee it won't ever happen to someone who is especially sensitive in those extremely delicate areas of the human body. I believe it is always better to he safe than sorry.
  

  The Fun of Lubrication: Application
  

  As one of my male clients said to me, "The best thing I learned about lubricants: I didn't know they could be so much fun!" Once you've chosen the right lube for your personal needs and desires, it is time for the fun to begin! So often this great opportunity to heighten the pleasure and overall erotic atmosphere of the sensual experience is overshadowed by a pedestrian method of lubricant application: just blopping it on.
  

  Ladies, as we've already discussed, men tend to be very visual creatures. Why not take advantage of it? There are much better ways to go about applying lubricant and I'm going to share with you some of them right now.
  

  Secret from Lou's Archive
  

  Whether you're pouring into your hand, his hand, or somewhere else, try pouring the lubricant from a distance of at least 6 inches to add to the visual for him and prowess for you. Just blobbing lubricant into your hand is pedestrian.
  

  ONE-HAND APPLICATION TECHNIQUES
  

• No Dominance. Pour the lube into your nondominant hand (the one you don't write with) and apply it with that one. In the same way that a drawing you did with your nondominant hand would be more free and less structured, so it is with the way you apply the lubricant. You'll also get a different awareness about the feel and texture of his penis than you do when touching him with your dominant hand.
  
• Playing Elsewhere. Pour a little pool of lubricant into his hand, bellybutton, or, if he's laying on his stomach, the small of his back and dip your fingers into the pool to apply the lube elsewhere. Because the skin is our largest organ, this will expand the sexual sensation to other areas of the body rather than limiting it to just the obvious hot spots.
  

  TWO-HAND APPLICATION TECHNIQUES
  

• Together from the Top Down. Starting at the head of his penis, work your already lubricated hands down slowly, massaging his entire shaft and testicles in warm moisture.
  
• It Takes Two. He will be guiding your already lubricated hands as his applicators. Let him move them up and down his shaft, artfully applying the lubricant with the speed and pressure that feels best to him.
  

  Secret from Lou's Archive
  

  Have him pour some lubricant into your cupped hands. By then rubbing your hands together seductively, you'll not only warm up the lube, but you'll also let him know how good it feels to you and how good you are soon going to make him feel.
  

• Perfumery. Apply the lubricant to the inside of your forearms. Using the entire area between your wrists and your elbows, work his penis gently back and forth between them.
  

  NO-HAND APPLICATION TECHNIQUES
  

• Self Improvement I & II (I is using one hand, II is using two hands). Ask your gentleman to give you either one or both of his hands. (Be sure to ask. Remember, the mainstay of all healthy sexual interaction is the culmination of permission requested followed by permission granted.) Once he has given you his hand(s), pour about a quarter-size dollop of Midnite Fire into the palm area. Using a couple of your fingers, spread the lube into his palm(s) as if you were painting them. Be sure to use enough motion to get the Midnite Fire warm. Ask him to let you know when he begins to feel the heat. When he does, lean toward his hands, and blow on his palm(s) to make them even warmer. The closer you are to the palm the more intense the heat. Finally, place your hands on the outside of his, this time using his hands as the applicator for the lubricant.
  

• The Madonna (The French F). Ask him to pour a generous amount of lubricant over your breasts. You can either rub it around for warmth yourself (men just adore watching women play with their own breasts) or have him do it for you (men also adore doing the playing themselves). Once your breasts are warm and thoroughly moistened, move your upper torso to his penis, using your breasts as the lube applicator.
  

  LUBRICANT TIPS
  

• It's possible to use too much lubricant. Although it takes quite a bit to have too much, you'll both realize you've gone overboard with the lube when it causes the sensation to diminish. The good news is, it's easy to wipe away (particularly those that are water based). Keep a towel or tissues nearby
  
• The best places to use lubricant are on and around the areas of insertion, toys, fingers, or any other thing which is to be inserted, and any areas that will be rubbed or stroked. After reading Chapters 6 and 7, you'll have a clearer idea not only about where to use lubricant, but about just how amazing this wonderful product really is.
  
• Try to avoid getting lubricant in your eyes. Oil-based lubricants can sting. The water-based variety generally won't sting, but they can temporarily blur your vision. Beyond that, where one does or does not enjoy the feeling of lubricant is a matter of personal preference. If you have a predisposition to bladder or vaginal infections, you should be very careful with any lubricant you are using. Some women are very sensitive to any fluid that affects their vagina's natural pH including, but not limited to, soaps and toilet tissues.
  

  Whichever method of lubricant application you choose, be it one of these or one of your own creation, the most important advice I can share with you is to have fun. The application of the lube can add as much to the sensual experience as the function of the lube. Yet sometimes, using lube is bound to get messy. One of you might slip and pour too much, or the bottle could fall and you may just find yourselves sliding down the hallway. Don't worry. Lubricant is easy to clean up and easy to replace. The only thing of real value either of you is ever at risk of losing are your smiles.
  

  Chapter Six
  

  Give That Man a Hand
  

  MASTERING MANUAL STIMULATION
  

  After attending the seminar and learning these techniques, I tried them out immediately on returning home to my husband.
  

  The only audible words I could decipher in his reaction were, 'Oh Jesus, Mary, and Joseph.'
  

  Funny thing—he's Jewish."
  FEMALE SEMINAR ATTENDEE, MEDICAL DIRECTOR, AGE 28
  

  F oreplay Is Mainplay
  

  Sexually speaking, your life may be about to change forever. Literally. Out of all the material I've collected through research, personal experiences, and feedback through hundreds and hundreds of seminars, learning the techniques of manual stimulation seems to produce the most dramatic results in couples' intimate relations. And these techniques are typically what women go home and try first after a seminar.
  

  As you'll soon find out, a good hand job is an incredibly easy skill to master (though that detail is best kept between us). Yet the effect it has on a man is something he may lie awake and dream about. And while I'm happy for the beneficiaries of this acquired skill, it's the effect it has on women that brings me the most satisfaction. One woman, a writer from Atlanta, described her experience this way:
  

  I thought there was something wrong with me because I wasn't crazy about sex. I loved the romance part of it—the kissing, hugging, and snuggling—but the actual mechanics of sexual contact were always something for me to get through. Now I can see that I had mistaken my lack of knowledge for a lack of interest. Once I learned how to give the man I love this intense pleasure, our whole relationship changed. I am a willing participant in our sex life. It's really powerful. When I say powerful, I don't mean that I have power over him (although he insists that I do), I'm referring to a newfound closeness we have in every area. We are four years into our relationship, a time when many couples complain about a waning sense of lust. Our lust factor is at an all-time high and shows no signs of diminishing in the near future.
  

  Part of my point here is that sexual intercourse makes up a very small portion of the entire sexual experience. As I said earlier, intercourse is something for which we are biologically programmed, and it is merely the tip of the proverbial iceberg when it comes to our sexuality. But foreplay, what we do with and for our lover before intercourse, not only creates the foundation but also determines the quality of the sexual interlude. In the fifteen plus years that I have consciously listened to both women and men, the most significant lesson I have learned is this: the key to fabulous sex is in the foreplay This is the time when our skills and know-how have the most dramatic impact. And when it comes to foreplay, sexual proficiency begins with the hands.
  

  Hands are miraculous purveyors of pleasure. With more than 72,000 nerve endings, they can create, elicit, and transfer sexual stimulation in many powerful, exciting ways. Our sense of touch is truly one of our most powerful and amazing forms of sexual expression. Beyond that, you won't get AIDS by giving your man a hand job. Why? First, because your unbroken skin is your body's greatest protection against any infection and that includes sexually transmitted diseases. To check if you have an invisible cut or abrasion on your skin, simply run a slice of lemon or a cotton ball (lipped in vinegar over the area. Trust me, you'll know in a hot second if you do. Second, you will not get pregnant from a hand job. You could, however, with one of the techniques I'm going to show you, give him the best orgasm he's ever had in his life.
  

  POSITIONING YOURSELF
  

  In order to be able to give him this very special gift, you must find a position in which you'll be comfortable. There's no reason, ladies, to be uncomfortable or cramped into an ungainly posture. The last thing either one of you will appreciate is your getting a charley horse at an inopportune moment. In general, the most comfortable position is for you to be sitting on your knees between his legs. But there are many ways to vary your position and techniques (see below), and I am quite sure that you'll find the combination that bests suits you and your partner.
  

  Here are a couple of seminar favorites:
  

• Have him sit on the bed, slightly propped up by pillows or on the edge; in both positions you are between his legs.
  
• Have him sit in a chair with his legs apart and knees bent, resting on an ottoman. You sit on the floor between his legs with your back supported by the ottoman. This ensures your comfort while providing a clear view of the territory you'll be working with.
  
• Another popular position is on a staircase, (stairs are not as constricting as a bed or chair). You sit between his legs, on a lower step, which gives you more mobility. Put a pillow behind his back or put him at the very top of the stairs. As one travel agent said, "The only stairs we have are in the front of the house, but whatever. It worked like a charm."
  

  Secret from Lou's Archive
  

  If you use saliva to help lubricate, you could risk ending up with dreaded "desert mouth," especially if you've had wine at dinner, which is a natural desiccant.
  

  Remember ladies, you are handling probably the most precious and important part of your gentleman's anatomy. It's doubtful there is another part of his body that so defines his perception of his masculinity. Anything you can do that shows respect for the sensitivity of this area, physically and emotionally, will always be most appreciated. And despite the myth that men have penises resembling "rods of steel," their organs are actually quite tender and delicate, including the skin. This is another reason I am so in favor of using a lubricant either in addition to, or in place of, saliva. I'm not saying one is better than the other, but there is a limitless supply of lubricant and sometimes not enough saliva.
  

  THE PERFECT PLACE FOR A HAND JOB
  

  One of the many advantages of a hand job is that it can be done in a variety of places. Intercourse and fellatio (forgive me ladies, "blow job" just isn't my favorite term), even excessive kissing, are difficult to overlook when being done in public. However, a good hand job can practically be done under the nose of a stranger without detection. It's been known to happen in such places as restaurants (providing the tablecloth is long enough), in airplanes (those little blankets are good for something), and on amusement park rides (though you may have to go around more than once). Although admittedly, the risk involved is part of the thrill, by all means, do be careful. Being arrested is another serious mood killer. Basically, men are thrilled by a good hand job outside of their bedrooms.
  

  Consider these reported favorite locations:
  

• stairwells of hotels, libraries, or office buildings
  
• boardroom tables
  
• the boss's desk (who knew this was so popular!)
  
• a restaurant powder room
  
• laundry rooms
  
• under the beach blanket
  
• the kitchen counter, when on your way out of the house for the evening
  
• movie theater
  
• elevators