How to Handle Your Emotions (Counseling Through the Bible Series) (52 page)

(I
SAIAH
42:16).

Focus on Facts, Not Feelings

The fact you must remember is that you are A-C-C-E-P-T-E-D.

A
Admit the rejection of the past and acknowledge its pain.

—Ask God to bring to mind every rejection from your childhood to the present, and then consider the circumstances of each situation.

—Acknowledge the gamut of feelings you experienced with each past event. Release the pain to God.

—Ask God to heal the physical, emotional, and spiritual damage of each of these painful experiences of rejection.

“I remember my affliction and my wandering, the bitterness and the gall. I well remember them, and my soul is downcast within me. Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the L
ORD
’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness”

(L
AMENTATIONS
3:19-23).

C
Claim God’s acceptance and unconditional love.

—Confess God’s love for you and the various ways He has shown you His love (for example, Christ’s death for you).

—Cite Psalm 139:1-18 and praise God for orchestrating your conception, forming you in your mother’s womb, and planning each day of your life.

—Convey your appreciation to God for His love of you by loving Him with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength. And love others as He loves you.

“‘Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not
be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed,’ says the L
ORD
, who has compassion on you”

(I
SAIAH
54:10).

C
Choose to forgive those who rejected you.

—Consider all the hurt and anger you feel over your painful rejection.

—Count the cost of withholding forgiveness: a bitter spirit building up inside you, which will cause trouble and spread to those around you.

—Commit to forgiving those who rejected you just as Christ forgave those (including you) who rejected Him. Write down their names, their offenses, and the pain these individuals caused you. Then forgive every one of these people by releasing them to God.

“Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you”

(C
OLOSSIANS
3:13).

E
Expect future rejection as part of living in a fallen world.

—Empty yourself of the pride that drives your desire to be accepted by everyone. Realize that it is impossible for you to gain everyone’s approval and, at the same time, commit to pleasing God.

—Empathize with others who feel rejected by friends, family, employers, business associates, or anyone else important to them.

—Embrace the truth that, according to the Bible, sharing in the sufferings of Christ is a privilege. As a believer, you
will
experience rejection just as Jesus did. You are not exempt from being rejected. Even today Jesus continues to be rejected daily by those who refuse to turn to Him for salvation.

“Dear friends, do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice that you participate in
the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed. If you are insulted because of the name of Christ, you are blessed, for the Spirit of glory and of God rests on you”

(1 P
ETER
4:12-14).

P
Plant Scripture in your mind to produce new thought patterns.

—Purpose to renew your mind by selecting meaningful scriptures to read, meditate on, and commit to memory. These will help you deal with any past, present, or possible future rejection.

—Plan a specific time each day to read God’s Word and to pray.

—Partner with someone who will hold you accountable for applying God’s truth to your heart.

“Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will”

(R
OMANS
12:2).

T
Thank God for what you’ve learned through the rejection.

—“Thank You, Lord, for using my pain to make me more dependent on You and on Your Word.”

—“Thank You, Lord, for using my pain to make me less dependent on people.”

—“Thank You, Lord, for using my pain to make me more like Christ.”

“It was good for me to be afflicted so that I might learn your decrees”

(P
SALM
119:71).

E
Encourage others as an expression of Christ’s love.

—Extend compassion to those who are hurting as someone who has also been hurt.

—Embrace those in pain and encourage them to talk.

—Enfold them in prayer, faithfully praying for them and with them.

“Encourage one another daily”

(H
EBREWS
3:13).

D
Draw on the power of Christ’s life within you.

—“I will see Christ as my security whenever I feel insecure.”

—“I know that I have all I need, for Jesus will meet all my needs.”

—“I will daily set aside my selfish desires in favor of God’s desires, saying, ‘Not my will, but Yours, Lord.’”

“I can do everything through him who gives me strength”

(P
HILIPPIANS
4:13).

Question:
“Because of past rejection, I often cling to others too much. Is there anything I can do to help refocus my mind when feelings of rejection begin to rule my heart?”

Answer:
You
can
overcome the pain of any and all rejection. The key to being an overcomer is to refocus—to move your attention from the rejection to the fact that the Lord loves you, accepts you, and has a plan for you. The way to change your focus is to repeat these truths over and over again. Be at peace because the Lord not only knows your pain, but He also has plans for you on the other side of your pain.

“I will be glad and rejoice in your love, for you saw my affliction and knew the anguish of my soul”

(P
SALM
31:7).

When you are tempted to feel defeated, say to the Lord…

•
“Thank You, Lord, that You love me.”

“This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us”

(1 J
OHN
3:16).

•
“Thank You, Lord, that You are with me.”

“The L
ORD
your God is with you, he is mighty to save.
He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing”

(Z
EPHANIAH
3:17).

•
“Thank You, Lord, that You forgive me.”

“I acknowledged my sin to you and did not cover up my iniquity. I said, ‘I will confess my transgressions to the L
ORD
’—and you forgave the guilt of my sin”

(P
SALM
32:5).

•
“Thank You, Lord, that You adopted me.”

“To all who received him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God”

(J
OHN
1:12).

•
“Thank You, Lord, that You will complete me.”

“He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus”

(P
HILIPPIANS
1:6).

•
“Thank You, Lord, that You never leave me.”

“God has said, ‘Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.’ So we say with confidence, ‘The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?’”

(H
EBREWS
13:5-6).

•
“Thank You, Lord, that You care for me.”

“Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you”

(1 P
ETER
5:7).

We have all been rejected, and we all long to be accepted. But rather than focusing inwardly on account of our fear of rejection, we need to focus on reaching out to others, regardless of our differences.

Think about it: We respond positively when we find that others are interested in us. When someone genuinely wants to know more about you, doesn’t that warm your heart? When others sincerely reach out to
us and nurture us, they are gifts from God to help us grow to our full potential.

If you want to reach out to others but don’t know where to start, begin with ordinary questions. Your heartfelt interest will build a bridge to further communication. Gradually ease into the questions.

If you want to talk with someone whom you don’t know well, you could start by asking simple questions, such as, “Where did you grow up? What was it like living there? What was the most character-building experience of your childhood?” The Bible poetically affirms the value of well-spoken words:

“A word aptly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver”

(P
ROVERBS
25:11).

The following questions can help you initiate conversations with others.

Questions about early family life

—Where were you born and raised? How did you feel about where you lived?

—What kind of work did your mom and dad do?

—What kind of relationship did you have with your father? Your mother?

—Did you have brothers and sisters? Were you emotionally close to them? Where are they now? What do they do? Are you involved in each other’s lives?

—Was there an activity your family enjoyed together while you were growing up?

—If you could change anything about your childhood, what would it be?