I Know I've Been Changed (20 page)

Chapter 37

I
t had been a long week. I sighed as I navigated Mama Tee’s 1990 Eldorado onto her street. The police were still holding my car as evidence, but when they did release it, I planned to sell it and buy another one. But for now, I had to piddle around town in Mama Tee’s car, which didn’t have any air-conditioning. I was about to burn up.

I was leaving the hospital in a good mood because Rose’s kidney had been compatible and things were looking up for Justin. He would still be hospitalized for a couple more weeks, but at least he was not in pain. He was even talking, although it wasn’t easy.

I nearly choked as I pulled up in front of Mama Tee’s house. My eyes had to be deceiving me. I stepped out of the car, staring at the figure in front of me.

“Hey, sweet thang.”

“Myles? What are you doing here?”

He was leaning against his Navigator, looking good as usual. His left arm was wrapped up in a cast, but other than that, he showed no signs that he’d suffered any injuries.

“Is that any way to greet your husband? Especially after I drove all the way up to this hick town?”

“I will ask you again. What do you want?”

Myles laughed. “You tried to kill me and you have the nerve to act like you’re mad at me.”

I was silent.

“I came to tell you that I pulled some strings and got all the charges against you dropped. You don’t have to come back to Houston for a trial. They’ll even release your car to you at the end of the week.”

I should’ve been relieved, but watching him standing there, gloating like I should forever be indebted to him, made me want to get back in the car and run him over again. I took a deep breath and pushed the evil thoughts away.

“Thank you, Myles. Bye.” I stepped around him and headed to the house.

“I also came all this way to tell you I forgive you.”

I stopped in my tracks and turned back toward him, an astonished look on my face. “
You
forgive
me
? Gee, thanks.”

“Of course, I needed to check on my blossoming baby, as well. You sure aren’t growing much.” He walked over and placed a hand on my stomach. I slapped it away. I’d never told him I had lost the baby. I was wearing a big shirt, but even still, I didn’t look anywhere near five months pregnant.

Myles laughed, infuriating me.

“Girl, you need to be at my beck and call. I saved you from the slammer. You have nothing and you’re back here in this dump. I see why you’d lie about this place.” He looked up and down the street, then turned his nose up in disgust at Mama Tee’s house. “I wouldn’t want anyone to know I was from some place like this either. The Rae Rollins I knew could never thrive in a place like this.”

“Myles, I will ask you again. Why are you here?” I didn’t know it was possible to hate someone so much, but that’s exactly what I felt for Myles right then.

“I had to pull some strings to get the DA to give me your address. You need to consider yourself lucky that I’m willing to give you a second chance.” His look softened. “I could be real upset, but I know how seeing me with Karen must have looked to you, so I understand your anger.

“But, still, the way I see it,” he said as a sly smile crossed his face, “you tried to kill me. See, my public relations people can put a spin on it where you misconstrued my conversation with Karen and simply lost it. But it’ll look real good for my campaign if I play the remorseful, yet forgiving, spouse. We are a power couple, remember? It will speak volumes for us to work through this tragedy. Imagine all the women voters I can win over if you come back being remorseful and me forgiving.” He grinned like he had it all figured out. “Besides, I still love you, especially since you’re carrying my baby.” He kissed me. I jerked my head violently.

“Get off of me!” I shouted.

He laughed and pulled me to him, his hand gripped firmly around my arm. “Oh, so it’s like that? How’s my baby doing?” He tried to rub my stomach again.

“Myles, just go.” I was trying not to cry. His touching me reminded me of my loss. I couldn’t believe he had come here. “Just please go.”

“If I was you, I’d listen to the little lady. I wouldn’t want to make her mad.”

Myles slowly released his grip on my arm and scanned all six feet five inches of Reno. He was probably surveying whether he could take him on. I guess he decided he couldn’t because he smiled. “Look, big man, this is between me and my woman.”

“Seems to me like your woman don’t want to be your woman no more,” Reno said.

I guess Myles got a little juice in him because he stepped toward Reno. “Sounds like your big country ass don’t know how to mind your own business.” Myles poked Reno in the chest with his finger.

Bad move.

Reno kept his gaze steady as he quickly reached down, grabbed Myles’s crotch, and twisted it. Myles yelled out in pain.

“As I was saying, you needs to be moving on,
little
man.”

Reno released his grip and Myles fell to the ground, holding his crotch and moaning.

Reno stepped over Myles’s writhing body and extended his hand toward me. I glanced at Myles, then took Reno’s hand and let him lead me up the walkway to Mama Tee’s house.

“You can’t keep me from my child.”

I calmly turned around. “There is no child, Myles. I lost my baby the day I tried to kill you, as you put it. That’s why I came to the office in the first place, to tell you I lost the baby.”

Myles paused like he was shocked. I could tell he hadn’t anticipated that response.

“Have a good life, Myles.” Reno opened the front door for me and I stepped inside the house.

“You can’t leave me. I decide when this relationship is over!” Myles called out after us. Reno let the door slam on his shouts.

“Didn’t I hear that he was supposed to be some kind of politician?” Reno asked once we were inside.

“Yeah, he puts on a huge act.” I felt exhausted. “Do you want something to drink?”

“Some iced tea would be nice.”

I smiled, then made my way into the kitchen. I looked around—Mama Tee always had some fresh-brewed tea somewhere. It was her trademark. I noticed the tea sitting on the windowsill, percolating in the sun. I grabbed the jar, poured Reno and myself a glass, then filled it with ice.

I returned to the living room and handed Reno a glass. He downed his drink in one long gulp.

“Thank you,” he said, handing the glass back to me. He looked around. “Where’s Mr. Frank?” he asked, motioning to the empty bed.

I took his glass. “His daughter came and got him, took him back with her to California. Mama Tee is at the hospital with Justin.”

“How’s he doing?” Reno asked.

“Much better, thank God.”

Reno looked taken aback. I knew exactly what he was thinking. “Yes, I thanked God. It’s amazing how a little adversity can make you start to look at things differently.” I smiled.

“Wow. I’m glad to hear that. With God on your side, you can make it through anything. I was just talking with Mrs. Mary about Second Corinthians—”

“Hold on a minute. It’s a slow walk for me. I don’t know if I’m ready to start listening to Bible verses.”

We both laughed. “I can respect that,” Reno said. “I’m just happy to hear you’re letting Him in your life, period, because you know that was always a source of contention with us.”

Did I know. Even as teenagers, Reno was always up in the church. It got on my nerves. I think that’s why Mama Tee liked him so much. When he got with Ann Paxton, it proved my point that there wasn’t nothing but hypocrites in the church.

“I’ll keep you in my prayers, Raedella.”

I gently smiled at him. After all the years I’d spent trying to keep people from calling me by my full name, I welcomed it coming from Reno. “Yes, do that. Keep me in your prayers,” I softly replied. Our gaze met and we stood in awkward silence for a few minutes.

“So, what were you doing up this way?” I finally said.

“Actually, I come and cut Mrs. Mary’s grass next door every other week. I’d just finished when I saw your ex there grab you. You have to pardon my getting involved, but it ain’t right for no man to be putting his hands on a woman.”

I looked at Reno. He looked so mature, so handsome. I felt myself longing for his touch.

“Well, I’d better be getting on home,” he said.

I don’t know why, but I didn’t want him to leave. Maybe I was just lonely, but I was really enjoying being around him again. “Can you stay and talk a bit?”

He hesitated before replying, “I guess I can stay a little while.”

We sat down on Mama Tee’s sofa and Reno filled me in on who had done what and with whom in the last seven years. He had me cracking up at some of the stories of our old classmates. He also informed me that Felton, the crazy boy who’d given me money for the abortion, had stalked him for nearly a year after I’d left, claiming Reno had run me off. In all, we talked for nearly two hours.

“So, tell me, why did you never try and leave here?” I asked.

Reno leaned back like he was thinking about it. “Not everyone wants big-city living. Some of us like our little country existence. Besides, I visited Miami a couple of years ago and had someone ask me if I wanted a burned CD, and I looked at him like he was crazy. I asked him, why would anyone want a CD that was burned up?”

I doubled over in laughter. That sounded so like something Reno would say. “You’re still funny as all get out, Reno.”

“I know. I’m expecting Hollywood to come calling any moment now.” He grinned.

I hadn’t realized how much I missed my conversations with Reno. I had forgotten how warm and loved he made me feel.

“What happened to us?” I said, my expression turning serious.

Reno shrugged. “Your big dreams.” He smiled. “What do you think happened?”

I smiled back. “Ann Paxton.”

“There you go with that.” He playfully rolled his eyes. “No, I definitely think it was you and all your big dreams. I’m not making excuses, but you were always degrading me. I think I just messed with Ann because she made me feel worthy.”

“Oh, so you’re admitting it now?” I joked.

Reno smiled mischievously. “I know you don’t believe me, but I really did go in that motel room just to help her get her earring out the sink. But once we were inside, she started talking about how I deserved a woman who appreciated me. She made me feel good about myself and I guess I was just weak.”

I lowered my eyes. “I’m sorry, Reno.”

“No need to be sorry, Raedella. That was a lifetime ago. But you know you were my first true love.”

I couldn’t help but blush. After the way I’d treated him, this man was sitting here telling me how much he had loved me. Had I been so anxious to become the next big star that I was willing to throw that all away? I guess I was.

I looked in Reno’s eyes, and I swear, I saw some of that love still there. I don’t know what came over me, but the next thing I knew, I was leaning over and my lips had found their way to his. I kissed him and I could feel his resolve weakening.

But then just as quickly as he’d let himself kiss me back, he pulled away and stood up.

“Raedella,” he said with his back to me.

I stood up, too, wrapping my arms around his waist. I knew he still loved me. He had never been able to resist me. I could see it in his eyes, feel it in his kiss.

“Do you still love me?” I whispered.

He turned toward me. “I will always love you.”

I leaned in and tried to kiss him again.

He pushed me back with a force that caught me off guard. “But I love my wife more.”

It felt like someone had slapped me with a brick.

“Raedella, I don’t mean to hurt you. But you chose your life and forced me to choose mine. And although you feel like yours is crumbling, mine is still strong. And the glue that holds it together is my wife. I won’t disrespect her, my marriage, or myself.”

I stared at him and wanted to burst into tears. I had run from this? A man who respected his vows. A man who loved his wife so unconditionally that he wouldn’t want to do anything to jeopardize it. I had run from that and to a man like Myles, who didn’t know what the word
faithful
meant?

“I…I thought you said you loved me.”

“I did, once upon a time.” Reno wiped at the tears that were trickling down my cheeks. “Come on, Rae. You don’t want me. I’m just a country boy who could never live up to your expectations. You’re just feeling vulnerable right now. You know, all them hormones at work.” He laughed, obviously trying to cheer me up.

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize. Just take this time for yourself. You thought being a star was what you wanted out of life. Now that you know it’s not, take this time to find out what is.”

Reno kissed me gently on the forehead and left me standing in the middle of the living room.

Chapter 38

I
leaned against the doorway and stared at my little brother as he lay across the sofa laughing at an episode of
The Steve Harvey Show.
My heart warmed at the sight of him laughing like a normal young man. It was hard to believe that it had been almost a month since he’d been released from the hospital. Although he was still moving about slowly, he was doing remarkably well.

“Hey, Sis,” he said when he noticed me standing there. “Why are you staring at me like you’re scared I’m gon’ die any minute now?”

I walked into the room and sat down across from him. “I’m just worried about you, that’s all.”

“Well, I took a licking and kept on ticking. I fell down, but I got up.” He smirked.

I threw a pillow at him. “You’ve been watching too much TV.”

He laughed. I noticed a stack of comic books lying on the coffee table. “Wow! The original
Incredible Hulk
comics. I haven’t seen those in years.”

“Yeah, Ma…I mean Rose bought them for me. They’re collector’s items.” He turned back toward the television. “She’s recovering well, too. She dropped the comic books off yesterday. She also left you a letter. It’s in the kitchen by the phone.”

“I’m not interested in her letters,” I mumbled.

“Raedella, she’s really sorry,” Justin said, still not looking at me. “I just think you should know that.”

I debated whether I should say something to him. He knew about Rose’s desertion, but he was too young to really be affected by it. Unless, of course, you count not having your mother around. But his hatred for Rose was nowhere near as strong as mine and Shondella’s. Rose had also just saved his life. Of course, he would feel a little sympathy for her.

“Let’s not talk about Rose, okay?”

He shrugged. “Whatever.”

“Where’s Mama Tee?”

“In the kitchen.” He glanced toward the kitchen, his demeanor quickly changing. “Look here, can you convince her to let me go to Freaknik this weekend? Tyrone an’ ’nem are going and they asked me if I wanted to go.” He sighed heavily as he shook his head. “It’s a shame. I’m a grown man and I have to ask my grandmother if I can go somewhere.” Justin frowned.

“You know why that is.” In addition to the complications from leukemia, Justin was prone to seizures that to this day none of the doctors had been able to explain. Justin had almost died when he was fourteen and Mama Tee let him go fishing with some of his cousins. He’d had a seizure and they’d had no idea what to do. Luckily, a doctor was fishing nearby and was able to help them out. But from that day, Mama Tee hardly let Justin out of her sight.

“Anyway, do you want me to get in the middle of that? Why don’t you ask Mama Tee yourself?”

“Ask me what?”

We both looked up at Mama Tee, standing in the living room doorway. Justin looked like he was debating whether to say anything. Finally, he spoke up. “I was just telling Raedella that I’m rolling out to Freaknik this weekend,” Justin boldly proclaimed. He defiantly pursed his lips before turning back to the TV.

“You gon’ to what ’nik?” Mama Tee asked, confusion etched across her brow.

“Freaknik. In Atlanta. I’m going with my boys,” Justin replied with a little more bass in his voice than usual.

“Oh, you are, are you? And what happens when you break out in a seizure or you fall deathly ill? Your boys gon’ stop their skirt-chasing long enough to see after you?” Mama Tee was looking at Justin like he was crazy.

“I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it. But I’m going.” Justin stood up. I was dumbfounded, watching him be so defiant. “I’m sick of y’all treating me like some invalid little boy. I’m twenty-three years old. I’m grown, despite what everyone around here thinks.”

The room fell silent as Justin glared at Mama Tee. Mama Tee glared right back, her chest slowly rising and falling. I’m sure she was just as shocked as me. This was totally out of character for Justin.

“You must be high on painkillers, ’cuz you done lost your mind!” Mama Tee huffed.

Justin didn’t back down. “I’m going and ain’t nothing nobody can do to stop me.”

I stood up because I just knew Mama Tee was about to bust him in his jaw.

“Boy, don’t let your mouth write a check your ass can’t cash,” she hissed.

“Whatever.” Justin flicked Mama Tee off, and I swear I felt the furor rise from her body.

“Did this little fool just flick me off?” she screamed to no one in particular. “I know he did not just flick me off.” She looked around like she was trying to find something to knock Justin upside the head with. I decided it was about time for me to jump in.

“Mama Tee, calm down. Justin is just trippin’.”

“Oh, he gon’ be trippin’ all right. Trippin’ all over the furniture while I tear his behind up.” Mama Tee, I guess deciding she didn’t need an object, lunged toward Justin. I jumped in front of her just as she was about to make contact with his head.

Justin scurried out of the way, his confidence gone, replaced by a look of terror. Mama Tee caught herself, I guess realizing she couldn’t outrun Justin. “That boy done gone plumb crazy. He smelling his own piss,” she yelled at me. “Gon’ try and flick me off, like he all big and bad.” She waved her finger at Justin, who was cowering behind the sofa. “Don’t you forget, I used to wash that funky little behind of yours, boy.” Mama Tee took another deep breath in an effort to calm herself down. “I’m goin’ outside to work in my garden before I hurt somebody. Send that boy back to the hospital.” Mama Tee walked off muttering, “It’s them damn videos. Watching that Two Quarters boy all the time got him thinking he tough.” I couldn’t make out the rest of what she was saying as she slammed the door behind her.

I turned back to Justin, who was easing out from behind the sofa. “What is she talking about, Two Quarters boy?” I asked.

“50 Cent, the rapper. That’s what she calls him, Two Quarters.” Justin sank back on the sofa.

I couldn’t help but laugh as I sat down next to him. “Only Mama Tee would come up with something like that.” My laughter faded as I noticed the scowl still plastered across Justin’s face. “You want to tell me what that was about?”

Justin shrugged. “I’m just tired of everybody treating me like a kid, that’s all. I’m a man. I’m ready for people to start treating me like one.”

I stared at my little brother. He had grown into a handsome young man. His butterscotch complexion was smooth. His eyes were a beautiful shade of hazel. I could only imagine what he was feeling. But I also understood Mama Tee’s point as well. Taking care of Justin had been a full-time job and one she’d done without complaint. A job she should’ve never been saddled with in the first place. At that point, I felt even more contempt for Rose and knew that no matter how many kidneys she tried to give up, there was no turning back. As far as I was concerned, our family was irreparably damaged and there was no one to blame but my mother.