I Shouldn't Be Telling You This: Success Secrets Every Gutsy Girl Should Know (10 page)

This trick came in handy when we were negotiating to get Adele on the cover of
Cosmo.
As an artist she burst onto the scene in a huge way in 2011, and once I learned more about her, I was sure our readers would love to see her on the December issue.

Adele hadn’t done any U.S. covers yet, so I doubted that we’d have trouble booking her. Wrong. Though Adele’s publicist responded enthusiastically to my entertainment editor, there was one hitch: Adele was booked to do the March 2012 cover of a competitive magazine. The publicist said he would have to go back to that magazine and make sure it was okay for Adele to do us in advance. I knew in my bones that the other magazine would demand to go first.

Of course, there had been plenty of times when that competitor had followed us with cover girls. But if Adele’s people came back to us with “Sorry, we can’t,” we’d seem defensive if we suddenly said, “Oh, but they
often
follow us.” The decision would have been made, and they probably wouldn’t want to change it.

So here’s what we did. I had my entertainment editor make a list of all the times this competitor had followed us with cover subjects and send it to Adele’s reps before they went back to our competitor. The entertainment editor told the rep, “As you can see, they often follow us, so it shouldn’t be a problem.” That way if the competitor said they didn’t want to let Adele pose for us, her management would have viewed
them
as being difficult. I don’t know what happened in the conversation; all I know is that Adele posed for the December cover.

Here’s what you do when they say no.
Never scurry away with your tail between your legs. Remember what Bob said: “Now we’re ready to negotiate.”
You want to walk away with something.
If you don’t get the raise you want, ask for a title change, an extra week of vacation, the chance to attend a key event, a spot bonus, or another review in six months.

The trick is to have your backups clearly in mind so you can bring them up at the right moment. That’s what comic Amy Schumer did. She’d been on the short list to be one of the four comics who wrote the Charlie Sheen roast for Comedy Central. In the end the committee decided not to go with her. What did she do? “I told them, ‘Well, can I be
on
the show, then?’ ”
Done!

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Success Style: 10 Easy Steps
 
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A
photo editor I used to work with was a fantastic but obsessive dresser who sometimes went home to change at midday if he felt that his outfit wasn’t really working. He told me that one of the most embarrassing fashion moments he’d ever experienced was when he was walking down the street in head-to-toe Gucci, thinking his ensemble was perfectly
fabulous
, and two male fashionistas approached him coming the other way. He sensed he was about to get a nod of approval from them, but instead they shook their heads in unison, and one of them exclaimed, “No, no,
no
!”

Fortunately, most of us are never going to have strangers commenting on our workday style that way, but how you look really does matter. People will judge you on your appearance, sometimes consciously, sometimes without realizing it. The standards will vary, too. In some fields, it’s all about how stylish you are, in others it’s how
un
stylish, and still in others it’s how well you manage to look professional without your clothes seeming to say a peep.

Here are ten style strategies to follow in most work situations.

1. It’s absolutely true what they say: dress for the job you aspire to.
There are a lot of workplaces where you can dress casually or even totally grunge. But just because everyone in your pay grade is doing so with management’s blessing, it doesn’t mean you should. How does your boss dress? That’s who you should be modeling yourself after, not your peers. Even pay attention to what your boss’s boss wears. And just because your workplace supports casual Friday doesn’t mean you have to adhere to it. I never, ever have.

2. Invest in a killer handbag.
Yes, a designer bag if you can swing it, and if not, something great from a place such as Coach or a bit pricier, such as Tory Burch. If you can’t afford a pricey bag at the moment, purchase a good-looking budget one but not a cheap purse that has just any logo on it. Those generally look lame. (The brands are meaningless, so why the logo?) Ariel Lawrence, a fabulous stylist I’ve worked with who has both TV and private clients, says that you can also find great designer bags cheaply on eBay or even at resale stores. There’s also the website Bag Borrow or Steal, where you can rent a designer bag by the week. It’s not very cost-effective, but it can make sense for a week when you’ve got a bunch of important interviews lined up.

3. Buy great-looking shoes, too.
Most women you interact with professionally will notice your shoes. And though guys
say
they don’t notice, on a subliminal level they’re certainly picking up on things such as run-down heels and scuff marks, and even whether you seem really pulled together. The great news about shoes, as Lawrence points out, is that companies such as Guess and 9 West knock off designer shoes almost instantly, so check out what’s being shown in magazines and online and then buy the knockoffs.

4. If you’re building a new work wardrobe because you’re right out of college or entering a new field, devise a clothing budget and plan for yourself.
Start by purchasing the absolutely best classic and interchangeable basics (pants, skirts, dresses, jackets) you can afford. Add trendy accessories and tops at lower price points because those don’t have to hold up as well—and in those categories, inexpensive is less likely to translate as cheap.

Lawrence’s suggestion for a starter wardrobe: a black dress, a fitted black jacket, black pants, a black skirt, a camel-colored skirt, a white blouse, a trendy-looking cardigan in a color (red could be good, for instance), several cool, inexpensive blouses (from places such as H&M or Zara) that pick up or work with the color of the cardigan and will go with your pants and skirts. For shoes, go for black heels and a pair of colored ones (they will make one of your all-black outfits look totally fab). Then build from there.

5. Buy clothes that fit you.
Clothes that don’t fit right or flatter your shape look unprofessional, and that’s the biggest mistake that Lawrence sees women making. “Unfortunately, saleswomen often lie to get the business,” she says. “They’ll encourage you to buy a certain skirt, for instance, and though the skirt is cute, it’s the wrong length for your height or makes your hips look too big. If possible, shop with a great friend who’ll be honest. The main thing you’re looking for are the styles that really work with your shape. I had a client who wanted to buy this Michael Kors maxi dress, and I had to remind her, ‘You’re
five two.
’ Once you’ve nailed down the clothing shapes that flatter your body shape, it’s easier to shop on your own.”

From there you can even begin to develop a fab signature look that you’re known and remembered for in a great way. I love how
Morning Joe
cohost Mika Brzezinski has made a signature look of gorgeous, sleeveless shifts that show off her amazing guns!

6. Do not wear a puffer coat to work in winter.
Okay, if it’s really, really cold, that’s one thing. But if you want to look professional, you need a classic coat in black or camel. For warmer weather or climates, Lawrence swears by a khaki trench.

7. Get a serious haircut.
You should have a cut that says you mean business, that you do more in the morning than roll out of bed and toss your strands out of your eyes. Through word of mouth, find a good salon (many salons offer free cuts by young, upcoming stylists), and if it doesn’t give you a cut that’s super, go someplace else the next time. In many workplaces—particularly anyplace that’s creative—you can get away with wearing your hair long if you want. Just make sure it’s trimmed of split ends, conditioned, and never straggly-looking. If you work in a conservative environment, you probably shouldn’t wear it longer than just below your shoulders. It screams coed or boho.

8. Have your eyebrows professionally shaped.
After looking at tons of pictures of models and celebrities over the years, I realize how important good brows are to making your face look gorgeous and your appearance pulled together. (If you don’t believe me, go online and compare pictures of Angelina Jolie now to when she was married to Billy Bob. People thought the vial of blood around her neck was all wrong, but that’s nothing compared to the eyebrows she had then.) Women who do their own brows often shape them incorrectly without even realizing it. (Hint: Do yours bear any resemblance to commas, hockey sticks, or sperm? They
shouldn’t.
) So find a salon—via word of mouth is the best way—that will do a good job (the one I love in New York City is Sania’s Brow Bar; Sania is masterful!). It’s worth the price to have them done professionally. Warning: Don’t let someone make your brows too thin, because overplucked eyebrows often don’t grow back. If someone scalps you, find another salon. And once you have the perfect brows, pencil them every day with a Shobha eye pencil (www.myshobha.com). It’s a fantastic tool.

9. Develop a signature look with your makeup, too.
That doesn’t mean you can’t experiment and have fun, especially at night, but calling a look your own really adds clout. I always found Kim Kardashian striking in her photos, but when I had lunch with her in Manhattan I realized how jaw-dropping attractive she is in person. Okay, she’s got great hair, great eyes, great bone structure, but it’s also about her makeup. I especially love what she does with her mouth: nude or pink lipstick with lots of gloss on top. It’s not right for everyone, but on her it’s totally arresting and you never forget it. Whatever you choose as your trademark doesn’t have to be complicated. One of my favorite editors in chief wears just one item of makeup as far as I can tell: red lipstick. But it looks awesome and is very much
her
look. As for fragrance, I’d worry less about finding your signature scent and focus on being very, very subtle. A lot of people hate being subjected to fragrance in the workplace. And it can really put a damper on a job interview or meeting.

10. Don’t hesitate to dazzle.
In some jobs you still have to dress conservatively. But to me there is nothing more mind-numbingly boring than a matching jacket and skirt, particularly if it’s navy blue, and I think there’s plenty of wiggle room in most fields today. If you look fantastic and fashion forward, you’ll feel more confident and people will notice and remember you.

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Why You Should Get in Touch with Your Bitch Envy
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T
here is an interesting phenomenon that sometimes happens when you’re finding your way in a career and trying to make your mark. You come into contact with a chick—maybe she sits a few cubicles away or down the hall—who can only be described as a bitch. She brownnoses the boss in a gag-worthy way he fails to see through, hogs the limelight at meetings, and sneakily secures little perks and opportunities that no one else manages to score. And it annoys the freaking hell out of you.

I first had that kind of experience when I was working in the articles department at
Glamour.
About two years after I moved into the department as a writer, the articles editor who ran the department hired a recent college grad—I’ll call her Jackie—as her editorial assistant. The young women who worked as junior editors and writers in the department were all generally nice and thoughtful, and everyone graciously welcomed Jackie when she arrived. But it was soon clear our new coworker was a different type of player. Jackie was loud, brash, and utterly intent on getting everything she wanted.

There were two things in particular that I found irksome about her behavior. Right after college she had attended a fancy six-week intensive publishing program, and not only had it left her with this smug sense of entitlement, but she’d also met tons of cool, dynamic people there who were all now in entry-level positions like her. She was constantly dropping their names and where they worked and where they’d be having drinks that night. She made it sound as though they were the Bloomsbury group.

The other annoying thing: She soon convinced her boss to let her try her hand at editing articles, something that I, as a writer, wasn’t even doing yet. And to make it worse, she always provided everyone in the department with a verbal play-by-play of her efforts—“I can’t right now,” she’d say. “I have to edit this
huge
health feature we’re doing this month.” How freaking pushy, I remember thinking. Clearly her boss didn’t know how to say no to her.

Years passed before I saw what truly bugged me about Jackie. Yes, she was unpleasant to be around, but the main source of my irritation was that she was doing stuff that deep down I knew
I
should be doing. And that’s the thing you need to recognize about the work bitch. Part of why she galls you may be that you secretly
envy
her. She’s making moves and winning points in ways that you wish you could pull off yourself.

Envy can seem like such a nasty feeling that you may find yourself trying to squelch it when it rears its ugly head or even reframing it. But envy has lots of benefits if you acknowledge it and use it right. First, you have to redirect envy—away from the other person and back to yourself. Instead of telling yourself, “I can’t stand that bitch,” realize that deep down what you may be thinking is “Damn, I want some of what
she’s
got.”

In my own case, I sucked at networking. I was envious of all those contacts Jackie had and how she used them. And I wanted to be editing. I just hadn’t had the nerve to ask.

So if there’s a bitch in your midst, instead of hating on her, start taking notes. Do you wish you had some of her skills, nerve, gumption, and butt-kissing talent? Do you secretly admire her ability to go big or go home, ingratiate herself, speak up, or massage the boss’s ego? Envy can be a good thing if you flip it around and see what it’s telling you about yourself.