I Shouldn't Be Telling You This: Success Secrets Every Gutsy Girl Should Know (13 page)

And keep social media in mind when you write any kind of press releases. Use the best search optimization terms to help you pop up on Google.

11. Before you do a press interview, create your own call sheet.
That is what publicists do for their clients. It lists the topic to be covered, contact info for the reporter or producer, and possible questions, so that you are completely prepared. Research the reporter or blogger so you’re familiar with other stories she’s done. And rehearse your responses beforehand!

12. Shut down any nasty rumors.
There was a time, not all that long ago, when if there was an ugly rumor spreading about you, you left it alone hoping it would soon burn out. But things can go wide (and viral) quickly today, and you must react proactively to rumors.
Cosmopolitan
entertainment director Tracy Shaffer offers two strategies. “One, use your actions to show it’s not true,” she says. If there’s a rumor, for instance, that you and a colleague are feuding, have lunch with her in the company cafeteria.

“Secondly, you need to talk to a few key people and enlist their support,” she continues. “They should be people you trust, people in your field. Don’t be defensive or act freaked out that your reputation is on the line, but tell them in a confident, genuine way what is happening and that you’re concerned about it. Those people then become like soldiers who quell the rumor when they hear it referenced.”

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Be Grabby!
 
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O
ne of my favorite stories about success involves Linda Eastman, the first wife of Paul McCartney, who died of breast cancer when she was only fifty-six. Maybe I love the story so much because I was pretty young when I heard it, newly arrived in Manhattan, and she’d done something I probably wouldn’t have ever thought of, let alone dared to try.

Linda, a single mother with a young daughter, was working as a receptionist for
Town and Country
magazine, though she had a serious interest in becoming a professional photographer. One day at work she deftly intercepted an invitation—meant for a senior editor—to the U.S. press launch of the Rolling Stones on a yacht in the Hudson River. She took her camera along with her, hoping that there would be an opportunity to shoot pictures. She ended up being tapped by the Stones to photograph them at the event, and that gig helped launch a successful career as a photographer (which, of course, later led to her meeting McCartney).

I talked earlier about how important it is to knock your boss’s socks off with dynamite ideas that you end up executing brilliantly, but there’s another way to go big or go home that you should include in your repertoire as well. You have to be grabby.

By grabby I don’t mean pinching your boss’s invitations. But there are things you can take and leverage into a win for yourself, even if they haven’t been earmarked for you. One of the absolutely best things I ever grabbed was a yellow turtleneck. I’d just won the
Glamour
Top 10 College Women contest and was in New York City with the other winners, preparing to be shot for a special portfolio in the magazine. I was thrilled to be a winner, but deep down I also longed to be the lucky girl whose photo would appear on the cover.

The day before the shoot, we were all taken to a photo studio filled with racks of clothes, and told to pick out a fall outfit to wear for our picture. Most of the clothes were in the muted shades that the fashion director told us were popular that season—such as heather and sage. But way at the end of a rack, almost like an afterthought, were a bright yellow turtleneck and matching orange-and-yellow skirt. I made a beeline past the muted outfits and grabbed the bright one instead. Why? Because I’d looked at enough magazine covers by then to know that they had to “pop” at the newsstand. And you know what? I ended up on the cover. I never look at that old shot of me in the yellow turtleneck without thinking how wise I was to grab it.

Things you should routinely grab in your career include:

• A moment of time from someone who could advise you or provide you with key info.

• The chance to introduce yourself to someone powerful at a party or event.

• The opportunity to raise your hand for a project that’s just been announced (even though you may tick off the good girls who just sit there hoping to be tapped for it).

• A peek at something insightful that’s lying out on someone’s desk. (Hey, if they’ve called you in and it’s on the desk, isn’t it fair game?)

• A chair close to someone important at a meeting.

• Power or control in a void—as long as you won’t be seriously bitch-slapped by someone higher up. (Once, when my executive editor had to step away before the start of a meeting, I was about to say, “Why don’t we wait?” But the deputy editor said nicely, “I think we can start. I can run through the first part.” She knew her boss wouldn’t mind, and I was totally impressed by the way she took command.)

• An offer from someone to introduce you to a person you’re dying to know but have no access to.

• A diamond-in-the-rough project that no one else wants to touch because they don’t see the potential.

It was taking on a diamond-in-the-rough project that made all the difference for Jane Buckingham, the founder and CEO of Trendera, whom I hired as a contributing editor the day after I started at
Cosmo.
“I was working at an ad agency in Boston not long after I graduated from college,” she explains, “and we were pitching the Massachusetts Anti-Smoking Campaign. No one wanted to work on this project because it was unsexy and funded by the government. But I was very antismoking, so I poured my heart into the research and we won the business. The campaign was a huge success, and we got a ton of buzz. And that led to me starting my own business.”

Remember: just because no one has invited you to grab something doesn’t mean you shouldn’t.

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What You Need Even More Than a Mentor
 
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W
hen she gives speeches, Sheryl Sandberg, the brilliant and charismatic COO of Facebook, often mentions how critical it is for women to have mentors in their professional lives. She has had some terrific ones herself, including former secretary of the Treasury Larry Summers.

Most women would second Sandberg’s comment. A recent LinkedIn survey of nearly a thousand female professionals found that 82 percent of women agree that having a mentor is important. By definition, a mentor shows you the ropes, offers feedback, and provides strategies for success—all very good stuff. Mentors are often at a higher vantage point than you are, so they can provide insight you can’t develop from yours. And if your mentor is in your own organization, she can help you understand where the land mines are.

A common misconception about mentoring is assuming you have to wait for a mentor to find you. According to LinkedIn, almost 20 percent of women have never had a mentor, and more than half of those said it was because they hadn’t encountered anyone appropriate. But you can’t sit around waiting for a mentor to find you. You have to search for them, and that may mean looking beyond your immediate department or area.

Your own organization may actually have an internship program. Intel, General Mills, and Procter & Gamble are just a few of the Fortune 500 companies that do. Check with your HR department. Also consider your college. Even if you’ve been out for a while, see if it has any kind of mentorship program. If not, you could use LinkedIn’s advanced-search platform to determine if there is someone from your alma mater in your field whom you can connect with.

But don’t get too locked into the I-need-a-mentor mind-set without considering these two points.

First, one mentor rarely has all the answers you need. If, for instance, your mentor is a single woman, she may not be able to relate to your dilemma of whether you should leave your job and follow a serious boyfriend to Chicago, the only city where he was admitted into law school.

To me, better than a mentor is a group of advisers, which you can begin to put together early in your career. Michele James, a partner in James & Co. and former chief talent scout for AOL Time Warner, wholly endorses this idea and even has a name for it:
your personal board of directors.

“Think of your PBOD just as you would a real board of directors,” she says. “You need about five people, with different capabilities. On a real board there’s someone who runs the audit committee, and you’ll need an audit person, too—someone who can help you evaluate compensation. There needs to be someone in charge of brand strategy and so on.”

When you need advice in one area, you ask the appropriate person; when you need advice in another area, you ask someone else. One of the people on my own PBOD is a guy I met in my twenties who later became the head of a major media company. I’m lucky to have a friend like him, and he gives the most sage advice about any career decision I need to make. But if I’m struggling with a quality-of-life decision, I turn to an old friend who started a small company out of her home. She’s got a different take from many people on work-life balance.

Second, and it’s a biggie: though mentors—or your PBOD—can give you advice, they don’t necessarily help you succeed. A recent
Harvard Business Review
article, based on a Catalyst study of MBAs, pointed out that there wasn’t a strong correlation between a woman having a mentor and receiving a promotion. But get this:
men
with mentors were more likely to receive promotions. Why? Because in the case of many men, their mentors are what you’d actually call
sponsors.
A sponsor tends to be more senior in an organization than a mentor and, rather than simply offering feedback, he uses his influence with senior executives to advocate for the sponsoree. A sponsor opens doors and works to get a candidate promoted. Women, unfortunately, tend to be overmentored and undersponsored.

So what you also want is sponsors, people who are going to sell you to people higher up in your own organization and others.

How can you find a sponsor? Well, an obvious candidate is your boss. You want to be sure you’re working for someone who will advocate on your behalf and isn’t going to try to keep you in your same old spot—out of selfishness or envy.

But you’ll want to find other senior people, both inside and outside your organization, who can be sponsors for you, too. Start with due diligence. Check out company websites to find out who the important players are and what they are focusing on. Go to company and industry events. According to communications and body language expert Lillian Glass, at professional cocktail parties, power players are generally standing just off of the center of the room with several people around them. Get to know their names. Also attend company and industry conferences and talks. Are there speakers you admire? And ask around among peers and friends—who are the standouts in an organization, who is being buzzed about?

Once you’ve identified people who can be both mentors and sponsors, you need to make contact. Don’t hesitate to introduce yourself to a potential ally at an event or in the elevator and say you admire her work. If the person is spearheading a committee or drive, volunteer to be on it. You can also request an informational interview. You could say something such as “I’ve heard so much about your work [or latest venture] and would love to know more about it.”

But don’t come right out and ask someone to be your mentor or sponsor. Shellye Archambeau, CEO of MetricStream, which helps companies meet compliance standards, says that can freak out a busy person. Her strategy early in her career was simply to adopt people as mentors by gradually treating them that way. “Look for a person who you feel a real connection with when you speak,” Archambeau says. “With mentors, you have to be able to let your hair down. It’s not a business relationship.”

If you’ve just had a brief conversation at an event, ask, “Is it all right if I drop you a note?” You can follow up with a question in writing. Also, periodically send your potential mentor or sponsor information that she will find insightful. When you have an accomplishment under your belt, let her know about it—not as part of your big-mouth list (see “12 Ways to Get Buzzed About”) but in a personal e-mail. Just don’t be nuisance.

Do
not
turn to a sponsor for advice the way you might a mentor. You don’t want her to have even a glimmer about any work dilemmas you’re facing or doubts you may be struggling with. You want her to see only your strengths, because her role is to
sell
you.

Once that person has a sense of you, she may begin to volunteer to make introductions. But if she doesn’t, you’re going to have to
ask
for her help. If a job opens up that she could “sell” you for, tell her, “You’ve been such a valuable resource for me. I would really appreciate having your help on something. There’s a terrific position open at Company A, and I’m hoping you would be able to advocate on my behalf.” Don’t be shy about also asking a sponsor, “Do you know anyone I could talk to?”

Yes, it can be hard, but you know what? Guys do it all the time.

I hope this is stating the obvious. You
must
send a written note to a mentor or sponsor when she helps you. Perhaps even a gift. And here’s a great tip from Archambeau: When you take someone’s advice, let her know it and how it worked out. So few people ever do that.

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Career Breakthroughs: The Very Simple Formula
 
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Y
ou’re just about done with the first part of the book. I’ve offered you the best lessons I’ve learned about figuring out what you really want to do professionally, landing the job you want, and knocking your boss’s socks off. But let’s face it: that’s not all you’re looking for. You want your efforts to
pay off.
You are hoping that your hard work and go-big-or-go-home undertakings will lead to a terrific promotion or fabulous new job up the ladder. In other words, you want the success you’ve been gunning for.