I Want to Hold Your Hand (35 page)

“Hear, hear,” Dylan said.

Jack began to strum his guitar to the tune of their theme song, “Sultans of Swing,” and soon everyone was singing at the top of their lungs.

“Well,” Hannah said to Nolan, leaning in close to him so he could hear her over the din, “that went well.”

“I guess we’re now officially out of the closet.”

“Looks that way. No going back.”

“Wouldn’t go back for all the tea in China.”

She could tell by the way he looked at her that he desperately wanted to kiss her. “Save it for later,” she whispered. They’d decided he would spend the weekend at her house, and they were counting on the drunken antics of the others to get away with their plan.

“I’ve got lots of things saved up for later,” he said with a playful waggle of his brows.

Hannah shivered with delight and relief that she’d shared their news with Caleb’s closest friends and gotten over that hurdle unscathed, thanks to Turk’s kind words of support. She relaxed into her chair, but kept her firm grip on Nolan’s hand. For the first time in seven years, she didn’t feel like her heart was breaking all over again as she sat in the midst of Caleb’s band of brothers.

Rather, she felt a whole new chapter was beginning—one that paid tribute to the past while holding out hope for a future filled with love and joy.

CHAPTER 24

Caleb’s Sultans are coming for the weekend. Gavin organized the gathering, and he asked if they could have it here because it’s tradition. How could I say no? I’m looking forward to seeing everyone, but I can’t imagine what it’ll be like without Caleb in the middle of everything. Nolan came over today with firewood and helped me set up. He’s been such an amazing friend through all of this—he’s always THERE, but he doesn’t overwhelm me the way some people do. I appreciate him more than he knows.

—From the diary of Hannah Abbott Guthrie, age twenty-nine

I
t was nearly three the next morning before the fire was doused and all of Hannah’s guests were settled. Her family had gone home for the night, promising to be back for Homer’s official funeral at two the next afternoon. Gavin had crashed on the sofa in the sitting room, and after she covered him with a blanket, Hannah led Nolan up the back stairs from the kitchen to her bedroom on the second floor. He carried a duffel bag and garment bag hooked over his shoulder.

She expected to encounter someone in the hallway, but no one was around as they entered her room. Hannah closed and locked the door behind them, grateful as always for the bathroom that adjoined her room.

“Finally alone,” Nolan said as he tossed his bags into a chair and kissed her with hours of desire pouring forth in an embrace that landed them on her bed in a tangle of limbs. The scent of smoke from the fire pit filled the air around them.

Hannah laughed at his bumbling efforts to free her from her clothes without missing a beat with the kiss.

“Stop laughing and help me.”

She only laughed harder at his dismay, but she took off her sweater and wiggled out of her jeans with all due haste.

“Better,” he said, stopping her when she would’ve unhooked her bra. “Let me.” His index finger traced a path from her chin to her throat and down to hook his finger over the front clasp of her bra. “All night long, the only thing I could seem to think about was how lucky I was to get to be alone with you later. For a while there, I thought later might never come, but these guys aren’t as young as they once were, and thankfully they hit the wall earlier than they used to.”

“I’ve noticed you don’t try to keep up with them when it comes to drinking.” He’d often been the one helping her to get Caleb to bed after a big night with the Sultans. “Why is that?”

“I don’t know. It’s never been necessary for me to get totally loaded to have a good time.”

“That’s certainly music to my ears.”

“I’d imagine it would be.” Nolan leaned over her and kissed the upper slopes of both breasts. “You were amazing telling the guys about us.”

“After what happened with Gavin, I wanted to do a preemptive strike so we could relax and enjoy the weekend.”

“You were perfect.”

“Did anyone say anything to you about it?”

“Just a few slaps on the back and a couple of innocent questions, nothing disrespectful though. How about you?”

“Same. They were naturally curious, but overall happy for me—and for us.”

“I’m very happy for us,” he said with a big grin that exposed the adorable dimple in his left cheek.

“I am, too.” She thought of the episode the night before and the many questions she longed to ask him.

“What’s with the frown? That doesn’t look happy to me.”

“I am happy. You know I am.”

“Except?”

“Let’s talk about it another time. After the weekend.”

“No, let’s talk about it now.”

“Please? It can wait. I promise, it’s nothing awful.” She ran her fingers through his hair and down to curl around his neck. “I’m all talked out after today, and besides, you got me all warmed up when you were pulling at my clothes . . .”

His mouth lifted into a half smile. “Did I?”

“You know you did.”

“I can’t let all that warmth go to waste.”

“You really shouldn’t.”

With the snap of his fingers, her bra sprung open, and she forgot about everything other than the sweet pleasure she found in his arms.

 • • • 

At promptly two o’clock the next afternoon, the usually rowdy Sultans appeared in suits and ties. They’d showered and shaved and even combed their hair for the occasion. While Hannah was touched by their coordinated effort, it reminded her a little too much of another memorial service, seven years ago when they’d come together to honor Caleb.

As Nolan came downstairs dressed in a navy suit with a light blue shirt and red tie, Hannah’s breath caught at how gorgeous he looked. “Clearly you guys have been making plans behind the scenes,” she said as she laid her hands over his lapels.

“We wanted to show our respect to Homer—and to you.”

“You’re all too much,” she said, shaking her head in amazement and love for the friends who’d come from near and far for the occasion.

“Are you ready for this?”

“As ready as I’ll ever be.”

He kissed her cheek and left the scent of his appealing aftershave behind as he took her hand. “Hold on to me. I’ve got you.”

Grateful for his support, Hannah held on tight to his hand as they walked out to join the others. The scattering of chairs from the night before had been organized into rows on the lawn. Homer’s casket had been given a place of honor at the front of the assemblage, and the Sultans were welcoming a flood of people from town.

“Oh wow,” she whispered as she saw the size of the crowd.

“People wanted to come,” Nolan said simply.

On a stool next to where Homer’s casket had been laid, Jack strummed out a slow, reverent version of “Ventura Highway,” another of Caleb’s favorite songs from his time in Southern California. Jack had played the same rendition of the song at Caleb’s memorial, so the tune immediately brought tears to Hannah’s eyes.

Her parents arrived with her grandfather, followed a short time later by Caleb’s parents. All her brothers had worn suits and ties, Hannah realized as they trickled in one by one. Cameron, Ella and Charley had dressed up, too. Becky and Hannah’s other Thursday afternoon friends were there, along with Myles Johansen, Mrs. Hendricks, everyone from the store and Hannah’s beading friends from the craft guild. People brought chairs and covered dishes they put on a table someone had put by the arbor that led into her backyard.

“Oh my God,” Nolan muttered as Skeeter came in with Dude, both of them wearing suits and ties and solemn expressions.

Hannah could feel Nolan trying hard to hold back laughter, and the tension inside her eased when she realized all these people had come mostly for her—and many of them had come for Caleb, too. She had asked Turk to be master of ceremonies, and when the people finally stopped coming, he stood before them, handsome in a dark gray suit and burgundy tie.

“Friends, on behalf of Hannah, I thank you for being here today to celebrate the life of our dear departed Homer Guthrie. For more than sixteen years, Homer was the faithful companion of first Caleb Guthrie, then Caleb and Hannah, and most recently Hannah. I happened to be with Caleb the day he found Homer abandoned by the side of the road. He brought him home, washed days of filth off the poor boy and fed him the first good meal he’d had in a long time. During the course of that first night, Caleb gained a loyal friend who remained by his side for the rest of his life. In typical Caleb style, however, he set out to find the rightful owner, knowing that’s what he would want if he’d somehow managed to lose his dog. Little did Caleb know then that Homer had finally found his way home to the place he was always meant to live and the person he was meant to live with.

“Caleb used to say that people are either dog people, or they aren’t. ‘There’s really no gray area’ he would say. Caleb was a dog person. More to the point, he was a Homer person. Hannah told me this week that it’s given her comfort to think of Homer crossing the rainbow bridge and jumping into Caleb’s waiting arms. Ever since she shared that thought with me, it’s given me comfort, too. The loss of Homer is the end of an era for all of us who loved him and Caleb. May they live together forever in the kingdom of heaven, where no one ever dies and there’s never a shortage of beer or dog biscuits.”

Laughter, applause and tears followed Turk’s comments.

Hannah gratefully took the handkerchief that Nolan offered and dabbed at her eyes.

“Hannah has asked Gavin to say a few words about Homer,” Turk said, “and after that, anyone else who wishes to speak is more than welcome to. Gav?”

Wearing a pinstripe suit with a white dress shirt and a tie that had belonged to Caleb, Gavin made his way to the front of the gathering. He rested a hand on Homer’s box before turning to face the audience.

“The news of Homer’s passing brought back a lot of memories I’d sooner forget. I’m sure many of you felt the same way. But if there’s one thing I’ve learned over the last seven years, there’s no such thing as outrunning grief. It manages to find you no matter where you hide and makes you do stupid things you immediately regret.” This was said directly to Hannah and Nolan.

“After Hannah asked me to speak today, I thought a lot about the time I spent with Caleb and Homer. Our duo became a trio after Homer adopted Caleb. Everywhere we went, he came, too. Fishing, skiing, snowboarding, hiking, camping. You name it. Homer did it. We once took him camping, and Caleb got the big idea to leave him in the tent while we went into town to get a pizza. We came back to find our tent running around the campground with Homer still zipped inside. He was not pleased to have been left behind, and he made his point rather convincingly. We never did that again.”

Even though the story was legendary, it still resulted in hysterical laughter.

“I’ll never forget the first time Caleb took him skiing with us. I’d questioned the wisdom of bringing Homer with us, but Caleb reminded me of how ornery Homer could be when he got left behind. So I relented even though I still wondered how it would work. We got on the lift with Homer sitting between us, and the lift operator says, ‘How the hell are you going to get the dog down the mountain?’ Caleb says, ‘I’m far more worried about getting my brother down the mountain than I am about old Homer here.’”

Everyone cracked up laughing as Gavin was known for his lackluster skiing skills and had taken an endless amount of abuse from Caleb, Hunter and Will, who were outstanding skiers.

“Sure enough, when I finally made it to the bottom of the hill, Caleb and Homer were waiting for me, ready to do the whole thing again, much to my dismay. There was nothing Homer wasn’t game for, no adventure Caleb could dream up that Homer couldn’t handle. When Caleb traveled or deployed, Homer would sit by the door day after day until his best friend finally came home. After we lost Caleb, Homer mourned right along with us. You’ll never convince me he didn’t know exactly what’d happened, and he turned his faithful devotion toward Hannah for all his remaining days. Will any of us ever forget the way he’d run to Caleb and leap into his outstretched arms? I know I never will.”

Tears flowed freely down Hannah’s face as Nolan kept an arm tight around her. She wasn’t the only one sniffling over Gavin’s touching words. Hannah noticed her sister Ella wiping her tears without ever taking her gaze off Gavin.

“In preparation for today, I poked around a bit on the Internet, looking for something that would adequately portray the bond between Caleb and Homer, and I think this story says it all.” Reading from a paper he withdrew from his suit coat pocket, Gavin said, “It’s called ‘A Man and His Dog’ and the author is unknown, but I could picture Caleb and Homer in this story, and I hope you can, too.” He relayed the touching story about a man who declined to take his place in heaven because he couldn’t bring his dog. Later, he learned the first place was really hell. The real heaven, he discovered, allows pets.