If I'd Only Known (Milan Women Series Book 1) (7 page)

Something
about the tenderness in his voice when he'd said that was like mesmerizing
Perri into a place she'd never been and she knew it was okay to believe him.
“Thank you, Barrington, for allowing me to be the first woman to occupy your
bed, inside your bedroom, in your spacious home.” She smiled affectionately.
“And thank you, Barrington, for the privilege of being the first and only woman
your mouth, tongue, and teeth sought out to possess.”

Grinning,
he told her, “You're very welcome, Perri.”

Her
only reply to that was another soul-stirring kiss that she had no problem
delivering to him. Having gotten lost in his kiss, Perri was soon disappointed
when, without warning, his lips parted from hers.

“You
were something else, girl,” he told her huskily.

Perri
chuckled and closed her eyes. “Wonder why, Tarzan.”

He
grew serious. “I didn't hurt you, did I?”

Shaking
her head, she enjoyed the feel of him next to her, rubbing circles on her back.

He
lightly bit her shoulder and soothed it with his tongue. “You okay, baby? Still
with me?”

“Better
than okay; I'm great. And yes, Barrington, I'm still with you. No place else
I'd rather be.” She waited then said, “I know I'm not your first lover, baby—”

“But,
you are the first one that's ever mattered.”

After
a delicious moment of silence, long enough for his previous words to sink into
her mind, her to wrap her brain around them, Barrington told her, “You count
with me, sweet Perri.” He flipped her on her back and lovingly gazed down into
her devastatingly beautiful, chocolate brown eyes, hoping she could read the
truth he knew to be evident within his eyes.

“You
know, baby, in this business, I'm always gonna be surrounded by women; and yes,
a lot of them are beautiful. Some of them may even be diamonds in the rough.”
He shrugged. “I don't know, but whatever, it doesn't matter to me. I've already
got my beautiful dime bag.” He kissed her passionately and gathered her to his
throbbing chest. “And you're sized to fit me perfectly. I want you to know that,
baby.” Barrington’s emotions held within something he couldn’t name; like he
knew it could all slip away from him any moment when he voiced his next words.
“And no matter what happens between us I need you to remember that, Perri.”

Smiling
sweetly, genuinely, satisfied, Perri promised she would, feeling each word deep
down in her bones, making her wet core thirst for what she now recognized as
his special brand of nurturing attention. “Barrington?”

“Yes,
sweet Perri?”

“Will
you please make love to me?”

“You
read my mind, because making love to you is exactly how I want to please you.”
Quickly peeling off the condom he still wore, carelessly tossing it to the
floor, in no time Barrington was sheathed in another one and buried deep inside
Perri before she had enough time to prepare herself. If she wasn't as wet as
she was he wouldn't have been so quick to go inside her; but she was and, as a
result, he easily slipped right in loving her all over again.

Having
a creative nature, Perri imagined she could see the earth, moon, and sky, and
wanted to touch them all, arching to accommodate all three as she met
Barrington's every thrust, matched him pace for pace, returned to him what he
gave her. He increased his rhythm; it wasn't enough. Feeling this man, knowing
it was Barrington moving inside her, she wanted so badly to step inside of him;
offer him the same pleasure and more he was freely giving her. She lifted her
hips to meet his next thrust and the next and the next until she thought she'd
lose her mind while feeling the tingling sensation erupting within. Barrington
must have sensed it because his thrusts became fierce, hard, demanding and
delicious. “That's it . . . that's what I want, Barry . . .”

“I
know, baby; it's what I wanna give you, what I want you to have, always.”
Barrington meant to mold her to him, so that only he fit her newfound need. In
his mind, he wrote his name inside her tight sheath. He knew he was her first
and he meant to be her last. He was going to make sure when he wasn't with her,
she was thinking of no one but him. He felt her tremble, knew he had her
shaking, but needed confirmation no other man would ever sample her goods.

“That's
it, baby, I want you to shake for me. That's the way it's supposed to be, sweet
Perri.” Her garden belonged to him; he
was
going to be the only one
picking her sweet fruit from it. “No one else, Perri,” he spoke from a feeling
of possession. “
Mine
, baby,” he declared, “no one else.”

“No,
no,” Perri agreed, “never anyone else for me, Barrington.”

“You're
mine forever, sweet Perri.”

“I
promise, Barrington . . . forever yours.”

“Tell
me what you want, baby,” he demanded, thrusting into her again and again,
giving her a part of his soul each time he re-entered her.

Perri
couldn't think straight to concentrate on his words, but she knew he said
something.

“Tell
. . . me . . . Perri . . .”

“You,”
was all she could say. She was locked inside his love like there was no
tomorrow; only today and she savored every second Barrington was inside her. He
was her first and she wanted him to be her last. She only wanted to feel him
moving inside her; he was all that mattered to her, all she needed and so much
more.

“Want
you . . . only . . . you . . . oh . . . Barry . . .” she tumbled over the edge
and straight into the land of blissful delight. “Sweet honey dew,” she said
breathlessly, feeling like this one man just baptized her soul.

“Sweet
Perri . . .” Barrington called out with his release, joining her in the land of
forget-me-not.

***

Perri
awakened from a lovely dream in which Barrington made sweet love to her.
Opening her eyes, she smiled at the sight of him sleeping so peacefully. He was
one beautiful man even in his sleep. She almost felt guilty, knowing she was
about to disrupt his beauty sleep, but the aching need in her wet core gave her
no choice. She called his name but he didn't answer. He was resting better than
she thought. She kissed him softly on the lips; he stirred but didn't wake. She
traced the outline of his lips with her tongue; his eyes remained closed but he
licked his lips, smoothly drawing her tongue inside his warm mouth. All her
senses assailed her and she initiated a soul-stirring kiss so powerful they
were both caught up, completely unaware of exactly when he entered her deep.

However,
it wasn't long before Barrington realized the mistake of what he'd done.
“Damn,” he quickly tried to pull out of Perri, which she wasn’t having, as she
tightened her inner muscles, her pelvis engulfing and accommodating even more
of him. “Perri, don't move,” he ordered while he had to concentrate on being
still, because she was feeling so deliciously tight around his cock that all he
wanted to do was slowly pull out and drive back inside her fast and hard,
burying himself to the hilt in her warm, wet, tight channel. Instead of giving
in to his carnal fleshly desire, with much regret, he announced, “I gotta
withdraw, baby.”

“Why?”
He couldn't really be serious, not when he felt so delicious. “And haven't we
been down this road before?” She wiggled beneath him to prove it.

“Baby
. . .” he winced from the pure excitement of being so deep in her, yet knew he
better not take it too far; but also aware that he'd strayed too close to the
water's edge already. It took all the strength he had plus the strength of ten
thousand more men not to move within her, as he tried to explain to her again,
“I didn't take the necessary precaution to protect you, baby.”

“Protect
me?” She was thoroughly lost, “From what?”

“I'm
not wearing a condom, Perri,” Barrington blurted through clenched teeth.

When
acute awareness dawned on her, “Oh,” was all she said, feeling disappointed
because she didn't want to release him despite the consequences of his
revelation.

“Yeah,”
Barrington agreed as if reading Perri’s mind, “me too.” He honestly meant to
pull out, even tried again to do just that, but for the second time within the
space of a minute, Perri made the fatal mistake of wiggling her hips. “Damn it,
Perri . . . stop . . . or I won't be able to—”

“Just
love me, Barrington,” she begged, in too deep now to care that they both failed
to protect each other. As if her hips had a will to do what they wanted most,
Perri began to move beneath Barrington. Weakly, he protested; she barely
registered his words as she led them both deeper into a territory they had no
business trying to explore without the shield of a condom. But she couldn't
make herself care enough to stop moving and let him withdraw as he'd been
trying to do.

Too
weak to resist and too tired to try fighting a natural need to delve deeper
inside her, Barrington joined her, his hips mimicking the same movement of the
pattern Perri set. He actually chuckled. “I think I created an insatiable lover
girl.”

She
giggled and asked, “Any complaints, my boy toy?”

“Boy
toy?” he repeated. “Perri . . . girl . . . shut up and let me love you.”

She
laughed. “What's the matter, baby? Does 'boy toy' make you feel dirty?”

Instead
of answering audibly, Barrington answered with the powerful thrusts of his hips
joined with hers, as each one became faster, he went deeper inside her, taking
up the lead until her body completely dissolved in his arms.

“Barry
. . .”

“Perri
. . .”

They
called out at the same time, just before giving way to their own release, after
first making sure the other had what each needed.

***

Perri
had no idea how Journey managed to get her back home in one piece, but knew she
must have, as she stood under the shower stall, thinking about the last shitty
eight hours of her life.

How
could Barrington do that to me
? How could he lie
through his teeth declaring he loved me, then make what I thought was love to
me, and then up and leave me? Just like that without an explanation, proclamation,
declaration, nothing; not even a damn note to say ‘get out of my house, I got
what I wanted from you, now we’re through’ as it were, Perri thought hotly.

“I
was so stupid,” she choked on the words along with tears. Perri scrubbed her
body more violently this time around, closing her eyes tight to shut out the
wonderful flashbacks that still held her memory captive. “Why are you doing
this to me, Barrington?” she asked of the steam surrounding her from the hot
shower. Her lips quivered, she bit her lower lip hard to quell the tremble; she
tasted Barrington. Her still tender core reminded her of the way he skillfully worked
her body to perfection. No matter what she did, she thought of him. No matter
what she tried to focus on, she saw his handsome face. He was everywhere and
like wandering around a maze confused which way to turn, she was surrounded by
him. Though Barrington wasn't present physically, he held her captive by
thought, word and deed. She was enslaved to his love, knowing he purposely
captured her. He was in her. She was his and he didn't want her. How could she
want someone who didn't want her? She needed to know, though it would change
nothing as far as him dumping her, she knew.

Intimate
pictures of the two of them displayed across the screen of her mind; her lips
began to burn and her heart beat faster than the normal pace as she felt
herself getting turned on and that made her cry more out of frustration than
hurt from his blatant rejection. Perri gripped the shower head, her tears
replaced by sudden horror, fear, and anger as a horrifying thought took root in
her frayed mind. “Oh. My. God!” she gasped, struggling for air to force its way
through her lungs. It hurt and she couldn’t breathe right.

Perri
didn't know when she recovered enough to move, but must have, because suddenly,
she was in her bedroom, searching the calendar frantically. A shot of pain
stabbed her heart all over again as she recalled the last time they made love
without a glove. They were so caught up they got stupid and didn't use a
condom. How could they have been so careful the first four times and gotten
careless the fifth? She cursed them both. And fool her, why didn't she let him
pull out when he tried?
Because he felt so good I didn't wanna be denied of
feeling him inside me with nothing between us.
Foolish, foolish, foolish
girl, she berated herself again.

If
her calculations were correct, and Perri knew they were, she could quite possibly
have a permanent sidekick shortly after the first of the New Year.

“Oh,
my god,” she cried, sinking to the carpet. “How could you do this to me,
Barrington? How could you just leave me . . . like . . . like I was some . . .
some meaningless groupie? You p-promised you wouldn't h-hurt me?” Her lungs
were on fire and felt like they were being squeezed as she fought to breathe.
“You're such a damn liar. I'm so blame stupid!”

The
thought of him loving every inch of her body inside and out so sweet, so tender,
so good, too good came rushing back to her. She felt the tenderness and the
tingling between her legs all over again. Then all too quickly she felt the
hurt, pain and shame of waking up to ask him to make love to her again, just to
find he was gone. She felt like a pure-d fool discovering not only was
Barrington not in his bed with her, he was also nowhere to be found in his
house.