I'm Holding On (3 page)

Drew

This is my w
orst nightmare come true. I barely slept throughout the night as I waited to hear from Andrea. I kept glancing at my phone in case I missed her text while dozing off but no, it’s nine fucking o’clock in the morning, and I just got a text saying that Brynlee finally made it home.

I’m disappointed in her, too. I can’t believe she’d go home with someone from the bar whether she knows the dude or not. She’s never mentioned talking to any guys from college.

If she was close to him, I’d know about it. We tell each other almost everything, but I didn’t tell her the most important thing.

Brynlee

It’s Monday morning, and I’m actually at work by six thirty. I go right to the kitchen and get to it. I have a nervous energy today. I think it’s because Drew and I had our first exchange of words that didn’t come across pleasant.

The morning flies by
and it’s noon. This is the first time I can ever remember Drew not speaking to me by now. I know he’s out there; I peeked a couple of times.

I’m going to have to approach him, so
I walk out and see him talking to a customer. I wait behind the end of the counter until he’s finished.

“Can we talk?” I ask.
I wipe my face with the back of my hand. I didn’t even wash them before I came out. He has me frazzled. I turn, and he follows me into the kitchen.

Drew

I had a feeling she’d come find me since I haven’t spoken to her yet. I follow her into the kitchen, and I’m nervous. I don’t know what I should even say. I mean, it really doesn’t matter at this point.

“What do you need, Brynlee?”

“Cut the crap, Drew. What’s up?”

“Nothing’s up.”

“Bullshit. I’m sorry I mentioned those women in the text. I was frustrated because they interrupted our game and wouldn’t leave, but I shouldn’t have said anything about it.”

“It’s fine, Bryn. I w
as worried about you getting home.”

“I figured
you were worried a psychopath might’ve abducted me.” She smiles faintly, but I can’t find it funny for the first time ever. All I see is her being with someone else.

“
I promise I didn’t drink and drive. Andrea was the one doing all the drinking, and I said I’m sorry about mentioning the women. I mean, I’m probably hindering your chances of finding someone when you always have me by your side.”

“What are you trying to say? Are you not wanting to hang out any
more?”

“
I can’t believe you think I’d want that.” She looks surprised and hurt. “I stayed with a guy from college. Trust me, I was perfectly safe, but I know I should’ve told you I was going home with him. Maybe it’s best we drop the whole thing. I just wanted to apologize. Now, stop acting like I’m not here today.”

She’s searching my eyes, and I know she wants to see that we
’re cool. As usual, she has powdered sugar on her nose. I can’t be angry at her. I’m hurt, but I have no one but myself to blame. “We’re fine, Brynlee. Let’s forget it ever happened.”

“What were you wanting to talk to me about the other night?” she asks.

“Um, it’s nothing. Everything’s good.”

She gives me that smile that normally makes everything better, but it hu
rts this time since I probably won’t be seeing it forever. I grab her and hug her hard. I feel like I’m telling her goodbye, and in a way I am.

Even if she never sees this guy again, her leaving with him and obviously not wanting to share
the details with me show that we’re not on the same page. She even mentioned me finding someone else.

“You realize you’re going to be covered in flour and sugar,” she says as I hug her.

“It won’t be the first time so hug me back.”

She does
, and I don’t want to ever let go.

Three Months Later

Brynlee

The sun is shining bright when I approach the doors of the shop. It’s May, and I’m thrilled that it’s finally warming up a little. I ride the streetcar or bus every day, so it can make for a chilly trip.

Drew isn’t in this morning
and it’s strange. It seems he’s been working a different schedule lately, and I can’t help but think it’s to avoid me. We still spend time together but not as often.

He comes into the kitchen about half as much as he use
d to. He’s still always pleasant, and we share a lot when we do talk, but I can tell he’s pulling away. Ever since that night at the bar, when I took Mark home, things have seemed off.

I did tell him
that having me by his side probably hurt his chances of finding someone. Maybe it was an aha moment for him. The way he’s pulled away shows we don’t share the same feelings.

The kitchen door swings open
and Tish walks in.

“Hi, chickadee,” she says enthusiastically.

“Hi, Tish.”

“
Where’s my eye candy? Is he still MIA?”

“Yes, and I’m tired of it. I don’t know what went wrong.” I stop what I’m doing and dust off my hands before I hand Tish a brownie. She expects it like a dog expects a treat.

Her blonde hair is laying perfectly, and her makeup is on thick in true Tish fashion. Only someone as gorgeous as she could pull off her short hair style. Tish is a beautician, and she definitely has the personality for it.

“You
need to go for it, Bryn. If he’s already distancing himself, then what do you have to lose?”

“True. I didn’t think about it like that. I guess I could tell him how much I
like him and see what happens.”

“Do it. I’ve been listening to you cry about this for over two years. I’ve seen the way he looks at you, and I think he feels the same.”

“Actually, It’s been two years and three months since I met him. OK, I’ll do it.”

“Fabulous. Let me know what happens. I have to head out. I ha
ve a steamy date tonight. This one is a banker, and he has awesome hair, so wish me luck.” Tish winks before she kisses my cheek and blows out of here like the wind.

I text Drew
before I finish up my work day to see if he wants to get together. I also mention that there’s something I need to speak to him about. This is it. I’m going to make my move and tell him how much I like him.

The
courage I’ve built up is deflated when he replies that he’s spending the evening catching up with a friend. The old Drew wouldn’t have hesitated to ask me to join them. I decide to call Andrea.

“Hello,” she says.

“It’s your favorite roommate.”

“Of course, doll
. Even if we had more, you’d still be my favorite. What’s up?”

“Can we have a girl
’s night? I’ll buy the alcohol. I need to share something with you.”

“Oooh, I hope it’s about a man.”

“It is, actually. I’ll grab wine and head home.”

I end the call and head to
the liquor store. I’m taking forever as I check out the wines, trying to find something different. I’m all about change today so why not? Maybe I’ll get bombed and drunk text Drew how much I like him.

“You know, I find that you can’t go wrong with beer.”

I look next to me and see the most striking green eyes staring back. This guy is … wow … there are not words to describe his hotness, so I smile at him.

“I’m aware of that. The kind you’re holding is actually my favorite, but it’s a ‘shar
e all my woes with my girlfriend’ kinda night, and that can only be done with wine. You know, since I’m sure there will be some whining at this party.”

Damn, did that sound cheesy?
He chuckles, and I wonder if it’s because he found me funny or silly.

“You’ve got a cool sen
se of humor. I’m Ian,” he says, reaching his hand out to me.

“I’
m Brynlee Townsend.” I take his hand, and as I’m about to let go, I feel his finger slide down my palm. Oh damn.

“Can I ask what you do, Brynlee? It appears you work with something white.”

I watch his eyes rake over my body, and I feel as if he wants to devour me. I glance down and see the flour and powdered sugar, but why did I look? It’s not like I don’t know where the white came from.

“
I’m a baker, and I just left work.”

“
I hope you bake sweets.”

“Why?” I ask as I st
are into a sea of green. His smile is nice, too, and so is his build. Dammit, I think I really scanned his body.

“Because
I can’t get enough of them, so I’d have an excuse to show up at your work and see you again.”

Oh, he’s good. Really good.
Do I want this guy to know where I work? What I do know for sure is that he’s a handsome man who seems into me, and that hasn’t happened in a long time, except for Phillip but he doesn’t count.

“I
do bake sweets, and you’re a sweet talker, but maybe I should see you when I’m not covered in flour and sugar.”

“Then h
ow about you join me for dinner tomorrow night?”

“How’s
lunch at noon, and I’ll bring you some sweets?”

He gives me a wicked grin.
“That sounds like a fair compromise. Did you have a place in mind?”

I turn and look toward the door. “T
he café across the street. If it’s pleasant, we can sit outside.”

“That sounds great, Brynlee.
” He leans over slowly and plants one light kiss on my cheek, right near my ear, his lips lingering for a second.

H
is warm breath is teasing my skin, and it takes everything for me not to turn my mouth toward his.

“I’ll see you at noon
,” he says barely above a whisper before raising up. His eyes meet mine, and I think that’s my own heartbeat I hear. My face warms as he walks away. I’m blushing for sure.

I can hardly remember the
ride home, and when I get to the apartment, I still can’t wipe the smile off my face.

“What happened to you? You sounded down earl
ier, but now you’re wearing this mischievous grin.”

“Andrea, I met a guy at the liquor store.”

“Oh, girl. You have to tell me all about it.”

I frown when a thought crosses my mind.

“Is it bad I met him at the liquor store? Is that any better than a bar?”

“I need to hear about him first.”

“He’s really good-looking and screams sex.”

“Then it’s no biggy you met him there,” she says, wit
h a wave of her hand in the air. She’s funny. Not long after I met Andrea, she mentioned needing a roommate. It was right before I sold Gram’s home, so I jumped at the chance to live with her.

I’d been working at Clark’s for abo
ut six months, developing a strong customer base. I needed something cheap, so I could save for a store front bakery of my own. She was very generous, charging me cheap rent.

Andrea’s thirty, six years older than me, so she’s really like a big sister. She’s
pretty with her long, auburn hair, and like me, she works too much to meet men.

“He has blonde hair and
green eyes like yours. He’s really smooth. He might as well have a blinking sign on his forehead that says ‘sexual master,’ especially with a body like his.”

“Bryn
, he’d eat you alive. You don’t have the experience for someone like that. Weren’t you a little scared?”

“Y
es, but he was too exciting to turn down?”

“What do you mean turn down
? Did he ask you out?” Andrea is really getting into this. My sex life is nonexistent, and hers isn’t much better.

“H
e asked me to go to dinner, but then he may expect sex, so I said lunch instead. He wants me to bring him sweets from the bakery.”

“
That’s exciting, Brynlee.”

“He kissed my cheek, and it wasn’t the friendly kind, Andrea, but more like he was trying to give me a taste of what he could do to me.
”

“Oh, girl, i
t’s smart you’re meeting him somewhere public. Let’s break open that wine and celebrate. Then you need to share whatever else it was you wanted to talk about.”

My mood will go down the toilet if I tell her about Drew, and this is the most exciting thing
to happen to me in a long time. “It was nothing. Let’s eat, drink and watch some TV.”

Drew

I stare at the text message from Brynlee. I imagine I hurt her feelings not inviting her
over to hang out. She never mentioned seeing the guy she went home with from the bar again, and I don’t believe she’s been on any dates since.

I’ve tried to put some distance between us for a f
ew months now, hoping to get over her, but it’s impossible. The seconds, minutes and hours of my days without Brynlee in them are depressing. I miss being as close as we were.

My doorbell rings, and I notice I’ve been staring at her message for a while
.

“
Hey, Ian. How are ya, man? Get in here.” My longtime friend comes in with beer in his hand. Ian and I have a lot of catching up to do, so it was another reason I didn’t invite Brynlee over.

“I’m fantastic and g
lad to be back home. Law school sucked.”

“Yeah,
but you’re finally finished. I’m sure that feels awesome. I don’t know how you stood it. When we got our bachelors, I was done with college.”

“It does feel good. Maybe now my damn parents will get off my back
. I did what they wanted, so they need to leave me alone. I brought beer.” Ian holds the case up.

“Thanks
. I’ll put it in the fridge.”

I grab us a couple first, and w
e sit in the living room to catch up. He’s been one of my closest friends since we started high school. We were also roommates in college, but then he went to New York to attend Columbia law school like his father.

I
t’s been hard for us to stay in touch with all the studying he had to do and the fact I was managing the coffee shop. I’ve been looking forward to him moving back.

It’
ll help take my mind off of Brynlee. OK, that’s not going to happen, but I’ll at least have something to do when I’m not seeing her.

“So, are
you joining your dad’s firm?”

“What do you think?”

I chuckle. “I’m sorry, man. I couldn’t resist.”

“Now that I’ll have Dad relaxing some, I’m sure Mom will be on my case to find a wife.”

“I wondered if you’d met someone at Columbia.”

“Hell, if there’s a chick in New York that will move to
Oregon, I sure didn’t find her, but I already have a date tomorrow,” he says, grinning.

“You’ve only been home a few days. I don’t know how you do it.”

“I just met her at the liquor store.”

“I don’t know about that
. What if she’s an alcoholic?” I smile at him, but I’m only half joking.

“No, she looked about as innocent as they come, and you know that’s my favorit
e kind. She was struggling to pick out wine.”

“Some things never change. I see you haven’t.”

“Are you seeing anyone?” he asks.

“No.”
I take a long drink of my beer.

“Some things never change,” he says,
chuckling. “You have to have some knockouts come through your place every morning. Are you at least going out with some of them? If this one’s a tease, I might have to start hanging out in your coffee shop.”

“No, I don’t date much. I’m still hung up on one woman
.” I should’ve never told him that.

“So, what’s the deal with her?”

“We’re just friends.”

“Ouch, man.”

“Well, I’ve never told her I like her.”

“
Oh, wait. Is this the woman that’s been working with you for a couple of year now?”

“
Longer, actually, and that would be her.”

“Tell me it’s not been over two years since you got laid.”

I rub my hands down my face. “Sadly, yes, and I know it’s pathetic.” Why did I ever bring her up?

“
Then we need to find a woman to break that curse. I don’t know how you stand it. Let’s go out next weekend.”

I take a long drink of my beer.

“Alright. I know it’s time, and you can fill me in on your date. I don’t know how you get the nerve to ask women out everywhere you go.”

“Sex. I need sex, man. No, seriously, I think it’s time I start looking for someone permanent. This lifestyle’s getting old.”

“Some things do change. I never thought I’d hear that out of your mouth.”

We both laugh. Ian knows exactly why I said that. I think he slept with damn near every girl on campus, and he
probably worked his way through most of them at Columbia. He knows how to lay it on thick, and women seem to fall for it every time.

It’d b
e nice to see him genuinely care for a woman. It’d be weird but cool. We talk for a couple of hours before he leaves. I start feeling guilty again for not asking Brynlee over, so I decide to text her. We haven’t done anything away from work for a couple of weeks now.

Me:
Would you want to relax at the park tomorrow? I heard the weather’s supposed to be nice.

Bryn:
Um, I have plans early in the day, but I could go around three.

Me:
I’ll pick you up.

Bryn:
Cool, I’ll see you then. I’ve missed you.

I wish I could
get the nerve to tell Brynlee how much I miss her and want her. I wish I could tell her how I dream about caressing every inch of her. Unlike Ian, I’ve always had trouble approaching women or telling them how I feel. That needs to change.