Imperative: Volume 1, A Tale of Pride and Prejudice (49 page)

Elizabeth did not move.  “Can I not help you?  Is it not the experience with the condom that is stopping . . .”  His eyes cast down and he shook his head.  “Oh Will, please let me try, you know how fond I am of touching that particular part of you.”  She tilted her head and was glad to see a little smile.  “Any excuse will do . . .”

“You always know how to put things right, love.”  Darcy leaned against her.

“Then . . . tell me where to go and I will get one of those confounded things and we will dress you up properly.  I am no valet, but I daresay I can handle this particular issue for you.  Far better than Parker could.”  She laughed as he groaned and hugged her.  “Shall I go?”

“No, thank you, dearest.  I fear that even your skilful fingers cannot help me with this.”  He let go and seeing her body so beautifully displayed in the gossamer gown, he sighed.  “I have no doubt of your enthusiasm.  But I am grateful that I was stopped in time.”  Darcy said quietly.  “I pray that the day we come together, you will understand.  I . . . I want nothing to ever come between us again.  Not even that.” 

Closing her eyes, Elizabeth accepted his determined declaration. She knew that he felt just as terribly sad as she did, and that he was speaking honestly.  “Very well.”  She gave him a watery smile and they stood.  “Sleep well, dear.” 

They kissed once more and parted ways at the chamber door, sending backwards looks to one another.  She climbed into her bed and remained sitting up, wondering what to do.  Twelve nights earlier she would have gratefully fallen into an instant slumber alone in her bed at Longbourn, but now, she was used to being within Darcy’s warm embrace all night, feeling his caresses, kissing and touching him, bringing him pleasure and revelling in the feelings he brought her. 

This was wrong, on this night, after so much turmoil, they needed each other.  He was embarrassed and disconsolate, and stubborn as a mule.  “Well, so am I.”  She hugged herself.  “What can I do?” 

Turning on her side, Elizabeth watched the doorway between their rooms.  It was open and she could hear him moving restlessly in the bed, the covers shifting, his throat clearing, a deep sigh.  The mattress creaked again and again, until eventually; she heard his steady breathing as he seemed to find sleep.  Waiting for the gentle chime of the mantle clock she judged a quarter hour had passed and determined, she slipped from the bed and crept into his room.  The firelight danced over his face, and he was curled on his side, a pillow clutched in his arms.  That decided her.  She refused to be replaced by feathers.  Carefully she slipped in beside him and tugged the pillow away. 
This
is how it was meant to be, Fitzwilliam Darcy
.

“Lizzy?” 

She blinked back the tears that pricked her eyes and whispered.  “I am just a dream, go to sleep. I am not here.”   She felt his hesitation, and then his arms as they closed around her. 

Darcy kissed her shoulder, his eyes growing heavy as the warmth and comfort of holding her displaced his overwhelming sadness.  “Yes, Lizzy, you are.” 

Chapter 16

“C
urled up like two kittens, they were.”  Sally whispered to the cook after Lowry and Mrs. Gaston left the room.  “It did my heart good to see them together.  Mind you I had only just gotten used to it, but after Parker had me light a fire in the master’s chambers, I couldn’t help but worry.  I was feeling so sorry for him being so unhappy with the mistress last night.  That fight they had!  Why . . .”

“Stop fancying the master, Sally.”  Robbie sniggered. 

Turning around, she stared him down.  “I’m just saying; he deserves a woman who makes him happy!”

“And who are you to say that he isn’t!  You watch your tongue my girl.  You have no more idea what happened between them then any of the rest of us and it will not do to be taking sides.”  Mrs. Hutchins chastised her and chopped up some potatoes.

“You didn’t hear the mistress sobbing in that carriage all the way to Gracechurch Street.”  Robbie nodded and picked up a biscuit cooling on the table.  Mrs. Hutchins whacked his hand with a wooden spoon and he dropped it, rubbing hard.  “Ow!”  He glared at her.  “I think it was him making her unhappy.”

“
Who’s
fancying the mistress?”  Sally sniped.

“Do I have to get Lowry back in here to deal with you two?”  She glared and they cast their eyes down.  “Well whatever the cause, I knew it wouldn’t last for long.”  The plump cook stirred vigorously at the stew simmering in the cauldron over the embers, then took out the spoon and shook it at the two servants working at the table.  “Those two are lost, you can see it clear as day, and young lovers are always likely to burst into silly arguments.  Give them time, soon enough they will settle into a nice comfortable marriage, like me and Mr. Christmas.”

“Ohhhhh.”  Sally groaned, “Not another Mr. Christmas story!  You weren’t even married to him!”

“We were married in our hearts.”  Cook sniffed and returned to her stirring.  

“If you say so.”  Robbie winked at Sally and grabbing his biscuit back, quickly popped it into his mouth.

“Pardon me.”  The three started and turned to the kitchen door.  Sally and Robbie leapt to their feet.  Elizabeth stood there, smiling pleasantly.  “Good morning.”

“Good morning, madam.” 

“Good morning, Mrs. Darcy.” 

“Mrs. Hutchins, we will be entertaining some very important guests tonight for dinner, and I would like to include a few special dishes.  Do you have time to talk?”

“Oh!”  Mrs. Hutchins wiped her hands hurriedly on her apron and pulled out a chair for her.  “Of course, Mrs. Darcy.  Please sit down!”

“Thank you.”  She smiled at Robbie.  “I did not have the opportunity to thank you last night for looking after me.  You must have been terribly cold.”

He blushed and bowed nervously.  “It wasn’t too awful, Mrs. Darcy.  The carriage came along soon enough and I sat inside with the coachmen until you and Mr. Darcy came out.” 

“Well, Mr. Darcy and I are very appreciative of your efforts, and if you stop by his study this morning, he would like to reward you.”  Robbie’s eyes grew wide and he beamed.  “Thank you, madam!” 

“Go on, then.”  She smiled and looked at Sally.  “And thank you for not giggling too loudly when you came in to stoke the fire this morning, Mr. Darcy needed his sleep.”  Sally’s hand went to her mouth and her face crimsoned.  “If you go up to my dressing room, there are a few old gowns that I am discarding and may fit you.  Judy has taken her pick but you are welcome to look at the rest before she sells them to the ragman.  I think they are too small for the other maids.”

“Oh!”  Sally gasped.  “Oh, thank you, Mrs. Darcy!  May I go now?”

“That is up to Mrs. Hutchins.”  She nodded to the cook.

“Go on then, you will not be thinking of anything else until you take a look, but get right back down here when you are through!  We have guests tonight!”  Mrs. Hutchins watched the girl disappear and looked to Elizabeth.  “She will never giggle again when she enters your rooms; I daresay she won’t lift her eyes from her feet.  Those dresses have earned you loyalty for a lifetime.”  She nodded thoughtfully as Elizabeth met her eye.  “Would you like some tea, Madam?”

“That would be lovely, thank you.”  Elizabeth watched the woman bustle around and smiled a little when she set the cup and teapot down before her, along with a plate of freshly made shortbread. 

“It is the master’s favourite.”  Mrs. Hutchins explained as she poured out and sent her a surreptitious look.

“Mine as well.”  Elizabeth bit into a piece and caught the crumbs in her hand.  “I could never get mine to be so flaky though, I think I put in too much flour.”

“Could be, or worked it too much.  Shortbread is tricky, like pie crust, easily made, easily broken, easy to ruin.”  Mrs. Hutchins asked curiously.  “You are used to cooking?”

“When Mama was not looking I would ask Cook if I could try, but it was rare, which is why my attempts were so disastrous, I imagine.   I never really had the opportunity to practice.  If she knew I was working, I would have never heard the end of it.”  She smiled when the Cook nodded vehemently and looked around.  “I feel very much at home in here.” 

“You belong above stairs, madam.”  Mrs. Hutchins said quietly. 

“Mrs. Hutchins, you have not had a mistress in Darcy House for over fifteen years.  I think that the mistress belongs anywhere in her home.  After all this is my place, to make sure that Mr. Darcy is well-cared for.  What better way to start but by looking after his stomach?”  She laughed and the cook’s eyes lit up.  “Now, my aunt and uncle will be coming tonight for dinner.  What shall we give them?  I want to impress, but I do not want to overwhelm them, so perhaps four courses instead of the two you have when it is just Mr. Darcy and myself alone?  I know that you probably have dinner already well-planned, but is there time for a special pudding to conclude the meal?  My uncle definitely has a sweet tooth.”

“Hmm.”  The cook looked around her domain thoughtfully.  Elizabeth watched her then looked down to her tea cup, her eyes welling up as the smile left her face.  Mrs. Hutchins’ gaze came back around and she studied her mistress closely for the first time.  “Mrs. Darcy, in case you’re wondering, nobody knows what you and the master argued about, those that do won’t say a word.  But all of us were worried to death about you both, and we were so happy to hear Sally’s report this morning, such a cheer went up while they were eating their porridge!  I know we shouldn’t be talking about the two of you, and she sure shouldn’t be peeking and giggling in your room, but you know full well that we do so there’s no use pretending.  Don’t worry about the staff not liking you madam, Mr. Darcy is smiling again after so long, keep that up and we’ll be loyal to you forever.”

“Thank you, Mrs. Hutchins.”  Elizabeth dabbed at her eyes.  “I do not know why I am so teary this morning.”

“Ah, that’s the way of new brides!  Now let me tell you about my Mr. Christmas while we make up this menu.”

“Mr. Christmas?”  She smiled and picked up her cup of tea.  “What a wonderful name!” 

DARCY MAINTAINED his solemn countenance but smiled to himself when Robbie bowed to his knees and walked backwards out of the study, effusively thanking him for the guineas he had pressed into his palm for looking after Elizabeth.  “She probably told him to come see me and he was up here like a shot.”  He glanced at the clock, knowing Elizabeth had only been below stairs for twenty minutes.  “She wasted no time.”  His amusement faded and he closed his eyes.  They had remained in bed very late; the sun was well up by the time they finally gave in to their pressing needs and moved.  He awoke sometime in the night and had been completely surprised to find that the pillow he clutched to his chest when he retired had magically changed into Elizabeth.  It was not a dream after all.
 
The relief and emotion that swept over him to find she had come to his bed was overwhelming, it was a signal to him of forgiveness and trust, and that she needed him, too. 

As the sun rose, he lay awake, holding her, kissing her shoulder and hair, and thinking seriously about the solution to their problems.  The frustration, the pain of wanting her, wanting to be her husband in every way, was nearly unbearable and they both knew that they could not continue this way.  It was all he could do not to wake her to express how much he needed her, and how very sorry he was once again.  He was sorely tempted to try and don a condom, but he knew it was no use. 

At some point he realized that Elizabeth had awakened; perhaps it was when her hands found his.  Their fingers entwined, they snuggled deeper together.  Neither said a word, but just held onto each other, lost in their thoughts. 

Maybe I should speak to Mr. Gardiner, he is impartial to everything, and he did offer to help.
  Darcy smiled a little at the irony of considering seeking the advice of a man who only a day before he disdained vehemently.  Looking to a portrait looming above him he lifted his chin.  “Are you spinning in your grave, Father?”  No, to speak to Mr. Gardiner would mean exposing everything, and that was impossible.  He would have to work out a solution on his own.

Darcy sighed and looking down at the desk, picked up the letter he had abandoned the day before when Elizabeth came to see him.  “Bingley.”  His brow creased and reading it, he rested his head back on his chair.  “Your sisters surprised you at the hotel and now you have decided to stay in Town.  Do not allow them to influence you, my friend.”  

“Mr. Darcy?”  Lowry appeared at the open door.  “Sir, the carriage will be ready in twenty minutes.  One of the horses is being shoed.”

“Thank you, could you please inform Mrs. Darcy?  I believe she is in the kitchen.” 

“Yes, sir.” 

He penned a quick reply to Bingley and handed it off to a footman to deliver, then rising to his feet and tugging at his coat, he looked in a mirror, checking his appearance.  The soft scent of lavender and roses reached his nose and he laughed softly when Elizabeth stepped in front of him, patting at her hair.  “Am I in your way, Mrs. Darcy?”

“Perpetually.”  She glanced at his reflection and smiled softly.  Darcy placed his hands on her shoulders and looked at the picture they made.  Elizabeth reached up to take his hand and he leaned down to kiss her cheek, and moved his hands down around her waist.  Her hands settled over his, and she leaned back against him.  They stayed in their quiet embrace, swaying gently, watching each other in the mirror.

Darcy rested his cheek in her hair and breathed in the gentle fragrance.  “How are you this morning, my dear?”

“Better, I think, and you?”

“Better for having you with me.”  Darcy’s head tilted and looking at her, his eyes started to twinkle.  “Have you been eating something?” 

“Why?”  She looked to the mirror and he turned her around, leaning forward to trace her lips with his tongue and kiss her. 

“mmmm, shortbread?”

“Oh my!”  Elizabeth laughed.  “How did you know?”