In Darkness Lost (13 page)

Crypt moved in to deliver the finishing blow with his dagger. I could see that he was using all the magic he had to keep Vill from breaking the bonds holding him to the wall.

Crypt was strong, but Vill was nearly as strong, and it took everything Crypt had to keep him trapped where he could be killed.

Just as Crypt was about to plunge the dagger into the man’s chest, Vill managed to free his sword arm from the invisible spells restraining him. He struggled to bring his sword up. Crypt didn’t see his movements in time and as he was pausing to figure out where his bonds had been broken, Vill plunged the sword into Crypt’s stomach.

I heard his gasp and then my scream through dull ears. I wasn’t really there anymore. I was floating, my mind once again floating away from the pain that this was inflicting. It was too much to bear, and if I didn’t withdraw to that quiet, safe spot deep in my mind, I would break.

But it wasn’t over. Crypt pulled himself up, remarkably retaining his rigid control on the bonds pinning Vill to the wall.

Crypt gripped the dagger tightly in his fist, knuckles white. Looking at the king he whispered, “Is my sister even still alive, you monster?”

Vill smirked. “Doesn’t matter now. You’re dying, boy. Can you feel it as you lose your grip on reality? Even if you don’t die from that wound to your stomach, the sword was enchanted. The poison and enchantments from the blade will kill you if the wound doesn’t.”

Crypt glared at the man, blood pouring down his stomach and over his hand as he held it against the gaping wound. His voice gained momentum and strength.

It was so strong even though he was dying.

I knew that he was dying.

How could he not?

No one survived from a wound like the one he’d taken to the stomach.

The king had withdrawn the sword quickly, but not before I’d seen him twist it viciously and the blade glittered as it protruded from Crypt’s back, just missing his spinal cord.

“You answer me now.” Crypt whispered.

The king laughed. “Why should I? You can’t do anything to me. Not in your state.”

“What did you do with her?” Crypt hissed.

He closed his eyes, concentrating.

I knew it was taking everything he had to manage this, but he managed to cause Vill to scream out in pain. “I’ll tell you! I’ll tell you. Just please, stop the pain.” Vill shouted.

Crypt smiled coldly.

Vill stopped screaming. He gasped. “She’s marrying my son. Already predetermined. Wouldn’t have ever actually hurt her!”

Crypt’s face went dark.

Mine went ashen.

This confirmed what Vill had said. Crypt was a traitor.

So why was he here now, protecting me even though it just cost him his life?

The knife glittered in the room illuminated by the brilliant sunlight streaming in through the window.

Vill gave a sharp gasp as the knife found his heart, and then he went completely limp.

Crypt’s spells broke then.

Vill’s dead body came crashing down onto the floor, and Crypt’s legs folded under him.

My mind sprang back into action.

I rushed to him, catching him before he hit his head on the floor, and easing him gently down so that his head was cradled on my lap.

“Please, Crypt. Pull through.” I murmured.

He shook his head, stroking my cheek and smearing his blood and Vill’s over my face in the process. “Not going to make it.” He gasped. His eyes clouded as he fought of a wave of pain. “Can feel it already. My whole lower body’s numb, and the poison is working fast.” He whispered, struggling to form the words.

I bent over him, sobbing. “No. No! You cannot die. I forbid you to.”

He smiled sadly at me as the blood continued to pour out of his stomach and his face grew deathly pale as the blood loss continued. “I’m sorry. I betrayed you.”

I shook my head, tears falling down my face and dripping coldly onto his. “I don’t care.” Leaning down, I pressed my mouth against his.

My kiss was desperate and pleading.

I didn’t want him to go. We were supposed to survive this together and get married.

We were supposed to raise the next generation of kings and queens of Argent together.

He wasn’t supposed to die.

That wasn’t how this was supposed to go!

I pressed against him, molding my body against his, not caring that his blood was staining my clothing a dark red.

He was growing weaker.

I could feel that he was slipping away from me.

And I knew then. He wasn’t going to make it.

No matter what I told myself.

No matter how hard I tried to fool myself.

He wasn’t going to survive this.

My fingers slipped through his silky black locks, and I closed my eyes, leaning into the kiss and deepening it. My body heaved with sobs as I did so.

If he was going to die, I wanted it to be with a memory of my kiss seared onto his lips and in my mind.

His fingers, slick with blood, stroke my hair too, messing gently with a few of my curls.

Then I drew away. “I love you.” I whispered.

I wanted to reassure him that he wasn’t going to die, but I could see that he knew the truth anyway.

His eyes were rapidly becoming distant as the poison took over. “I love you too.” He whispered. “And I’m sorry. Forgive me?”

“Always.” I whispered back as his beautiful brown eyes close.

His breathing slowed, and I felt the flow of blood lessening as his body began to cool down too quickly.

Frantic, I felt for a pulse. It was still there, but weak.

I sat there with him, heart breaking.

This was the end of it all.

I wandered about the hospital’s halls, aimless. My hospital gown hung off my form in awkward folds, scratching at my legs as I walked.

But I didn’t care.

Nothing mattered anymore.

I bumped into someone in the halls.

I barely noticed them as I brushed past and continued walking. I went to find a hidden place. There were little places to hide all over in the hospital.

Someone took my arm, stopping me.

I didn’t resist. Instead, I stood there, waiting.

“My Lady, you’re to return to the palace today.” A woman’s kind voice whispered in my ear. “Your maid is here to collect you. The Council needs to speak with you and they need you to meet with someone.”

The words rang in my ears, dull and incomprehensible. “What?” I croaked out.

Stopping a moment, I swallowed trying to moisturize my throat with enough saliva to speak. I hadn’t had much to drink all day. Mostly, I just wandered the hospital’s halls, not drinking or eating, not speaking to anyone, unless they forced me.

I knew what it was.

It was shock, and it was even worse than that.

It was complete defeat.

I’d given up on life. Because without Crypt, it wasn’t worth it.

Nothing was worth it without him.

I hadn’t realized how much I relied on him until I lost him.

Now his absence left a hollow hole in my stomach and heart.

I yearned for his arms around me and for his lips on mine.

My birthday had gone past unheeded. Sixteen years of life meant nothing when he wasn’t there to celebrate with me as he had every year since we first met.

In fact, even after watching his coffin buried in the ground two weeks ago only a few days after I had lost him, I still thought sometimes that he was waiting just around the corner. That we would go back to our happy camaraderie. That we would still get married now that it was all over.

I sometimes dreamed at night, and, while it usually was a nightmare involving all the things that had happened to me in the past year, sometimes, my dreams were of the two of us together. Smiling. We were always smiling.

In those dreams, I was older and pregnant with his child. I was holding our children in my arms and teaching them what it meant to be truly free.

Only I wasn’t free. Without Crypt, I was more shackled than ever before.

The nurse shook me, her touch light. “Your Majesty?”

I shook my head, confused. “Leave? Why?”

She gave me a concerned glance. Placing a hand on my arm, she said, “My Lady, you belong in the palace, governing the people and negotiating the peace between us and Cyril’s new ruler.”

I looked away, shrugging off her hand. “I don’t care.”

She frowned. “What?”

“I don’t care anymore.” I whispered. “I’m done. Whatever they want me to do, I’ll do. But I’m done.”

She didn’t understand, but she patted my arm, her voice gentle, sympathetic. “Of course. A young woman like you shouldn’t have had to bear such a heavy burden.”

My maid, Yvette, was there then, taking me in her arms and hustling me towards the coach.

The nurse didn’t understand.

When I said I was done, I meant I was really done.

As soon as I could, I was going to appoint a new ruler and leave forever. I didn’t want to rule over anyone anymore no matter what the circumstance. I was sick of leading people and never getting a chance to be myself and just live. And with Crypt dead, I didn’t have anyone to make the crown bearable. So I would leave it all.

I’d never wanted it anyway.

***

My advisor, Claudia, stared at me in astonishment. “What do you mean you’re leaving?”

I wandered off down the halls without thinking about where I was headed. I just didn’t want to have this conversation with her.

She hurried after me, doggedly keeping pace. Not that it was hard. I wasn’t running away. Just meandering along. I had to. It was the only way to deal with my pain.

An image of his kind, loving eyes and his half-smirk filled my mind along with his laughter. I pushed the images away, not willing to deal with them. “I meant exactly what I said. I’m leaving. Going to some remote retreat somewhere where no one will find me. And I’m never coming back. I’m appointing you as the new Queen.”

Her eyes widened. “Your Majesty, I beg of you, reconsider! I do not want to rule this kingdom. It is yours to rule. Your people love you. They will accept no other as their ruler.”

“Not my problem. You’ll be an excellent ruler because of your reluctance to rule. I trust you to do what’s best.” I sped up, trying to escape her now.

She stopped following me, but she did call after me. “You’ll never escape responsibility or your upbringing. You were meant to be our Queen. You’ll never escape it no matter how much you run away.”

“We’ll see.” I whispered.

She didn’t hear me, and I didn’t look back at her.

***

Three hours later, Yvette had me dressed and prepared for the Council meeting.

I knew that we would be speaking with King Vill’s son. The only son King Vill had. He had married Crypt’s sister a week after withdrawing the Cyrillian forces and asking for a peace parley.

Walking into the council chamber, I looked about. Cyril’s new king is here in person this time. A peace treaty required the real presence of all parties in order to sign a valid document.

“Show me what I need to sign.” I spoke loudly to be heard over the noise of the conversations between all the ambassadors and my councilors.

Everyone looked up, startled.

Then they all bowed low.

I ignored them, walking to my throne.

They couldn’t know that I wanted to be sick or how much I just wanted everything to be over.

I held myself erect and steady, suppressing the trembling spreading throughout my body. I couldn’t afford to appear weak. Plenty of time for that later.

“You may all rise.” I waved to them.

They got up and everyone moved to their respective positions.

I stared at the walls, mind absent, as I waited for them to finish.

The new king of Cyril was young. Probably only twenty or so. He had his father’s messy, alluring black hair. But there the similarities ended. He had a firm, but kind posture. His wife, Crypt’s sister, stood beside him, leaning on his arm. He smiled at her, and that lit up his topaz colored eyes in a good way. Whereas his father’s eyes had been cruel and filled with darkness, his son’s were lit with good humor and friendliness.

I felt safer knowing that he was in charge of Cyril. He wouldn’t be starting any wars just because he was overreaching or greedy.

He looked straight at me, smiling at me too.

It warmed my cold, attention-craving heart, and I smiled back, wishing once more that it was Crypt smiling at me, not this stranger. But those were idle thoughts, I forced myself to remember.

I raised my voice again so that I could be heard all the way in the corners of the room. “Today, we are here to negotiate a peace-treaty.”

I glanced at Cyril’s new king. He smiled at me, almost in an encouraging way. I didn’t smile back this time, but I felt comforted knowing that he didn’t disapprove or think I was foolish like his father had. I don’t know why I cared, but for whatever reason, I did.

Clearing my throat, I continued. “We must decide how best to keep peace between our two countries once more.”

People were nodding.

“Now, I have been led to believe that my Council and Cyril’s new leaders have already drawn up the treaty, and I need only look at it?” I directed the question to Claudia.

She nodded, forcing a taut smile onto her lips. “That is correct, my Lady. You need only read it and note any changes you wish made. Once those are negotiated, you and King Marckus will sign it, and the business will be concluded.”

I nodded back. “Very well. Then this meeting is adjourned until I have finished reading through the treaty.” People began rising, but I held up a hand to stop them. “King Marckus, any of the servants will help you should you need anything. Oswald will guide you to your quarters.” I waved a hand at Oswald, who stood quietly by the door in case anyone wanted something to eat or drink during the meeting. “When I have finished reading through the treaty, I will send someone for you and re-adjourn the treaty council.” I stood, bowing to the new king of Cyril as he bowed back and exited with his wife on his arm. I turned back to the council. “Now that Cyril’s entourage and her king have gone, I have an announcement to make.”

They stared at me, expectant.

“I am stepping down as Queen and appointing a regent.” I spoke the words with little emotion or expression.

Gasps rang through the council chamber and people tittered trying to determine what I could possibly mean.

I sat there, silent for a while, letting them talk and murmur. Then, when I judged they’d had enough time to calm down, I spoke once more. “I do not feel that I can lead this country as it needs to be led, and I believe that another would be better suited. I am appointing Claudia as my regent.”

More murmurs.

Again, I allowed them to die down before continuing. “I would like Claudia Nell West to take my place as the ruler of Argent until I return. In the event that I do not return within a year, I want it to be announced to all within Argent that Claudia is Argent’s new Queen.”

Silence cloaked the room as everyone stared at me.

Claudia refused to look at me.

Finally, one of the advisers spoke up, standing to address me. “Very well, my Lady. When will you be leaving?”

“As soon as the treaty has been signed and King Marckus leaves with his retinue.” I responded, reciting my lines with an almost mechanical voice.

The adviser nodded and sat back down.

I turned to the room. “Tomorrow, I want the papers to be drawn up giving Claudia the official regency, but today, let’s discuss the treaty that you and Cyril’s new leadership have drawn up.”

***

I climbed up the long plank of wood leading to the ship that would carry me to a small island retreat where I planned to live for the rest of my life. It would be a quiet place to reflect on what had happened to me. A place where I could grieve for Crypt without being disturbed or bothered.

Turning, I waved goodbye to Claudia. Not because I would miss her or because I cared, but because I knew it was expected.

Then I walked the rest of the plank’s length up into the ship to join Yvette and my two other companions, who were coming to help me with housecleaning and other necessities. It wasn’t as if I knew how to cook or clean a house. I’d never had to do any of that before.

The best I could do with cooking was a thin gruel, which, when I was younger, my mother had insisted I learn to make. Not that I was any good at it. She’d given up on it after several weeks of burnt porridge for breakfast.

The Captain gave orders to the crew, and I felt the ship give a small shudder as she moved out of port.

I faced away from the dock turning to look at the open sea instead. I shivered in the chill air. It was close to spring, but the air retained some chill. I clutched my cloak tighter about me.

The wind blew in my face with gentle warmth, and I stared out across the water preparing myself to meet my new life head on.

I wouldn’t be in charge of anything in this new place. I would be free for the first time in my life. Or at least, that’s what I hoped anyway.