In Name Only (53 page)

“My goodness,
Carrie, I couldn’t believe it when I heard,” Elizabeth screeched.

“Yes, my dear,
such a travesty.”

“I know, Uncle. 
This has been very hard on us.”

“Although,
Carrie, I must say I’m not all that surprised.”

Uncle spoke up. “Now,
now, Elizabeth.  David has been a wonderful father to Kathleen and a good
husband to Caroline.  Is he not allowed some latitude here?”

“Well, Father. .
.”

“Stop it, Elizabeth,” Uncle bellowed. 

Caroline spoke
up.  “Please, Lizzie.  David has changed.  This was a mistake.  This has been
so difficult.”  Caroline used her handkerchief to wipe her eyes for the
thousandth time.

“Yes, I am
certain that it has been,” Uncle replied and gathered her into a fatherly
embrace.  When she pulled away from him, she brought her gaze upward. Elizabeth’s head was lowered.  Finally, Elizabeth glanced up at her cousin. “I do
apologize, Carrie.  That was an extremely callous and hurtful comment.  This
must be excruciatingly hard for you.”

“Yes, Lizzie, in
some ways, this is more difficult to endure than Liam’s death.”  Caroline shook
off her tears and kept her head up. It was bad enough to endure it in the
privacy of their own home.  Knowing that their situation was the main gossip
all over town made it more unbearable.  It would likely be necessary for her to
practice holding her head up high over the next several months.

“So when will
Missy’s little boy be coming to live with you?”

“Friday.  I’m
just not sure I’m ready for. . .”

“Now, you let us know
if we can help you in any way, my dear,” Uncle said.

“Yes, thank you,
Uncle, Lizzie.”

Chapter 65

Waiting on the
veranda that warm afternoon, Caroline recalled unforgettable autumn days:  her
first wedding, the picnic lunch with David.  This one would certainly be one of
the most memorable.

David paced back
and forth as Caroline sat on the lone chair.  Sunlight beamed down on the
trees’ red, orange and yellow leaves, the brilliant colors and the cerulean
blue of the sky painting a breathtaking landscape. It seemed too beautiful a
day for the circumstances.

The carriage
pulled in front of their house.  Caroline and David approached it together.

Missy held the
child out to David who lifted the small boy and placed him on the ground. Will’s
dark eyes suspiciously scowled at David.

David then
assisted Missy out of the carriage and the four of them stood awkwardly beside
it. David’s gaze was directed toward the ground, and Missy’s eyes seemed to be
focused on the front of her dress. Caroline studied her and she was immediately
struck by how thin her former servant appeared, her olive skin now a pasty
beige.

Caroline broke
the silence.  “Hello, Missy.”

“Hello, Miss
Caroline.  I can’t tell you how grateful I am to the both of you.  I didn’t
think there were many kind people left in this world.”

“And this must be
Will.”  Caroline crouched down to make eye contact with the small dark-haired
boy.  “Hello, Will.”

He frowned and
immediately turned away from her and grabbed onto his mother’s skirt, burying
his head amongst the folds.

“Now, Will, Miss
Caroline’s just about the nicest person you’ll ever meet.  And this man here is
your Pa.”

David kept
silent, awkwardly shifting from one foot to the next.

Her former servant’s
eyes began to water. “You know,” she whispered, “I knew this day was going to
come, but I didn’t think it would be this hard.  I just don’t. . .” she stopped
and tears began falling down her cheeks.

Missy knelt down
in front of her son.  “Now, Will, you remember what we talked about?”

The little boy
stared at her, but made no attempt to respond.

“Remember I told
you that I’d have to go away but that these kind people will be taking care of
you after I’m gone.”

Will looked up at
Caroline, then at David and scowled.  “No stay here. Go wif you.”  Caroline’s
own heart began to feel heavy with emotion as she listened to his sweet toddler
voice.

“Will, I told you
that Mama’s very sick and she needs to go away.”

“No go, Mama.”

Missy
straightened, then pressed out the folds of her dress with her hands. Though
tears remained in her eyes, she held her chin high.  “Perhaps we could take
some time to allow Will to warm up to the both of you.”

“That would be
fine, Missy,” David said. “Take all the time you need.”

Missy nodded,
then leaned down to speak with Will again. “Mama’s going to stay a bit to make
sure you’re fine.”

“No stay here,
Mama.  Go wif you.”

“Yes, I know,
Will, but I’m very sick.  I can’t take care of you anymore.”  The child yelled,
“No!” and grabbed onto her skirt.

Caroline shifted
awkwardly.

“Mr. David?”
Missy’s head lowered.

“Yes, Missy?”

“I just wanted to
say that I really do appreciate what you and Miss Caroline are doing, not only
taking care of Will, but giving me money so that the nuns can care for me.” Her
voice was cracking then she began to cough violently, holding a handkerchief to
her mouth.

“It’s the least I
could do, Missy.  After all, Will is my responsibility.”

Missy fixed her
eyes on young Will, who was still desperately clutching her skirt.

“Missy, let’s all
go inside and Will can get used to his new surroundings,” Caroline offered.

Missy crouched
down.  “Will, we’re going into their house.”

“Yes, Will,”
Caroline said.  “We have sweet cakes and freshly picked apples.  Would you like
some?”

Will shook his
head.

“Well, perhaps
your mama would like some.”

“Oh, I would love
to eat some sweet cake.  We rarely get such delicious food, do we?”  Missy took
hold of his small hand, “Come, Will.”  The little boy walked slowly, constantly
glancing over his shoulder at David and continuing to frown.

An hour later,
Will sat quietly playing with some blocks on the floor of the parlor.  Kathleen
was trying hard to encourage him to talk to her, but after all this time, he
simply grunted his responses.

“Oh, Will, you’ve
built a beautiful castle.  I’m already four and I can’t build as big a castle.”

“I’ll return in a
few moments,” David said.  He nodded to Missy.  When David had left the room,
she spoke up.

“Your daughter is
beautiful. I can see Mr. Liam in her when she laughs.”

“Yes, I know.”

“Where’s John?”

“He’s right here,
Missy.” Jane held John’s hand and stood in the doorway.  “I think he wants to
play in here.”

Jane sat John
next to Kathleen and Will.  Missy leaned down beside John.  “You’ve gotten so big.”
Missy straightened and the two servants embraced.

“Your Will is
going to be in good hands here, Missy.”

“I know.”

While Missy and
Jane spoke, Caroline stared at the two dark-haired boys, now playing with the
blocks on the floor with Kathleen.

Jane left the
room and Missy sat down again beside Caroline.  “John has grown so much.  He
was such a beautiful baby, looked a lot like Will, he did.”

Caroline nodded.

“Miss Caroline?”

“Yes?”

“I’m so sorry
this has hurt you.”

Caroline did not
respond.

“Mr. David, he’s
a good man.”

Caroline
cringed. 
If he’s so good, why did he do this
?

As if she had
read her thoughts, Missy responded, “He had been drinking, got into a fight. 
As I recall, someone accused him of cheating and saying that he was just like
his father.  I had never seen him so angry.  I was just fixing him up
afterwards.  I never thought – what happened was wrong, even I know that.  But
when I found out I was going to have a baby, I was so thankful to the Lord.  I
just hate when people called Will a mistake, because he’s the biggest and best
gift I ever got.”

Caroline
shuddered with the enormity of it all: the knowledge of David’s indiscretion,
Missy’s illness, little Will.  And yet, Missy was right.  Children are great
gifts, no matter what the circumstance.

“Miss Caroline, I
don’t mean to make you feel. . .” She paused. “I wanted you to know how Will
came about, that’s all.”

Caroline kept her
head down and remained silent.

“Look, Will,
that’s a wonderful tower you’ve built,” she heard Kathleen say.

Missy continued.
“When Will was five months old, Jane came to see me, telling me you needed a
wet nurse.  I was afraid, because I thought Mr. David would know the child was
his, so Jane and I were careful to keep him from seeing too much of Will.  I
mean, he looked so much like him, even as an infant.  But I really needed the
money and a place to stay.

“I’m just so
thankful that you and Mr. David have seen fit to take care of my Will. There’s
no way I could ever thank you enough.”

“The nuns at the
convent will take good care of you.”

“I know they
will.”  Missy stood up and now used her handkerchief to wipe her eyes. She
stared at Will, John and Kathleen.

“Perhaps I should
sneak out without him seeing.”

“No, Missy.  That
would probably be easier on you and me, but you need to say a proper goodbye to
him.”

The former
servant took a deep breath, then nodded. “Could you give him this when he gets
older?” she asked, as she handed her some papers and a photograph.

“I’ve written
Will a message that I’d like him to have when he’s older.”

“I would be glad
to give these to him in a few years.”

Missy held up a
small cloth bag.  “There are some clothes in here.” She reached into the bag
and pulled out a small frayed blanket.  “This is Will’s.  He sleeps with it.”

Caroline nodded
and took the bag and blanket from her.

“I knew you were
different the first time I met you.  You’re a kind sort.  You don’t hold a
grudge.”

“Yes, well. . .” 
Please help me to let go of my resentment for her part in David’s
infidelity.

David walked into
the room and stood beside his wife.  “There’s no rush for you to leave,” he
whispered to Missy.

She avoided eye
contact.  “Thank you.  But I ought to be going.” Her eyes filled with tears and
she held her hand to her lips as she tried to keep from sobbing. “This is so
hard.  Will?”

The boy turned
around to find his mother, Caroline and David standing. “Mama, I like bwocks. 
She help me.”

“Yes, Will,
that’s nice.  Come here.”

She leaned down
and whispered, “I want you to know that I love you and I don’t want you to
forget me.”

“Mama not go.  I
go too.”

“No, Will, you
have to stay here.  I have to. . .” Missy’s lip began to quiver.  She began to
sob and she pulled Will into a tight embrace.

“Mama hurt me.”

“I’m sorry, Will. 
I just wanted to tell you how much I love you.”

“Me go, Mama.”

“You can’t,
Will.  I’ve already told you that I can’t take you.”

“No, Mama, no!”
Will screamed.

Missy attempted
to pry Will away from her skirts. He clung onto her with such fierceness that
he stuck to her like taffy.  David stepped forward and helped pull him from his
mother.

“I love you,
Will,” she said, then she rushed out of the room.  He was screaming and kicking
and David was attempting to calm him down.  “Shhh, Will, you’re going to be
fine.”

Caroline followed
behind her as she ran outside.  “Missy, wait.” Missy stopped at the carriage
and turned toward Caroline.

“We will take
good care of him.”

“I know.  But
this still hurts more than any sickness I have,” she said, as she stared at the
window of the house, listening to the distant screams of her son.

Caroline pulled
her to a poignant embrace.  “Is there some way you can let us know how you’re
getting along?”

“I’ll send you
word every now and then through Jane.”

“And I should
like to visit you at the convent, if that’s acceptable.”

“Yes, Ma’am, that
would be fine.”

“Very well.  God
bless you.”

Kip assisted
Missy into the carriage and they drove off.

*  *  *

“Miss Caroline,
you want me to put the children to bed while you try to get Will down?” Jane
asked, holding John.

Caroline quietly
stood behind Will, his small back facing her, the front of his body plastered
to the wall against the corner, his sobs diminishing to quiet hiccups.