In Name Only (55 page)

“Yes!” she
shouted, as she half-dragged Will over to David.  “You can control your son!” 
As she released him, he began to step away from David, but David easily picked
him up and restrained him.  “Now, now, Will, I won’t let you down until you’ve
promised you won’t hurt anyone.”

“Lemme go, lemme
go!”

“Go on, Caroline,
get dressed if you’d like.  I’ll remain here with the children until you’ve
finished.”

Without replying,
Caroline rushed back to her room and slammed the door. 
This is what I get
for helping someone.  This is what I get for forgiving my husband.  This is
what I get for helping.
Caroline took a deep breath, then lowered herself
to the chair by her vanity table and sat quietly for a moment, letting her hair
fall over her face.  She slowly raised her head and studied herself in the
mirror, finding it hard to recognize the woman staring back. Her eye was
swollen, misshapen and purple.  She had never before looked so dreadful.

She quickly
dressed, then hurried down the back stairs to the kitchen. She stopped midway
down when she heard Hallie speaking.

“I hated to hear
Mr. David talked about in such a manner.”

“You can’t be
listening to gossip like that, Hallie.”

“But they were
going on about Mr. David’s bastard and I just hated hearing that talk.  They
said that Mr. David hasn’t changed and that men like that never change and that
he’ll be unfaithful again.”

“I told you,
that’s just mean gossip.  People have nothing better to do than talk about
others in their time of distress.”

Caroline
attempted to quietly walk back up the stairs, the steps creaking as she did so.

“Miss Caroline,
is that you on the stairs?”

Caroline
descended the remaining steps to the kitchen.  Hallie’s hand was to her mouth
and her eyes were wide.

“I’m so sorry,
Ma’am.  I didn’t want you to be hearing what those people are saying about you
and Mr. David.”

“I appreciate
that, Hallie.  But if I hear about one more person talking about us, I’ll. .
.”  She bit down on her lip.  “Is our story in the Philadelphia Evening
Bulletin?”

“Don’t you mind
that,” Jane said.  “You just think about the fact that you’ve done a good, fine
deed, helping Missy out like that.”

“Yes, well, I
wish I could believe that David has changed.”

“Ma’am, I told
you before that he’s a good man.”

Caroline remained
silent. Isaac pulled on his mother’s skirt.  Jane crouched down and spoke
softly to him. Then she straightened and faced Caroline. “You know something,
Miss Caroline?  Marriage isn’t always easy, no matter how much you love your
husband.  This is one of those really hard times.”

“Yes, well,
that’s an understatement.”  Caroline turned around and forced herself up the back
stairs.  She made her way to the now quiet nursery.  She remained at the side
of the doorway and peeked in.  David was sitting in a rocking chair with both
Will and John on his lap and Kathleen was sitting by his feet.  He was reading
a poem, almost acting it out with enthusiasm, and the three children appeared
transfixed.

It was obvious
from David’s lively tone that he was enjoying the story as much as the
children.  They seemed so peaceful that she had a difficult time believing all
the trouble Will had caused over the last day and a half.

She stepped back
again and listened in the hallway. All of a sudden, Kathleen yelled “Ouch!” 
She was crying as Caroline ran into the room. Her daughter was holding her head
and David was smacking Will’s foot, “No, Will, no kicking Kathleen’s head.” 
Will began to cry, then John followed along.  Now, all three children were
sobbing in unison.  David closed his eyes, sighed deeply and placed both boys
on the floor. He crossed the room and stood beside his wife.

“Well, it was
pleasant for about three minutes.”

“I was watching
from the hallway,” she said over the screaming children.

Caroline knelt
down beside Kathleen to survey the damage Will had caused. She pushed her
daughter’s hair to one side and studied, then felt, her head. There was no apparent
bump or open wound.  “I think you’ll be fine, Kathleen.”

“He hurt me!”

“Yes, I know,
Sweet, but he’s had a hard time.”

“I don’t care,
Mama, he’s a bad boy!”

“Come, Kathleen,
let’s see if Jane has something cold that we can put on your head.”

Kathleen stopped
crying, wiped her eyes and took hold of Caroline’s hand.  As Caroline was
leaving, she turned around to see David kneeling in front of the boys.  He was
speaking to Will in a low, calm voice.

Chapter 67

David fixed his
tie, then pulled on his jacket. 

Will had slept
fitfully again, but his son was now with the other two children eating
breakfast. Today would be the first time they would be attending Mass since
Will arrived.  He predicted that Will would likely not sit still, nor be quiet
during Mass, but he kindly turned down Jane’s offer to watch the boy.

Last night, he had
seriously considered having them attend church separately, to protect Caroline
and the children from the scandalous comments which David already had endured
from some of his customers and neighbors.

However, he
realized that many would be of the opinion that bringing Will, an illegitimate
child, to church, a public place, would be scandalous.  He shrugged.  Was it
any more scandalous than the first time David attended Mass at the Cathedral? 
True, fewer people were aware of his past behavior at that particular venue,
but if he, a public sinner, could be welcomed, then the symbol of his past,
this innocent child, ought to be accepted as well.

In the hallway
David met Caroline.  He avoided eye contact. “It seems too quiet.”

“Yes.”

He glanced at her
face and she was staring down the hall.  “Perhaps a hearty breakfast will be
good for Will.  And hopefully, it will help him to behave in Church.”

She didn’t
respond.  Instead, she returned to her bedroom and closed the door.

David could see
through the hall window that it was raining. Rain was good because it meant
that fewer people would be gawking at them as they emerged from their carriage
in front of the cathedral.  The gloomy day also struck him as ominous.

In the carriage
on the way to the Cathedral, David watched as Caroline attempted to make small
talk with Will.

“No like you,”
was Will’s constant response.

He wondered about
warning her of the possibility of gossip, but instead, continued to hope that
their outing would be without incident and the other parishioners would refrain
from judging him and his family.

At the Cathedral,
Kip assisted them out of the carriage.  Immediately, a group of women about
twenty feet away began to stare.  Caroline was distracted by the children and
didn’t appear to notice, but they pointed and whispered, then pointed again. 
Most of the ladies were older, and seemed to have nothing better to do than to
prattle on about someone else’s sin.  Some of them were rolling their eyes.

Kip spotted the
women, glanced at David, then shook his head.  David used his body to block
Caroline’s view. He despised the fact that it was necessary for her to suffer
through the consequences of his transgression so publicly.

David ushered his
family quickly toward the church, hoping to avoid any other stares and
whispers.  At the entrance of the Cathedral, he was met by Father Flaherty.

“David, Mrs.
O’Donovan, I was hoping that you would attend as usual.  I’ll escort you to
your regular pew in front.”  He leaned close to David and whispered.  “Your
situation is all people are gossiping about.  It’s terrible.”  David’s heart
sank.

“But why is
Father taking us?” she whispered to David. 

“It seems people
are talking about us, me, Will.”  She shook her head and followed Father
Flaherty.

“Wouldn’t it be
better to stay in the back?  Fewer people will notice us,” she whispered.

“I agree, but
Father thinks we ought to sit in our usual pew, Caroline.  We need to trust
him.”  She nodded.

He ushered them in
and down the center aisle amidst whispers and stares.  David felt hundreds of
eyes piercing into him, striving to look at the fool who had been unfaithful to
his wife. 
Please let us reach the front soon
.

The priest
stopped, genuflected, then motioned for them to enter the front pew to the
right. Caroline and David both genuflected and ushered the children into the
seat.  Father leaned down to speak to David, “Let me know if you have any
problems today, David.”

“Thank you,
Father.”

David knelt and
made the Sign of the Cross. He tried to concentrate on some short prayers but
became distracted. He closed his eyes and offered up whatever humiliation he
had to endure for Will, the rest of his family and for the dying Missy.

From the choir
loft came beautiful Gregorian chants.  He sat back, preparing to enjoy the
soothing hymns.

“Stop it, Will,”
Kathleen said, as Will began to pull on the side of her dress.  She finally
smacked his hand away. “Ouch!” he yelled.  John now began to whimper. 
This
is going from bad to worse.

Fr. Flaherty and
the acolytes processed up the aisle as the choir and congregation sang:

Holy, Holy,
Holy Lord God Almighty

Early in the
morning, our song shall rise to Thee.

Holy, Holy,
Holy, merciful and mighty,

God in three
persons, Blessed Trinity
.

David wanted to
sing loudly, but instead sang softly.  He wished that he could tell all those
people staring at him that he would rather die than ever do that again with
anyone other than his wife.  He wanted to tell them that he was a sinner, in
need of God’s grace, that he wasn’t a bad person, just someone who had made a
very bad choice.

Facing the altar,
Father Flaherty made the sign of the cross and said, “In Nomine
Patris
, et
Filii
et
Spiritus
Sancti.”

At Communion,
David remained in his seat with the children while Caroline went forward to
receive the Eucharist.  When she returned, he walked ahead and knelt at the
rail and received the Body of Christ. He blessed himself, then stood up and
joined Caroline and the children in the pew.  Immediately, he felt peaceful,
calm and joyful.  This was true food for his soul. With it, he now felt
grace-filled and prepared to bear this difficult situation.

*  *  *

Caroline dreaded
the end of Mass, as she wished that she could avoid speaking with anyone this
week. She knew that people were talking about them, but somehow while she had
been involved in the liturgy, it didn’t seemed to matter.

She and David and
the children made their way up the center aisle to the doors of the church and
outside to the area just in front of the Cathedral.

“Mr. O’Donovan?”
she heard a man say. Her husband turned his head and immediately recognized the
tall, bearded man with a smile.  Caroline held onto John’s and Will’s hands
while Kathleen remained in front of her. As David and the man began to speak,
Caroline was distracted by whispering close by and she glanced up to see three
women just turning away.  She hated this whole situation, the muttering, the
gossiping, the pointing of fingers.  And at church, of all places.  Caroline
was grateful for Father Flaherty. He had been so kind.

It was bad enough
that David had been unfaithful.  But to have that behavior grabbed and
sprinkled throughout most of Philadelphia seemed too much for her to bear.

Welling up within
her was the beginning of resentment and immediately, Caroline pushed it away.

People now
blocked Caroline’s view of her husband and the man.

“Will, stop!”
Kathleen said. Caroline looked down to see Will smacking the side of Kathleen’s
head. She cringed.

“Will, I told you
there’s no hitting.” She reached down and grabbed Will’s other hand. 
“Kathleen, hold John’s hand for me, please.  It’s necessary for me to hold both
of Will’s hands to ensure that he doesn’t. . .”

“Ouch!” Will
yelled.  From the corner of her eye, Caroline saw someone approaching them. 
Caroline held her breath.

“Do you need some
assistance, Mrs. O’Donovan?”  She glanced sympathetically toward Caroline.

“Mrs. Carver. 
Thank you.  Good day.”

“You look like
you could use some help.”

“Is it that
obvious?”

The woman leaned
down and spoke to Will.    “Hello. What is your name?”

He stepped back
and shook his head.