In Name Only (59 page)

Help me to say
the right words to Jane.

Mr. Ferguson
stopped the sleigh in front of the O’Donovan home and he assisted Caroline
down. From the corner of her eye, she could see Jane rushing out the front
door. The porch and lawn were now covered with several inches of snow. The
sleigh remained still, the blanket covering Kip, his body laying over the
horse.

“Miss Caroline,
what happened?  Where’s Mr. David? Where is Kip? I was just. . .” 

Caroline studied
Jane’s mid-section which was just beginning to swell with child.  The servant
stared at the covered bundle molded to the animal like a horseshoe. She finally
made eye contact with her mistress, worry now stretched across her face.

“Miss Caroline? 
What. . .”

“We’ve had an
accident.”

“An accident?” 
Slowly, tentatively, she approached the horse. She lifted the blanket and
gasped loudly.

“No, no!”  Jane
collapsed on the ground beside the horse and began to sob.

“I tried to help
him, Jane, but the carriage had rolled on top of him.  There wasn’t anything we
could do.” Caroline paused.  “I’m so very sorry.”  Caroline rubbed Jane’s back
in a gesture reminiscent of a time when Caroline was newly widowed.

“Before Kip died.
. .”

Jane lifted her
head and, for a moment, stopped crying. The servant’s eyes were clouded with
tears, the droplets making a thin path down her cheeks.

“Kip told me to
tell you he loves you.”

Jane’s lip
quivered then she began to sob again.  After a minute or so, she stopped and
straightened. She wiped her eyes with the back of her hand and brushed down her
apron.  “I put the children to bed.  They’re all asleep.”

“Jane, if you
want, I’ll stay with you.” The servant stared straight ahead, silent.  She
turned and faced Caroline and began to speak, her eyes glassy, but unfocused.

“No, Miss
Caroline, I’m going to be fine.  Perhaps Hallie can assist me with Kip’s body.”

“Jane, don’t do
that now.”

“I need to see to
Kip, get him ready for burial.”

“I’ll help you.” 
Caroline’s heart ached for Jane.

“No, Miss
Caroline, you’re limping and your leg is hurt.  I’ll call for Hallie.”

“Perhaps Mr.
Ferguson can help.  Where did he go?”

“Mr. Ferguson?”

“Yes.  He’s the
man who assisted me in bringing David to the doctor’s house and brought me
home.”  Caroline looked beyond the sleigh.  Mr. Ferguson was leaning against
the side of a small tree and smoking a cigarette.

“Mr. Ferguson?”
Caroline called.

“Yes, Mrs.
O’Donovan?”

“I wonder if you
would mind helping Jane with Kip’s body?”

“‘Course, I
will.  And I’d be glad to help you over the next few days, Mrs. O’Donovan, if
you need it.”

“I would be most
grateful if you were able to do so.”

“I’ll need to see
to some things at home. I’ll return tomorrow.”

Hallie opened the
front door. ” Miss Caroline, you’re finally . . .” Hallie stopped when she saw
the group standing by the horse and Kip’s body. 

“Kip’s. . .gone,
Hallie,” Caroline said.

“Oh,
no.”Immediately, Hallie’s eye’s widened and she blinked away the tears.  She
put her arm around Jane’s shoulder.

Mr. Ferguson took
Kip’s body off the horse and brought him into the foyer of the house.  The
women followed him.

“You can put him
right here on the floor,” Jane said, without emotion.

“Perhaps Mr.
Ferguson can move him to the couch in the parlor or on a table somewhere?”
Caroline offered.

“No.  I don’t
want to be messing up your furniture.  The floor is easiest enough to clean
up.”

“I’m certain we
can find a blanket to cover it, Jane.”

“If it’s
acceptable to you, Ma’am, I’d prefer to leave him here for now, at least until
I wash him up.”

“Yes, very well.”

Mr. Ferguson
spoke up. “If these women don’t need me, I’m going to return home to see to
some chores, then I’ll be back in the morning.”  He tipped his hat.

“Yes, thank you. 
I am most grateful for your assistance.”

“You’re welcome,
Mrs. O’Donovan.”

Caroline glanced
at Jane.  She was staring, eyes unfocused, straight ahead. 

“Are you going to
be all right, Jane?”

“Yes, Miss
Caroline, I’ll be just fine,” she said so quietly, Caroline had to strain to
hear her.  “You go on to bed, Ma’am.” But Caroline remained there, not wanting
to leave her.

“I got to get him
ready for the funeral, Miss Caroline.”

“Jane, that can
wait, you need to. . .”

“Miss Caroline,
begging no disrespect, I need to prepare my husband for burial.  Hallie can help
me.”

“Yes, yes, all
right.”  And Caroline stepped away, nodded to Hallie and carefully walked up
the staircase.

The next morning,
Caroline woke early. She sat up and tried to pull her legs over the side of the
bed, then she realized that her injured leg burned and ached.  In fact, her
whole body hurt, so she remained still for a short while.

It took a
painfully long time for her to dress.  She walked to the top of the staircase
and looked down at the scene below. On the floor near the study, Kip’s body lay
dressed in his Sunday clothes. Hallie was sleeping on the bottom two steps of
the staircase and Jane was sitting beside her husband.

“Jane.”

Jane turned and
looked up.  “Miss Caroline.”

“You haven’t been
to bed yet, have you?”

“No, Miss
Caroline, I haven’t.  Can’t say I’m tired.”

Caroline quickly
descended the steps, stepping beside Hallie, who was now sitting up.  “Oh,
Jane.”  They tenderly embraced and remained silent for several moments.

“Miss Caroline?”

“Yes?”

“I know Mr.
David’s going to be at the doctor’s, and Mr. Ferguson won’t be back till later
today, so we’ll have to bury him ourselves.  I’ve already started digging a
hole out by the edge of the forest.  He used to go there and sit and pray.  I
know he’d like to be buried there.”

“You’ve begun to
dig a hole?” Caroline asked, incredulous. 

“Yes, Ma’am. 
Hallie helped me.  The ground’s not yet frozen.”

“Jane, I’m
certain that it would be no problem to ask Mr. Ferguson to help you when he
returns.  And what about some sort of box to put him in?”

“Well, begging
your pardon, Miss Caroline, but Kip isn’t in his body anymore.  It don’t really
matter what kind of box he’s in. . .”

“Miss Caroline’s
right, Jane.  Kip ought to be buried proper,” Hallie offered, then walked
toward her friend.

Jane turned and
stared at her husband’s body, now dressed in finery.  For a few moments, all
three women were silent. 

“Would you mind
reading something from your Ma’s Bible, Miss Caroline?  Me and Hallie will move
him to the grave.”

“Jane, please, Kip
needs to be in a box or coffin.  And in your condition, you shouldn’t be
lifting him.  Can’t you wait a day or so and I’ll get a coffin delivered?”

“No, Ma’am.  I’m
stronger with child than most women without, and I need to get him buried. 
Once he’s in the ground, I can start getting on with my life.”

“Listen to me,
Jane.  I think you ought to consider waiting a while to do a service. I can
send for the preacher and for your mother.  You need to have your Ma with you
right now. And what about Isaac?”

“I want to get
this over with.  I’ll tell Ma later on today.  As for Isaac, he’s too young.  I
need to get this done, Ma’am.”

“You need to
listen to Miss Caroline.  You’re not thinking clearly right now,” Hallie
offered.

“No, I just need
to. . .”  Jane’s lip began to quiver and she squeezed her moist eyes shut.  She
put her hand to her mouth to quiet her sobbing.  “Kip is. . .gone.”

Caroline pulled
her servant to a sisterly embrace and allowed her to cry.

At the top of the
steps, Kathleen squealed. “Mama, you’re home!”

Jane pushed
herself away and wiped her tears.  Caroline rushed up the stairs, trying to
shield her daughter from the scene below.  “Yes.” As she hugged Kathleen, her
daughter was trying to steal a glance at Kip’s body on the floor.  “Why is Kip
laying on the floor, Mama?”

“Kip passed away
on the trip, Sweet, and they’re getting him ready for burial.”

“That’s sad,
Mama.” 

“Yes, Sweet, it’s
sad.”  She paused.  “Would you stay upstairs in case John, Will or Isaac wake
up?”

“‘Course, Mama.”

Caroline turned
around to see Jane again kneeling beside her husband. 

“Hallie,”
Caroline said, “take Jane upstairs.  See if you can get her to rest.”

Hallie put her
hand on Jane’s shoulder, “Come, Jane.”

Jane shook her
head. 

Caroline crouched
down in front of the grieving widow.  “Jane, please do as I say.  You need to
rest.”  Jane’s eyes, etched with pain, closed then opened.

“All right, Miss
Caroline.”

Later that day,
the group gathered solemnly at the grave.  Mr. Ferguson had built a plain
wooden box for Kip and set up a simple cross and the fresh dirt was now almost
dry.  The preacher held a Bible in his hands.  Patsie held onto Jane, who had a
stoic, calm expression on her face. Isaac was in front of his mother, his eyes
darting from the dirt grave to his mother’s face.

Caroline stood
between the preacher and Jane, with Kathleen, Will and John in front of her. 
Mr. Ferguson kept his distance behind all of them, his hat in his hands and his
head bowed.

The preacher
began:   

The Lord is my
shepherd; I shall not want.  He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: He
leadeth me beside the still waters.  He restoreth my soul: He leadeth me in the
paths of righteousness for His name’s sake
.

When he finished,
Jane said, “I best get some lunch on, Miss Caroline.”

“No, Jane,”
Patsie offered.  “I’ll be knowin’ Himself won’t be mindin’ it if I stay ta be
helpin’ ye fer a wee while.  I’ll be gettin’ some lunch on and be watchin’
Isaac.  Ye need ta be gettin’ yer body back ta bed before ye be collapsin’.”

“Ma, I just need
to. . .”

“Yes, Jane, think
of your baby,” Caroline spoke up.

“Ye be needin’
some rest.  And I’ll not be takin’ no for an answer, Daughter, even if I have
to be puttin’  ye in the bed meself.”

Jane’s eyes
lowered.  “All right, Ma.”  As they began walking

back to the house,
Jane stopped and turned toward Caroline.  “Miss Caroline?” 

“Yes, Jane?”

“The tables sure
have turned on us, haven’t they?”

“The tables?”

“Remember when
Mr. Liam died?”

Caroline nodded. 
“Yes, Jane, I do.”

That night, when
the children were asleep, Caroline sat up in bed, unable to rest, her leg and
shoulder throbbing.  She couldn’t erase Jane’s sad expression from her mind, of
the young grieving woman standing, chin held high, near her husband’s grave. 
Her servant’s demeanor was quite a contrast to her own in the day or so after
Liam’s death.

She stood up,
wishing that she could forget death for the next few days, but with the
planning and attending of Missy’s funeral before the new year, Caroline would
not likely have the opportunity.

Caroline knocked
on Jane’s bedroom door. 

She heard no
answer so she carefully opened it.  Jane was not in bed nor in her room.  She
listened and could hear Isaac’s even breathing.

Caroline crept
through the hallway, then down the steps in search of her servant, listening
for sounds of grief.  Hearing no noise, she turned to make her way back up the
steps when she heard creaking.  From her position at the staircase, Caroline
gasped as she saw the shadow of a figure standing at the doorway of the
parlor.  “Jane, you scared me half to death!”

“I’m sorry, Miss
Caroline.  I couldn’t sleep.”  The servant was dressed in a nightgown and bed
robe.  Despite the loose clothing, Jane’s growing stomach was noticeable.
Caroline placed her hands on Jane’s shoulders.  They embraced in the darkened
hallway.

“Miss Caroline?”
Jane said, pulling away.

“Yes?”

“Talk to me.”

“Pardon?”

“I need you to
talk to me so I don’t dwell on my Kip being gone.  Talk to me about anything,
about Mr. David, about. . .”  Jane’s head lowered.

“Very well.  Come
into the parlor.”  She led the grieving woman to the sofa and sat her down.  Caroline
shivered, then bent down in front of the hearth and threw another log into the
flames.  The fireplace cast a pool of golden light into the room. The clock in
the hallway was chiming as Caroline took the chair beside Jane.  They both sat
quietly while the numerous chimes echoed through the house.  Eight, nine, ten.