In Need of a Good Wife (9 page)

Dear Lucretia,
How strange that I have come to think of you as “my own”
when I have never laid eyes on your person! Is your hair fair?
Since I was a boy I have stood
firm that I should never marry
unless the girl was very blond indeed. Until I receive your
reply, I shall write to no other lady.

Ever yours,
Jeremiah Drake
Owner, Drake’s Brewery

. . .

Dear Mr. Drake,
I will ask only one more time that you stop writing to me. I
have changed my mind about this whole thing. Desist, sir.

Cordially,
Miss L. Blackstone

Dear Kathleen,
You say you are skilled in caring for cows and pigs. How
about goats? Specifically, I am wondering what to do about
this billy who continues to
find his way inside the house,
though I can’t be sure how since I have bolted all the doors. He
smells the way I imagine eternal damnation smells, but
stronger still, and let me tell you that it is nothing pleasant to
be jabbed in the leg by his horns. As I write, he is staring at
me from my easy chair, where he is currently in repose. What
am I to do, Kathleen? I pray for your arrival and for
deliverance.

Beseechingly,
Amos Riddle

. . .

Mr. Riddle,
What you must do is walk the nanny goat back and forth
in
front of the open door. If that doesn’t get him out, you can
always shoot him. I’ll be there soon.

Yours,
Kathleen

My dear Anna,
Though we have never had any acquaintance, I feel since
reading your letters that we are intimate friends. I am so glad
to know that you are fond of novels. I believe we will get on
very well. I know that some men believe, clergymen in
particular, that a novel will pollute a woman’s mind and
encourage her to linger on our earthly tromp instead of loftier
matters, but I disagree. What harm may come from a good
story?
Though Mr. Dickens at times lingers on scoundrels,
should we not understand better from meeting them on the
page why they turn away from God’s law? I have never spent
better evenings than the ones in which I’ve followed Mr.
Copperfield’s adventures.

Your thoughts on Wesley’s concept of prevenient grace are
heartening, too, as I concur that it is surely a better rendering
of Christ’s compassion than strict adherence to Calvinist
doctrine. I have long hoped for a wife with
whom I could
examine and debate our theology.

I close hoping this letter may
find you with
the rose tint of
good health
glowing in your cheeks. Will the spring never
come?

Yours,
Rev. Prentis Crowley

Dear Cynthia,
I wanted to tell you before it slips my mind that I have
never consumed a beet in my life and don’t intend to start
now. If you are determined to cook beets, please stay in
New York.

Regards,
Bill Albright

Dear Mr. Jeremiah Drake,
Sir, I would describe the color of my hair as closer to an
auburn, but it is a light auburn and lightens a great deal over
the summer if I am working outdoors. I have enclosed a lock
with
this letter and await your opinion.

Yours,
Lillyann Martin

. . .

Dear Miss Martin,
I am sorry but I must insist on a woman with
blond hair,
for what are we without our principles?
This lock is darker
than I hoped for. Please write to me if New York has
a particularly sunny spring and your circumstances
change.

Apologies,
Jeremiah Drake
Owner, Drake’s Brewery

Dear Miss Peale,
I wonder, is your father originally of the Baltimore Peales? I
ask because I too am interested in gas lighting using the
horizontal rotative retort and should like very much to speak
with
him about a modification I have been working on for a
few years now.

Fondly,
Stuart Moran

. . .

Dear Mr. Moran,
Yes, those very Peales are my relations; however, due to a feud
between my father and his uncle over the dispensation of a
collection of spoons after my grandmother’s death, we no longer
speak to that branch of the family. I wish I could
offer
you
assistance.

Deborah Peale

. . .

Dear Miss Peale,
What a terrible disappointment. I suppose you may still make
the trip west, if you like.

Stuart

Dear Mr. Luft,
Truly, sir, as I have said, it is not a man’s appearance but his
character that matters.
The
beliefs in his heart and soul. That
said, I should like to know just a little bit more about the
problem with
warts you mentioned in your previous letter.
Have they spread completely across your face? Have you
considered seeking medical advice? It is your safety and health,
foremost, that concerns me, of course.

Sincerely,
Bethany Mint

Dear Mr. Drake,
To be honest, though as a child my hair was so fair as to
be nearly white, it has darkened some in recent years. I hope
that won’t be a cause for concern. I am a steadfast, honest
woman, willing to do whatever I can to establish a happy
home and a partnership based on mutual adoration
and care.