In the Dark (19 page)

His voice gets lower with each word and his lips get closer to mine with each breath. I can’t move. My mind and body are being seduced.

“‘…for the things it has forbidden itself, with desire for what monstrous laws have made monstrous and unlawful’.”

I can’t take it anymore. I close the small gap between our lips and press them together. His arm tightens around my waist and he pulls me even closer. I wrap my legs around his hips and his hardness crashes into me. My hands find their way into his hair, roaming his scalp as he devours my lips. His kisses are like wildfire – hot and uncontrollable. When his tongue touches mine, my entire body trembles. I moan, sucking on his bottom lip, and grinding against him. God, I love the way he feels.

He grabs my hips and then we’re moving. I don’t know where we’re going, and I don’t care. A door slams shut, then there’s something soft beneath me. A bed. Fuck. All of a sudden, it’s like I’m possessed. I writhe beneath him, moaning and whimpering. I can’t get enough of him. I yank at the hem of his shirt and pull it up. He breaks away just long enough to remove it and toss it over his shoulder. He removes the gun from his waist and tries to place it on the nightstand, but I grab his shoulders and drag him back to me, causing it to clatter to the floor.

“Raven.”

Holy shit, my name sounds amazing coming from him. He moans as he kisses my neck. His tongue swirls, and my muscles clench. God, I want him to touch me there. He starts to suck on my neck and my eyes roll back in my head. For just a second, a clear thought enters my mind.

“No marks.”

He moves down and latches on to my stomach, pulling at my skin and sinking his teeth in. My stomach muscles lock up.

“Gage!”

“That’s it. Say my name, Raven.”

He comes back to my lips and I roll over, putting him beneath me. I sit up and just take him in. He’s breathing just as heavily as I am, and his pupils are dilated. The color of his eyes is even more intense. The pendant of his necklace – a flattened, brass base of a shotgun shell – lies on his chest, with the inscription ‘12 Gage’.

I study the tattoos covering his chest and arms. On his left arm, the reaper makes another appearance, the handle of his scythe extending all the way down to his wrist. On either side of the blade are the words, ‘I did not come to bring peace, but a sword’. On his right arm, there’s a twelve gauge, eight-seventy pump-action shotgun, with a bullet coming out of the barrel. The name of his club sits proudly on his sternum in a semi-circle from one shoulder to the next, the logo on his left pectoral. On his sides, there are two Glocks that look like they’re tucked into his waist. ‘Death before disloyalty’ is in bold letters on his stomach between the guns. Among the tats, I also notice a few scars, some of which look like gunshot wounds. With his protruding pecs, flat stomach, and strong arms, he’s one smoking-hot, hunk of a man. A real thirst trap.

I lean forward and kiss his neck, working my way back to his lips. As I’m treated to another of his delicious kisses, he slips his fingers beneath my top. I’m startled by a vibration on my thigh and I pull back. He looks up at me, takes a deep breath, and shakes his head.

“Fuck!” He rolls from under me and jumps off the bed. “The fuck am I doing?”

He removes two phones from his pocket, tosses one on the bed, and answers the other. His back is to me and I see it’s free of tattoos. I was expecting to see more. He hangs up and turns to me, and I get ready for round two. Instead, he picks up his shirt and sighs.

“I better take you home.”

I glance over at her. Her head is turned away from me, and the hoodie is blocking her face. She’s been quiet ever since we left the clubhouse. “Are you awake?”

“Yes,” she answers softly.

“Are you okay?”

“Yes.”

“Are you angry?”

“What is this, twenty questions?”

“You’re just real quiet is all.”

“I’m fine.”

I’m such a dumbass. Why did I take her there? I should have known I couldn’t trust myself to be alone with her.

“I’m sorry. I got carried away. I shouldn’t have let things go that far.”

“You don’t need to be. It’s not like I asked you to stop. I wanted it, too.”

Fuck. Why did she have to say that? My dick is still hard and aching like a motherfucker. I need to find somewhere to bury this bone fast.

“How many people have you killed?”

Her question startles me. “What? Why would you ask me that?”

“Your nickname is Reaper…the whole reaper theme…plus, with everything I’ve heard about you, doesn’t take a genius to figure it out.”

She finally turns to look at me, but I can’t look at her. This is just a reminder of why I should stay away from her.

“It’s okay. I’m not scared or anything. You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to. As a matter of fact, don’t. I’m sorry.”

She turns away again and stares out the window. This isn’t something I talk to women about. The only person I even really talk to is E. We’ve known each other since we were kids, so he knows me better than anyone. I trust him. Can I trust her? I barely know her, so why do I feel like I can?

“You don’t want to know, Raven.”

She turns to me once more, expecting me to continue.

“As soon as I got my license, my dad bought me a Harley and drafted me into the club. I was the president’s kid, so I didn’t even join as a prospect. He made me his Sergeant and taught me everything he knew.”

“Sergeant?”

“Sergeant at Arms…an enforcer, if you will…security.”

“Weren’t you a bit young for that?”

“I grew up real quick.”

I remember the gun and shooting lessons. Killing lessons, really – every possible way to kill a man and get rid of the body. While everyone else my age was filling out college applications, I was burying bodies in the woods.

“Did you want to be in the club?”

“A part of me did. Another part of me wanted something else.”

“What?”

“I wanted to be a pilot. Was planning on joining the Air Force after graduation.”

“Why didn’t you?”

“It was just a dream. Had to accept reality.”

“‘Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one’.”

I turn to her, trying to keep the astonishment from my eyes. “You read a lot, don’t you? I don’t know any girls your age quoting Einstein. Hell, I don’t know any
my
age.”

“I love reading, love learning new things. Seems like you read a lot, too.”

“Side effect of having a brainiac for a best friend.”

“Dr. Emerson?”

“Mm hmm.”

“I know it’s more than that. You can’t fool me.”

“I can’t?”

“No.”

She’s right, of course. It’s more than E’s influence. I really did want to be a pilot. I took the right classes, studied my ass off, and graduated with a 4.0 GPA. E’s the one who convinced me to get a business degree when I told him all the plans I had for the MC. Because of my duties with the club, I couldn’t go to a traditional college, so I got an Associate’s degree from a local community college. Sometimes I still wonder what would have happened if I’d joined the Air Force instead of the club.

“Okay, you got me. I’m secretly a nerd.”

“Not a nerd, but smarter than you lead people to believe.”

“You got me all figured out, huh?”

“Well, you wanted to be a pilot, so you must have been pretty good in school. That doesn’t just go away. You probably have a degree or something, but you’re hiding behind this Reaper persona.”

What the fuck?
People who have been around me for years haven’t figured that out and she does after a few conversations? Not even Chopper knows. The only ones who do are E and Ellen.

“What makes you think that?”

She raises a shoulder in a shrug.

“How old are you?”

“Thirty-two.”

“Oh.”

“What…you think I’m too old for you?”

“No, just wondering. I don’t really know anything about you.”

“True. There’s a lot we don’t know about each other, but we can learn.”

I reach over, take her hand, and stare into her eyes. She averts her gaze and pulls her hand from mine nervously.

“I like your tattoos.”

She effectively changes the subject, so I place my hand back on the wheel. “Thanks.”

“I was surprised you don’t have any on your back.”

“It’s kind of a club thing. The back is reserved for our old ladies.”

“Old lady…is that like a girlfriend?”

“Yeah, or wife.”

“So, you don’t have one?”

“No, Raven. If I did, you wouldn’t be here.”

“Don’t you want one?”

Damn it. I should have known this would happen. She probably thinks this is going somewhere. I need to nip it in the bud.

“Don’t worry. I don’t have any grand ideas about you. I know exactly what you want from me.”

“I’m not that man, Raven. You want a good fuck, you come see me. I don’t date. I don’t do romance or relationships, and I certainly don’t do love.”

“You don’t need to convince me. Besides, I have a boyfriend.”

The mere mention of the word makes my blood boil. I don’t even know why. I just can’t stand the thought of someone else touching her. “Are you fucking him?”

“What? No!”

I pull into her driveway and shut the car off. There are a few things we need to get straight.

“When you said you’ve done some things…what did you mean?”

She takes a deep breath and rolls her eyes.

“If you’re asking me if I’m virgin, then the answer is yes.”

Fuck. A virgin. My dick jumps. I can just imagine how tight she’ll be. “It’s mine, Raven. Wait for me.”

She turns to me, her expression incredulous.

“What?”

“I want to be your first. Say you’ll wait for me.”

“You’re crazy.”

“Maybe, but it’s mine.”

“My virginity is not something you can
claim
,” she says indignantly.

“But I
am
claiming it. I want to see the look on your face when I slide inside you for the first time. I want to hear you scream my name when you come. I’m going to be your first, Raven. It’s
mine
.”

The anger drains from her face and her breathing gets ragged. I’ve got her.

“I want you to do something for me.”

“What?”

“I want you to touch yourself every night.”

She swallows hard then whispers, “Why?”

“I want you to get used to being touched, to get yourself ready for me.”

“No. I can’t.”

“You can. You want me, too. I don’t know why you keep fighting me.”

“I like you, and there’s no doubt we have a strong physical attraction, but that’s all it is. You said yourself that you’re not into relationships and love. That’s what I need.”

“Love ain’t got shit to do with fucking.”

“I don’t want to fuck. I want to make love. I want love and a committed relationship.”

“I see.”

I really don’t, but what else can I say? I can’t give her what she wants.

“Good night, Gage. Thanks for tonight. I had a great time.”

I watch her as she climbs out of the car, shuts the door, and walks away. Once she’s safely inside, I drive off. She didn’t say it, but somehow, it felt like goodbye. I fucked up. I know I fucked up. I acted like a fucking caveman, and now she probably doesn’t want anything to do with me. I can’t say I blame her. I’m a dick.

I head out of town and toward the Kitty. I haven’t been there in a while. Maybe I should go check things out. When I arrive, it’s packed as usual. Put pussy and liquor together and men will show up. Kind of like
Field of Dreams
– build it and they’ll come. I do a visual check of the security, making sure they’re all where they’re supposed to be. The bartender waves at me as I pass by and I think of taking her to my office for a quickie, but then I meet Nita’s hard stare.

“Keep it in your pants, boy.”

“I am. I promise. How’s it going?”

“Good. I guess I don’t have to worry about you fucking this supplier. Or do I?”

“Should I be worried about you?”

“My man days are over, son.”

“Yeah, right.”

I kiss her cheek, and then make my way to the security room. I have two guys in there monitoring everything that goes on. They’re both diligently watching the screens.

“Everything good, boys?”

“Yes, sir,” they reply in unison.

“Good.”

I head back to the bar, get a beer, and watch Brandi, the girl on stage. She’s one of my best girls, a big money-maker. She climbs to the top of the pole, hangs upside down, and then slides to the bottom, stopping just before her head hits the floor. The crowd goes crazy.

“Hey, handsome.”

I turn to the voice and see two blondes smiling at me. Not really my type, but they’re pretty enough. “Hello.”

“We hear you’re the owner,” Blonde Number One says.

“One of them.”

“We just wanted to let you know that this place is great.”

“Thank you. I’m glad you like it.”

Blonde Number Two smiles and moves closer to me.

“I’m glad Alex talked me into coming out tonight. Better than a night home alone.”

Home alone. The words ring in my ears. I need to talk to her. I need to make sure she’s okay.

“Excuse me.”

I dial her number the moment I’m outside and hope she answers. Two rings, three, four…just when I’m about to give up, she picks up.

“Hello.”

“Did I wake you?”

“No. I was reading. Just got into bed.”

Jesus.
“I wanted to check on you since I know you’re home alone.”

“Not the first time, won’t be the last.”

“Do you want me to come –?”

“No. I’m fine.”

Frustration grips me so I take a deep breath, expelling it from my mouth. I never know what to do when it comes to her. I feel like fucking breaking something.

“Are you okay?” she asks.

“No, I’m not okay. I feel like I’m going crazy. I want you so much I don’t know what to do with my fucking self. I can wait, Raven. I will fucking wait. I just need to know that I’m not waiting in vain.”

“I
can’t
, Gage. I can’t give you what you want, and you can’t give me what I want.”

“Is this about the boy?”

“His name is Chris, and this is about me. I’m not just going to spread my legs for you because you want me to. I’m not Lonnie.”

“Is that what you think? I know that you’re nothing like your whore sister. Chicks like her are for amusement, nothing more. You…you’re different. I
want
to be with you.”

“No, you don’t want to be with me. You want to have sex with me. Therefore it
would
be for your amusement.”

“Trust me, it’s not like that.”

She doesn’t speak for a while, but I know she’s still there. I hear her breathing.

“There are a lot of women out there who want to be with you.”

“I know. That doesn’t matter. What matters is who
I
want.”

“We can’t be together. Not now, not two months from now, not ever.”

“Why?”

“Good night, Gage.”

I want to put my fucking fist through the wall. Instead, I kick the trashcan in front of me with a loud growl.
That’s it. I’m done. It’s her fucking loss.
I’m not wasting any more time on some bi-polar ass chick. If she doesn’t want me then I sure as hell don’t want her ass. I turn when I hear footsteps behind me.

“Hey.”

It’s the blondes from earlier. Maybe I can salvage this night after all. “Hello again, ladies.”

“We’re heading home. Just wondering if maybe…you’d like to join us.”

I look them over from head to toe. I guess I could do a lot worse. “Lead the way. I’ll follow.”