In the Heart of Forever (20 page)

“Thank you,” she groaned, shaking her head and took a deep breath.

“Come here.” I reached out, wrapping my arms around her, and leaned her back against me.

“I don’t know what came over my stomach,” she whispered.

“Stress.” I thought a moment and my stomach twisted with disgust. “Jesse, are you…”

She turned to me. “Am I what?”

I ran a hand down her back. I didn’t know how to ask. It was inappropriate but I needed to know. “Are you pregnant?”

Her eyes widened, her mouth opening and closing.

“I’m sorry. I know it’s none of my business but I…I just…” Damn, I was such an idiot.

“No. I’m not.”

My breath escaped on a whoosh. The fact that a baby could be brought into this world under those circumstances made me sick to my stomach. “I’m sorry, Jesse. I…”

She turned back around and leaned against me. “I went on the pill after…after Allan…did what he did.”

My blood boiled and I bit back a growl. “Did it happen after we…?”

“Yes,” she said so quietly, I almost didn’t hear her.

“God, baby. I’m so sorry.” I knew Allan was a sick bastard but I had no idea that he would go that far to hurt her. It was the situation with my sister all over again.

“Don’t apologize for him. Isn’t that what you told me?” She grabbed my arms and pulled them tighter around her like I was her security blanket.

My heart broke, anger resurfacing to my skin. “Yeah…” I bit out. Memories of Emelia came soaring back into my head.
Jim is raping me, Rave. Please, you have to do something.

I didn’t believe her. I didn’t believe her so I didn’t protect her. After I found out he actually did abuse her, I swore to myself I would never put trust into a person just because they had a fancy job title. With Allan it was different, though. I saw the evidence of the abuse in her eyes. I bit my inner cheek, tensing under her.

“Rave?”

I didn’t respond. What could I say? There was nothing that I could do except be there for her.

“Please, talk to me.”

“When?” I croaked.

She sighed, turning on her side. “The night before I broke up with you.”

“I want to kill him.” And that was the truth.

Her breath caught. “Let the police deal with him, Rave. It’s over now. It has to be. I’m not going back there.”

Anger bubbled in my stomach as all of the nightmares from my childhood resurfaced. “How many times?” I cleared my throat.

“Just once.” She didn’t cry. She probably shed so many tears already over the situation.

Bile rose to my throat. Please God, let the police keep Allan in jail forever. I scoffed.
You couldn’t be that lucky, Rave.

Jesse rose to her feet and left the bathroom. She came back a moment later in shorts and tank top, holding her toothbrush. After she finished brushing the rancid taste of puke out of her mouth, she grabbed my hand, pulling me to my feet.

I followed her into the living room and sat beside her as she grabbed her guitar. I took it from her and strummed a few notes, waiting for Jesse to tell me more.

“Rave?” Her voice was small. She watched my fingers move along the strings.

She was so beautiful, I could stare at her for hours.

She pulled the guitar out of my hands, placing it on the bed beside us. She grabbed the hem of my shirt and ran her hand under it, grazing her soft fingers over my abs. My breath caught at the light contact. She chewed her bottom lip and unshed tears filled her eyes. “Do… you still…” She took a deep breath, letting the tears fall.

I wiped her cheeks with my thumbs and kissed her lips lightly. “Deep breaths, Jesse.”

Her beautiful brown eyes focused on mine. God, so much pain swam through them. A possessive growl erupted from the back of my throat. I wanted to kill every person that had hurt her. Her eyes widened and darkened with…hunger? I shook my head and swallowed past my anger, pulling her against me. “I’m sorry.”

“Do you still want me?” she whispered.

Did I just hear her right?
I lifted her head. “What the hell are you talking about? Of course I still want you.”

She closed her eyes, tears streaming down her cheeks. “I mean, after…everything with Allan…”

“Hey, look at me.” I grabbed her cheeks in my hands and kissed her lips.

Her eyes opened slowly and she moved to her knees between my legs.

“I wouldn’t change a single thing about you. I love you, Jesse. You may not believe me, but I do. I know we’re young but I know how I feel.” God, how could she think that I wouldn’t want her?

“I…I…feel…” she stammered.

I ran my hands up and down her arms, I prayed…hoped that we could finally be happy. “What?”

Her cheeks reddened. “I feel dirty and I thought maybe you wouldn’t want me after…” She swallowed.

Fury and rage flew through my body, shattering my bones. Hatred poured into my soul like molten lava. I could kill him for making her feel this way. The guilt written all over her face made me want to squeeze Allan’s neck until it snapped.

She cupped my cheek in her palm, running a thumb over my bottom lip and surprisingly, that small touch, calmed me. “Rave?”

I closed my eyes and took a couple of deep breaths, trying to ease my racing heart. I really needed to get control of my temper. “I need a moment,” I snarled.

“Okay.” Jesse’s voice filled with thick emotion. She thought I was mad at her.

I felt her move and a moment later, the sink in the bathroom started running. I opened my eyes and followed her into the washroom. She was washing her face. Our eyes met in the mirror and something broke behind her gaze. She was letting me back in. Slowly but she was finally allowing me into her world. When she finished cleaning herself up, she turned to leave the bathroom.

I grabbed her hand, spinning her to me. She gasped, placing her hands on my chest. Our hips touched and I backed her up until we reached the door. “Don’t ever think that I wouldn’t want you.”

I pinched her chin and placed a soft kiss on her lips, running a hand down her backside to her bare thigh.

“Ok, but—”

I sucked her lip into my mouth and licked my way in between her lips. She moaned and grabbed onto my waist, pulling me against her. “Rave,” she breathed.

I released her mouth. “Can’t you feel how much I want you?” I pushed against her.

Her eyes widened as I ground my hips against her. Jesse’s lips parted, little bursts of air escaping her kiss swollen lips.

“How hard it is for me to hold back?” I asked, kissing her jaw.

“Don’t hold back,” she begged and wrapped her hands around my neck. “Make love to me.”

I leaned my forehead against hers and continued to slowly torture myself by rubbing against her pelvis. “God baby, I…”

“Please, Rave. Help me erase it.” She grabbed onto my jeans and started undoing my belt making my heart speed up. God, I’ve never been so nervous in my life. Even though I had been with her before, something had changed in the last month. Jesse did this to me. I wanted everything perfect for her every time but sometimes passion and my desire for her took over.

“Please, Rave. Help me forget,” she pleaded.

This was not the quiet Jesse that I first met that day in the library. When she dropped her cell phone unknowingly and I handed it back to her, it took everything in me not to throw her up against the stack of books and kiss the hell out of her.

She didn’t even know it, but she was dangerous. With one dark look from her, I was putty in her hands. Was that love?

I heard my zipper being lowered, snapping me out of my thoughts. I slowly opened my eyes and looked down at her.

Her big brown eyes were shadowed with desire. Before I knew what was happening, a warm hand reached into my jeans and wrapped around me. I groaned at the soft contact. “Jesse.”

My body and brain battled with love and desire for her. Should I? Shouldn’t I? Was it too soon? As much as I loved her and I did, in fact, love her…it was no puppy dog bullshit…did I want to take it this quickly after everything with Allan?

“I…Rave…I can’t…please. I need you.”

The hardest thing I’d ever done was pulling her hand off of me. But after what had happened with her stepfather, she needed some time, even if it was just one night. I wouldn’t be that guy. Most guys wouldn’t even hesitate but, Ren taught me better. The trust she had felt for me and probably all men was no longer there. I could see it in her eyes. She needed to trust me. Right now, she didn’t. Not completely. I didn’t want her to regret anything and yeah it would feel good during, but the after affects is what scared the shit out of me.

She whimpered, knowing that I wouldn’t give in and took a step back. Her cheeks were flushed with passion and anger. She shoved past me and stormed into the living room, grabbing her bag. She roughly pulled her clothes out of it and stood with her back to me, every so often, wiping her face.

Great, I made her cry…again. She may hate me but she would thank me later. I just had to keep telling myself that.

Knowing I was in the room, she stripped completely. She didn’t even hesitate. “I know you’re watching me.”

My cheeks heated and I looked away from her naked form. It’s not like I hadn’t seen anything before but it felt wrong since we weren’t…I didn’t even know what we were. Confusion tore through me. “Yeah well, you kind of make it hard not to.”

She scoffed. “Please.”

Oh she was angry alright. I sighed, scrubbing my face with my hand. I had said it once and I’ll say it again, this girl was going to be the death of me. Distracting myself, I walked into the kitchen when my phone rang. I frowned when I saw that it was Ren. “Hey bro, what’s up?”

“Where are you?”

“I’m at home. We had a situation,” I answered, leaning against the kitchen counter. I watched as Jesse crawled into my bed in just a tank top and panties. My body stirred. It was going to be a long night.

“What’s going on?”

“Ren, I don’t want to talk about it over the phone but I think I might need a lawyer,” I told him.

“Fuck, Rave. What the hell happened?”

I didn’t answer right away. “Can you stop by tomorrow, Ren?”

“What happened? Are you alright?” He asked, his voice filling with concern.

I sighed. “Yeah I’m fine.” For now. The kid’s ass I kicked at school a couple weeks back, didn’t even approach me. It had made me nervous at first since he threatened to call the cops on me but that never happened. I was more concerned about almost squeezing the life out of Allan tonight.

There was a pause on the other end. “What did you do, Rave?”

He knew me well. “Just come over tomorrow.”

Ren huffed. “God, you and your fucking temper. I’ll see you tomorrow. Try and stay out of trouble for the rest of the night, alright?”

My eyes flicked back to Jesse lying on my bed half naked. Yeah, that was going to be hard to do.

Chapter 28

Jesse

I hummed to myself as I strummed the strings on my guitar. I felt Rave approach me and sighed when he wrapped his body around mine. “Was that Ren?”

“Yes.”

I moved to put the guitar away when he stopped me. He strummed the strings and recognizing the song, I pressed the notes.

He hummed in my ear, making my heart skip a beat.

We continued to play together when words started leaving his lips. His deep melodic voice washed over me as he sang the lyrics to one of my favorite songs. He wrapped his other arm around my middle, holding me against him as he continued to serenade me. “Sing with me, baby.”

My heart gave a start and I took a deep breath, finishing the song with him.

He kissed my neck and grabbed the guitar from my hands.

“I had no idea you could sing.” I crawled under the covers and watched him put the instrument away.

“I can’t.”

I rolled my eyes and held the covers up for him so he could crawl in beside me. “Yes you can. You have a beautiful voice.”

His cheeks flushed as he crawled onto the bed.

I frowned. “Rave. You can’t sleep in your clothes.”

He stared at the ceiling. “Yes I can.”

“Rave.” I faced him and placed an arm over his chest.

Rave looked at me and took a deep breath. He looked torn into deciding what his body wanted and what his brain told him to do.

I just wanted him to make me feel better. I wanted to forget everything that had happened over the past month. I needed him. Even if it meant playing my guitar, just being with him helped erase the memories of my nightmare.

“Rave, I…”

He cleared his throat and shot up off the bed. “Jesse, we can’t do this.”

“Rave.”

He grabbed a blanket and a pillow and threw them on the floor.

“What are you doing?” I demanded.

“I want you too much,” he mumbled.