In Too Deep (25 page)

“And you
do
care about people.” She spoke against his lips. “You care until it's almost too much to bear.”

“No, I don't. I'm . . . I'm selfish.” How could she still want to be close to him?

Audra pulled back, her hands resting on his face. Her light blue eyes shining in the dusk of a Colorado evening. “You care about your brothers. I could see how hard you worked to keep them from being upset tonight.”

“That just means I get sick of them always fighting.”

“And you're wonderful with the girls. Maggie adores you.”

With a sheepish shrug of a shoulder he said, “I'm just takin' care of 'em like a pa had oughta.”

“Their father didn't. I know what it feels like to be with a man who doesn't take care of his children or me. And this feels nothing like that.”

Audra wrapped her arms around his neck, pulled him tight to her and kissed him. When she came up for air, they were lying down, as close as two people could be.

“Does this feel like you don't care about me, Ethan? Really?”

It was with a sense of wonder that Ethan realized just what she'd forced him to admit with her words and her warrior's grip and her kisses. “I do care about you, Audra. And the girls, and my brothers, and even Julia.”

“What do you mean by
even
Julia?” Audra looked disgruntled.

Ethan smiled; then his smile faded and he ran a knuckle gently down the side of her cheek. “You could have been hurt last night. Audra, I . . .”

Ethan kissed her again to stop himself from saying he loved her. He pulled her to him and did his best to show it.

But to speak of it out loud would force him to admit that if he lost her, it would destroy him.

“It doesn't matter where we settle, Jasper.” Trixie leaned her head on his shoulder as they sat in the hard seat of the stagecoach, bouncing along, dropping into every rut in existence. “I wanted to get away from Houston, but we don't have to go clear across the country.”

It was so hot that her being draped on him couldn't make it any hotter. Thankfully the sun was finally setting. The stagecoach driver had warned them he was pushing on into the night, aiming to make it into Colorado Territory. Soon they'd be in Rawhide. He'd tell Trixie where he intended to stop once they were closer to town.

Trixie. His wife.

It gave him pause to remember he'd married her. A month ago, he'd have bet all he had—if he was a gambling man, which he wasn't—on being single for the rest of his life.

“That attack in Houston means the word is out.”

Which caused Jasper to reconsider whether he gambled or not. He'd always considered gamblers to be fools. Fools who helped him get rich. But every day he did business with the Hardeseys was a gamble. His whole life was a gamble. He'd as good as spent his life digging his own grave, and now he was running from judgment day. A judgment day that was bound to go badly.

Now Jasper saw his future. Evade the Hardeseys and the devil himself. And he needed his money to evade them in any kind of comfort, for he was a man who liked comfort. He had no intention of spending his life raising chickens.

“We rode plenty far before we got on the stage,” he said. “The Hardeseys may be powerful in New Orleans and Houston, but they got no reach way out here. We can stop anytime. Buy a place under a different name and live our lives quietly.” Jasper would go where he needed to go with or without Trixie, but for now, rather than fight about it, he'd like her to come along willingly. Especially since she was the one with the money. “Wouldn't you like to get out of this heat, Trix?”

“Houston gets mighty hot, no denying it.”

“I want to see the snow this winter.” Jasper hated the cold. “I'd like to have a season or two where we aren't burning up.” When he got his money back, he decided he'd head for California and year-round summer. Trixie could come if she wanted to. “Colorado sounds nice.” He did his best to make it sound casual, like he was thinking of it right this minute.

“Colorado Territory?”

Trixie had saved him. She'd killed for him. She'd financed their getaway. And she provided him cover, because the two of them being together—a married couple, Mr. and Mrs. Duff—wouldn't draw the attention of men hunting Jasper Henry.

“Yeah, why not?” he said.

Trixie nodded. “But I don't want Denver. I want a smaller town. Less chance of seeing any old customers for either of us.”

That had been what he'd planned to say next. Jasper patted her hand, and their skin nearly stuck together in the heat. Only years of practice kept his lip from curling in distaste.

“Sounds good, Trix. We'll look for a likely place and then see about buying you that house.”

The whole family rode out the next day. Rafe in the lead, of course.

Audra had never gone to her cabin this direction before. She'd gone to Rawhide to marry Ethan. They'd ridden from town straight to the Kincaid Ranch and she'd never returned to the cabin she'd shared with Wendell.

This time, to throw off anyone who was watching, they headed for Rawhide on the trail the Kincaids had always taken. It was heavily wooded, a twisting, turning rattlesnake of a trail that went up and down through the rugged land that stood between the Kincaids and town.

Ethan and Seth dropped back and got off the narrow trail to watch for pursuit.

Rafe stayed in the lead. Julia had Maggie on her lap. Audra had Lily in a little leather pack on her back that Ethan had made. The women rode side by side, talking about the possible hiding places for Wendell's money.

They reached a fast-moving creek, where Rafe pulled up. “This is the same stream that runs behind your cabin. It's a lot wilder by you, but it's still deep. Let me carry Maggie.” Rafe reached for Maggie, who screamed and grabbed at Julia.

Rafe looked a little hurt. “She usually lets me hold her.”

“We can keep the babies. Just lead the way.” Julia patted him on the shoulder. He looked at Audra as if judging whether she'd melt like spun sugar if she got a drop of water on her, then turned and waded his horse into the water.

The crossing was a little deep for Audra's taste. She had to pull her feet up to keep her boots from getting wet, but the horses didn't have to swim.

By the time they reached the other side, Audra heard splashing behind her and turned to see Ethan and Seth fording.

“No sign of trouble.” Ethan came up beside Audra. “We separate up here, just around the next bend in the trail. Hand Maggie over, Julia. I can take her now.”

Audra smiled at Ethan.

“Are you riding to town with us, Seth?” Julia asked as she slid Maggie off the saddle in front of her. Maggie reached for Ethan with a squeal of pleasure. Audra couldn't help taking a quick glance at Rafe, who was clearly aware that Maggie liked her daddy a lot more than she liked Uncle Rafe.

“Nope, I'm going with Ethan and Audra to the cavern.”

Ethan drew in a breath so sharp, Audra worried he'd choke. “We're not going to the cavern.” He glared so hard at Seth, Audra worried her husband might leave new scars on his brother.

“Oh, well, that's fine. I'll go with you anyway. I don't like it in town.”

Audra looked between Ethan, Rafe, and Julia. None of them wanted to even ask what Seth had against town.

“Good, that's settled.” Audra looked at Ethan. “Lead the way. I've got no idea where my cabin is from here.”

“You'll ride right through the land Seth claimed,” Rafe said. “You'll pass a wall of red rock on your left as you're heading south. That's the border of his property. You can see if any place looks good to build a cabin.”

Seth frowned. “I don't want to live alone. I want to live with Audra or Julia.”

Ethan rolled his eyes. “We'll talk about it later. Let's go.”

They headed south while Rafe and Julia were swallowed up on the wooded trail west to Rawhide.

There was no real path this way, but Ethan followed the base of a mountain, curving around, making decent time. When they reached the red rock, Ethan looked at Audra and she shook her head to silence him. No sense discussing Seth's future home right now.

They were a long time reaching Audra's cabin, and when they finally galloped up to the pathetic shack, Audra felt her stomach lurch. “It's awful. I can't believe we lived in there all that time.”

The cabin was so poorly built she could see through the walls. It sagged to the south as if a strong wind—of which the Rockies had many—could blow it over, and was half done doing just that.

“Where could Wendell have hidden money in that tiny cabin?” Audra swung off her horse with Lily fast asleep in one arm. She handed her reins to Ethan and reached for a sleeping Maggie.

“I'll carry her in for you.” Ethan moved to keep Maggie out of Audra's reach.

“I can carry both children.” Audra's temper simmered, but rather than snap at her husband, she felt calm enough about her capabilities to simply be firm. “Did I or did I not protect them both from an intruder the other night?”

Ethan studied her. The smile that bloomed on his lips was gentle and genuine. “That you did, wife. You can handle anything that comes your way, I reckon.” Ethan handed Maggie over.

“Thanks.” Audra probably shouldn't thank a man for treating her with respect. She should demand it, and when he gave it, she should take it as her due. But instead she had to fight down the urge to apologize for her crankiness.

“Go on in.” Ethan looked at the cabin and shook his head. “Put them down and take a good look around. We've got to check everything carefully, but I agree with you, there're no hiding places in that little shack.”

“If the girls are asleep, I won't be able to help you search out here.”

Ethan looked around at the vast expanse of woodlands, mostly so rocky there was no place to dig a hole. “We'll save you some places to hunt.”

She smiled at him.

Seth came up beside Audra, leading his horse. “I'll help you get the horses stripped of leather, Eth, then we'll start looking around. We'll see if we can find any evidence of digging or markers that look man-made.”

“Thanks, both of you.” Audra kissed Ethan to show him she was especially thanking him.

Ethan watched her walk into the cabin. He could watch that woman walk for the rest of his life.

A slap on his burned shoulder drew his attention to Seth, who was smiling like a mule eating saw briars.

“Like your wife, huh, big brother?”

Ethan shoved him. “Watch where you're hitting me. I'm injured, remember?” Ethan smiled to think of how gently Audra had tended his burns. “But my woman is taking good care of me.”

“A wife to tend your wounds is a wonderful thing.” Seth turned to look at the cabin. “I suppose you want to keep yours.”

Ethan shoved him again. They both laughed. “Let's get these horses put up.”

They walked toward the corral, one of the few clear spots in this wooded, mountainous area.

Seth shook his head. “I wonder how Wendell ever found this cabin.”

“Audra said he left them outside of town, a long way outside of town, camping, while he went into Rawhide. She said he didn't come back for a week. When he showed up on Saturday night, he'd bought a cabin.”

“This place?” Seth looked back at the ramshackle building with a scowl.

“Yep.” Ethan opened the corral gate and let Seth pass through leading his horse. Ethan followed with his and Audra's.

“Well, they're right about him not spending much of his fortune on it, nor on that building in town.” Seth took over and swung the gate shut.

“They spent one day, a Sunday, moving out here.” Ethan began stripping the leather off the horses while Seth worked alongside him. For a crazy man, Seth was a mighty fine cowboy. “Wendell spent the whole time telling them how dangerous Rawhide would be for women and children and that they had to stay well away.”

“So it's a dangerous area, but he leaves two women and two babies out here alone.” Seth hung his saddle on the corral fence and went to Audra's horse.

“His way of telling it was that the danger was only in town.” Ethan had to hustle to keep up with his little brother.

“Yep, a wild town is always surrounded by a peaceful countryside. Everyone knows that.”

“Julia always lived like this. She was used to it. Her father left her alone for the week while he worked in town. And he was such an old grouch she looked forward to him leaving. That's when she got so interested in hunting around in caves and such.”

“I never knew Wendell Gilliland, but it doesn't sound like I missed much.”

Ethan looked over the back of his horse to see Seth working. They smiled at each other. Then Ethan felt the ache in his shoulder from Seth slapping him, and his smile faded as he thought of Seth's burns.

“I don't know if I've ever told you how sorry I am for the way I treated you when you had that accident, Seth.”

Somehow, talking it through with Audra made it possible for Ethan to finally speak of that day.

Seth looked up from tending the horse. “What do you mean, Eth? You're the one who figured out I could climb the edge of that pit. You stayed when Rafe ran off.”

“Ran for the rope, you mean.”

“Yeah, now I know he was going for the rope, but back then, well, I sort of thought he was just plain running. He sure took off fast.”

“He ran and got a torch, brought it back, and told me to talk to you.” Ethan thought of how he hadn't been able to move. Was it possible he
hadn't
been frozen with fear but had instead been hurt so he couldn't move?

“I didn't know much of what went on up where you were. I only remember you talked to me, told me to quit crying and move, climb out of there. Rafe was nowhere around until we'd walked most of the way to the cave exit.”

“I was cruel. Rafe just wanted me to keep you calm, to make sure you knew we didn't leave you. But there you were in such terrible pain, and, Seth”—Ethan wasn't sure he should even say these words—“I said things, ugly things. I didn't care about you or how badly you were hurt. I saw you try so hard to get all that pain and fear under control.”

“I'd have never done it if you hadn't goaded me. You saved me, Eth.” Seth hung the last saddle on the corral fence and draped the bridle over the pommel and turned to watch Ethan do the same.

“No, I can't let you believe that.” Their horses began grazing, their teeth tearing grass up with a dull crunch.

“It's the truth.” Seth came close, almost like he wanted to help Ethan, when Ethan didn't deserve anything.

“No, you saved yourself. Maybe you climbed out because of what I said.”

“That's saving me.”

Ethan shook his head, hating this, but for once he felt as if he had the guts to reach out and grab ahold of the truth. He could finally take the blame for all he'd done to hurt Seth. “It was too much for you. You were in such pain and I . . . I pushed you beyond what you could bear.”

“No, you didn't, Eth. I
did
bear it. I made it.”

“I saw . . . I felt like I saw you . . . you . . . lose your mind.” Ethan looked at Seth, not so sure he should've said that, even if it was true. “It happened right in front of my eyes.”

“For that to be right would mean I'm crazy, Eth. I'm not crazy.” Seth's wild blue eyes looked into Ethan's. “Am I?”

Crazy eyes, but maybe not as crazy as he'd once been. Maybe his little brother was finding his way back.

“Maybe not. At least not now. But back then, right while it was happening, you went a little crazy.”

Silence stretched between them. Finally, Seth said, “I reckon maybe I did. I was so sick from the burns, and I don't remember much for a while except nightmares. And then I felt like that cavern was calling to me. Begging me to come and be inside it, be part of it. I hunted until I was so at home in that cavern that I loved it below ground almost more than above.” Seth's eyes seemed to tame down a bit. “I reckon that does sound a little crazy.”

“But not anymore, right?” Ethan could only hope and pray because his little brother had always had a wild streak in him. But wild wasn't crazy, and maybe now Seth had found himself again.

“Nope, not anymore.” Seth smiled and turned to get the corral gate and let them out. “I still do dearly love that cavern, though.”

Seth swung the gate shut, and the two of them walked toward the cabin, with no idea where to begin searching. They threaded through a stand of trees that ran along a steep ledge.

Seth looked at Ethan. “Maybe I love that cavern too much. But so does Julia, so I guess I'm not any crazier than her.”