Indulgence (357 page)

The sun peeking around the curtains woke me the next morning
and I looked around the empty bedroom. I wouldn’t have even known that someone
else had slept in the room if I hadn’t stirred the night before when Kirk
locked my wrist to a chain connected to a hook in the floorboard before
crawling into bed. There was no doubt that these rooms were set up for the men
and their slaves.

And, as if things weren’t fucked up enough, I was living
with a criminal who made his bed.

I sat and felt the heavy movement of the chain. It clattered
across the floor as I dropped my arm and flopped back. I wouldn’t have guessed
that tedium would have been one of the worst parts of the experience.

“You’re up.”

I heard Kirk’s voice but didn’t look up.

“I figured you were already gone,” I mumbled.

He made a sound in his throat and I heard his shoes moving
across the floor toward me. I wanted to roll toward the wall, to keep as much
distance between us as possible, but I didn’t have anywhere to go.

“I figured I should at least feed you first. Hungry?”

I was, but asking him for anything made me feel even more
hopeless. “I could eat.”

His knee popped when he knelt beside me to unlock my cuff.
He was already in a new pair of jeans—dark blue, and a V-neck shirt that clung
to every rippling muscle. As he hovered next to me, I chewed on the inside of
my cheek to keep all of the questions churning in my mind from spilling out.

He rested his forearms on his knees, balancing on the balls
of his feet. “What is it?”

“I’m keeping my mouth shut and staying out of trouble.” I
tried not to look at him. I didn’t want to remember the things I’d seen the
night before, or think about all of the things that were yet to come. If I
looked at him, all of my hate and anger would rise to the surface again.

He touched a finger to my chin, and I almost thought I could
see a smile. “We both know that’s not going to last long, so you may as well
say what it is while I’m offering to listen.”

I rolled over, trying to push myself up as my sore muscles
and bones objected.
Don’t do it
. My heart pounded in my throat,
anticipating my mouth’s inevitable betrayal of my better judgment. “Why can’t
you just let me go home?”

Kirk stood, towering above me. I wanted to shrink into a
ball, shrivel away where he couldn’t hurt me. But, he was going to hurt me. It
didn’t matter what I did or didn’t do. I at least deserved a reason why.

He grabbed my hair, and I pushed myself to my feet as
quickly as possible. My scalp was already sore and at this rate, I’d be bald by
the end of the week.

“Look I don’t even know where we are, who you are… And I
don’t care. I just want to go back to my life. To my home.”

“That’s not an option. And you and I both know that you
wouldn’t keep your mouth shut for anything. There’s only one way you get out of
here, and it wouldn’t involve going back to your life afterward.”

My body went numb as I struggled for words. “I can’t do
this.” My chest shook with every syllable, leaving my words chopped off and
mangled, just like my optimism. “What I saw last night—I can’t do that.”

“You don’t have a choice.” His jaw was tight, but his voice
displayed the same lack of emotion he had when he sealed my fate in the
basement.

“Why’d you bring me up here?” My armor cracked, leaving me
with nothing but seething agony. My skin felt tight and foreign, like it was
squeezing to keep me together. “You don’t give a fuck what happens to me,” I
yelled with every bit of strength I had left.

His hands went to his belt. My eyes widened and I tried to
duck away, but he grabbed my arm and swung me against the bed, pinning my knees
against the footboard and pushing me over against the mattress. I heard his
belt slip free of his pants, but the impact I braced for didn’t come. Instead,
he twisted my arms behind my back and looped the belt around them, tightening
it then using it to pull me off the bed.

He kept my arms raised behind me, right on the threshold of
pain. Every movement felt like it’d rip a shoulder out of socket. Pulling me
away from the bed, he turned me to stand in front of him and nudged my chin
around to face him. “Still haven’t learned your lesson, huh?”

“I learned running is useless. You asked what was on my mind
and I told you.”

With a twist of the belt, I yelped and lowered my upper
body, trying to change the angle that my arms were rotated.

“Please,” my voice squeaked at the top of its range.

“Stop questioning the things that don’t matter and stop
begging for the impossible. When you’re given the chance to talk, use it
wisely.” He dragged me into the bathroom and turned on the tub faucet, letting
the tub fill half way.

“Decision?” he asked, knocking my legs out from under me so
landed on my knees next to the tub.

I screamed as my bones crashed against the floor. Luckily
the bathmat kept them from hitting solid tile, but it still shot pain through
my bones and up my back. “Please, stop.” My voice echoed off of the tile walls
and floor.

“That’s not a decision,” he pushed me over the tub wall
leaving my face millimeters above the water. He left me there for a few
seconds, and then pushed my face lower until the water danced at my nose. I had
to breathe through my mouth to avoid inhaling it.

“No,” I gasped, taking in a mouthful of water and choking on
it. He gave me just enough time to catch my breath before shoving me down
again.

I tried to kick out my legs to dislodge him, and finally, he
jerked me back.

“You’re fighting pretty hard, so which is it? Choose to die
or fight to live.”

“You don’t want me to fight.” The water ran down my face and
neck, and tiny droplets got caught on my breath as I tried to breathe or talk.

“I don’t want you to fight and continuously question
me
—the
person who’s trying to keep you alive.”

Trying to keep me alive while forcing me to give up my life
and turn over my body and soul to his sick fantasies. “You’re the person trying
to turn me into a sex slave. If I shouldn’t fight you, who should I fight.”

“If you want to live, it’s all a matter of perspective. I’m
not asking you to be okay with it. You can choose to live, but beyond that the
choices are mine. You simply do as you’re told.” He eased up and let me
straighten then he pulled my hair until I had to face him. “It might not be so
bad.”

I gritted my teeth together, feeling the sour bile rising up
in my throat. “You’re sick.”

His lip twitched. “Years spent in the wrong profession will
do that to a person. I can always give you back to the others.”

“No,” I answered immediately. Given the choices available,
the idea of ever having any of them lay a hand on me was the most repugnant.

“I won’t deliberately hurt you unless you give me a reason.
I can’t say that about your other options.” He wiped the mixture of water and
tears from my face.

“I hate you,” I spat.

“I wouldn’t expect otherwise. All I want is for you to do as
I say. Can you do that?”

My chest didn’t want to expand to take a breath. My mind
screamed,
No
, so many no’s I couldn’t keep up. I didn’t want to be
offered up to the motley crew. I didn’t want to die. And I didn’t want to
listen to this jackass so he could take his perverted pleasures from my body.

Unfortunately, those were my only three options at the
moment. And of them, Kirk was the least offensive. There was nowhere else to
hide. I knew he could rip me apart—he could certainly do more than ripping out
my hair and pinning me against the bath tub. But he hadn’t yet. It was hard to
ignore the fact that within our context he was probably downright gentle.

I nodded.

Kirk pulled me to my knees and up off the floor, slipping
the belt off my wrists before releasing the plug to drain the tub. “Go to the
kitchen and sit down at the table. Do not move, and do not touch anything.”

I looked down at my nakedness, but didn’t think it was a
great time to mention clothes. I didn’t dare push him any further, so with a
defeated sigh, I dropped to my already bright red knees, and crawled quietly
out to the kitchen. I fidgeted in the seat, twisting my hands in my lap as I
wrestled with my decision. When I heard footsteps behind me, I froze.

Kirk walked past me and opened up one of the cupboards,
setting out a bowl and slamming the wooden door closed. He poured out a portion
of cereal, covered it in milk and dropped a spoon in the bowl, then slid it
across the table to me.

He sat down across from me and took a deep breath. “Ask your
questions.”

I choked on the first bite, the milk attempting to try a new
route through my nose. “Do you want me to shut up or open up?”

“Do as I say. Let’s get it over with.” He leaned across the
table. “No asking about getting out.”

“What do the—” the word slaves echoed through my mind, but I
couldn’t get it out “—girls do all day?”

He smirked. “You saw what the
slaves
do last night,”
he emphasized the word as if he knew I struggled to say it, “during the day,
some of them stay with their masters. There are also some who stay in a common
room when they’re not with guests. A lot of them are thankful for their
situation. They’ve been in worse places. We keep them fed, give them a place to
live, and medical attention.”

“So, in your fucked up mind, you’re a hero?” I bit my lip
then shoved a mouthful of cereal in my mouth, just to keep myself busy.

“Why don’t you tell me otherwise?” He stood and I nearly
slid out of my seat to the floor. “Tell me where you’d be if not for me.”

“I….” I didn’t want to admit it. “I don’t know.”

“You do know.” Resting both palms on the table, he leaned
toward me. “What would Gabe and his friends have done to you?”

“I don’t know,” I yelled louder as if that would make it
truer.

Kirk didn’t move.

I fisted my hands and dropped them into my lap, leaning back
in my chair. “They would have beaten me.”

Kirk raised his eyebrows.

My voice dropped to a whisper. I didn’t want to think about
the details. They’d crossed my mind, but I didn’t want to allow them the
validity of passing through my lips. “And raped me. And probably killed me.”

As the first tear trailed down my cheek, the anger rose
again. “But tell me, how is their raping me any different from what you’re
doing? What you’re going to do? You’re not beating me, but—”

“It’s not,” he admitted, sliding back into his seat. “But
there’s a big difference in the final result.”

I took a slow breath, unable to believe that he’d just
admitted that. The world slowed to a frightening pace while my brain raced
around with images and thoughts I didn’t want to consider. I took another bite
of cereal, barely managing to swallow it as the emotions tightened in my
throat—but at least eating gave me something else to concentrate on. I glanced
up to see Kirk paying more attention to something on his phone than me.

An infuriating relief. A reminder that he wanted nothing to
do with me, even though my future depended entirely on him.

I choked down the rest of the cereal and slid the empty bowl
across the table. Kirk put it in the sink and rinsed it out. “I’ll be here for
another hour and then I have a meeting. I suggest you take care of business,”
he nodded toward the bathroom, “before then.”

“Can I take a shower?” I asked, hoping to wash away the
filth that had coated me since yesterday. Even though I realized that most of
the filth was in my head and the water wouldn’t help.

Kirk nodded. “Door stays open—I don’t care what you need to
do, don’t argue this time.”

“Got it,” I mumbled I started to drop out of my seat, back
to my sore knees, but Kirk caught my arm.

“Sorry, Master.” I hoped correcting myself before he did
would earn me a smidgen of karma in his book. “I’ll leave the door open,
Master.”

“Next time work on conviction.” He released my arm. “If you
can follow orders, you don’t have to crawl through the apartment.”

Close enough to good karma. I walked away, still cursing the
fact that my lack of clothes didn’t even matter. I had nothing left to hide and
nowhere left to do it.

*****

As I stood under the hot stream of the shower, I took a
mouth full of the hot water then let the stream fall over my face before
spitting the water into the drain.

Fucked and tied with no way out. Kirk knew everything about
this place, yet he claimed he was only keeping me because there was no way out.

I was convinced there had to be a way; I just had to find
some kind of weakness. And some way to remove the damn collar and cuffs. All I
managed to do was think myself around in a circle.

I pressed my back against the shower wall as my mind ran
through a futile cycle of the things I could be asked to do before I figured a
way out. Taking a deep breath, I splashed a pool of water over my face, wanting
nothing more than to break apart and sink into a pool of flesh and bone.

But I was too damn stubborn for that. No easy way out. No
escape. And yet, I couldn’t even do what I was told in order to survive.

One day at a time—hell, one hour at a time
, I told
myself.

I turned off the shower and pushed back the curtain, glaring
at my reflection in the mirror, my body marred by black and blue marks. I
wrapped a towel around myself and crept toward the open doorway.

As I entered the living room, Kirk glanced up—a quick glance
as if he didn’t plan on actually paying any attention to me, but then his gaze
stuck and he arched an eyebrow.

“You want me to put the same clothes on again or…?”
Do I
just run around naked all day
? My brain filled in where my mouth had
stopped.