Infinite Desire (15 page)

Poor
Reagan, Rebecca just threw him under the big yellow bus. I can’t help but find
it amusing; he loves getting the dirty details on all of our love lives and
it’s about time he was on the receiving end of the inquisition.

Clearing
his throat, Reagan sticks his face in his menu. For a second I think he’s going
to torture us, holding out on feeding us any of the details of his juicy love
affair with the highest paid actress in Hollywood.

“Megan
and I are casually dating. She has a jam packed schedule and half the time is
on location filming, but when she’s in LA we get together. You’re reading more
into this than you should be. Rebecca is just trying to divert all the
attention onto me, instead of her.” I can feel the mood change immediately, as
Rebecca’s face turns pale. Reagan gives her a,
you started this
look
before turning back to Kayden and me.

“What
are you talking about?” I finally ask, even though I am not sure I want to
know.

“Reagan…Drop
it.” Rebecca snaps, causing my curiosity to peak.

An
impish grin spreads across Reagan’s lips, “Sorry baby girl, but you know you
wouldn’t be able to keep this from her for very long. Rebecca here had a
one-nighter with Jax the night of your engagement party.”

“What?!”
I shout, as shock hits me. Oh my fuckin’ God! “You slept with Jax?” I ask
Rebecca, as the words sink in. Reagan just dropped a major bomb on us.

Rebecca’s
face flashes ten shades of red as she diverts her eyes from us to the busy
street. “I could seriously murder you right now, Reagan.” She mumbles under her
breath, still not being able to bring herself to look at us.

Kayden
breaks the silence by being the first to finally say something, “I don’t see
the big deal. Jax is single, Rebecca’s single, they’re both adults; what they
do, is none of our business.”

I
snap my head at him; I’m baffled right now, “Seriously? It’s not like Jax is
just some random guy Kayden. He was with Brooklyn not too long ago. This
screams trouble; Brooklyn cannot find out about this!”

“I
agree one-hundred-percent! This is why I didn’t tell you. It killed me to not
say anything to you before I flew back to LA. I had too much to drink, and one
thing led to another. I think he was still hurting over Brooklyn marrying
Dixon, and was looking for a distraction. Before I knew it, we were waking up
the next morning in bed together.” The sadness on Rebecca’s face is hard to
see. I know she isn’t one of those girls who randomly sleep’s with guys; she
only has sex with someone if she’s dating them.

I
rest my hand over hers and give her a sympathetic smile, “Don’t worry your
secrets safe with us.” I slide my eyes to Reagan and furrow my brows together,
“Right, Reagan?”

Reagan
shakes his head in agreement, “My lips are sealed. I would never tell Brooklyn;
shit she’d go fuckin’ crazy. I don’t want to be on the receiving end of her
crazy ass meltdown.”

Shaking
his head, Kayden just stares at us all, “Y’all are crazy. Brooklyn’s married
now. I doubt she’ll care that those two fucked.” I noticed Rebecca flinch at
his words.

Seriously,
guys can be so clueless sometimes. “You don’t know women at all baby, I’m sorry
to break it to ya. There’s an unwritten rule with woman: you never sleep with
your friends ex…
ever
.” I emphasize the word
ever
so Kayden
understands I’m being completely serious right now.

Rolling
his eyes, Kayden goes back to looking over the lunch menu and mumbles under his
breath, “Woman! Y’all are too fuckin’ complicated.”

I
can’t help but laugh. “Yes, we are.”

We
spend the remainder of lunch keeping the conversation light. Reagan fills us in
on the gossip he’s gotten from Megan. All kinds of crazy, dirty things happen
on movie sets…who knew?

Rebecca
and Reagan didn’t waste any time letting me know all the juicy gossip of what’s
been going on at Envy over the last few weeks. Spending this time with them
makes me miss LA.

I
love the life we’re building in Texas, but California has been my home for most
of my life and I sometimes miss living here. I want to make an effort to come
out here more and stay maybe one weekend a month when I fly out for work. That
way, we can have the best of both worlds. With my parents being on the road,
their house is just sitting there.

~~~

Standing
in front of the floor length mirror in my old bedroom, I look at my reflection
one more time before heading downstairs to join Kayden and my parents so we can
greet our guests as they arrive.

I
decided on a red dress with jeweled straps that crisscross on my back. It’s
tight along my torso with a small peak-a-boo opening between my breasts,
emphasizing my cleavage, which I know Kayden will love. The features give it an
edge without taking the formal away.

“You
look fine!” Brooklyn snaps. We need to get downstairs before your mother drags
you down. She’s been running around this house like a mad woman, getting
everything perfect.”

Tugging
on my arm she pulls me out of my room, towards the large stairway leading to
the foyer. She and Dixon got here about two hours ago; they flew in on Beaumont
Industries’ jet. She made it just in time for our hair appointments. Dixon and
Brooklyn have been like freakin’ rabbits in heat lately…it’s like they can’t
get enough of each other.  

Ever
since she got here, all I can think about is Rebecca. Knowing what happened
between her and Jax is weighing heavily on my mind.
Damn it Reagan and your
big mouth
. I was happy being in the dark; I hate keeping secrets from
Brooklyn, but it’s not my place to say anything.

Walking
down the stairs, my eyes connect with Kayden’s. Instantly his green eyes light
up as he slowly scans them over my body. Walking slowly to him, I sway my hips
with every step.

“Wow.
You look amazin’ baby.” Kayden drawls, taking my hand and pulling me against
him for a quick kiss.

Lacing
my fingers through his, I stand beside him, giving him a small smile. I love
when I walk into a room and I feel as if I am all that Kayden sees.

“Sorry
I took so long, I decided last minute to leave my hair down and curl it.”

Wrapping
a ringlet around his finger, Kayden leans down pressing his lips against my
ear. The heat from his breath causes a shiver to shoot up my spine and a dull
ache to form between my legs.

“I
love it when you wear it down.” He whispers, before kissing my cheek and
turning his attention back to the guests entering the house.

My
parents excuse themselves shortly after I join them in the foyer to go mingle
with the guests that have already arrived. Brooklyn and Dixon head outside to
the bar beside the pool to get some drinks.

My
feet are aching in these heels from standing in place for so long, and my
cheeks are sore from all the smiling I’ve done over the last hour. Just as we
are about to head out to the bar ourselves, Blake Shelton and Miranda Lambert
arrive.

I’m
bursting with excitement when they walk in, instantly giving me a second wind.
I’ve been dying to show her the tattoo I got in the Bahamas. I tweeted Miranda a
picture of it a few weeks after we got back, but I’ve really wanted to show her
in person.

Hugging
them both quickly, I thank them for coming today. “I’m thrilled you guys could
both make it with being so busy touring. It means a lot to both of us.”

“We
were happy when we saw we’d be able to make it. With Blake being out here
working with the Voice it made it a lot easier. Congrats again you two, I’m so
happy you worked things out.”

I
give her a big smile before walking into the living room where some of our
guests are standing around, sipping champagne and visiting with one another.

“Thanks!
The whole Nadia thing was difficult to deal with, but I’m glad she kept her
word and set the record straight.” It still hurts to talk about it, even a few
months later.

Miranda
lets out a small laugh, “Girl, you don’t gotta tell me. I swear the tabloids
are ridiculous! One minute Blake and I are divorcing, the next they are
announcing that we’re having a baby. It’s ridiculous. You gotta learn to just
not read all that crap. Life is way better when you ignore all that bullshit
they try to plaster all over their magazines to get sales.”

I
can’t help but feel better knowing she relates to how I’m feeling. She and
Blake have such an amazing relationship. They are best friend’s first, spouses
second; which I think is what makes their love for one another so strong. I try
with everything in me to have that with Kayden.

Kayden
and Blake don’t waste any time heading out to the bar to grab some beers.
Miranda and I opt for Champagne, taking flutes from one of the staff members
carrying them around to the guests.

“Here,
follow me.” I say grabbing her hand and leading her back out to the foyer. Once
we are alone I spin around and pull my fabric down to reveal my tattoo on the
bottom of my back.

“Oh!
That turned out awesome! I love it. The pistols and wings look bad ass.”

Spinning
back around to face her, I’m giddy with excitement, “Thanks! It hurt like a
bitch, but I love it! Once I saw this quote I knew I had to use it. I want to live
every day to the fullest; almost dying makes you look at life in a totally
different way.”

Just
as we’re about to head back outside to track down our men, the doorbell rings
and one of the staff members answers it for me. My feet freeze in place and I
look like a guppy fish with my mouth falling open and then closed.

What
the fuck are Victor and Luanne doing here?! Kayden is going to flip a freaking
lid. Shit. Shit. Shit.

Well
so much for a nice, fabulous evening of celebrating with friends.

Not
knowing what to do, I say hello to Victor and Luanne before grabbing Miranda’s
hand and make a bee-line for the patio to find Kayden.

“I
take it you don’t have the best relationship with your future father-in-law?”

I
let out a nervous laugh, “Uh, I don’t know. I really don’t know him or his
fiancé; I just know Kayden and him have a strained relationship. I didn’t even
think to mention to my mother not to invite him. I forgot they sometimes work
together, because he manages Mighty Fine Records in Nashville.”

Miranda
excuses herself to the bar and I quickly find Kayden. He’s hanging out a few
feet away from the bar at one of the outdoor tables with Dixon, Brooklyn and a
few friends.

“Hey
babe, you’re parents outdid themselves with the party. Everyone seems to be having
a blast.” Kayden says, before taking a sip from his beer.

I
glance over at Brooklyn giving her a worried glance. Kayden notices my demeanor
is different compared to when he left me, and immediately asks me what is
wrong.

“I
forgot to forewarn my mother
not to invite your father.
”

Raking
his fingers through his hair Kayden’s face swiftly changes from carefree to
pissed off. “Fuck. So I take it they’re here?” He asks, trying his best to keep
his voice low enough so no one hears our conversation.

I’ve
never been so happy to have a DJ in my life. People are too busy drinking and
dancing to pay attention to our pow-wow over here in the corner.

Of
course, our photographer has impeccable timing and pops up, startling the crap
out of me, “Everyone want to get together for a group photo?” He asks, eyeing
Dixon, Brooklyn, Rebecca, Reagan, Kayden and I.

“Sure.”
I say, giving him a big fake smile as we all huddle together.

“Well,
I’m not feeding into my father’s game. He knew showing up would piss me off; so
I’m just going to go on with my evening and pretend he’s not even here, or with
her for that matter.” Kayden finally says, after the photographer makes his way
around to the other guests.

I
thought since the last two hours have gone smoothly with no run-ins with Victor
that we’d successfully make it through our engagement party drama free. That
definitely hasn’t happened.

Sitting
down for the dinner, Kayden and I are seated with our friends. My mother and
father are sitting with my Aunt Nicole, a few of my cousin’s and my
grandparents. Victor and Luanne, who thankfully have kept their distance, are
seated with some country artists my parents are friends with who are also
signed by the label Victor works for.

Not
one to let anything go unnoticed, my mother immediately picked up on the
tension between Victor and Kayden tonight. She wasted no time dragging me into
her office to ask me what was going on between them. The last thing I wanted to
do is have my mother upset and blaming herself for inviting him, when in
reality, it’s our fault for not telling my parents that they are not on good
terms.

As
diplomatic as I could be, I explained what happened and let her know Kayden is
fine. I can’t go into all the details right now because Kayden doesn’t want to
ruin the party she’s worked so hard to throw for us.

“How
long are you two staying in LA?” Rebecca asks, before taking a bite of her
salad, snapping me out of my thoughts.

Sipping
my champagne, I glance at Kayden before looking back at Rebecca, “We’re flying
out late tomorrow. He’s going golfing with my dad; my mom and I are doing a spa
day with Brooklyn after going wedding dress shopping. But Kayden and I have
been talking and since my parents are going to be in Europe for the next few
months, we’re going to try to stay here one weekend a month so we can see y’all
more.”

Reagan
looks from Kayden to me…smirking, “Admit it, you guys just miss me too much to
stay away.”

We
both laugh at the same time, “Yes Reagan, we’re going to stay in LA just for
you.” I say sarcastically, rolling my eyes.

Being
around our friends is helping to keep me distracted; it’s taking everything in
me to not go rip into Victor and Luanne. How the hell they can walk around and
pretend as if nothing’s happened, just baffles me. I don’t know how Kayden
handles attending events with them, I’d go crazy.

His
father thinks he can throw some money at Kayden and give him half of the hotel
business and it’s sufficient enough to make up for stealing his fiancé. It’s
ridiculous. The only good thing that came out of that fucked up affair is I got
Kayden.

“I’d
like to make a toast to my daughter.” My father’s thick Southern Drawl travels
across the dining room full of guests, as he stands holding his champagne flute
up in the air.

Sliding
my hand into Kayden’s, I smile up at my parents. I’m so happy that they love
Kayden as much as I do. My father treats him as if he was his own son; he’s
always wanted a boy. Their love of football definitely sealed the deal, along
with seeing how deeply Kayden loves me.

My
mother is beaming with joy as she stands beside my father and holds her glass
up too. We all raise our glasses as my father speaks.

“We’re
all here today to celebrate the engagement of my wonderful daughter Savannah
Elizabeth, and her fiancé Kayden. As a father you hate seeing your little girl
grow up. It still feels like yesterday Savannah was running around this house
in cowgirl boots and hat, strumming on her lil’ guitar.” The smile my father
gives me blended with his words sends butterflies fluttering in my belly and
tears well up in my eyes.

“After
everything she’s been through, I’ve wanted nothing more than to see my lil’
country princess get her happily ever after, and with Kayden I know she’ll get
just that. The way they look at one another is the same way I still look at
Paisley. I wish you two all the happiness in the world.” Taking a deep breath,
I see my father, the strongest, toughest man I know, try to keep his composure.
It warms me to the core and makes my heart swell with love. Clearing his throat,
he focuses on Kayden and an impish grin stretches across his face, revealing
the strong Maverick Livingston we all know and love, “Just remember Kayden, I
am a hell of a shot, so ya better think twice before you even think about
breakin’ my baby girl’s heart.”

The
entire room erupts in laughter and shouts “
To Savannah and Kayden”
,
before taking a drink from their glasses.

“Don’t
worry; I’ll never break her heart.” Kayden chuckles, as his eyes lock with
mine; I can see the happiness and love in them as he looks at me. “Anyways,” he
says, turning his eyes back to my father, “I’m more scared of her. This girl
has the best shot of anyone I know.” Kayden jokes, before wrapping his arm
around my waist and giving my cheek a quick peck.

Slapping
his leg, I let out a nervous laugh. I’ve loved shootin’ my entire life, there’s
nothing more exciting than target practice out back of our house in Memphis. My
cousin’s and I would spend an entire day shootin’ whatever we could get our
hands on, but now since everything that has happened with Jacob and Zak, the
thought of holding a gun makes me sick to my stomach.

I
go into a full-on panic attack as
I see
Victor standing to make a toast. This cannot be happening.

Clearing
his throat and holding his glass in the air, “I would just like to wish you
both the best, I’m happy for ya son.” Victor says, before emptying the contents
of his glass.

Kayden
nods his head at his father, but that’s the only acknowledgement that he gives
him.

“Well,
that was unexpected.” Brooklyn blurts out, the one too many glasses of
champagne are giving her a loose tongue.

Tossing
his napkin onto the table, Kayden stands abruptly, “If y’all will excuse me,
I’m going to get some air.”

Before
he can walk away from the table, I reach for his arm, “Do you want me to come
with you?” I ask, because I’m not quite sure what else to do.

Kayden’s
face is expressionless; for the first time in our relationship, I cannot see
what he’s feeling. “No. Stay here with our friends; I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

He
glances one more time towards his father and Luanne before exiting the dining
room, and heading outside. 

“You
sure you shouldn’t go after him?” Rebecca asks, glancing at the doors Kayden
just exited out of and back to me as she bites nervously on her fingernail.

Shaking
his head no, Reagan tells me, “Stay here baby girl; he just needs some space.
Having his father and her here,” Reagan says, tilting his head towards their
direction, “It’s fucked up. Kayden probably just needs a moment to clear his
head; I know I would.”

Looking
over my shoulder, I stare at the French doors. Even though everything in me is
screaming to go after him, I agree and stay put.

“Uhhh.”
I sigh, slouching in the chair, “I guess you’re right. I so wanted today to be
perfect. I knew the moment they walked through the door, this party was going
straight to hell.”

Brooklyn
moves a seat over and sits in Kayden’s now vacant seat, “Here, have another…you
look like you need it.” She hands me another glass of champagne and gives me a
sympathetic smile.

“Thanks
girl, but I think I’m going to need about ten more to get through this party.”
I laugh.

Brooklyn
lets out a small chuckle, “It ain’t a party unless there’s some drama!”

~~~

Kayden

I’ve
been sitting outside for over half an hour; I just can’t bring myself to go
back in there just yet. It’s taken every ounce of strength in me to not rip my
father a new one. I don’t know what he’s thinking he’ll accomplish coming here,
but if it’s a reconciliation he’s after, he sure as hell ain’t getting one.

To
top it off, he shows up with Luanne? Like I want my ex fuckin’ fiancé at my
engagement party? Fuck no!

He’s
lucky I didn’t knock the God damn champagne glass out of his hand while he did
that pathetic frickin’ toast in there; nothing like putting’ on a good show for
everyone. I’ve gone eight fuckin’ years with keeping what he did to me out of
the public eye. That is the only reason I’ve kept my cool here all night,
because no one here knows Luanne was my fiancée at one point in time, but then
decided fuckin’ my father was way better. They just forgot to fill me in with
that little fuckin’ tidbit, so I had to find out by walking in on dear ‘ol Dad
pounding her on his desk, in our family home for Christ’s sake…after my sisters
fuckin’ funeral, no less.

I
feel bad. Savannah’s probably in there freaking out because I’ve been out here
so long. I know dinner’s over, because the back yard is slowly filling up with
guests coming out to dance.

I’m
sitting between the guest house and the shrubs, in a chair I stole from the
patio. I don’t feel like socializing with anyone right now, and knew hanging
out on the patio I would be forced to do just that.

The
sound of footsteps in the grass startles me; I snap my head to my right
thinking its Savannah. I automatically respond to the footsteps, “Sorry I’ve
been MIA so long baby, I just needed to get the hell outta there for a bit.”

The
footsteps stop abruptly and my eyes connect with the person approaching me…Luanne.

“Umm,
Savannah’s inside with your guests. You’ve been gone for a while, so…” She says,
nervously glancing at me then back down to her black toenails peeking out of
her heels.

Raking
my fingers through my hair, I let out an exasperated sigh, and burn my eyes
into hers, “What the fuck are you doing, Lulu?”

She
flinches at my words; her piercing blue eyes look pained as she stares at me,
“I just wanted to see if you were alright. Your father was only tryin’ to be
nice Kayden.”

“He
wanted to be nice?” A chuckle escapes me, as I take in the words she’s saying.

“What
would’ve been nice, are you two staying in Nashville where you fuckin’ belong.”

Resting
her hands on her hips, she glares at me with her long, inky black hair dancing
in the breeze. It’s hard to believe I used to love this woman; now seeing her
makes my blood boil. I let out a frustrated groan and stare at the ground.

“It’s
been eight years Kayden. Don’t you think it’s about time you forgave us? All
Victor wants is a relationship with you.”

I
will never forgive them for betraying me. She’s living in a fuckin’ fantasy
world if she thinks I ever will.

Leaning
back in the chair, I rest my head against the side of the house. The last thing
I fuckin’ want is a relationship with my father. I wouldn’t put it past him to
slither his way back into my life just to fuckin’ destroy it again. What’s to
say he doesn’t get tired of Luanne, and decide he wants to go after Savannah?
No. Fuckin’. Way. In. Hell!

“He
doesn’t have a son, he lost me the day we buried Melody. He should’ve thought
about how much he wanted a relationship with his son before he chose to fuck my
fiancé.” Luanne’s eyes begin to fill with tears as my words hit her, but I
don’t care if what I have to say hurts her. She brought this on herself, “Both
of you should’ve thought about what your affair would cost you, and of all days
that you couldn’t keep your legs together, it had to be the day of my sister’s,
his daughter’s burial!?”

Luanne
takes a few more steps, inching her way closer to me, “Kayden…please…” Her
words are filled with desperation.

Before
I know it, she’s standing right beside me and rests her hand on my shoulder. I
jump out of the chair putting some distance between us, “Don’t fuckin’ touch
me!” I hiss through clenched teeth, “I want you and Victor to get the hell out
of here and never speak to me again. I’ll tolerate him for working purposes
only, other than that, I don’t want to see or hear from either of you.”

Taking
a step back, Luanne stares at me with a look of shock consuming her face, “I
did love you Kayden. I’m sorry we hurt you; it was never our intention.” She
drops her gaze to the ground and lets out a slow breath before sliding her eyes
back up to mine, “Seeing you here with Savannah tonight…I now know how you felt
when you saw your father and I together. Even after all of this time, it’s
painful seeing you with someone else.”

Tipping
my head back I stare up at the sky that now has dark clouds rolling in, it
looks how I feel: dark, angry, and sad…I let a deep laugh rumble out of me. I
can’t believe this is happening right now. Shaking my head left to right, I
continue to laugh, but it slows down to a slow dark husky chuckle.

“You
don’t know what love is Lulu, you never did, and I bet you never fuckin’ will.
Love is what Savannah and I have; the kind of love where you don’t see anyone
but that one person even in a crowd of millions. You love money, and status.
That’s it!” With every word that pours out of my mouth, Luanne’s eyes grow
wider, and her mouth hangs open, looking like she’s trying to form a word, but
nothing comes out. “Don’t ever try to tell me you understand how I felt,
because darlin’ you sure as hell can’t compare you sleeping with my father
while you were engaged to me, to you seeing me happy and moving-the-fuck-on
with my life.”