Authors: Catherine Aird
The ACC grinned and reached his hand out across his desk for Sloan's notebook. He squinted down at it and said down the wire: âWould the number of the Professor's security system have been 5820, by any chance? It would? Ah! Then I think we may be able to tell you who your defector is andâerâhow he did it.' He cocked his head into an alert listening position. There was a pause. Then the ACC said: âWhat's that? Oh, no trouble at all. One of my men was on to it straight away. A message in a bottle, I think you might say â¦'
BARE ESSENTIALS
âNasty,' observed Dr Dabbe.
Detective Inspector C. D. Sloan couldn't have agreed with him more. There was something very unattractive indeed about the dead body they were both contemplating.
âVery nasty,' said Dr Dabbe, moving his stance slightly the better to conduct his external examination of the deceased
in situ
.
Sloan nodded. He didn't know whether the pathologist was referring to the woman or the manner of her death but neither was appealing in any way. The dead woman was quite naked and had been decidedly corpulent, not to say obese.
Both these last two factors undoubtedly had some relevance to her having been found where she was nowâlying in the Hot Room in Berebury's local health farm. What the connectionâif anyâwas with her death was something on which both the pathologist and Detective Inspector Sloan were presently working.
âI should say she's been roasted alive,' pronounced Dabbe tersely.
âRoasted, doctor?' Sloan was startled into actually doubting the pathologist, something he'd never ever done before.
âNot scalded or burnt,' said Dr Dabbe succinctly, âand, like a lobster, alive.'
The comparison with a lobster, thought Sloan, was relevant enough. The body was an unhappy shade of shiny red.
âKebabbed,' said the doctor more succinctly still. âGod knows what the temperature in here got up to.'
âIt's normal enough now,' remarked Sloan. âWarm, but not excessively so.' Indeed, an indicator on the wall by the door was set at âmedium heat' and seemed to be accurate enough. Checking out that mechanism would be high on a list of things to be done following this death.
âYou can take it from me,' said Dabbe, âthat it wasn't anything like normal a couple of hours or so ago. Although, Sloan,' he added swiftly, âI can't tell you people exactly when she died. Not yet.'
Detective Inspector Sloan averted his gaze from the body of the dead woman. The temperature must have been off the top of the thermometer to leave her looking like this.
âI should say,' said the pathologist with the lack of emotion of all his ilk, âthat the supply of steam in here turned to dry heat and Bob's your uncle.'
Sloan looked down at a series of pipes running along above the skirting board. âThat would have done it, would it?' he murmured thoughtfully.
The pathologist jerked his head in assent. âThe human body can take a much higher steam heat than it can dry heat. Any Turkish bath attendant could tell you that. The name of this game, Sloan, is thermal shock.'
âCould she have been unconscious first, doctor?' asked Sloan. âThere must have been some reason why she didn't just walk out of here when it started to get too hot.'
âShe tried,' said Dr Dabbe. âLook at her fingernails. See where she had been clawing at something?'
âThe door wasn't locked when we arrived,' said Sloan carefully, âthough the key was in the lock.'
âThat's as may be, Sloan. Not my province, that.' He frowned. âAll I can say is that there might have been some physical reason why she couldn't get out but I shan't be able to tell you that until after the post-mortem.'
âShe could have shouted.'
âNot for long,' said Dabbe chillingly. âThis show was over long before the fat lady sang.' He straightened up. âWho is she, anyway?'
âA Mrs Bessie Culshaw. According to the manager of this outfitâwho's called Graham Pattman, by the wayâshe and her husband are long-time regulars here. Been coming for years, the manager said. The husband comes here for the golf and she comes here to try to lose weight.'
âNot her life,' said Dr Dabbe absently. He was squinting at the soles of the dead woman's feet.
âThe manager's wringing his hands in the hall,' said Sloan. âA death like this isn't going to do this place any good.'
âI can't tell you whether it's an accident or murder,' said Dabbe, answering Sloan's unspoken question. âOnly the cause of death.'
âAnd the husband's waiting in one of the quiet rooms with his head in his hands,' continued Sloan. âI've left my constable sitting with him. He's taking down a statement from him now.'
âYou'll have mine when I've done the postmortem,' said Dr Dabbe briskly, âbut in the mean time I can tell you that she died from the effects of a temperature too high to be compatible with human life.'
The manager's choice of words was nothing like so well ordered or cogent.
âI can't imagine what can possibly have happened, Inspector,' he said, distractedly. âOr why poor Mrs Culshaw didn't just walk out of the Hot Room. Janice is quite sure the door wasn't locked when she went in to tidy up and found her.'
âAlthough the key was in the lock,' said Sloan again. That was important.
Pattman wasn't paying attention. âWe've been using that Hot Room ever since we opened and we've never had any trouble there before.'
It was a refrain which Detective Inspector Sloan had heard many times in his daily round. Battle, murder, sudden death, accident and sundry other Jovian thunderbolts had seldom struck ordinary people before in most of the situations that came hisâand theirâway. Hard as it seemed, all that that meant in practical police terms was that those concerned had had no previous experience in confronting disaster.
That, he decided, listening to the manager now, could be both good and bad.
âI just can't think of anything that could possibly have gone wrong either â¦' said Pattman, his natural volubility made worse by stress.
âTell me about the Hot Room,' said Sloan.
âIt's where clientsâpatientsâgo toâerâperspire a lot from the steam heat,' he said, mopping his own brow. âAfter having a massage and so forth. Perspiring is the quickest way of losing weight, although,' he added honestly, âit comes back again as soon as you drink.'
What was it that Sloan had heard that process called? The rhythm method of girth control, that was it.
âThen,' swallowed Pattman, âthey'd go and have a swim in the tepid pool and end up feeling fine.'
Sloan nodded. It sounded to him a perfectly harmless way of spending the morning if you hadn't anything better to do. Anything better to do except eat, of course.
âIt's quite terrible, Inspector. Quite terrible. I don't know what will happen now.' The manager's shoulders drooped as a vision of how much less than fine Mrs Culshaw must have been feeling in the Hot Room before she died clearly swam into his mind.
âNo.' Sloan could offer no comfort and didn't try. He couldn't decide whether a verdict of murder or accident would do the more harm to the health farm. There probably wasn't much to choose between the effect of the two evils. What mattered to them would be a third evilâbad publicity. âAnd I can't help you at this stage.'
âThere'll have to be an inquest, of course, won't there â¦?' The manager's shoulders sagged even further when he contemplated the damage that news of this death would do to the health farm.
âAnd a police investigation,' said Sloan, adding firmly: âFirst, we shall need to find out exactly how Mrs Culshaw died.' The police would want to know why she had died, too, but that would come later. âIt would seem that for an unknown length of time the inlet pipe delivered hot air instead of steam to the Hot Room.'
âMikeâthat's our resident maintenance manâis quite adamant that there's never been any trouble in the hot-water system before,' said the manager, a last-ditcher by nature. âI've got him waiting in my room now, like you said, Inspector.'
âI'll see him as soon as I've had a word with the husband,' said Sloan.
Mr William Culshaw lifted a drawn, anxious face when the Detective Inspector entered the lounge where he had been giving his statement to Detective Constable Crosby.
âPoor Bessie,' he said. âAnd all she wanted to do was to be able to tell me she'd lost a few pounds. She always liked it here, you know, Inspector. We've been coming for years. It'sâwellârestful.'
âI'll need to know about this morning, sir,' said Sloan.
âOf course' said the husband, readily enough. âWe had breakfast together as usual in our room. My wife wasn't a big breakfast eaterâsometimes they'd say that was bad for dieters and sometimes they'd say it was good. If you were to ask me, Inspector, I'd say they didn't know â¦'
Detective Inspector Sloan was an English breakfast man himself but didn't think this was the moment to say so.
âThey all knew, all right, Inspector, how she came to be overweight â¦'
It was interesting, noted Sloan, how no one here seemed to use the word âfat'.
âOh, yes,' said William Culshaw bitterly. âBessie never had a chance of being anywhere near normal weight.'
âHow was that, sir?'
âBarclays' Biscuits,' he said.
âBarclays' Biscuits, sir?' Sloan knew Barclays' Biscuits, of course. Who didn't? Their packet with the picture of the happy, plump little girl eating one on it was part of the national culture and had been for years ⦠Light dawned. He said: âShe wasn't â¦?'
âShe was,' he said, nodding vigorously. âLittle Miss Barclay. She was always being photographed eating one of Barclays' Famous Biscuits when she was small. She liked the Bourbon ones best â¦'
âWith the chocolate cream,' endorsed Sloan, back to his own childhood in an instant. He could conjure up the taste even now â¦
âYou can work out what happened,' said William Culshaw with a certain melancholy. âA moment on the lips and a lifetime on the hips. And they always say a fat child is a fat adult.'
âYes,' said Sloan. His own theory was that it was the sweetness of the apple not the attractions of Eve that had led to the downfall of mankind in the Garden of Eden. This didn't seem to be the moment to advance that either. Instead he said: âYou were telling me about this morning, sir â¦' William Culshaw said: âAfter breakfast, I left Bessie and her friend, Eileen Smith â¦'
âEileen Smith?' said Sloan sharply. âWas she in the Hot Room, too?'
âNo,' said Bessie's husband, âbut I thought she would be. She and my wife always booked the time there together. Seems she was called away. That's what Graham Pattman told me'âhis face crinkledââafterwards.'
Sloan made a note. âGo on â¦'
âI did what I usually doâcollected my clubs and walked over to the golf course.'
âAnd what sort of time would that have been, sir?'
âI should say about half-past nine, give or take ten minutes â¦'
Dr Dabbe had given it as his considered professional opinion that something measurable in minutes at a high temperature would have been long enough to kill Bessie Culshaw.
âAnd then?'
âI played a round with the husband of another resident hereâStanley Coxâand then came back here in time for luncheon.'
âWere you,' asked Sloan delicately, âexpecting to have this with your wife?'
William Culshaw, whom Sloan's mother would have described as thin as a darning needle sideways, shook his head. âBessie had to have her meal in the Salad Room with the others on light meals.'
That made sense to Sloan. Exciting the gustatory senses of the starving by the sight of a square meal didn't make any sense at all: especially for this Jack Spratt and his wife.
Culshaw said: âThere is what you might call a normal dining-room here, too, for non-patients and those who have beenâerâvery good.'
Detective Inspector Sloan ignored the moral overtones implicit in the statement and enquired instead when William Culshaw had got back from the golf course.
âIt must have been something after twelve, Inspector. I put my clubs away and went into the bar for a drink with Cox before we ate.'
âWhen would you have expected to see your wife again?'
âTea-time,' he said promptly. âShe needed her rest in the afternoon.' His face clouded. âOtherwise I'd have gone looking for her myself.'
Janice, the staff member who had found Bessie Culshaw when she had gone in to tidy the Hot Room, was still in shock but Sloan did not say so. Instead he went back to the manager's room and saw Mike, the maintenance man. He was very glad, when he did, that the first thing he had done when he got to the health farm was to have had the man pinned down in his office by the manager in much the same way as Detective Constable Crosby was making quite sure William Culshaw didn't leave the Residents' Lounge.
As soon as the fellow started talking it was clear that he had one object in view and one onlyâthat of minding his own back.
âNever had no complaints from anyone this morning about no water,' Mike said belligerently, his arms folded tightly across his chest. âNobody reported nothing, not to me. And them lot in the kitchen'd've shouted pretty quick, too, I can tell you if they hadn't had anything to wash their fancy vegetables in.'
âHere at the Health Farm,' said Graham Pattman, in an agony of concern about putting up a good public relations front, âwe try to compensate for a shortage ofâerâsubstanceâin the diet with an emphasis on the first-class presentation ofâerâsuch food as is allowârecommended.'
âMoreover,' said Mike with the confidence of one who knows, âthe house stop-cock's under the kitchen sink so no one can have got at that without them lot in there noticing for all that they're mostly foreigners.'