Innocence (36 page)

He noticed tears forming in the corners of her eyes.

“I have been so pre-occupied with everything that has been going on. And every time I get you alone, someone disturbs us. Trust me I have tried so many times to talk to you, but it’s something I need to tell you alone, without people eavesdropping,” she said raising her voice obviously frustrated. “Please don’t be mad with me.”

Calvin wagged his brows, wondering if she was about to tell him how much she felt about him, and he would be honest and tell her how he felt back. He crossed his fingers, hoping it was the news he craved to hear.

He swallowed hard and allowed her to carry on.

“Everything kicked off, feelings running high, and I couldn’t get a word in with all the arguing. And then me having to be rushed into hospital added to the turmoil…but…I have to tell you,” she said.

Calvin released her hand and took hold of her juice and placed it on the cabinet before she spilled it. He gently took back hold of her hand, seeing the IV line remaining connected in her left.

“My mum took me to the clinic…”

“Sophie, it doesn’t matter.”

“Calvin, please,” she snapped. He stared at her stunned. “This is hard enough for me to tell you without interruptions,” she added in a harsh tone.

Calvin slumped his shoulders aware what she was trying to tell him was important, only he would admit he was afraid if she did love him, then how would he handle the situation, but then what did the clinic have to do with it?

“When my mum took me to the doctors…to start the procedure,” she gulped heavily. She released his hand from his and started playing with her fingers, shaking frantically. “Then a few days later she took me to the clinic for the…” She swallowed. “Well, to continue the process, only when the nurse asked me,” she said, continuing to play with her fingers, looking down, “if I had taken the pill I said
no
! They asked me questions and I told them the truth, they were brilliant,” Sophie said glancing at him briefly.

“They then helped me and made an appointment to look at my options.”

“What pill?” he asked baffled not having a clue about abortion procedures and never wished too.

Sophie lifted her head to look at him. Tears streamed down her cheeks.

“It starts the process,” she told him.

“Oh…oh right…and you said you hadn’t taken it?” he remembered.

“No. No, I didn’t,” she confessed to him.

He hitched his brows. He was confused. “And when are you meant to take this pill?”

“After I had been to the doctors a few days before the termination.” She gulped twiddling with her fingers, head low.

“Oh.” Calvin felt his stomach aching, unsure what she was trying to tell him. “You failed to take it.”

Sophie nodded her head.

He spent a few seconds thinking.

“Oh, I don’t understand.” He was totally unfathomable, unsure about the proceedings and if she hadn’t taken the pill...

The room went silent and he spent a few more minutes thinking hard. He looked at Sophie, and saw her playing with her fingers. He could feel discomfort deep inside his soul.
So, she was meant to take a pill to start the process and failed to do this, then…

“If you didn’t take the pill, then what else did they do?” he asked curious.

“Nothing.”

Calvin looked at her more baffled than ever, trying to work it out in his head.
If she didn’t take the pill and they did nothing…
“Did you have the abortion?”

Sophie lifted her head to gaze at him, tears trickling down her cheeks. His heart skipped beats, a large lump formed in his throat.

“That is why I am so upset…in my bag that got stolen…” she sobbed.

“Sophie, did you have an abortion?” he asked harshly, needing to know the truth before he combusted.

Calvin watched her lower her head.

He stood and walked to the window overlooking the fields behind where the helicopter pad was. His stomach flipped over. His chest was so tight he could hardly breathe.

“His name is Sebastian,” she told him.

He spun quickly around to see her reaching for the tissues to blow her nose.

“What?”

“He’s nine.”

“I don’t understand…the abortion.”

“It never happened.”

“What? How…he’s alive?” he asked dumbfounded.

She nodded her head up and down.

“Oh my God, my son, our son is alive?” he said. His chest buckled in pain. Gobsmacked and unable to stop the aching pain inside. His knees went weak and were about to drop him to the floor. He could not digest the information he had just received. All this time he thought the baby had been killed when the reality was, he was running around and being a happy child, at least he hoped.

“Where is he?” he struggled to say.

“York. He lives here…has got two wonderful parents. He knows he’s adopted, that was why I had to stay away. If Mum knew I hadn’t gone through with the abortion she would have forced me to go back to the clinic and terminate. I hadn’t the heart to kill an innocent child, so I did what I thought was right,” she blubbered. “I tried telling you, but something or someone kept cropping up and…well…I’m so sorry.”

Calvin had to sit down and try his hardest to absorb the information he had just received.

“Jesus, so he is alive and kicking?” he asked confused.

“Yes, I had him adopted. I lived with the family until he was three months and then I left. But they kept in contact with me, sending cards, pictures, paintings and drawing to me from him, that got sent to a friend of mine. I would occasionally go and visit her picking them up. She had no idea what I had delivered to her. All Sebastian’s information and gifts were in that damn bag, that got stolen,” she wept.

“And he knows?” he stuttered.

“Yes.”

“And you see him?”

“Yes, I see him regular…meet up every three months or so and special days and they keep me posted if anything happens to him. He’s nine and doesn’t need me pestering him. He is doing remarkably well at school,” she said.

A tear fled from his eye as he tried his hardest to hide his emotions from her. He inhaled a deep breath and placed his hand in front of his face, overwhelmed with pure relief that their son was alive and doing well.

He lifted his head back to gawp at her, “I have a son?”

“Yes.”

“I have a boy…a healthy boy, somewhere out there?” he had to ask.

“Yes you have a boy, and yes he’s very healthy.”

“And they are good to him?” he wanted to know.

“Yes, they’re wonderful with him. Nice house, good holidays, good manners, and not spoilt. They tried for many years to have a baby, and couldn’t and then she discovered she had cervical cancer and had to have a hysterectomy she was only twenty-seven, a bit like your mum’s story. I almost died when you told me about your mum, suffering the same fate. It reminded me of her and what she had been through. She often talked about it when I had been living with them. I know I have shocked you and you no doubt didn’t expect me to say he’s alive, but he is. He is gorgeous,” she added.

“Do you have pictures?”

“I did, they were in my bag.”

He wiped away the tears that had fallen from his eyes and looked at her. “I’m…” he stuttered. “I’m so pleased you didn’t kill the baby,” he said struggling to say every word.

“I couldn’t. I couldn’t kill the baby that was growing inside me. I did what I thought was right at the time for him. And I believe I did the right thing. He has made a couple very happy and filled their hearts with so much love, they love him unconditionally and that is priceless.”

“But…” Tears filled his eyes. He just couldn’t get his head around what she had told him. “And…and, sorry, but you can contact his parents?” he asked shaking.

“Yes, I will contact them once I’m out of this ward.”

“Wow,” he breathed heavy. “I just…”

“It’s okay, Calvin, I understand this is a shock for you, after all you suspected, well I told you the truth to what happened…only not every detail.”

He looked at her frowning, fighting his feelings.

“Do they know you were expecting again?” he asked curiously.

“Yes, yes they did. But I never spoke of the problems I was having to them. It was my business and not only that Sebastian was happy, why wreck it?”

He still couldn’t digest the information she told him, yet there was peace in his heart knowing he was alive, delighted at the decision she had made all those years ago.

“It must have been hard for you to make that decision?” he asked, wanting desperately to reach to take her hand.

“It was, but I couldn’t have given him the life he deserved, and one day hopefully, he’ll understand what I did and why,” Sophie snivelled.

“I’m sure he will. Not so sure he would forgive me though,” Calvin added.

“Why is that?”

“Didn’t help,” he said, fighting back the tears.

“You didn’t know. What I did all those years ago was for him. He has a good life, one I could never give him.”

“But, he knows about you?”

“Yes, he does.”

“Wow, that is amazing. Have you ever mentioned me to him?”

“He has asked where his dad is, but at the time I had no idea and told him you were somewhere in York, I kind of got that wrong.”

“Oh…I guess you were limited to what you could tell him. And you see him?” he said knowing he was repeating himself, and the conversation was slightly jumbled, but things suddenly came to his mind.

“That was the deal that they kept me informed about him and told him about me. They agreed and that is the way it has remained,” she explained.

“And Kacey…what are you doing there?” he needed to ask, sensing there could be trouble from Sebastian in the future, getting rid of him but keeping her.

“She is my world…she needs to get better and then I will bring her up. I will do my best to provide for her, once she is out of this place. I intend to find work, get an income coming in. I was thinking about going back to dress making. I really miss that,” she told him.

“And when you suggested putting her up for adoption?” he grimaced.

“It killed me to even think about it, brought back memories, but again…I was in a difficult situation with nothing. I have to think about our future and getting back on my feet, a home, and a job.”

“That would be a great place to start,” he said choked up, still trying to process the news about their son. “I’m guessing your mum has no idea?”

“God, no! When I left Sabastian, I headed home and that was when my mum slammed the door in my face. I couldn’t tell her I carried on with the pregnancy and I gave birth to a boy. I tried to start a fresh life, living in refuge places and crap hit me big time. But, I don’t wish to think about all that. The only thing that kept me going was the fact my son was okay and being well looked after. Does that sound nasty?” she asked.

Calvin looked at her, not being sure how to reply. Bile in his throat and the pit of his stomach throbbed. He needed air and fast before he exploded into tiny pieces. He stood to his feet without saying a word to Sophie and dashed out of the room. His heart was about to fail and his lungs weren’t giving him the vital oxygen he needed, leaving his head dizzy.

Oh my God, I have a son!

* * * *

Sophie had been delighted to have finally told Calvin the truth about their son, but the fact he had jumped up and rushed out the room, made her swallow her heart. Then she realized he had a lot of information to take in, one minute he was being told about the abortion and believed she had gotten rid of the child, when all the time their son was alive and having a bloody good life. There had been times she had thought about going and collecting Sebastian, but why? What would have been the point? He was happy and she would only have wrecked everything Caroline and Mike had worked on.

Calvin’s response was what she expected, and she would give him all the time he needed to digest the information. However, the fact remained she still needed to see her daughter. She did feel guilty for keeping Kacey and yet, Sabastian had been adopted, but that had been years ago, and life had moved on in strange ways. She couldn’t have imagined dragging Sabastian around with her from place to place and begging people for a warm bed and food, it had been bad enough for herself. And not only that social services would soon have caught up with her and taken him off her, and no doubt passed from one foster home to another.

She wished someone had handed in her bag so she could look at Sabastian’s pictures, photos of him growing up and smiling all the time, and the wonderful paintings he had sent her. Her heart bled every time she opened new mail from him, shedding a few tears and thinking about what she had done. Nevertheless, she’d done what had been right for the pair of them at the time and there was no escaping that. She loved Sabastian unconditionally and in years to come she hoped he would understand.

The doctor arrived and there was still no sign of Calvin. It did feel weird after all these years, being in touch with the man she created a beautiful boy with. She at times wondered if fate had brought them together. How could they both have been in the village at the same time especially with him working in London, and she only visited in a last ditch attempt for help?