Innocence of Love (23 page)

She turned around to see her dad approaching her, whilst she really wished to spend some time sulking, wallowing in self-pity, losing the only man who had ever shown any consideration toward her.

“Are you okay?” he asked her sitting on the bench beside her. “You haven’t been right since seeing Calvin at the pub.”

“I’m fine, just shocked to see him,” she stated, trying to think of any excuse, but the truth.

“Why? His parents do live close by and he does visit them, or were you hoping he stayed away?” He reached for her hand.

“Yes. I guess I had hoped that. Why do people hurt one another? I am sick and tired of being hurt and tossed about without a care, acting like I have no damn heart. I do, Dad. I have a shattered heart and not even innocence of love can heal it,” she stuttered hitting her chest in anguish.

“You have to learn to trust people, Sophie. You have been so badly hurt by the people who should’ve helped and looked you and it’s no surprise you cannot trust a living, breathing soul who comes into your life. I blame your mother for all these emotions…” he growled.

“Dad, I have told you to stop blaming her,” she said coming from the pit of her stomach, feeling it twist in pain.

“I am blaming her, you shouldn’t be feeling this way. And I wish you would tell me what happened between you and Calvin, as clearly it’s cutting you up inside and you’re struggling to move on from it.”

“I’m not. I had forgotten about him, it was just seeing him today that flipped my head and heart back into resentment.”

“What happened?” He squeezed her hand.

“Nothing,” she said curse.

“I know when you’re lying, Sophie. Look, I want to help you. One minute, Calvin is in your life constantly and the next he’s vanished…then today you see him and…Sophie, please, let me in, you don’t need to fight anymore, or keep things bottled up,” her dad told her.

She swallowed heavy.

Sophie didn’t need to trouble anyone with her shattered heart having only Calvin who could piece it back together.

“Hi there,” she heard a male voice. She glanced at her father when he gazed over her left shoulder. “Sorry, I was knocking on the door, but no answer, so I came around the back.” Sophie turned her head around to see Ross, lifting his brows and grinning. “Sorry, Sophie, could I talk to you, for just a few seconds?” Ross asked standing feet away from her frowning anxiously.

“No,” she sneered, releasing her dad’s hand and stood in anger. “If this is anything to do with Calvin, you can get knotted. I am not interested in anything he has to say, grovelling I am not accepting,” she roared, taking hold of her daughter’s pram to escape making her way quickly back to the house…

“He has no idea I’m here. I need to talk to you, if only for a few seconds, then I will leave, and never trouble you again,” Ross told her chasing after her.

“I don’t want to hear a damn thing about him. He is nothing but a…” she paused for thought, trying to think of a word that would suit him. “Dickhead,” was the best she could come up with.

Arriving to the house she opened the rear door to quickly push her daughter in without glancing back or wishing to hear anything Ross had to say,
I bet he wants to make excuses for him, and tell me more lies, or humiliate me further, it’s not going to happen
she snarled.

Slamming the door behind her she stormed into the hallway of the house, and without another second. She reached into the pram to carry her daughter upstairs to her room. There was no-way she could listen to any crap that would come from Ross’s mouth about that man, that man who appeared to be doing nothing but stalking her mind.

She sat on the bed comforting her daughter, rocking back and forth, resenting all the feelings racing around her body, making Kacey unsettled.

A knock came at her bedroom door.

She glared at the door. She watched the handle move downwards, the door opened, only enough for a head to be put through to see her dad.

“Sophie,” her father voiced, noticing him lifting his brows.

Her father wary opened the door wider entering the room, tilting his head to the side. “He just needs to talk to you.”

“About that creep, no chance!” she stated.

“Okay but I think you are being silly,” her dad mentioned.

“I never asked for your opinion,” she roared and saw the clear shock on his face.

Her dad moved back into the landing closing the door. Her heart somersaulted in her chest, resenting the fact she’d been ganged upon and all because she saw Calvin.

When would the pain stop?             

Chapter Twelve

“Okay, you have two minutes and then you have to leave,” she told Ross as he had been preparing to leave the house. Ross turned around to stare at her giving a smile. She inhaled deeply and released slowly. Her chest tight and her heart raced. How she longed to have all the pain to go craving to try and move on with her life without further hassles. She craved to settle down and get on with an ordinary life, whatever that was, but at least some routine, not just for her but, Kacey too.

“You may both go into the sitting room,” her father indicated.

Sophie glanced at her father while Ross stood staring gormless at her. She took the lead, storming into the sitting room, only used for special occasions.

A large lump dominated her throat while walking into the sitting room. She sharply moved to the opposite side of the room close to the large bay window, wishing to keep enough distance from him. She turned around to glare harshly at Ross.

“Go on then, time is ticking,” she spoke hostile.

“Okay, I will make this snappy I can see you’re not in the best of moods. And personally I think you need to stop acting like a spoilt brat.”

Her jaw dropped, shocked, appalled by hearing his words.

“Excuse me.”

“You need to listen to reason, you need to grow up and act like a woman.”

“Who the hell do you think you are?”

“I am here because Calvin is my best friend, I have known him all my life and you are passing judgement on things you aren’t prepared to hear the truth to.” 

“Don’t judge me, Ross,” she growled at him. “I have been through hell.”

“Yes, I understand that, but you’re punishing Calvin…he has done nothing but help you, be there and all you’ve done is…”

“Is what? Take advantage of him?” she remarked staring Ross in the eyes, not approving his approach to her.

“No, yes. Sorry, but to be honest, you are hardly being fair to Calvin. You’re taking what other people say for gospel and believing them, without giving Calvin the time or day. I mean can you not at least hear his side of the story before jumping down his throat and accusing him. I’m going to tell you the truth about that night because I can. I never got drunk that night and never intended to, as I’m a social drinker and not.” He quoted with his fingers. ‘
Let’s get drunk and not remember a damn thing’
. It was Calvin’s eighteenth and why shouldn’t he let his hair down?” Ross scowled.

“He got drunk. Cannot remember a damn thing, but what I can tell you this…he never told a soul about you…no-one, all I can think is that Tim had seen you both head to the barn or emerge out and jumped to his conclusions. You know what eighteen year olds are like, pathetic and full of gossip. Calvin told me…yes, and was thrilled to have been your first timer, he was honored that you…and him, made love, but he never and I mean this, he never mentioned you to anyone else. Although I do recall him sparkling, ginning like a Cheshire cat.”

“And you were by his side all night was you?” she scorned.

“Almost yes. I remember a conversation being brought up about the girl he was dancing with, but he said you were a sweet young girl, and that he liked you, but never mentioned anything about you and him being intimate. I’m not saying any of this to get him off the hook, but he had a good night and hardly remembers much but you. Calvin isn’t a man to go around gloating about such events. I mean hell, since ten years ago, and he’s hardly been near a woman, because he cannot stop thinking about you. And then when you do meet back up…it’s hell. Sophie, I’m sorry, but I’m going to tell you this,” he enforced lifting his brows.

Ross moved nearer to her. Sophie watched his every move.

“I went to London, as you know, and well…talk about being in the company of a lovesick puppy, it was crazy and I told him to tell you. He came to York to be with you, you fell asleep in his arms, you had a wonderful evening together in the hospital and then went to the city for lunch and afterwards that was when you bumped into Tim and things went wrong. Calvin has no idea how to make it up to you or whether he had said anything that night and it’s killed him since. Sophie, he loves you,” Ross stipulated, raising his voice.

“So he told you about the night we spent together in the hospital?” she spurted.

“He told me nothing happened and that he watched you cradle your daughter, and feed her for the first time not being in the incubator and he daydreamed, smiling, lost for words and the happiest event in his life.”

Sophie stared at Ross, pissed off, he’d been discussing her their special time together. “He told you about me and him sharing a bed?”

“Yes, Sophie, but only because…”

She scowled at him.

“I guess you’re going to hold that against him too. I don’t think he can ever do anything right for you without you getting the wrong end of the stick.”

Sophie glared at him. Frozen on the spot. Her stomach tightened.

“Sophie, are you listening to me?”

“What?” she yelled.

“Are you listening to me?”

“He told you about our evening in together?”

“He didn’t give me the fine details, honestly, Sophie, he just mentioned you’d stayed in the same bed.”

“And you think we…”

“Just because two grown-ups share a bed doesn’t mean you automatically checked out the mattress. Stop jumping to conclusions.”

“We never,” she replied bewildered.

“Sophie, he loves you.”

Dazed with her trying to work it all out in her head what had been said.

“Sophie, Calvin loves you and has for years. He tried at every opportunity to go to your house with his parents, but you were never in, distressing him. He liked you and after you’re…well that night.” He tilted his head to the side. “He couldn’t wait to track you down and try and be with you, only you were gone and Calvin was mortified and struggled, that was then he turned his career to the business and tried his hardest to push you back to his mind and it worked…well, from time-to-time.” He wagged his brows.

Sophie gazed at Ross, not believing what he told her. “Does he know you’re here?”

“Nope, he’s visiting Sabastian, wanted to see his son while up for the weekend, well, my birthday. He loves you…and when he discovered who you were after I told him after attempting to dismally fill in your application form, yes, he was upset about the baby…but more to the point he was back in touch with you…his innocence of love, endless love, he called you all the time. I guess that is all for me to say,” Ross added.

Sophie watched him turn around to exit the room.

“One more thing,” Ross blurted stopping quickly at the door. “He already had Sabastian’s number earlier, it was his excuse to talk to you.”

She opened her mouth, but no sound came out.

Ross left the room leaving her stunned.

Shell shocked not having a real clue what on earth to say or do. Ross had just shared with her information that no doubt Calvin never agreed to. How was she meant to respond? How can she carry on being a bitch when she knew that information? Then again, there was a good chance Ross had lied to make Calvin look good, but why come out with the word
love?
Surely that would be cruel

She made her way to the nearest sofa to sit down. She urgently needed time to gather her thoughts. Sophie placed her head in her hands unable to think clear. She would admit she was suspicious of everyone who entered her life after what had happened in previous relationships, especially how Rob cheated on her. She wanted to believe everything Ross told her about Calvin, but the truth was trusting people was a hard task for her therefore she couldn’t help but feel they were lies.

“Sophie,” her father voiced.

She moved her hair away from her face. She inhaled a deep breathe, her tummy swirling around in agony.

“What did he have to say, seemed serious?” her dad inquired; sitting down alongside her she hadn’t even noticed him entering the room. He wrapped his arm around her shoulders.

Dry mouthed, not having a clue what to say, how to reply to her dad’s question. So many things scrambled around her head.
He loves me! He loves me!

She stood to take a few steps toward the fireplace. She rubbed the bottom of her nose, trying to think, trying to make sense of what Ross said.

“He just told me…well he mentioned…he talked about…”

“Sophie.”

She dashed out the room. Quickly she raced upstairs to her daughter who was settled in her Moses basket fast asleep. She grabbed the car seat and with great care strapped her daughter securely in. She soon grabbed her changing bag due to being unsure how long she would be, but determined to try and accomplish what she needed too.

Carrying Kacey down in her travel seat finding her father stood outside the sitting room door miffed.

“Would you mind taking me to the hall?” she asked, hoping he would, as she couldn’t drive, but planned on starting her driving lessons next week.

“Of course, let me get my keys,” he replied.

Her dad disappeared into the kitchen diner to retrieve his keys.

Sophie impatiently rushed outside waiting beside the 4+4. Her dad flicked the car open so she could safely strap Kacey onto the front seat. Sophie jumped into the rear putting her own safety belt on while her father got in the driver’s side.

He put the car in drive and off they went. Anxious having severe knots in her tummy, she hoped the trip wouldn’t be wasted. So many issues were galloping around her head having no idea whether she was making the right decisions or not, but her heart told her she was. She had to try and fight. She believed Ross told the truth. Sophie felt adamant that she would see Calvin and pray, just pray he didn’t bare a cold shoulder for her.

A large lump filled her throat, nerves took over as her dad drove closer and closer to the very lane leading down to the magnificent hall. It wouldn’t be long before the barn came into sight and the memories of that night came back to stalk her.

Her dad wasn’t saying a word, he even turned the radio off, sensing the mood she was in and how intense she felt. Kacey cooed making her heart beat again.

The barn came into view. She swallowed heavily, would she ever remove the haunt of that night from her mind or heart? Then again, if what Ross said had been true, then it wasn’t a nightmare it was someone spreading malicious gossip typically jumping to the right conclusions. However, they could have been innocently sitting and talking for all Tim knew. Then the thoughts raced back to how he made her into a woman, made love to her and cared so delicately for her.

Her father pulled the 4+4 up outside the great hall without her noticing where they were. Her mind had been elsewhere.

“Could you wait a few minutes?” she politely asked her father. She had already unbuckled taking hold of the car handle.

“Of course.”

Sophie jumped out of the car and rushed to the large main front door and without hesitation started knocking, ringing the doorbell repeatedly, without care. She was on a mission and had full intention of getting their attention. She hammered on the door with her fist, needing to break in, get in, urgently wanting to talk to Calvin, before her subconscious kicked in and told her to stop being so stupid.

She had spent months loving the man and had full intent of getting a response, good or bad.

She hammered on the door when she glanced back at her father seeing him watching her.

“Erm, hello, Sophie,” she heard when about to knock again without looking. She turned to see Anne staring at her.

“Is there something I can I help you with at all, or are you going to stand there knocking and ringing the bell all night?”

Sophie lifted her brows.

“Hi, erm…sorry…I erm…well… I’m looking for Calvin, is he in?” she stuttered.

“No, he’s gone into York to see Sabastian,” she told her, standing in the doorway hitching her brows.

“Oh yes, I remember him mentioning that earlier,” she remembered, aware now she’d had a wasted trip.

“Could you tell him that I called and…and well, would you,” she coughed to clear her throat, “get him to…”

“I will tell him, Sophie.” She smiled.

“Thank you,” she replied taking a few steps back. “I would sincerely appreciate your help,” Sophie told her smiling.

“No problem, Sophie,” Anne replied. Sophie watched her give a lopsided grin.

Sophie stepped away from the hall and walked back to the 4+4. She climbed back in.

She grinned at Anne while she remained standing in the doorway as she waved at her father.

“Home?” her dad asked.

“He’s not here, but, in York seeing Sabastian.”

“That is brilliant, so good you both have a connection with him.”

“Yes, yes it is,” she whispered thinking about how cruel she had been when they first met, but at least Calvin was remaining to see his son and Sabastian knew of his real father.

She would never dismiss how wonderful Caroline and Mike have been over the years and how they have remained true to her. She hoped the future looked bright for all of them.