Innocence of Love (5 page)

“And Sophie? What are your plans there?” Ross asked, standing to put the kettle on once again.

He cleaned the previous mugs to re-fill them with coffee. Calvin watched him head to his drinks cabinet for the brandy pouring himself and Calvin one.

“What about her?” Calvin blurted.

“She has been through hell and back. She’s worried about her little girl, fighting for her little life.”

Calvin interrupted, “She’s stable.”

“Yes, that may be the case, but she needs strength, people around her, not a war. Her body has undergone a major operation and then comes out of ICU to be told, her daughter is in neonatal, with machines monitoring her little one. She did the right thing in telling you about your son, timing was pretty bad, but she told you. She did the right thing.”

Calvin glared at Ross while he stood the on opposite side of the breakfast bar.

“Okay, it was ten years ago when she was expecting, but girls that age are young, naïve, and scared. She needed love, guidance and instead had to endure her mother’s attitude, forcing her to do something she didn’t wish, that would be tough enough and then to make that decision to keep the baby and fill another couple’s life with unconditional love, is remarkable and terribly brave.

“Yes, she didn’t come to you, but let’s face it a one night stand in a barn, is hardly convincing of a whirlwind romance. She saw red, saw danger and decided to follow her weak heart. She didn’t have the abortion, instead she allowed that innocence of life to live, be happy, grow up, live in this complicated world, and make someone happy, that is a gift not many can do. Then handing that little baby over…I feel for her. Whether Sophie, made the right or wrong decision, it’s happened, it’s in the past, and that child is living…okay, being raised by a family who loves him.

“And before you jump down my throat and say,
well, I would have loved him.
Would you, seriously? Would you really have put your life on hold to look after Sophie and the baby, no money, no career, no life, instead she took those chances and sacrificed, giving him a life she couldn’t give him. That is unconditional love, brave and she needs a bloody, large medal,” Ross exclaimed. He inhaled a deep breath. “Just my views.

“I am dealing with a case where the mother abandoned her children…locked them in a room with no food for two weeks while she went off on holiday with her new partner…now that is selfish and she is wondering why the father wants custody, as they are all in foster care, separated and confused. Is Sabastian that? No, he has great parents who will be looking after him and giving him direction.

“You told me Sophie is in touch with them.”

Calvin nodded his head up and down.

“And Sabastian knows he’s adopted.”

Calvin nodded again.

“Sophie knows he is safe, happy and being well looked after, as otherwise, don’t you think she would have fought for him…we all have to make sacrifices and learn from mistakes. Sophie did what was right for your son, and I for one…think she is amazing, but of course that is my opinion.”

Calvin gazed at Ross when the kettle boiled thinking about what his good friend told him and how he voiced his outlook and how Sophie would’ve struggled all those years ago.

“How come you’re taking her side?”

Ross turned around, holding the kettle and poured the mugs full of water.

“Because, she is a brave woman. Yes, she has been through so much over the years, but she made a sacrifice, to leave home, and continue the pregnancy, too worried about what her mum would say. She took chances…”

“But me,” Calvin cried out hitting his chest.

“Calvin…that girl was frightened, vulnerable, protecting her unborn child. She didn’t want to chance anyone hurting or putting either one of them at risk…brave girl. You should be proud of her. And I understand your predicament. I think you are right…wait until he wants to see you…but then…”

Calvin gawked at him waiting to finish his sentence. Ross paused thinking hard, appearing miles away.

“But then, what?”

“Don’t worry about it. Have you spoke to Sophie?”

“Yeah, earlier and told her I’m walking away and never wish to see her again.”

“For your conscience my good friend, I suggest you pull back those words and find it somewhere in that heart to forgive her, as otherwise this will cut you up forever, and I know you far too well. This will play on your mind and heart, and when in London, it will be harder to handle.”

“You mean easier to forget?”

“No…harder to handle. Only you can make your choices like the choices she had to make. No one knows what the future holds, but one thing I am sure about, despite all my reservations you need her in your life, like she does reverse, but as friends and parents to a very special boy,” Ross added.

Calvin stared deep into his eyes when he lifted his brows. Ross pushed his coffee in front of him.

“How do I truly know if Sabastian is mine?” Calvin asked concerned. He glared into Ross’s eyes to see them wide, shocked by his announcement.

“Please don’t tell me you are going to bring that up?”

“I haven’t seen a picture of him. What pictures she did have got stolen in her bag.”

“Calvin…my good friend…” Ross glared serious at him while he pulled a bar stool to the side and sat down. “Sophie was sixteen, you made love to her. I hardly think or believe Sophie put herself about.” Calvin was about to speak when Ross placed his hand up stopping him in his tracks. “She was vulnerable, a young woman who bolted to her parents’ house, I would hardly say she went on a rampage and had sex with lots of men would you?”

“I don’t know what to think,” he announced, eyes filling with tears.

“I do suggest you knock that thought out of your head, as otherwise Sophie will flip. You were in the kitchen when she stated to us all, she had only slept with you. Why on earth would she lie after all the pain and suffering she’d been through? I trust Sophie and believe you are his father.”

Calvin gazed deep into his eyes. “I am a father, aren’t I?”

“It sounds that way to a nine year old.” Ross stood up from the stool and walked into the heart of the kitchen. “Are you hungry?”

Calvin stared at him, really not knowing why the hell Ross had changed his opinion on her. Only a few days ago he told him to back-off stop getting involved.

“Why are you sounding like you care suddenly?”

“Because my friend…Sophie Richards has to be the bravest woman I have ever met.”

Calvin gawped at him tilting his head to the side thinking about Sophie asking himself the question…

Could he really walk away?           

Chapter Three

The discomfort, almost a paralyzing sensation took over her body stifled her. She couldn’t breathe, think, stomach ached, her heart collapsed. Calvin’s words were all she could hear. The anguish of hearing those cruel words repeating constantly in her mind made her feel nauseous. She regretted ever making the decision to head back home and beg her mum for forgiveness, for one last chance of getting somewhere safe. How she’d tried pleading with her to allow her to stay just while getting her feet back on the ground, instead…she planned on ending her life on that damn bridge and who was to find her? The very man she had sex with all those years ago in the barn, making him the father of her son who she gave away, without a bloody care, apparently. Who the hell was he to judge her like that?

No, she never had days breaking down, or long days spent thinking about him, or even cared what he did. No, she didn’t care that he was being mistreated, abused verbally or physically. No, she didn’t care if he lived a crap life, no care for school, bunking off doing what the hell he wanted terrorising kids in the neighbourhood. No, he was certainly being warned by the police to stop drinking, or robbing people, why would she ever care? That was the whole point she did care, that had been the reason she had that contracted drawn up and signed so she would be aware of his antics.

She raged. So hurt, disgusted to those words Calvin said. She didn’t care and only ever thought of herself, of course she did…walking the streets not having anywhere warm or secure to lay her head, trying to figure out where her next meal would be coming from, she could have treated it like a wild adventure…not!

Curled up in a tight ball, resenting those words he said. Yet, she understood his annoyance with her, all those years of never knowing the truth and if he hadn’t been on holiday visiting his parents, he would never have found her on the bridge, then he would never have known anything. His damn life would still be perfect. Her heart sank further into her stomach. She had always hoped she would come across the man who fathered her first born, but not the way they had.

Aching in ways she had never felt pain before. She guessed the agony of losing someone who had been there for her, was now gone. She would never see him again, unless in the future Sabastian got in contact with his father and they got invited to his wedding or paths crossed with grandchildren or christenings, who knew what the future held?

Tears streamed down her cheeks, wishing Calvin hadn’t said what he had. Although, comprehended his resentment. She would try her best not to blame him, but it remained to play heavily on her heartstrings.

She reached for her phone to curl back into a tight ball, strolling through her contracts on her phone desperate to locate his number. She wiped the tears away from her eyes and cheeks, so angry with everything that had happened. Sophie found his number. Without hesitation, she pressed delete. Calvin removed, no-longer could she contact him, fine…that was what he requested and that was what she did. She held her phone in her hand, staring at the screen, having something heavy pulling at her soul, it felt like she had been stabbed in the heart and it torn out her chest. A warm part of her heart had died, lost and never to be found.

Then she went to her music archive. She found the tune Calvin had downloaded for her onto her stupid phone her parents had brought for her. She strolled down the music archive for that tune, the very tune he played while she had been in intensive care, the tune she heard when waking up. However, she had noticed how quickly he’d moved his phone away from her when she stirred. She bet he thought she hadn’t heard it, but she had. Not only that, his ringtone on his phone had been the same song. How could she ever forget that tune, every time she’d heard it played on the radio it reminded her of the night dancing with Calvin. How tears filled her eyes every-time, the very memory of that night and somehow in time she’d forgotten what he looked like.

She tried not to forget his warm, comforting, gorgeous looks only she did, now that frustrated her how she hadn’t recognised him sooner before the massive discovery. The very moment she hated, stood in his parents kitchen with her mum calling her names, everyone shouting, with him resenting her for what he’d suspected she’d done, had an abortion, but each time she went to tell him the truth about their boy…something cropped up. She should have made more of an attempt but how? She was to blame and now she knew that only repairing the damage wasn’t going to be easy if she had such a chance.

She spent a few seconds staring at the name of the tune, the artist debating to delete that too, delete everything that reminded her of him. She found the tune. Only, her heart stung. She stared the artist, the name of the tune and hit play. The beat started and her heart stop beating…
Deepest Blue
by Deepest Blue.

Suddenly her mind became invaded with visions of that night. The very night of his eighteenth birthday party came flooding back. Memories struck her down the way he held her tight, the way their bodies connected feeling his breath on her face, the warmth that generated her energy, his kindness that blew her away. She felt like a girl having some serious fun with the opposite sex, although he to her at the time had been weird, interacting with men, boys. She lacked confidence, at times had been uncomfortable, but Calvin welcomed her making her feel extra special.

How that night he took her into his arms, swung her around she had never laughed and smiled so much. She found the alcohol made her giggly, certain the drink had relaxed her and delighted she’d attend the party, deciding to
screw it
she was going to have a good night including having her first sexual experience.

His smile, sublime. His touch, delicate. His appearance, astonishing. She would admit at the time she expected him to act like a typical rich boy, only no…his kindness was so considerate so embracing, enduring. A genuine guy, a man who cherished, stole her heart, and left her tender wishing for more. He was her deepest blue.
If temptation had ever come back her way,
and he’d come back to find her, visited her house she would have gone with him again, she would have captivated every living, breathing second of him.

She doesn’t regret having sex with him, if anything she had been enchanted, after hearing so many wonderful things about the Edwards, about their son from her parents, only ended in her misfortune leaving her expecting his baby and then saw no choice but to give him away.

Her stomach churned being reminded of the very day she had to walk away from her son, leaving him behind. She felt sick to the core. Her tummy tightened and jerked. Quickly she placed her hand over her mouth. She dashed out the room into the bathroom where she quickly lowered to her knees to hit the toilet basin. She vomited violently. She held her long hair back whilst she wrenched her guts up. The foul taste took over her mouth making her tummy ultra-sensitive. She kneeled over the toilet as more came up, with visions remembering how she looked back at the house to where her son was, after her time living with the family was over. She’d lied to the couple telling them she had her parents to go to. Maybe it had been wrong of her to expect her parents to allow her back into the family unit, anything at the time was worth a try, being in the desperate state she was. She had nothing…nothing at all. Only, her mum slammed the door on her face, leaving her homeless. Her heart had been cut up enough without adding further anguish.

She sobbed her heart out. Surges of tears flooded down her cheeks dripping off her chin onto her clothes. She felt vile, mouth filled with the foul taste of vomit. How her heart churned. The things she had tried so hard to stomach yet…deep in her guts, she had lost everything that had been important to her.

Suddenly, she could feel hands on her hair where she had it pulled back, tangling their fingers with her own. She paused wondering who the hell had come to see her. Why would anyone wish to see her? She had done nothing but failed everyone she’d come into contact with.

“It’s okay, Sophie, let it up.”

Sophie widened her eyes she knew that voice. Calvin.

Tears flooded her eyes. She did not believe he’d somehow come back. Why was he back?

Her stomach in agony. She leaned back over the toilet. Calvin held her hair back as she held the rim of the toilet to bring everything up.

She kneeled back, feeling all was up. Calvin released her hair. She could hear the sound of running water followed by the sound of him rinsing a glass that was on the side of the sink, she used to gargle with. Then Sophie heard the sound of the glass being filled with cold water.

“Here, Sophie, sip a bit of that,” he told her handing it to her. She took the glass taking a few sips. Her tummy churned. She could not look at him, hating the thought of him seeing her in such a state, but then again…he had witnessed her distressed, bleeding, in  hospital un-conscious, then came the emotions of seeing her daughter…would this really make a difference? No. It was official he’d seen her at her worst.

Slowly, but, surely she stood, tasting nothing but the foul taste in her mouth. She turned around to look at Calvin. His eyes were red, blotchy betting he’d been in as much distress as her. She gulped feeling her stomach flip.

“Would you mind if I brush my teeth?”

“No, of course not. I’ll go and wait in your room, if that’s okay?” She smiled. He grinned perturbed at her. She watched him leave the room, giving her the chance to clean herself up.

Once freshened, her breath fresher and while at the sink threw some cold water on her sore eyes. She glanced in the mirror above the sink briefly. “Wow, you look like shit,” she told herself.

She scratched her face noticing her pale skin, red eyes, truly looking worse than ever. Sophie brushed her long hair, finding a few knots, trying to work out why Calvin had come back. She seriously couldn’t handle him calling her names and telling her what an evil bitch she had been. She wasn’t an evil bitch, she just did at the time what was right for her son.

Once she felt more human she made her way out the bathroom. She moved back across the corridor to her room. She had no idea what time of day it was and to be honest didn’t care. She stood at the bedroom door hearing the sound of
Deepest Blue
by Deepest Blue, playing. She grinned, she soaked up the sound of the music, thoughts drifted back to how young and naïve she’d been that night. Her eyes closed for a few seconds absorbing the tune, knowing how hard things were on each other. When suddenly she remembered she’d left the tune playing when dashing to the toilet.
Oh crap, no…

Sophie opened the door to Calvin sitting on the bed playing with his fingers deep in thought. He gazed up at her and added a heart-warming grin. Speechless she quickly charged across the room to switch the tune off, hoping he wasn’t getting the wrong idea, even if she casted her mind back to the fatal night.

She ached throughout her body, tummy tender. Not believing what Calvin caught her doing, always turning up at the vital moment.

“How are you feeling?” he asked.

She sat on the bed with him to her right and sighed, deflated and lifeless.

“Wonderful.”

“Lie,” he blasted out. “Look, Sophie,” he said, his body weight shuffling on the bed. She glanced briefly across gazing at his lap to find him turning his body to face her. He reached across to take hold of her hand. She shook riddled in nerves about what else he had to say,
surely there was nothing else to say!

“I’m deeply sorry about earlier. I was upset that you had gone through hell and it was all my fault, if I hadn’t got you…”

Sophie placed her finger against his lips.

“Ssh! Don’t talk that way, no-one knew how things were going to turn out including myself. I did what was right for Sabastian and whether you agree or not, it happened. I cannot re-write the past, but what I can do is think about the future, but right now I have to take care of Kacey,” she informed him whilst gazing deeply into his eyes.

He thinned his eyes distraught, “But I said some vicious things.”

“That was anger and pain and I understand all that, but please don’t hate me for making the choices I had. Trust me, there hasn’t been a day I haven’t thought about Sabastian and what he’s doing. I love that boy with all my heart. He knows who I am, trust me…it had never been easy. And afterwards I sobbed, I still sob, just seeing him and seeing how happy he is makes my heart ease a little. But every single day of my life I’m haunted by walking out of their house. I was so cut up, like someone had stabbed me and tore out my heart.”

“I know…and it couldn’t have been easy for you. And he is happy and being well looked after?” he asked inquisitively.

“Yes, I wouldn’t leave him there otherwise. If I knew they were harming a hair on his head, I would call the police and have him out,” she stated.

Calvin sucked in a deep breath.

“I’m sorry,” he added, scrunching up his adorable face.

Her heart warmed, delighted he had come back to talk about the matter. She knew earlier he’d been cut up, now that they were sitting talking back to the way they were before she announced Sabastian. Her heart slowly being put back together.

“Can I see Kacey?”

Sophie smiled at him. She stood up. There was nothing more she’d love than him to be standing next to her by her daughter’s incubator. They walked into the unit and both stood overlooking her precious little girl watching her kicking and waving her arms around, getting stronger by the minute.