Insipid (25 page)

Those words cut through me like a knife. Is this a cruel joke? “No! Don’t move! Don’t you dare come near me! Listen to me. Hear me now—I’m going to tell you this once and for all. I don’t want to love you! I don’t want you! I want you to leave me alone! Leave me and my pitiful life alone. Leave me the fuck alone! It’s over. I can’t do this to myself anymore! Whatever bullshit we’ve had or didn’t have or don’t want to have—it’s over!”

I kick the sand furiously until he lets go of my foot. And then I run. I run for my life. I run away from this life. I don’t look back even as I get inside a taxicab that takes me directly to the airport for a flight to Chicago. No more mind games. Peace at last. I finally let him go.

“THANKS SO MUCH
for taking the time to meet with me, gentlemen,” I address the other members of the Executive Team as we sit around the long conference table first thing the following Monday morning.

“How was your trip home, Jade?” Skip asks as he passes a pot of coffee around.

Everyone gets busy pouring themselves a cup and reaching out for the tray of creamer and sweetener in the middle of the table.

“It was good, thanks. It was nice to see my parents for a few days.”
And Chris. And Lucas.
“Anyway, I don’t want to keep you for too long. I just wanted to make an announcement as well as clarify something that has been weighing heavily on my mind lately. I’m putting this issue to bed once and for all. You know how I have loved this firm as if it were my own, and I have never done anything to jeopardize either your professional reputation or the reputation of this organization. Lucas—” I hesitate briefly before opening up this part of my life to them. “Lucas Martinez is not who you’ve accused him to be. He is a kind and generous man, and extremely ethical especially when it came to his dealings with this company. He never did anything to detriment the merger while it was in progress. He was professional at all times; we never spoke about work or business when we were together.”

“You were together?” Dave asks, surprised.

“We were together, yes.”

“How long has this been going on?” Mark interjects. No one seems upset. Everyone looks thoughtful and sad. I think they know what’s coming.

“We became close through all those nights we worked together. As friends, mostly. But there was a point when I can say I think I was in love with him, however warped that love seems to have been.” I pause a moment and gather myself. “We’re no longer together. There are new developments in my life that have taken precedence and I must deal with them above everything else.”

Tim’s eyes look disappointed. “Jade, what’s the point of this, if you’re no longer with Martinez?”

“I still think that this poses a conflict of interest, past or present. And this is why I am hereby resigning from the company effective today. I sincerely apologize for my behavior and will accept the consequences of my embarrassing and degrading actions. Please know that I am so thankful for all the faith and confidence you have placed in me. Especially you, Warren. The way that you supported me through all this. I will never forget that. It’s time for me to take a break and be with my parents for a while, enjoy life a little bit more, make amends with those I have hurt in the past. I’ve missed so much of myself lately. I gave up so much when I lost Cia. The thing is, I know now that I have to keep on living. For her sake.”

Watching tears stream down the faces of five grown men is the most awkward experience in the world. Warren is the first one to stand up and hug me. He tells me that there’s no need to resign, that we’re all human and that things like this do happen. He then admits that he met his wife while she was an intern at the same company. We all laugh and call him a cradle snatcher. When the seriousness returns, however, I make it clear that my decision has been made.

“I’m going to take some time off to recover myself and maybe I’ll finally join my dad so he can retire from his businesses soon.”

The meeting ends when we agree to a three-week transition period. I call Noelle in and watch her cry openly as I tell her about my plans.

The following weeks seem endless. I’m in wrap up mode, making sure that all my studies and projects are passed on to the appropriate people. Chris and Lucas take turns calling. Like a comedy of errors, their calls intersect, one after the other. I take Chris’ calls. I don’t answer the ones from Lucas. I’ve never been duplicitous. My heart can only handle one thing at a time. For now, it chooses to focus on Chris.

Lucas:
I don’t need anything from you but your friendship. I miss my friend.

Chris:
I love you. I’ve realized how much I still love you.

Lucas:
I’ll wait, Jade. Get your shit together. I miss my Skype buddy.

Chris:
I’m arriving today. Let me help you pack and then let’s talk about trying again.

Lucas:
MP, James misses you. These secret missions don’t mean anything without you.

“SO ANYWAY,” I
start off as I munch heavily on a bite of my sandwich, “I really think I’m better. I’m getting over this craziness. I don’t think about him everyday anymore.”

“Cut the crap,” Leya responds, sticking another fry in her mouth.

“Okay. Once a day. And it’s only because he won’t stop texting and calling. I’m with Chris now, remember?”

“What does that mean, you’re with Chris? You mean ‘with’ with, or trying to be with?”

“I haven’t told him yet, but I’m going to move in with him when I get to San Francisco.”

“Oh.”

“Yup! And I’m excited!”

Leya shakes her head at me before attempting to wrangle out the truth by looking directly into my eyes.

I put down my sandwich and respond with a glower. “What?”

“What does that solve? You haven’t really looked into why you acted crazy for Lucas like that in the first place. Now you’re moving on to Chris? Do you love him?”

“Who?”

“Chris. Do you love him?”

“Of course I do. He’s the father of my child and we have a lot of memories together.”

“You had nineteen years of memories with Joshua and you don’t love him.”

“Leya, please. I get your point. I’m trying here.”

“What I don’t understand is why you have to try. You love Lucas. I know you do. Why are you trying your darndest to run away from him?”

“Because he’s thirty fucking three years old and he doesn’t know what he wants. I’m too old for his bullshit.” I stiffly crumple my sandwich paper and throw it into the bag.

“Okay, Granny Feisty. I get it.” The sound of our laughter rings throughout the cafeteria.

“I’m going to miss you, Ley,” I say sadly. “You’ve done so much for me. You helped me survive the past few months. What will I do without you?”

“I’ll make sure you won’t find out. San Francisco will be my new favorite vacation spot!”

“I THINK THIS
is it, the last of the boxes.” Chris exhales as he slowly lowers a large brown carton on the floor in the middle of the foyer.

“Thanks!” I say, lifting the lid to peek inside its contents.

He towers over me as he watches me unload the picture frames and pile them neatly on the floor. My eyes gaze upon something inside the box, but I suppress my reaction so that Chris doesn’t notice anything.

“Your mother says she’s sending lunch over in a few minutes.” I nod my head as I continue with my chore. I’ve moved into the pool house on my parents’ property. Chris has been helping me to settle in for the past few days. It feels good to be home, although I’m still feeling a little bit displaced by my new situation. The house is big enough for me, two bedrooms with an open floor plan, teak stained wood floors and pure white interior. Massive french doors lead out to the swimming pool, complete with a diving board and cabanas lining the opposite end of the garden.

“Take a break and sit with me for a while.” Chris reaches out to take my hand as I slide myself off the floor to stand up. We bask in the warmth of the summer breeze blowing softly through the open windows and doors. The limitless sunshine ushers in a new frame of mind, one filled with hope for a new beginning with Chris.

We walk towards the couch and take a seat. He swings my legs over so that my feet are resting on his lap. He lovingly runs his hands up and down my calves.

“Ah, that feels good,” I say with my eyes closed. “What time do you have to leave tomorrow?”

“My flight leaves early. 7:00 am. I want to be there before the builders show up.” He has a trip to Vegas in the morning to check on a construction project. “Will you miss me?” He leans his body over so that he’s lying on top of me, his face covering mine.

“Of course I will,” I answer as I caress the top of his head. His hair feels so much like Cia’s. Thick and unruly, yet soft and velvety to the touch. Subconsciously, I pull his hair back to stare into his face.
He’s my Cia on earth. My last link to her. I don’t know how I can ever let him go.

He drags his lips down my neck to my chest, lifting my shirt up so he can plant tiny pecks on my stomach. “I can’t get enough of you, Jae. You just get so much hotter as time passes. How can that happen?”

“Aren’t we too old for this? We just did it two hours ago!”

I shriek as his touches turn into tickles down the side of my ribs. “Chris! Stop! Please!” I bring my knees up to protect myself and accidentally hit him in the face. “Oh, God! I’m so sorry, Chris, baby! Are you okay? So sorry!” I repent, kissing him all over his face.

He winks at me, all sly and sexy and inviting. “That’s not what hurts, this does.” He pushes himself up against me so that I’m flush against him.

“Well, I guess I need to fix that, don’t I?” I unzip his pants and touch him. The phone on the table starts to play “Skyfall” from the latest James Bond movie.
Shit! I need to change that ring tone!
I reach my arm backwards and press the decline button with my free hand. My other hand is resting on his shoulder for support. It rings again. And again. And dings with a text.

“Someone’s trying to get a hold of you,” Chris says curtly. “You’d better get it.”

“No, wait, hold it right there. Let me just see…” I bring the screen to my face.

Lucas:
You moved away from Chicago and didn’t tell me? Who are you with?

Chris senses who it is by my barefaced reaction. “Have you told him about us?”

“He’s just a friend. I didn’t think I had to report back to him with everything.”

“It doesn’t look over, Jae.” He gently lifts me off him and deposits me back on the seat next to him.

Just like Lucas to invade my intimate moments. Again. He needs to get out of my head. Now.

“I’ll tell him. Don’t worry, I will.” I pull him down on the couch until his full weight is on top of me and my legs are wrapped around his waist. “Tomorrow.”