Instant Orgasm: Excitement at First Touch (17 page)

Continue to be playful. Maybe hold a dab of lubricant directly above her clitoris without touching it, and ask her to feel. When you finally touch her cli- toris, you can choose any kind of stroke that appeals to you. It can be a quick touch directly on the spot, or a long stroke upward from her perineum over her introitus and finally onto her clitoris—or any other touch you want to per- form. Tell her in advance what you are doing, report any pleasure you notice, and ask her to do the same.

This whole session can be dedicated to touching her one stroke at a time. We have sometimes asked students to use
only
one single stroke, end the ses- sion, and then to write about the session. You could also graduate to some ad-

ditional stroking if she has responded well to the one-stroke training—or just because both of you desire it.

Y Graduating to More Strokes Z

One way to advance is to choose a specific number of strokes; for example, two or three or five. You can inform her that you will deliver, say, five direct strokes on her clitoris, then do so. Stop stroking afterward, and talk about it with her. Then you can repeat this maneuver by stroking again five times, stopping for a couple of seconds, and then stroking five more times.

Notice if she is experiencing more feeling—that is, if the sensation is in- creasing or decreasing. If it is increasing, you can increase the number of strokes, for example, stroking seven or ten times in a row before taking a short break. Be playful and keep communicating what you are doing. In this way

she won’t be surprised when you stop stroking. Keep the strokes short, stay on her favorite spot, and do not vary the kind of stroke used.

After a while, as long as she is still feeling all the strokes, you can give her a longer peak by delivering even more strokes and using your intention to keep her going. You may or may not choose to do this the first time out; remember, it is best to leave her wanting more, but do not leave her starving. Pay atten- tion to what is going on with both of you. You want to stay in control without trying to force her to get off by continuing to touch her if she is in resistance mode. Already you’ve gotten her to lighten up, let go of performance anxiety, and feel far more than she’s probably used to feeling.

This technique of giving just a few strokes, taking a break, and then repeat- ing the cycle is useful for a woman who is new to this kind of attention. She is unaccustomed to having so much attention focused on her, so when you stroke her even once or twice and then stop, she will be able to get into the ex- perience better than if you stroked her continuously. It’s kind of like training with weights; you start with a small amount and gradually add more as you get stronger. Here you are adding more strokes (more stimulation) as her abil- ity to receive attentive pleasure grows. Building one’s capacity for pleasure is a shorter process than building strong muscles. Often it takes just one session to go from being able to fully feel just a couple of strokes to enjoying many. It is all about having fun; there is no specific timetable that must be met. By keep- ing your attention focused on the pleasure rather than the outcome, there will be less chance of creating performance anxiety. In Chapter 6 we will describe in further detail how to pleasure an untrained woman.

Y The Importance of Confidence Z

Any stimulation of a woman’s genitals will be better with confidence behind it. Most women are receptive to a man who shows that he wants to learn how to give her more pleasure. They are willing to cut him some slack even when his confidence is in the budding stage. He requires practice to gain confidence, so by rewarding him for his positive attempts she will create a confident lover.

Any recipient of pleasure, whether they are a man or a woman, is more re- ceptive to a touch that is deliberate as opposed to tentative. This is because it is

much easier to surrender to someone who is self-assured than someone who is insecure about their skills. When the pleasure giver is hesitant, unsure, or timid with his or her touches, the recipient will respond negatively.

A woman can usually tell just by looking at and talking with a man how confident he really is. Self-assuredness in a potential lover makes it easier for a woman to say yes to his offers. On the flip side, some women may be put off by what they perceive as too much confidence, often described as being “cocky” or “too smooth.” They may think the guy won’t measure up to what he seems to promise. The key is to pay attention to the vibes she is giving off and respond accordingly. If a man notices that a woman seems afraid of his tal- ents, he can overcome her resistances by having fun with just that notion. He can play push/pull with her, pushing her away a bit farther than she seemed prepared to go, and then reeling her back in. He can push her away by saying something like she is right to be afraid because he has been known as the “Big Bad Wolf ” and he might blow her house down. Then he can say he was kid- ding—he is really a sheep in wolf ’s clothing and he will be very gentle with her and only go as far as she wants. This may be a silly little example, but you get the idea. The point is that wherever there is resistance, there is also a fun game

that can be played. But the man has to enjoy playing this way. Our book
To Bed or Not to Bed
spends considerable time discussing the playful games involved

in seducing someone.

Y Noticing and Appreciating Her Z

A woman who is willing to surrender and who has faith that her lover is confi- dent and knowledgeable can be orgasmic before her partner even touches her. Just the thought of the upcoming event can be so titillating that she will be wet and turned on. All her partner has to do is to keep her on track, say some nice things, and notice and report.

Before touching your partner, take some time to gaze at her body and tell her how beautiful she is. Detail what you find so attractive—her eyes or her thighs or her skin or whatever. It’s important to be honest, of course. Most women love to be noticed and flattered, and doing so will help her know that you are truly enjoying what you are doing. You can also tell her that she has a

“beautiful pussy” and a “gorgeous clitoris.” Pay attention to her face and notice if she is appreciating your flattery or if it is too much for her to handle. Unless a person is good at hiding their feelings, observing their face can easily tell you what emotion they’re experiencing. Notice when you speak to them whether you are taking them higher or lower emotionally. Only continue with a par- ticular line of communication if they enjoy it.

You can tell when a person is ready to be touched—wants physical contact

—and when they are afraid or reluctant. As long as you sense any resistance in your partner, proceed cautiously; even take a step back if necessary. You can say something like, “We don’t have to do this, but if we do, it is going to be a hell of a lot of fun.” Once in bed, a woman still has to be continually seduced. By this we mean that you always want her coming toward you, desiring more pleasure, and if she is not, then you have to tease her by threatening to stop.

Y Time to Touch Z

When you can no longer resist touching her, then it must be time to do so. Avoid diving for the clitoris; rather, approach it slowly and deliberately, using any of the techniques we’ve described so far. Start from wherever you feel in- clined to touch her. Remember that a light stroke is more exciting than a firm one.

I enjoy letting my hands go almost on autopilot; that is, touching without too much thinking or planning. (I still remain aware of all of my partner’s re- sponses, however.) Just go with the flow, allowing your hands to touch wher- ever they feel like it. Training and practice help you develop an instinct for how to touch. As with any skill, once you learn the proper techniques you become freed up to go outside the box, so to speak. I may use the back of my hands, my wrist, or even my whole forearm. Of course, my fingers and palms have to get in on the act. Always remember to touch for your own pleasure. There is no map; each time out will be different and special.

Report any signs of pleasure that you notice, and compliment her on any- thing that you find attractive and appealing. If you find a special curve that is sexy or gorgeous, do not keep it to yourself; inform her immediately. If you like the way she feels, or the softness of her pubic hair, let her know. If you enjoy

her scent, describe how she has a wonderfully perfumed fragrance that is de- licious to inhale. Women can be quite sensitive about the way their pussies smell, so if you compliment her aroma she will feel more like surrendering to her pleasure.

Remember that your confidence, your enjoyment, your sweet talk, your playfulness, and of course your attention and intention all have an effect on how willing she is to surrender. The more she is willing to surrender, the more she will be able to feel, and the more instantaneously orgasmic she will be. You

want to cause her to be willing to let go and lower her defenses, putting all her energy into experiencing sensation,
sensation
,
sensation
.
If she does this, she will be in orgasm before you even get to her clitoris.

If she lets loose and goes for the sensation, keep doing what you’re doing. With more of the same kind of attention from you, as long as she continues to be receptive, you can take her higher and higher.

Y Handling Resistances: Z

Enemies of Turn-On

If, on the other hand, you encounter resistance, you have a number of choices. You can proceed with caution and give her some delicious strokes and see if there is anyone home, or you can let her know that you sense resistance and ask her some questions. The questions can range from asking her if she re- ally wants pleasure now, to asking her what she is thinking about. She may be afraid that she won’t feel as much as she “should,” or that somehow she will fail in your eyes. Allay her doubts by letting her know that you are doing this for your own fun and pleasure. Remind her that by placing her attention on these negative ideas she is resisting her own pleasure, and that it is time for her to invest in her pleasure by focusing on fun and sexy thoughts. Increasing the communication is usually your best chance at overcoming the resistance and getting her to a place of greater surrender. Look at her face when you ask the questions and you will see if you are making any headway or if your audience has checked out.

We often tell people that the two biggest enemies of turn-on are doubt and anger. We’ve spent a lot of time in our earlier books discussing these topics,

and we want to repeat here that as long as a person is feeling angry or having doubts they cannot place their attention on pleasurable sensation. You cannot have attention on your anger and on your pleasure at the same time. You have to choose. You must doubt your doubt and deliberately focus your attention on your pleasure.

Doubt will keep a person, especially a woman, from letting go and al- lowing herself to feel as intensely as she can. The doubt can be about almost anything—how she looks, whether her clitoris is big enough, whether her la- bia are too big, how her genitals smell, whether this is the right thing to do, whether he is just planning to stick it in later.

If you decide to deal with the resistance by continuing stroking, it is still in everyone’s best interest to keep the communication open. Let her know that you are not feeling much response coming from her and that you are go- ing to continue because you want to see what happens if you keep touching her. Sometimes people just require a little bit of time and a little more stimula- tion before they can focus their attention on what is occurring in their body. As long as you are open about the fact that you don’t sense much pleasurable energy emanating from her body, at least she can trust that you are telling her the truth. Make sure she is not tensing up and waiting to feel something in the future.

If she argues with you by claiming that she feels more than you think she does, again it would be best to stop and determine exactly what is going on. Likewise, if you do continue and observe no increase in sensual energy, it is time to stop and take a longer break.

Y Integrity Z

In response to her resistance, let’s say you have asked her some questions and she has answered honestly. It is okay to start touching her again whenever it feels right to do so. But know that you must trust your own feelings and have the integrity to follow through with how you really feel. Most men are pro- duction junkies; that is, they want to give their partners pleasure no matter what. That may be a great attitude for succeeding in business or warfare, but it is not the best attitude to embrace when producing pleasure. A man has to