Instant Orgasm: Excitement at First Touch (13 page)

Give You Pleasure

The ability to receive pleasure will vary in everyone and even in the same per- son at different times. This can be due to past conditioning, what is happen- ing in the person’s life at the moment, and a host of other factors. The ability to communicate one’s pleasure also depends on one’s conditioning and on how much training he or she has had in this practice. Anyone who really desires to experience more pleasure can increase their communication skills. When being touched for sensual pleasure there is always something about the touch or the situation that is positive. The person receiving the touch can truth- fully find something they like about the sensual stimulation and can verbally acknowledge it. With more practice and conscious effort, this noticing and truthful approval of positive sensations will become easier and easier.

In the previous chapter we explored the first ingredient in improving the sensual relationship: learning how, where, and when to give yourself plea- sure so that you understand more about your own body. The next ingredient is relaying this information to your partner—specifically, letting your partner know exactly how well he or she is addressing your pleasure.

Hopefully you have studied and practiced the activities described in the last chapter so that you have some knowledge about what you like and where you like it. If you and your partner are willing to explore the wide range of pleasurable touches, you can learn together what feels best. If your partner is willing, before they touch you, you can show them how you like to be touched by demonstrating on yourself. Some people have an aversion to doing this; if so, this section outlines additional ways to get your partner to touch you pre- cisely how you want them to.

Here are the basics: Before giving your partner any instructions, first al- ways make sure to give him or her some verbal acknowledgments. Again, the more positive feedback you give your partner, the more fun they will have giv- ing you pleasure—and that begins before they even touch you. (In fact, the more you approve of and appreciate what is happening in all areas of your life, in bed or anywhere else, the more fun you will be to spend time with, and the more fun you will have.)

Talking also produces two more positive effects: It keeps you in present time, preventing your mind from wandering, and it allows you to receive even more pleasure by letting you fully absorb (or “swallow”) the pleasure you have been given so far. Finally, by frequently acknowledging the wonderful sensa- tions you’re experiencing, you will be in a good place to make requests of your partner to change what he or she is doing. We discuss these benefits in more detail in the next chapter.

As soon as you give an instruction and your partner fulfills the request, no matter how seemingly small or simple, let them know that they have suc- ceeded. Perhaps they have only lightened the pressure of their touch in re- sponse to your request; still, let them know that they are winning and doing well. Then, if you want even less pressure, ask again. Once they succeed, again let them know that they are doing better. Do not stop asking for what you want until your partner is doing it exactly the way you want it.

Always be sure to verbalize some positive acknowledgments before mak- ing the next request. It is more fun for your partner to do your bidding when they know how much fun you are having. Hopefully you are having a lot of fun. However, even if you’re having only a little bit of pleasure and fun, you can always find something in the experience to approve of. It could be as basic as simply appreciating the fact that you are in bed together and doing an ex- ercise. As we’ve said, the more you practice communicating positive feelings, the easier it will become to notice them and report them to your partner.

Give only one instruction at a time; for instance, it is not a good idea to ask for more pressure and more speed at the same time. First, get either the pres- sure or speed exactly where you want it, and then get the other factor dialed in. Giving too many instructions at once will only confuse your partner, causing him or her to feel inadequate.

We have taught entire courses where the goals were to learn to acknowl- edge positive sensations and to keep asking for what was wanted. We often have students start by rubbing on a part of the pleasure recipient’s body other than the genitals so that the recipient gets accustomed to talking while re- ceiving pleasure. Once they learn how to talk while being pleasured on their thigh, for example, they can graduate to being stimulated genitally while ver- balizing approval and asking for what they want.

If you forget to approve of your partner before or after asking for a change, do not fret; just approve at the next chance you have and go on from there. Sometimes you may not know exactly what change you would like, yet you know you want something different. In this case you can experiment. Ask for something, verbalize your approval, and if it is not what you wanted ask for something else. It is best to approve of any effort to fulfill your request as soon as it is made. The longer you wait between action and approval, the less ef- fective the training. It is also fine to ask for a break. During the break you can talk about and approve of what has occurred; then when your partner starts touching you again, either when you direct them to or on their own initiative, you will be ready for more pleasure.

Again, because it is difficult for many people to talk while having a sexual experience, we think that starting with body parts other than the genitals is a great learning tool.

three-step Process

So, to recap, we’re talking about a three-step process:

1. Say one nice thing.
   
2. Ask for something.
   
3. Verbally reward the effort.
   

Repeat this sequence again and again.

The following are examples of things you can say:

✴ “Wow that feels great.”

✴ “I love the way you touch me.”

✴ “You have great hands.”

✴ “Will you use a lighter/heavier touch? Yes, that’s even better.”

✴ “Keep doing that.”

✴ “Yes! Yes!”

✴ “You got it just right.”

So now you are in a credit situation. If you want something different, your partner will be in a great position to hear your request and do your bidding.

training Your Partner

to give You an Instant Orgasm

In order to practice feeling orgasmic pleasure on the first stroke, explain to your partner, before they even begin touching you, what you would like to have happen,. Tell your partner that you are learning to feel as much as you can from the very first stroke. Ask your partner to touch you with one stroke, and then to remove their hand, and then to repeat the single-stroke action over and over. You can even tell them to put their hand close to the skin with- out touching it to see if you can feel anything. Try using any of the exercises described in Chapter 2. Explain the activity to your partner, and then have your partner do it to you.

Remember to start by giving your partner some acknowledgments; for ex- ample, “Playing this game with you is fun,” or “I am so glad we are doing this,” or “You have such nice hands.” Then when they touch you, you can say, “Oh, that feels great,” and so on. Throughout the session, use the three-step process described above.

This method of training through positive communication works in any situation, not just in bed, but it may take some getting used to. We aren’t ac- customed to verbalizing much approval and appreciation, even in everyday activities.

Y Training Your Partner to Z

Receive Pleasure

The person giving the pleasure has to learn to take control of their partner’s nervous system. This requires confidence that they know what to do. Start by setting up the space so that all towels, lubricants, pillows, etc., are in place. To find out what your partner would like for you to do to them, it is best to ask specific questions, which we discuss below. You also must make your partner feel like they are being taken care of; this will help them relax and feel safe enough to surrender. Therefore, it is useful to inform your partner of what you are going to do next and to report all activities and sensations you notice that could affect your partner’s level of relaxation.

Always let your partner know what is going to happen next—even before putting your hands on your partner’s body, before relocating your hands, and before removing them. For example, if the phone rings you can take charge by announcing that you will let the answering machine pick up. A thorough giver of pleasure will often make sure that the phone’s ringer is turned off be- fore beginning the sensual activity.

Sometimes when a woman who has never rubbed on me before is not talk- ing much, I may start to wonder what she is doing, whether she knows how to make me squirt, or if she even wants to. If she were to say that she is having fun playing with my penis and that she is not ready to squirt me just yet, and when she is she will let me know, this would allow me to surrender more to her manipulations, which would bring me far more pleasure than if she did not talk. Whether you’re pleasuring a woman or a man, merely by saying a few simple words you can take more control of the situation than by saying little or nothing.

It is sensual and fun to report to your partner all the signs of pleasure and orgasm that you notice happening in his or her body. Sometimes the genitals of the person giving pleasure will feel wonderful even though they are using their hands. (The same is true if you are giving oral sex, but you will have diffi- culty expressing yourself with your mouth occupied!) Let your partner know

about this pleasure you’re feeling,
unless
you think it would detract from their

sense of pleasure and relaxation. I know for myself that when a woman who is pleasuring me with her hands tells me that she feels intense sensations in her pussy, it increases my own pleasure. So when I am stroking a woman, if my penis is getting erect or leaking semen I will usually tell her. Again, if you be- lieve this information would make her feel uncomfortable or threatened, you can always tell her later or not at all. In the next chapter we go into more detail about reporting on your own pleasure and noting the signs of pleasure you observe in your partner.

Questions to ask

To determine your partner’s desires, the best types of questions to ask are sim- ple ones that he or she can answer with either a yes or a no. You do not want your partner to have to think too much while they are supposed to be at total

effect (that is, completely immersed in the sensations they are feeling), so a question like “What do you want next?” or “Tell me how you feel,” or “How am I doing?”—any type of essay question—is not part of the training.

Furthermore, theyes-or-noquestionhastobepresentedsothattheanswer given will be acceptable to you. Questions like “Would you like it harder?” or “Would you like it lighter?” are satisfactory, but questions like “Do you like this?” or “Does this feel good?” potentially set you up to lose. If it does not feel good and your partner says so, you will feel a loss. Additionally, if they say yes, they could be lying because they don’t want to hurt your feelings. Only ask questions to which the answer, yes or no, will make no difference in how you are feeling emotionally.

Once you get a yes to a question you’ve asked, go ahead and perform the action involved,
using small increments
. You do not want to ask your partner if they would like more pressure and then give them a lot more pressure. Give

them a little more pressure, and then ask again if they would like even more pressure. Keep asking simple questions and responding to your partner’s an- swers until you have it just right.

Other questions that are easy to ask and are helpful can be about direction, speed, or insertion, for instance:

✴ “Would you like it more to the left?”

✴ “More to the right?”

✴ “Would you like it higher?”

✴ “Lower?”

✴ “Would you like a shorter stroke?”

✴ “A longer stroke?”

✴ “A faster stroke?”

✴ “A slower stroke?”

✴ “A deeper stroke?”