Instant Orgasm: Excitement at First Touch (14 page)

✴ “Would you like me to stroke you more under the hood?”

✴ “Would you like more lubricant?”

✴ “Would you like to take a break?”

If you are giving pleasure to a male partner you can ask:

✴ “Do you want me to use one hand?”

✴ “Two hands?”

✴ “Do you want your testicles played with?”

✴ “How about under the testicles?”

✴ “Do you want more pressure under your testicles?”

A pleasure recipient of either sex can be asked if they want their anus played with. Whatever activity you can think of that you would enjoy doing, go ahead and ask. In this way you will discover what your partner likes—and you may even create some new experiences that they will learn to enjoy.

Again, in our classes we sometimes have people ask these kinds of ques- tions while stroking on an area other than the genitals. This helps them learn how to ask the right questions in a situation that is less charged or exciting than touching the genitals. They can first learn how to talk and ask the right questions and then graduate to genitals.

training Your Partner

to receive an Instant Orgasm

Here are some pointers for training your partner to have an instant orgasm:

• Discuss in advance what you will be doing.
  
• Tell them where you will be touching them.
  
• Tell them how many strokes you will be using (preferably one to start with).
  
• After giving the initial stroke(s), use yes-or-no questions to determine if they would like a longer stroke or a shorter one, or more pressure, or less pressure, or more to the left, or more to the right, etc.
  
• Continue giving strokes, asking yes-or-no questions, and adjusting as necessary.
  
• Throughout the process, describe aloud any response you notice in your partner’s body and also in your own.
  

Also try placing your finger directly above the clitoris, without touching it, and then ask if they can feel your finger.

If you’re giving pleasure to a man, follow the same guidelines. Give him one stroke, then ask if he would like more than one, and then give him two strokes, and so on.

Remember that people will pay more attention to what they are feeling when they are not being stroked over and over with the aim of getting some- where. They will learn to feel more from the first stroke. The communication that goes with this technique is important so that the person receiving the pleasure is not in suspense about what is happening and can respond to the requests given them (see below for more on making requests of the pleasure recipient).

Consult Chapter 2, including the connections exercises, for many differ- ent ideas on how to touch a woman or a man. Again, this is a time to experi- ment and find out what your partner prefers. Besides the ways of touching that we’ve outlined in this book, explore any idea that pops into your head. Us- ing your new communication tools, first ask your partner if she or he would like you to touch her or him in that way.

Y Putting the Training Together: Z

Receiver and Giver

For the training to work, it takes only one person to either request what they want or to ask the right questions. The training can therefore be done from ei- ther side—from the position of receiver or giver of pleasure. However, when both partners are communicating at the same time, the training will become more effective and will happen faster. The person receiving the pleasure will be giving lots of acknowledgments and requesting exactly what they want, and the person giving the pleasure will take control by asking simple yes-or- no questions. The result will be a more precise and quicker discovery of ex- actly how to gratify the person who is being pleasured.

This is an excellent way to practice feeling that first stroke by limiting the number of strokes requested each time, as described above. The person giving the pleasure wants to learn to take control and will decide how many strokes to use and where to begin, preferably using only one and by placing their hand near but not touching the clitoris or penis. Then the person receiving can re- spond by expressing appreciation and perhaps asking for a specific stroke.

The back-and-forth conversation will make the experience more fun and fulfilling, and both partners will learn from it. At some point you will both be able to feel more on the first stroke, and hopefully your partner will be trained to touch you just the way you want to be touched. This means that after a while you will no longer have to put so much effort into training; you can just let

your partner take control of your nervous system. It does
not
mean that you

can stop appreciating and approving of your partner; this is as important as ever, especially for you and also somewhat for your partner. Likewise, as the pleasure giver, once you are trained with a specific partner you may no longer have to ask as many yes-or-no questions; however, you still want to take con- trol by letting them know what is happening in their body. Also, continue re- porting all signs of pleasure in your own body.

Y Requests, Suggestions, Commands Z

To give immense pleasure to another person you must pay conscious and con- tinual attention to your communication skills. As we have stated, in order for the person receiving pleasure to fully surrender, the person giving the plea- sure must assume control—or at least the semblance of control. Here’s what we mean by “semblance of control”: The pleasure giver, even though they are the one in control, is still responding to the pleasure recipient. Every orgasm is really determined by the individual who is receiving the attention. As the

pleasure giver, we can only
suggest
that the recipient allow more pleasure; we

cannot force them to. Yet this gives us a great deal of leeway and allows us to play with the one being pleasured to a large degree. You have to know whom you are dealing with to implement the best strategy for applying control. What is the best way to talk to this person? What kind of influence will they respond to? Some people really like it when you tell them rather forcefully what to do, while others prefer a more gentle, coaxing approach. If you talk harshly to someone who resists and resents this kind of speech, then you will fail at giv- ing them more pleasure. Conversely, if you speak gently to someone who likes rough talk, again you will have missed an opportunity.

Most people like to hear that they are doing well and are being fun, so as long as you can truthfully acknowledge anything positive you’ve noticed, it is

a good idea to do so. On the other hand, if your partner is being resistant or is obviously not being, or having, fun, it is time to talk, ask questions, and get to the bottom of the problem.

When we work with a student, we want to produce the most pleasure in her body that we can. This often requires that we give her suggestions on how to do better. We may ask her to feel more, to take it higher, to give it up, to relax her body—whatever we think will work. As soon as she responds, we reward her efforts by acknowledging that we can sense her arousal increasing and by telling her that she is doing well. Before we even start touching her we inform her that we may use some suggestions or commands and that in response she really does not have to do anything; her body will respond correctly by sim- ply hearing the word “Relax” or “Take it higher.” We emphasize that she must not feel bad if we ask her to go higher, as it does not mean that she is not doing well, only that we want to take her to the next level.

Y More Instant-Orgasm Training Z

When teaching a woman student to get off instantly, we use certain direc- tives. We may tell her in advance that we will be using many short cycles to en- able her to feel more from the first stoke. We may start with parts of her body other than her genitals—maybe her thigh or nipple or the lips of her mouth. We may touch her only briefly or perhaps give her continual strokes. We may move our touches from place to place on her body, always saying in advance where we are going to touch next.

We may then, without touching her, hold our hand just above her genitals, getting close to the clitoris, and ask her to feel the focus and attention on her clitoris. We may proceed to touching her inner labia, perineum, or mons pubis (see Figure 1 on page 33), inform her what is coming next, and ask her to put her full attention on that area.

When eventually we do touch the genitals, avoiding the clitoris and cli- toral hood for now, it may be with a finger, or a lightly applied knuckle, or a whole palm. We may use a single stroke or stay in one spot and employ differ- ent degrees of pressure, continually communicating what we are doing and asking the student to feel that area. Then we may get out the lubricant, again

telling her what we are doing, and, using a finger, place some lubricant on her erectile tissue, such as the perineum or the labia minora. Or we may return to the nipple, playing with the application of lubricant there. The whole time, we ask her to feel the area that we are lubricating.

Once we have applied lubricant all over her genitals—still avoiding the cli- toris and clitoral hood—we may give her some additional strokes on the labia or other parts of her genitals, each time asking her to feel the stroke to the best of her ability. Now we move toward the clitoris. I sometimes like to use what we call the “Michael Douglas” stroke (see Figure 7), slowly approaching the clitoral shaft with the pad of my index finger and asking her to feel my finger as it gets closer and closer to her clitoris. (We call it the Michael Douglas stroke because it reminds us of how the actor, in some of his racier movies, would press women up against the wall during sex. He used his whole body and was acting out intercourse, while we use a finger against the base of the clitoris. We will describe this stroke and others in further detail in the next few chapters.)

Figure 7.

Pressing

against the

clitoral shaft,

or the “michael

Douglas” stroke

I tell her that I am approaching her clitoris—that I am almost there. I ask her again to feel me—and there is often a fairly strong orgasmic contraction when the finger does finally contact the clitoral shaft. It’s almost as if the entire clitoris is reaching out toward my finger. I tell her that was a nice contraction, I

back off, and then I restart the slow progression toward the clitoris, again con- tinually describing what is happening and what I expect from her.

As you can see, what we’re doing is combining words and touches to train the student to eagerly anticipate, to practically beg for, the very first clitoral touch, thereby greatly increasing the orgasmic sensation she will feel when we finally do get there.

Y Talking while Pleasuring a Man Z

A woman can play with a man’s penis in a similar fashion, describing what she is doing and telling him to focus his attention on her touch. Again, it is important to size up your partner to determine what kind of communication works best. In the same way that women appreciate confident givers of plea- sure, many men like it when their partners are sure of themselves and com- municate accordingly. When a woman is giving me pleasure I prefer that she take control of my body and the situation, allowing me just to lie back and feel and occasionally acknowledge my pleasure. Of course, most people have to first be trained to touch you where and how you want them to. Once a woman is trained, I know that I like for her to touch my penis as if she owned it and knew what she was doing, and also to communicate with me that she is thor- oughly enjoying what she is doing.