Instant Orgasm: Excitement at First Touch (23 page)

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The next chapter offers advanced tips for utilizing these techniques on both trained and untrained women. It also describes additional strokes and hand positions that will boost your creativity in taking your partner to heights of sensual delight.

c h a PT er 6

advanced tips

for Creating Orgasms

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n this chapter we will go into more detail about how to take control of your partner’s level of tumescence. We will describe how to relate to a partner who is to-

tally new to being pleasured in this way, and how to relate to one whose body is already trained in the art of receiving pleasure. Withthesametypeoftouch, onepersonmaysoar beyond the atmosphere and another may barely get off the ground. We will describe additional strokes and positions that can increase your ability to be that special lover. By staying true to your integrity, learning to engage your full

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attention, and practicing the techniques outlined in this book, you will be able to take anyone anyplace.

Y Control and Confidence Z

The concept of control has a negative connotation in our society. Who wants to be labeled a control freak? The fact is, if someone is in the position of giving pleasure to another, then the more he or she has control of the experience, the more the pleasure recipient can surrender and the higher they can go. Like all things, control is neither good nor bad in and of itself. When it comes to the production of pleasure, being in control is a good thing.

Ironically, the best way to be in control of any situation is to be in agree- ment with the way things are, rather than trying to force things to be the way you think they ought to be. As soon as a person is out of agreement with any aspect of reality, he or she is no longer in control. The sooner a person gets back into agreement with things, the sooner he or she will be back in control. We often compare this notion to the phenomenon of driving a car on an icy road and going into a skid. As long as you fight what is going on by trying to turn the steering wheel in the direction opposite that of the skid, you will lose control of the car. The only way to get back into control is to get into agree- ment with the skid—to turn the wheel in the same direction that the skid is taking you.

How do these twin concepts of agreement and control relate to pleasur- ing someone? It is about having your attention on your partner and noticing what they are feeling and which direction they are going, either up or down, and then responding to the situation with just the right amount of force, re- treat, or leverage. It is about approving of and getting into agreement with the responses in your partner’s body and knowing when is the right moment to take them to a new level.

In order to be in control of the situation, you have to know how to deal with all kinds of possible resistances, which we hope you have read about and di- gested from our previous chapters. This is where studying and practicing the art of giving pleasure translates into increased confidence. The more confi- dence a person feels and displays, the better position they will be in to control

events as they occur. They will know what to do, or at least will have some clar- ity about what the next right move might be. They will be in the driver’s seat and thus able to respond to all kinds of challenges. They will be a step or two ahead in the struggle for control and will masterfully be able to take their part- ner to new, desirable places.

Once the pleasure recipient surrenders and allows you to take control of her or his nervous system, it becomes that much easier to direct the experi- ence. A person can gain confidence from pleasuring someone who surren- ders easily. This is part of the training we offer through our books, classes, and DVDs. A man who learns how fun and easy it can be to give a woman orgas- mic pleasure will become dedicated to and enthusiastic about the proposi- tion of doing so. He will have enough confidence to recognize the difference between real and faked orgasmic responses. Of course, this is really only pos- sible with manual stimulation. A penis inserted into a vagina is not a reliable indicator of the woman’s orgasm, only its own.

Y Giving Orgasmic Pleasure Z

to an Untrained Woman

The intensity and duration of a woman’s orgasm will vary depending on whether she is familiar or unfamiliar with the sort of intense, focused stimula- tion we advocate—that is, on whether she is “trained” or “untrained.” It can be fun and rewarding to give pleasure to an untrained woman. Her response will depend on her natural ability to receive orgasmic pleasure, her acceptance of the ideas of instant and extended orgasm, whether she has masturbated this way, whether she uses a vibrator (usually counterproductive), and how re- laxed and surrendered you can make her feel.

It is almost always a good idea to talk first—to explain what you plan to do, how you would like her to respond to your requests, and how she can modify what you are doing by asking for what she desires. Remember that the goal of each session or “date” can be different. Sometimes you may agree that you will work on causing her to feel the very first stroke with more intensity, as this book emphasizes, and at other times you may want to work on extending the orgasm. Think of these as training sessions; therefore, setting aside specific

time to enjoy the practice and going over the landscape before getting there are recommended. If you want to practice heightening orgasmic sensation, not all of your dates have to be training sessions, but it is a good idea to treat at least some of them as such, or at least a portion of some of them.

Sometimes a person is so new to this information that it is best to first se- duce them into really wanting the experience, even if they say they wish to try. Then when you do get them into bed, don’t necessarily expect them to feel the first stroke with orgasmic intensity. Early on, the goal is to help them re- lax as much as possible and to have fun with them. Be playful and enjoy their doubts and resistances. Their doubts are actually a covert kind of resistance; instead of just saying no to you, they are saying they are unsure of themselves or do not know if they can do it. Or maybe, once the touching has started, they move their bodies a lot, which is a sign (among many possible signs) that they are not feeling as much as they could. You have to play with these doubts by first noticing them and then handling them skillfully. The best way to treat most people is with kindness and slow, deliberate training—or what Vera sometimes calls “baby steps.” Gently coax them into going just a little far- ther than they expected to, and reward them for taking the leap. These baby steps will add up once they see what is possible, and soon you will be able to go full speed ahead.

Whether you’re delivering the first stroke or any subsequent stroke, the principle is the same: The recipient needs to place her or his full attention on the part of their body that is being touched, and they need to focus on enjoy- ing the sensation with all of their ability. When one is receiving many strokes, the best way to continue feeling is to imagine that each stroke in a series is the only one, and to focus on feeling that one stroke as intensely as possible. Some- times the strokes happen so fast that it becomes difficult to separate each one, yet the goal remains the same: to feel as much as you can. When people ask us how to have an extended orgasm, we often answer, “One stroke at a time.”

Because of my reputation and confidence, I can often seduce a woman who may be new to this experience into feeling her pussy and her clitoris be- fore we even begin touching. She knows that I know what I am doing, and she knows that although she is vulnerable I will not take advantage of the situa- tion for anything besides producing pleasure in her body. She feels safe having

another woman, Vera, in the room, a woman who is also focusing a lot of at- tention on her. She knows we are there for her pleasure and also that we are enjoying ourselves. She can feel our intention. Because we have talked first, she knows there will be few surprises, and she can learn to relax into the ex- perience.

My point here is to emphasize (again) the importance of knowing your craft and being skillful. The more confident the pleasure giver is—in a kind way rather than a smug or threatening way—the more the recipient can focus on pleasure and the less they need to focus on protecting themselves. Often, a first-time pleasure recipient will feel nervous. This is another reason to talk first and assist them in putting their nervous energy into their genitals rather than into their head, stomach, throat, or wherever. Nervousness is just a form of energy, and it can be used positively or can cause problems, depending on how it is handled. We often tell our students that they can convert their ner- vous energy into orgasmic energy. If you were to ignore your partner’s ner- vousness and sweep it under the rug, it would show up later and prevent more pleasure. Yet if you address the edginess, you can use it to create more inti- macy and more sensation. Keep reminding her to send that energy to her geni- tals until you notice that it is gone. It is up to the giver of pleasure to make sure that the energy is channeled properly and functionally.

Sometimes you can feel the heat of this nervous energy where it becomes stuck at some point in her body, often in the throat area. Review the sections “Feel the Heat” and “Point-and-Feel Orgasm” in Chapter 4 for a description of how to help the pleasure recipient move energy into her genitals. These “pre- liminary” activities will help her to relax, trust your ability to sense what’s go- ing on within her, focus on her own pleasure, and release her nervousness and fear.

Y The Position Z

Before getting into position, I like to make sure there is a large towel under where our bodies will be, the pillows are aligned against the headboard or wall, and I have easy access to lubricant and “do towels” (little hand towels or wash cloths used to wipe away lubricant and ejaculate after the activity is