Instant Orgasm: Excitement at First Touch (25 page)

Once you’ve selected which clitoral quadrant to touch based on the loca- tion of your partner’s favorite spot (see “Touchdown,” in Chapter 5), make sure your first touch is deliberate and that you feel it as intensely as you can, which should help your partner feel it as well. The goal is for your partner to experience orgasmic pleasure with that first stroke. You can put your finger right over her clitoris after exposing it and kind of hover there, waiting for her to place her total attention on her clitoris before you begin to touch it. You can tease her by saying that you are very close, but that you are going to wait until she is totally ready.

Some newcomers are unable to feel much on the first stroke. If this is the case, it may be a good idea to deliver a few strokes directly to her favorite spot and then take a break. Remove your hands, talk some, and start again. Now try the one-stroke-at-a-time sequence. We have found that women who use vibrators often have a problem feeling at first because they are so used to the artificially intense sensations delivered by those contraptions. Women who

are serious about increasing their orgasmic capacity will have to become more dedicated to using their own hands to practice instead of relying on their vi- brator.

Y Crotch Diving Z

In general, it is a good idea to approach your partner’s genitals slowly rather than diving right in, an approach that we call crotch diving. This rule is not carved in stone; there will be some times when crotch diving is appropriate. However, by slowly approaching and teasing your partner (or yourself, for that matter), you create desire. You want to make it so that they are really crav- ing and thirsting for your touch on their hot spots. To dive right in when a person is not quite ready and is not greedy for your touch indicates that you don’t have your full attention on them. This is especially true for an untrained woman, who is more likely than a trained woman to need some time to feel safe enough to surrender.

This also goes for playing with a man’s penis. Take your time. You do not have to go straight for his member.

Y Instant-Orgasm Training Z

When we take on new women as students, we want to teach them how to have an EMO. This includes the ability to be in orgasm right away, without requir- ing a buildup of continual stroking. Toward that end, we ask them to do their homework, which consists of learning to feel their genitals without touching them and also touching themselves one stroke at a time while feeling as much as they can.

Learning to be instantly orgasmic is, of course, a process and usually doesn’t happen overnight or in one session, although sometimes it does. The more a woman can focus her attention and approve of any pleasurable feel- ings, the more open she will be to experiencing even greater sensation the next time. She does not have to feel a whole lot at first, but simply to approve of any little sensation she notices. This is a fun path, and no matter how fast or slow a person travels along it, as long as she is progressing she will find it very gratifying.

Y Touching a Trained Woman Z

Giving pleasure to a woman who has trained her body to feel pleasure at the first stroke and who has experienced an EMO is a fun privilege. This type of woman no longer has to be trained to feel the first stroke because she has al- ready graduated from that fundamental concept. Basically, though, the plea- sure giver’s task is pretty much the same as it is with an untrained woman. Start by touching her anywhere on her body. Remember to touch for your own pleasure, keep your full attention on her, lubricate her when ready, and expose her clitoris when it is time to begin stroking it. Do not be in a rush at any point during the preliminary activities, and enjoy and report all signs of pleasure you notice in her body.

When pleasuring a trained woman, you can usually increase the length of the peak to encompass many strokes before deliberately changing the stroke to bring her down. You still want to direct all of your attention to her so you can notice when it is time to peak. The period between peaks can be much shorter than it is with an untrained woman. Instead of removing your hands from her body and talking, you may just skip one beat and then start strok- ing again. As long as she perceives that you know what you’re doing and are in control, she will go along with and take pleasure from most anything you do. She can surrender to any kind of stroke, whether it is a repetitive stroke directly on her favored spot, or whether you only touch her favorite spot ev- ery few strokes as you move your finger around her clitoris and the surround- ing vicinity. She can respond pleasurably to a fast stroke, a slow stroke, firm pressure, or light pressure. It really doesn’t matter what you do as long as you enjoy yourself and remain in control, which is another way of saying that you know what you are doing and everything you do is deliberate. Remember that control is synonymous with agreement, which means that you do not have to work hard to create an orgasm in a woman who is pleasured easily. All you have to do is stay conscious and avoid getting in the way of her orgasm. Once she has surrendered, she will go for her pleasure with all she has. You are there for the ride, occasionally peaking her or, if anything, keeping her back a little from going too high all at once. You can do this by taking her along a new path with your attention focused on where she is in her orgasmic cycle. The best

thing you have to offer her is your pleasure in touching her. You do not have to force anything.

Just separating her inner lips is a real thrill. You will often notice contrac- tions and the obvious joy she takes in receiving attention on her pussy. Ex- posing the genitals of a woman who takes pleasure in being pleasured is so wonderful and life-enhancing that this small act in itself is practically miracu- lous—yet it is also repeatable. It is ever so gratifying to slide your lubricated fingers over her inner labia and the rest of her genitals. We always use lubri- cant, even with women who have orgasms easily. Your fingers will notice the apparent and effortless joy she experiences when you’re applying the lubri- cant. You can use different amounts of pressure along the introitus and up to the base of her clitoris, and you will often sense stronger and stronger contrac- tions. You still have not touched the clitoral head directly and she is already having an orgasm. This is what all the practice and training have been about: to feel almost all sensations on one’s genitals as provocatively delightful.

Now you can go directly to the clitoris or can play around for as long as you like and as long as the person receiving the attention is being gratified. This may depend in part on how much time you have. If you have a meeting to go to or kids to attend to, there may be a limit to how much teasing you in- dulge in. But once you touch the clitoris, it usually is a good idea to stay there and not go back to, say, the thigh, unless you are deliberately peaking your partner. Although we do not typically recommend crotch diving, on occa- sion when pressed for time and when pleasuring an easily orgasmic woman, we have gone deep-sea diving without any teasing. We just go for the clitoris with some lubricant, even inserting fingers right away if she so desires. Usu- ally, however, we do not just dive in but instead play around using different pressures and touches.

Even when I am pleasuring Vera, I may keep my finger hovering over her clitoris and ask her to feel it. She will start having contractions. A person can always get better at being instantly orgasmic. All of the techniques we’ve de- scribed in this book can be implemented to cause her to feel that initial plea- sure. The more one practices, the more pleasurable it becomes. One of our students remarked that just getting into position and placing my hands over

Vera’s body produced a Pavlovian orgasmic response in Vera. It is fun to be creative here, and you can do anything that feels good to both of you.

Y Ready, Set, Clitoris Z

When I am ready to begin stroking her clitoral head I first get my hands into position. Sometimes I place my second (nonstroking) hand on her body be- fore I place my stroking hand, and sometimes I place it afterward. Sometimes I slide both hands into position at the same time. With a trained woman it does not really matter what order you do things in as long as she knows that you know what you’re doing. (See earlier chapters for ideas about placing your hands.) Especially take note of the best position for your stroking hand, with the thumb available to pull back on the clitoral hood and the index or middle finger available for stroking the head. The stroke is practically a pinching mo- tion between finger and thumb—as if you were picking up a hundred-dollar bill. The thumb does not move, only the index or middle finger.

I typically go straight to the woman’s favorite spot on her clitoris with a lit- tle lubricant on my index finger and give her a number of small up-and-down strokes there. Because I am trained and she is trained, we will know where that spot is. When you are pleasuring a woman who has been trained, listen to her when she tells you where her favorite spot is. As we have said, a great majority of women are most sensitive on the upper left quadrant, but we have found that the upper right quadrant is the most sensitive in about 10 percent of women. Do not argue by telling her that you’ve read that all women are most sensitive on the upper left quadrant of their clitoris. The whole clitoral head is covered with nerve endings and a person can be pleasured anywhere on it. By heeding her wishes you will remain in control and she can surrender to you more easily than if you were to argue. Once the clitoris becomes en- gorged it will not matter which part of it you stroke, as long as you keep feeling her pleasure and your own. Because her body is trained to feel every stroke, you can sense all contractions with your finger on the clitoris and with your second hand at the base of her introitus. Some women have stronger contrac- tions than others, and on different days the same woman will experience dif- ferent degrees of pleasure.

Y The First Peak Z

Repeated stroking will almost always engorge the clitoris to a much larger size than when you started. You can feel the clitoris getting harder and filling with blood. Be sure to tell your partner what you observe. Continue stroking as long as you sense that she is going higher in intensity and sensation. At some point you will realize that it is time to peak her—in other words, to deliber- ately bring her down. All you have to do is stop stroking and lift your finger off the clitoris. Before or as you do so, you might let her know that it is time for a break or that you are peaking her. Then take a good look at her genitals and describe how engorged and red her clitoris and labia have become.

After the first peak, put your finger back on her clitoris and begin stroking again. You can use the same kind of stroke as before, perhaps a little faster, or use a different one. We almost always have music playing during sensual ac- tivity, whether it is with students or just the two of us. It can be fun to kind of dance on your partner’s clitoris to the beat of the music. If the music doesn’t fit, you can go half-time or double-time. Learn to use music as a guide at times, but remember that you are in charge of the rhythm and must decide what is best at each moment.

Y Different Strokes Z

Once the clitoris is fully engorged, try moving your finger to different parts of the clitoris—place a few strokes on the upper left, a few strokes on the upper right, then on the lower left, lower right, upper middle, lower middle, return to upper left, and so on. You don’t have to keep repeating the same sequence; you can move around on the clitoris at will, still stroking to the beat of the mu- sic. This strategy works really well once you have taken full control of her ner- vous system and she has surrendered completely. She knows that you know where her favorite spot is and that you will stroke it when you so desire, and she will enjoy every move you make. I usually like to move my fingers pretty quickly when doing this type of stroke. I therefore like to have music with a fast beat for this portion of the session.

You can see here how important it is to be able to get off on that first stroke and to feel every stroke as if it were the one and only. Moving around the

clitoris (and sometimes around other areas of her genitals) may also work on a less trained woman, but it will have a different effect. Instead of taking her up on a continuous run, she may come down when you move away from her spot. This gives her a chance to refocus and to feel your finger when it goes back to her favorite quadrant. We have noticed that when a woman is first starting her training, she often prefers not to receive too many consecutive strokes on her favorite spot.

Y More Positions Z

One of my favorite hand positions is with the base of my palm on the wom- an’s lower abdomen or pubic area and my index or middle finger on her cli- toris (see Figure 20). This stroke is best to utilize after the clitoris has become engorged and is more visible and accessible, which means you do not have to use your thumb or other hand to retract the hood. Hold your hand steady, or rhythmically press your palm downward, while moving your finger on her cli- toris at will. Place all of your attention on the fun sensations in your finger. I like to use a light, gliding kind of stroke here, as though I were skating on her clitoris (no double axels). She is in the throes of her orgasm and it is sheer fun. You can use this stroke on some untrained women, too.