Instant Orgasm: Excitement at First Touch (28 page)

So what do you do when a person asks you to keep stroking, yet you sense that they are not going higher? One of the things I do is to talk while I am still stroking. I tell them that I will keep stroking as long as I sense they are taking things higher, but I will take a break and perhaps stop altogether if they don’t seem to be. I also tell them to keep acknowledging verbally, as that will help motivate me to continue.

Y Extending the Peak by Talking Z

You can keep extending the peak by talking your partner through it. Use this strategy when it seems clear that the pleasure recipient is still going for it, and you sense that they will soon stop feeling as much. Usually this is a good time to take a break or peak them by stopping or changing the stroke in some way. However, sometimes you may want them to broaden their ability to feel more intenselyandtohavelongerperiodsofextendedorgasmbeforeyoupeakthem by deliberately taking them down. You can do this by noticing and comment- ing on what is going on, and by expressing how you would like them to con- tinue and respond to your verbal requests. Start by telling them that they are doing great and normally you would take a break but you want them to con-

tinue with this peak. Make some additional requests, such as “Keep feeling,” “Take it up,” “Just a little more,” “Ten percent higher”—whatever seems like something they can accomplish. You can say something like, “This may be the last peak” or “I may only do a few more strokes” or “Feel these last ten strokes.” Perform those strokes and then maybe say, “That’s good. Now feel ten more,” and so on.

Remember to let your partner know that they are doing well. Tell them to keep feeling or you will stop. You can say anything that comes into your head; for example, “I feel you,” “I got you,” or even “Yes” repeated over and over. It is also a good idea to keep them acknowledging their pleasure, as we’ve dis- cussed throughout the book. Tell them that unless they continue verbalizing their appreciation, you are going to stop. You then must really stop if they re- fuse to acknowledge.

Y Attention Spans Z

We have noticed that a woman who has never received much direct clitoral stimulation has a rather small capacity for feeling pleasure there. It is like she has ADD and can only focus her attention for a brief period. She may start out by requiring only very short peaks indeed. The ability to focus one’s attention for only a few strokes is quite normal at first. When you stroke a woman who is new to clitoral pleasuring, she may feel the first three or so strokes (as you can tell from the slight contractions in her introitus) yet may shut down by the fourth stroke. That means the fourth stroke was one too many; it would have been better to have given her only three strokes. The best thing to do is to tell her directly what you noticed—that she went away on the last stroke but you noticed that she felt the first three. Then tell her you will give her three strokes and stop, and that you will repeat this pattern for a number of cycles. She will probably continue to feel those three strokes. Next, tell her you will add a fourth stroke. By this time she will likely be able to feel all four strokes. You can also request that she continue to stay present and feel as intensely as possible as you add additional strokes. Keep progressing in these small increments, or baby steps, and soon your partner will be able to feel many strokes in a row.

If you give your partner too many strokes and sense her shutting down, it is a good idea to admit what happened. This will keep the communication

up-to-date and honest and keep your side of the street clean, all of which will help you stay in control. If you keep stroking indiscriminately, it will be far more difficult to continue increasing your partner’s level of arousal.

There are some women who even on the first attempt will be able to feel quite a few strokes. No strict formula exists, so, as always, the best policy is to remain at full attention. Then you can notice her capacity to respond and give her a more extended peak. Still, remember that it is generally better to peak her too soon than too late, so perhaps err on the side of caution. You can al- ways quickly advance to longer peaks. Let her know that you can sense her feeling all of the strokes and that you will now add some more.

Y No Feeling Z

Another potential problem with some first-timers is that they may feel noth- ing at all when you first touch their clitoris. In this case, you want to play with your partner and tease her even more to get her to feel that first touch. Re- member that your aim is to help your partner feel the very first stroke—to help her be instantly orgasmic—so play with her one stroke at a time before you increase the number of strokes and thereby extend the orgasm. At first it may take her a few strokes to get rolling, and once she does get rolling the sen- sations may only last for a short time.

You can practice giving your partner pleasure a single stroke at a time, or you can stroke your partner steadily till she starts noticeably feeling some pleasure. Then continue for however long the pleasure lasts, perhaps for only three or four more strokes. The goal here is for the pleasure giver to learn how to peak someone, and you obviously cannot do this by using only sin- gle strokes. Let your partner know what you are doing—that you want to get them to a place where they are having some contractions that you can notice, and then you will keep stroking until those contractions and sensations start to dissipate. When you stop and restart, the next peak will probably begin right away, or at least much quicker than the first one did.

The goal for the pleasure recipient is the same as always: to feel as much as they can with each stroke and with all the strokes combined. Each time you start a new peak there will be a first stroke, which the pleasure recipient can experience as an instant orgasm. The point here is that some flexibility in

thinking is required to determine which approach will work best in each cir- cumstance. You cannot rely on any specific formula, and learning from both possibilities—one stroke at a time as well as steady stroking—will yield bene- fits. Sometimes you can have a “one-stroke-at-a-time” session, and at other times you can dedicate the session to peaking by delivering more than one stroke at a time. You can even do both options in a single session. Some people are really good at feeling the first stroke yet have difficulty taking the inten- sity of the orgasm to a higher level. Others have challenges getting into the ex- perience and feeling the pleasure right away, yet when they do get rolling the intensity easily magnifies. “Different strokes for different folks,” as the saying goes. You have to pay attention to your partner and determine how to focus the game plan.

Y Ways of Peaking Z

There are different ways to peak someone. Any time you change your stroke you can usually expect a decrease in sensation, at least at first. There are excep- tions to this rule. As we described in Chapter 6, some types of touch involve changing the stroke and moving all over the clitoris yet still allow you to con- tinuously take your partner higher through your use of intention. Note that there is still a pattern involved with this kind of stroking. The pattern may be less obvious than delivering the same stroke repeatedly to the same spot, but it does exist. Usually, however, you will use your intention in synch with your change of stroke to deliberately bring your partner down. The change can be in the position of the stroke, the speed of the stroke, or the pressure of the stroke. The most typical way to bring someone down is to stop stroking alto- gether.

There are times when I’m giving pleasure to a trained woman when I peak her by barely skipping a beat. I stop stroking for a split second just to keep her attention, and then I begin with the same stroke again. She can use that tiny break to go down just a little, which will permit her to start flying higher right away when we start again. You can keep your partner going in this way for a long time, just skipping a beat every once in a while to prevent her attention from wandering. Of course, you can also take more time between strokes; that will depend on how you are feeling in response to her orgasm. The longer

the break from stroking, the more the level of excitement will decrease. This is fine, as a trained woman can get back up very quickly, and she will enjoy a steeper climb when you do start stroking again.

When stroking a woman who is brand new to this kind of attention or early in her training, it usually is better to take a longer break, talk about what has just happened, and find out how she feels.

If one of you becomes thirsty, it is better to quench that thirst than to be thinking about being thirsty. We recommend speaking up if you want some water or other beverage, and keeping it handy so that you can stay in position while sipping. It is also okay to switch into a different position if either part- ner feels uncomfortable in any way. When a woman who is giving me plea- sure stops to change positions, things always feel better when she restarts. The break is almost always justified and the pleasure increases. Sometimes people think they have to keep rubbing and rubbing without any breaks, but that is a recipe for trouble. For the sake of maintaining control of the session, it is also better for the pleasure giver to decide when to take the break rather than the pleasure recipient. A person cannot be at total effect (totally open to receiv- ing pleasure) if they have to determine when to peak. Deciding to switch po- sitions to one that’s more comfortable could be the way a pleasure giver peaks his or her partner.

A fun way to peak almost any woman is to switch from a short stroke on her favorite clitoral spot to a long stroke down to her perineum and then up her introitus and inner labia. You can do this once, a couple of times, or even more. It will bring her down, but some women enjoy this attention even more than receiving fast strokes on their favored spot, especially women who are fairly new to this experience. She may prefer this slow, deliberate, long stroke to the shorter, faster one because she is more used to this kind of sensation and can associate pleasure with it more easily. Furthermore, you can use greater pressure when stroking places other than on the clitoris. This stroke also cre- ates less performance anxiety for a woman who is still learning how to fully focus on each sensation. Remember that taking the arousal level down is not a bad thing; it is still part of the orgasm. There are two sides to any peak, and both sides of an orgasmic peak are places of pleasure. The down side is just a direction, and some people like it even better than going up. For example,

when a man ejaculates, he is probably having his last peak, which means that most of those few seconds will be experienced while he’s on his way down.

Y First-Stroke Mentality Z

After the break, whether it is for a few minutes or a split second, there will be a time to start stroking again (unless of course you’ve delivered the last peak). This is where the ability to get off on the first stroke will come in handy. The more the pleasure recipient can place their full attention on that initial touch, the quicker they can go higher and the more pleasure they will feel. Even if the break was a long one, being instantly orgasmic can allow a person to start feeling more pleasure right away after the break. During an extended orgasm many women, as well as some men, are able to experience pleasure and orgas- mic sensation during the breaks, but at a somewhat reduced intensity.

You can tease your partner by telling her or him that this is the last peak, and then deliver another one. This may seem like it contradicts our advice to say what you are going to do and then to follow through. However, the goal here is to tease your partner into hopefully feeling more. You can say that you’ve changed your mind because they did so well, or that you are rewarding them with another peak. Then ask your partner to really feel the first stroke and to take it up in intensity with the next peak. At other times, of course, it is best to stick to your word and make that the final peak. In this way your part- ner will be unable to predict your next steps, which aids them in feeling more. You can ask your partner if she or he would like another peak. By looking at your lover’s face and listening to the enthusiasm in her or his response, you can determine whether to give your partner another peak, to tease her or him some more, or to stop all together.

Y Between Peaks Z

During the break, depending on how long it is, each partner has a choice about where to focus their attention. The pleasure recipient can continue to feel as much as possible by keeping their attention on their genitals. She or he can sort of catch her or his breath and get ready to feel more soon. Both partners can discuss the previous peak and acknowledge how pleasurable it was and

still is. The pleasure giver can coach the other partner by reminding him or her to relax, by describing how the next peak is going to go even higher, or by telling them how you want them to focus their attention on the first stroke and on each stroke that follows. The pleasure recipient can ask for a specific type of stroke, if desired. You can shift positions and quench your thirst if necessary.