Intentional (22 page)

He answers, “Cab. We’ll worry about this tomorrow.”

It takes about an hour for the cab to arrive and another thirty minutes for us to get back to my apartment. We decided earlier that it would be better if Cade crashed on my sofa tonight. That way, we can take a cab back together in the morning to have our cars towed. It’s convenient. That’s what we both tell ourselves.

We are both so exhausted by the time we get through the front door that we pretty much collapse on the sofa. We sit still for what must be ten minutes. Finally, I make my move. I go into the hall closet and grab a pillow and an extra quilt for Cade. I take off the back cushions from the couch and put the pillow down. Cade falls over onto the pillow. I think he’s already asleep. I reach down to take off his shoes. Should I try to take off his pants? He’ll be more comfortable. No, I decide. I pull his legs up and set them straighter on the end of the couch. He’s so tall that his feet are dangling over to the side. I feel bad looking at him, but he’s out like a light. I don’t think anything will wake him. I go to my room, take off my clothes, and dive under my covers. I’m asleep before my head hits the pillow.

I don’t sleep as soundly as I would like. I keep waking up, going back to sleep, waking up. I’m tossing, fighting with my sheets. It must be because Cade is here, right in the next room. When I think of him sleeping so close, I feel a tugging sensation, like I want to go to him. I picture his handsome face, his perfectly toned body, his drop-dead-gorgeous smile.

Oh, this is going to be a long night. I hear some rustling coming from the living room. I hear Cade come into my bedroom. He
tiptoes over to my bed to see if I’m awake. I look up at him. This might be too much for me to resist. I crave him. I want him so much. I can’t do this, though. It wouldn’t be fair to Cade. I’m still holding on to the dream of Jeremy.

He looks at me seriously. “I want to hold you, Mattie. I know you aren’t ready for anything else. Can I hold you, please?”

I say, “This is all I can give you, Cade. I want to hold you too, but that’s all it can be.”

Cade sighs. “I’ll take whatever you’re willing to give me, Mattie.”

He removes his pants and T-shirt and gets into bed with me. When he pulls me close, I hear him gasp. He didn’t know that I decided to sleep sans clothes. “This may be harder than I thought,” he whispers. We get into a comfortable position, and he kisses the back of my head. “Thanks for this, Mattie.” We hold each other gently for a few hours. I can feel myself starting to open up to the possibility of a relationship with Cade. I’ve been pushing, fighting, and resisting for three long months. Part of my soul wishes to move on past the heartache, past the pain. I am almost ready.

Chapter 37

August

Sarah

Oh my God. This place is so dreary. What’s with the rain, anyway? What would make Mattie choose such a godforsaken place? It’s the middle of August, and it’s maybe sixty-five degrees—clouds and rain. How is anyone supposed to have any fun around here? I’ve checked into the Hilton Hotel located in Bellevue, Washington. It’s just as close as Seattle is to Mercer Island, and I’m right next to a mall. Perfect. At least I’ll have some indoor activities.

I’ve located the apartment where Mattie is living. I’m surprised she’s been able to stay hidden for so long. She hasn’t even changed her first name. I decide my best course of action is to sit back and observe. I want to see what her schedule is like. I’m curious to know if she’s made any friends. I doubt it. Mattie has this habit of being loyal to just a few people. She’s probably moping around, doing her boring daily activities. Mattie would get excited to cook a meal—how dull is that?

I’ve rented a beige Ford four-door sedan, chosen for its nondescript appearance. I decide the best vantage spot from which to
watch the Mercer’s comings and goings is the Walgreens parking lot across the street. The first day, I hit pay dirt. Out walks Mattie with some guy and a dog. Wait a minute. Take a look at that guy! I can feel the anger that has been brewing start to bubble forward. Oh no you don’t! You don’t get a guy like that! He might be even better-looking than Jeremy! Get a look at that body. Does he have tattoos? It looks like it, but I’ll have to get closer to see.

I watch them walk around the corner. They aren’t holding hands, but he puts his hand gently on her back from time to time to guide her. This is disgusting. She doesn’t look heartbroken at all! This is not good. I’m trying to get a handle on my anger. It won’t do me any good to lose control. I have to keep it together if I want to figure out the best way to exact my revenge. I calm my body. I can’t wait. I think this time will be even more fun.

I watch while Mattie and the mystery guy walk to a park a few blocks away. I think the name of the park is Luther Burbank. They let the ugly dog go free in the fenced-in area, and then they turn and walk over to a secluded area with a sandy beach. They sit together closely and talk and laugh. My stomach clenches tight. I feel like I might throw up. What the hell is going on? She looks so serene and happy. I
seriously can’t take much more. I drive back to the hotel. I’m going to do some power shopping. That always makes me feel better.

It’s been six days since my arrival. Things have gone from bad to worse. Mattie sees Tattoo Boy almost every day. She also has friends! She has a lot of friends! I’ve seen her come out with a young couple twice, and with a girl with dark hair, and she meets up almost daily with other people. I can’t tell if they are all her friends or if some are just clients, but she’s definitely not sitting home alone.

It’s Saturday night, so I decide to extend my stakeout hours. My usual schedule has been from 12:00 p.m. to 8:00 p.m. I want to see if she goes out. At around 9:00 p.m., she walks outside her apartment and stands ready to meet someone. I see her looking around. She looks over at the parking lot where I’m parked. I duck down rapidly. If she spots me now, she’ll be on guard. I need to stay hidden.

A car stops to pick her up. I start my car and wait until they are almost out of sight. I pull out and follow them. They get on I-90 westbound toward Seattle. Maybe she’s meeting friends or going out to dinner. I can’t make out the driver of the car, but whoever owns it must make a lot of money. It’s a Lexus LS 460 F Sport. God, this makes me so mad.

They pull into a parking garage in downtown Seattle. I pull in after them, going the opposite direction to park. I get out of my car and make my way to the exit. I sit on a curb so they won’t see me. I spot Mattie; she’s with that same guy again! They leave the garage like they don’t have a care in the world. I follow them to the Emerald City Nightclub. They must be going for drinks and dancing. How romantic.

I pay my cover charge and head to the back of the room so I won’t be seen. I watch them as they make their way to the stage. They must know the band. Great. Now she’s hobnobbing with the cool, edgy crowd.

I watch as Mattie sits off to the side of the stage. Tattoo Guy pulls off his coat and reaches over and picks up a guitar. There’s a gathering of girls in front of the stage, trying to get his attention. It dawns on me: Mattie is dating the lead singer of this band. I can feel my blood start to boil. Mattie is nothing! Why does this keep happening? Don’t they see it? What is wrong with these men? I break out into a sweat. This is not happening. I try to calm myself. This can work to my advantage. I just have to clear my head and think.

The band starts to play. His groupies are at the front of the stage, calling his name and waving. He smiles and continues to sing.
His body movements and his voice are incredibly sensual. I find myself hypnotized by him. No wonder all of the women are crowding around.

He keeps looking back at Mattie. She’s smiling, encouraging him with her eyes. She looks at him like she loves him. Wait a minute—does she love this guy? Has she moved on? I thought she’d be withering away, nursing her broken heart from Jeremy. Didn’t she always say, “He’s the one. I’ll never love anyone but Jeremy”? Blah, blah, blah. She is so fickle. I see what’s going on. Now I can make my plans.

It’s Wednesday. I’m getting extremely bored. I need to liven things up, and soon. I’ve been watching Mattie coming and going all week. Tonight, she gets in her car and leaves by herself. She’s carrying a tray of something.

I follow her to Issaquah, right past Bellevue. We go down some windy roads, and she pulls up into a large yard filled with cars. Behind the house sits a big barn. Is this some kind of hoedown? I hear music and laughter coming from inside the doors. I park outside on the
street and walk silently toward the barn. It’s dark outside, so I know I won’t be seen.

I see a big guy pick up Mattie and kiss her right on the lips. What the hell? Does she have two boyfriends? I see her laugh and shove him away. It looks like they’re just friends. He looks familiar; I can’t place him, though. More cars are pulling in. This is a huge party. I take another look; I see Mattie laughing and talking with a lot of people.

I need to ruin her night. I know just what to do. I saw a hardware store a few miles back—I return to the car and make record time to the store. I know just what I need. There isn’t a lot of time to waste as I head back to the party. I need to do this quickly. I park once again on the street and head toward the parked cars.

I hear loud shouting from the barn. “Surprise!” It’s a birthday party—how sweet. Well, they’ll certainly have a surprise when they try to leave. I get to work, and I’m done within an hour. It’s hard work, but well worth it. I drive off with a smile on my face. I don’t need to wait to hear their reaction. I know exactly what they’ll feel. Suckers.

Chapter 38

Saturday

Jeremy

I’m holding the piece of paper in my hands. It’s Mattie’s address. I found her. Thanks to the phone number Nancy Bailey gave me, the rest fell into place. I didn’t try to call her; I was too worried she’d go back into hiding. I want to talk to her face-to-face.

The detective personally delivered her address to my home last night. I think he finally figured out how important it was to me.

Relief and joy fill my mind as I make plans to go to her. I finally get to see her again. Once she finds out the truth, I’m sure she’ll want to be with me again. We are meant for each other. The love we had was so real, so powerful. That kind of love doesn’t just go away, does it?

I feel nervousness in the pit of my stomach. Now that the time is near, I start to doubt myself. I wonder—what if she won’t listen? What if she doesn’t care? Or, even worse, what if she doesn’t love me anymore, even after she finds out the truth? I’m so scared. I’m usually a confident person, but this shakes me to my core.

I haven’t stopped loving or thinking about Mattie for nine excruciating months. If it is over for good, I don’t know if I can survive it.

I have two seats booked tomorrow on a Southwest Airlines flight leaving at 9:00 a.m. I need to pick up Jimmy tonight so I can keep an eye on him. I don’t want any last-minute disappearing acts. When I go to the trailer park to get him, he’s not there. I’ve already let him know the pickup time, so I’m pissed as hell at his no-show.

I’m contemplating different ways to torture him when he pulls up fifteen minutes later. I’m so relieved to see him, my plans for his demise turn to gratitude. Thank God. I don’t need any more holdups. I need to be on that plane tomorrow.

We land at Sea-Tac Airport a little before 12:00 p.m. I pick up my rental car and head north toward Seattle. The first thing I notice is all the trees. It’s really beautiful here. It takes about twenty-five minutes to reach our hotel in downtown Seattle. It’s a boutique hotel that sits right above the famous Public Market. Maybe we’ll get to see them throw some fish later.

I’ve booked two rooms. Jimmy is driving me crazy; he’s talking nonstop about every subject that enters that dense mind of his. I’m trying to be polite, but he’s annoying the hell out of me.

By the time we get settled in and ready to leave, it’s around 2:00 p.m. This is it. I’m going to see Mattie. I’m feeling anxious and excited at the same time. Mattie is finally going to hear the truth. She deserves the truth. She should know that I never betrayed her, that I never stopped loving her. She needs to know that I will always love her, no matter what happens.

I pull up to Mattie’s apartment building, the Mercer. It looks nice. It reminds me of a place that she would pick. Jimmy and I go to the elevator and push the button for the fifth floor. I have the address wrinkled up in my sweaty palm. My heart is pounding. We are here. I’m right in front of her door. I stand staring at it.

Jimmy looks at me. “Are you going to knock or what?” I nod and start knocking. No answer. Okay, I can deal with this. She’s got to come home sometime. Wait, oh no—I hope she’s not on vacation! This waiting is killing me. As I stand there, trying to figure out what to do, a girl comes around the corner. She looks at us and says, “Hi, you here to see Mattie?” I stare at her. She knows Mattie. I just nod my
head slowly. She gives me an odd expression. She pauses to look us over.