Irresistible Lies (12 page)

Chapter 11

Grace
had gotten the window seat on the plane, and Jamie sat beside her. To his left
was a woman with ear buds in. Grace thought that was a good idea, so she put
hers in too.

She
blasted some country music and listened to women sing about hating their men,
and it actually did make her feel a little better.

She
had gotten up that morning before her alarm had gone off, and was ready and
waiting for Jamie in the hotel lobby at least an hour before the time they had
designated. She didn’t want to risk running into him in the hallway, or worse,
him knocking on her door to talk to her. She wasn’t going to make the mistake
of being alone with him again.

They
had made it to the airport without saying a word to one another. Jamie looked
annoyed, and it didn’t seem that he wanted to talk to Grace. She didn’t think
he had any right to be angry with her after what he had pulled, but it was
better for her if he ignored her anyway.

She
moved a little in her seat to get more comfortable and her arm brushed his on
the armrest. She pulled hers away quickly, not looking at him.

Things
would be so much easier if she wasn’t so attracted to Jamie. It was just out of
her control. She wanted to blame it on their history together, but she knew it
was more than that. She found him incredibly sexy. She always had, and she
probably always would.

Even
now, sitting next to him on the plane, she felt an extra awareness that she
never experienced when Jamie wasn’t around. It was like she was hyper-conscious
of every move he made, and she had to think before she could remember to act normally.
She felt physically compelled to touch him in some way, and not acting on that
was driving her crazy.

Once
she got off this damn plane, she was going to make sure to put plenty of space
between them.

Lady
Antebellum was singing when Jamie tugged one of her ear buds out. She turned to
look at him, dreading what was to come.

“We
need to talk about last night.”

He
was upset. His blue eyes looked weary, and his jaw was set the way it always
was when he was about to do something unpleasant.

“I
don’t want to talk about it,” she told him, making her voice quiet so none of
the other passengers would overhear them. “There’s nothing to say. We had both
been drinking. It was a mistake.”

“Not
a mistake,” he told her, searching her eyes. “I knew exactly what I was doing.
Don’t make excuses for me.”

“Fine.”
She turned away from him to look out the window. “Then you’re an ass. You owe
me an apology.”

“Probably.
But I’m not going to give you one. I’m not sorry.”

She
spun back to face him, infuriated. “That is just so like you.”

He
just shrugged. “So what if it is?”

“Why
can’t you ever just admit when you are wrong?” She lowered her voice. “You
started all of that last night, coming on to me. Kissing me. When did I give
you the impression I wanted that?”

He
broke out into a grin, and her palm itched to slap him. “Sweetheart, I think we
both know you wanted it.”

“No,
I didn’t. You just assumed I did because once upon a time I was attracted to
you. But guess what? I’m not anymore. You’ve changed, and I don’t like this new
Jamie.”

“Right.
Keep telling yourself that.”

“Could
you be any more arrogant? I’m not lying.”

“You’re
always lying. You lie to yourself more than to anyone.”

“That’s
not true.” The words stung. “I’m being honest with you, and you’re not taking
me seriously. I honestly have no interest in anything physical with you, so get
the idea out of your head for good.”

“Are
you talking about sex?”

“Keep
your voice down.”

“Is
that what you’re saying? That you have no interest in having sex with me?”

She
felt her cheeks burn. “I told you that last night. You’re the one who had to
push it.”

He
didn’t say anything, and she knew he knew she was lying.

“Look,
this weekend was a huge mistake,” she said. “I should not have come to New York
with you. I don’t want to talk about this anymore. I want to forget it ever
happened.”

He
narrowed his eyes as if ready for a fight, and she was grateful when one did
not come.

“Fine,
if that’s really what you want.”

“It
is.”

They
didn’t speak the rest of the way back.

JAMIE’S
PHONE BUZZED in his pocket.

Nicky and I missing you, wondering how
things are going!

He
read Lacey’s text, thought about responding and decided not to. He threw his
phone to the other end of the hotel’s oversized couch and covered his face with
one of the throw pillows, trying to block painful memories of Grace from his
mind.

Everything
had been going so well, until he had taken things too far. He should have given
Grace more time to get used to the idea of letting him back into her life
before he had gotten so serious. He had panicked. The thought of leaving New
York the next day and Grace going back to her life and her boyfriend like
nothing was different made him sick.

He
had taken a risk and put it all on the line. He had banked on their attraction
for one another, certain that she wouldn’t be able to resist him because Grace
never could. But she
had
resisted
him, and now he had pushed her too far.

He
thought of kissing her, having her warm and responsive beneath him, wanting
him. In that moment, he had been so happy. He had real hope that when the kiss
broke, she would open her heart to him and remember what they had together.

Why
hadn’t it worked? It seemed her hurt and resentment toward him went a lot
deeper than he had anticipated.

He
couldn’t lose her again. Surely there was a way he could get her back, get her
to see that he was still the same person she had fallen in love with and given
her heart to at 19. He knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that Grace was his
once-in-a-lifetime.

Was
it possible she really felt nothing for him anymore?

But
he had seen it in her eyes at the gala, when she was looking at him at the
dinner table with that sad smile on her face. He saw the feelings she was
keeping locked inside, and they wanted to come out.

She
was lying when she said she didn’t want him anymore. Her kisses had given her
away.

There
was still a chance for them.

He
needed to pull himself together. He got up and headed toward the shower,
determined to wash the pessimism and fear from his system and get back in the
game.

He
needed a new plan. He wasn’t ready to give up on his girl—not by a long
shot.

“I
NEED TO tell you something.”

Grace
was sitting on Caroline’s bed, watching her big sister brush her ice blonde hair.
She had just put her son to bed after spending the evening attached to his
side, knowing that the moment she left him she would have to answer to herself
for what she had done with Jamie.

But
spending time with Jake had also made her feel more guilty. She hated that she
had put him at risk by allowing Jamie to get so close to her. What kind of a
mother was she that she couldn’t put her son first? If her time in New York had
taught her anything, it was that Jamie had a lot more money than she did. If he
found out about Jake and it came down to a legal battle, she would surely have
a hard time fighting for custody.

And
wouldn’t it look bad to a judge that she had never told Jamie about the baby?
She didn’t know much about the law, but she suspected her secret keeping
wouldn’t work in her favor. It wasn’t like Jamie had ever been cruel to her.
What would she tell the judge? That she hid her son away from his father because
she was pissed he broke up with her?

No,
she was being unfair to herself. Her decision had been motivated by more than
anger. She hadn’t told Jamie about his son because she didn’t want to hold him
back from following his dreams, and she didn’t want to be responsible for
ruining his life.

Maybe
Jamie would understand that, if she told him.

Maybe.
But probably not.

Just
thinking about what Jamie’s reaction would be if he ever found out made her
incredibly anxious. There would be hell to pay.

She
was going to be a better mother and do what she needed to do for her child. It
all started with confession, purging the sins of the weekend. Caroline, as her
best friend and older sister, was the one person she needed to confess to in
order to be able to forgive herself.

“Okay,
enough wallowing,” Caroline said. “Tell me everything, and start from the
beginning. What happened?”

Caroline
came to sit beside her on the bed, eyes wide and expectant. She had been
waiting to hear about Grace’s trip since had walked through the door, but they
couldn’t talk with Jake around.

“It’s
bad.”

“Yes?”

“You’re
going to be mad. I’m so mad at myself.”

Caroline
pursed her lips, and Grace knew her sister well enough to know that she was
telling herself to be sympathetic. Caroline was very protective of her family,
and she had made her feelings about Jamie very clear from the beginning. “Spill
it. Rip off the band-aid.”

Grace
took a deep breath. Admitting it was the first step, right?

“I
went to his hotel room after the gala.”

“You
WHAT?” Caroline reached for Grace’s shoulders and shook them. “What the hell
were you thinking?”

“I
know! I know. I mean I don’t know. I don’t know what I was thinking.” She felt
tears in the backs of her eyes and blinked them back. “I hate myself.”

“Shit,
I’m sorry. You’re hard enough on yourself as it is. You don’t need me lecturing
you. But what happened, Grace? I don’t understand. When you left, you were so
determined to stay away from him.”

“It
was just being in New York and being so close to him. All of these what-ifs
were suddenly answered. You know, like what if I had gotten back together with
Jamie and had that life with him.”

“But
that’s not your life. Your life is here with Jake. You love your life.”

“I
love my son,” Grace said on a sob, and the tears began to fall. “I would never
trade him for anything. I wouldn’t.”

Caroline
had tears in her eyes, too. “I know that.”

“But
I kept thinking... it’s so bad, Caroline. I have all these regrets. I didn’t
know I had them until I was there with him, in that life, seeing that life. It
was the life I wanted, the one I thought I’d have. I tried to convince myself
that I was getting closure, seeing what life could have been and realizing that
the life I have now is better. But it’s a lie, isn’t it?”

“What
are you saying?”

There
were words at the tip of her tongue, but she couldn’t say them, couldn’t hear
them said aloud. Self-preservation held her back.

“Grace.
You need to realize that everything was supposed to happen the way it did.
You’re supposed to be here. If you keep thinking about all these what-ifs with
Jamie, you’re going to get hurt. And Jake will get hurt.”

“I’m
already hurt.”

Caroline
reached for her hand and squeezed it. “Oh, honey. What happened in his hotel
room?”

“We
kissed. Well, he kissed me, and I kissed him back. He was saying all of these
things, asking me all of these questions about why I didn’t respond to his
phone calls after we broke up. I was overwhelmed. I didn’t know what to say.
And he was so hurt. He was so hurt, Caroline.”

“Who
cares?” she scoffed. “So were you! And you were pregnant.”

“But
he didn’t know that.”

“Why
are you defending him? He broke up with you!”

“I
don’t know. I just... there was a part of me, a big part, that didn’t want to
resist him. I wanted to be there. I wanted him to say all of that stuff, and I
wanted to give in. That’s terrible, isn’t it?”

Caroline
sighed. “Shit. I don’t even know what to say. I want to tell you that I
understand, but I think you’re crazy.”

“I
am crazy.” She laughed and wiped at her tears, trying to get a hold of herself.

“You
can’t let him get to you, Grace. He’s not the same Jamie he used to be. This
isn’t college. It’s the real world. He doesn’t love you anymore.”

She
felt Caroline’s words like a blow to the chest.

He
didn’t love her anymore.
He didn’t love
her anymore.

“You
need to take care of yourself. I wish I could do it for you, but I can’t, Grace.
You need to stay strong. Think of Jake. If Jamie finds out that he has a son,
that you didn’t tell him, you could lose everything.”