Island Rush (31 page)

“Casey,” I said, loving the feel of his name rolling off my tongue. It was so much to take in.  So much.  I couldn’t believe it, that he had wanted me this whole time.  That today made him break.  It was still surprising that he proposed because of me.  Though it was quite shallow in many ways, I couldn’t help the warmth it brought to know I impacted him that much.

I thought back to all the times he would shift his eyes away from me after those deep stares.  The times we opened up and found out more about each other.  He was always curious about me because he cared, more than he should have.  He read my texts, listened to my problems, and didn’t run to the police like I knew he wanted too.

“Why did you save me?” I asked, my chest hurting, knowing he loved me. Loved me. It made me fear the answer to this question.  I realized he lied to me the day we crashed. He said I was the last one alive. If he had feelings for me before the trip…

“Because I had to.  It happened so fast, and all I could think was that I needed to get you out. That if anybody on that plane should live, it better be you.  That was a decision that I will never regret, but it will always bother me. Most of the others were already dead but… I didn’t even look.  It isn’t something I can get over. But even now, I wouldn’t change the outcome if it meant you were okay. The only thing running through my head at the time was that you needed to live. Like I said, it was either I get you out with me or I fail trying.”

I never thought of it like he said.  I understood how much more weight that added to his heart. Though it was true that most people were already gone, I understood why he would still be full of guilt.  I felt awful for him.  “You couldn’t think.  You didn’t have time to.  Plus, saving one person was better than just saving yourself.”

“I suppose,” he said, staring at me for a long moment.  “All that ran through my head when we hit the water was you.  I think that is how I was able to get out so quickly.”

My breath increased.  He was dumping a lot on me, and I had to take it all in.  The hardest… was just how much he cared for me.  He tried doing everything for me, this whole time.  It was tragic in some spots clearly.  It was also beautiful. 

Leaning up the rest of the small way, I searched his eyes slowly.  Then I gave him a short kiss, smiling slightly.  It made him turn slightly as my lips connected with his.  Shockingly, that was enough to make him grunt loudly, his body going tense. 

“I’m sorry,” I said, seeing his cut in the light of the blazing fire. I grabbed the wet cloth I forgot about, lost in all he was telling me.  I carefully turned him back around so he faced the fire once more. I sat back down behind him, running the rag over it.  It made him wince sharply.  This was just our luck.  Of course, the day, he admits he loves me, and I finally have access to him, this cut is in our way.

“It’s okay,” he reassured me. My eye caught his hand in the long grass. He curled his fingers around the blades and squeezed as hard as he could, expressing his pain in secret.  It was worse than we thought if it caused that much pain.

I grazed the rag more lightly, trying to help him and not hurt him.  My mind started racing for a solution. Only one came, and it was one we used before: distraction. “Casey… I can get used to that name. How old are you anyway?” I asked. This would be very interesting.

He was still tense under me. “Twenty-five,” he said.

Huh. Eight years older than me
.  It was surprising to hear, but I really didn’t know what to expect.  I would say he looks his age, though. I could see why he would think being with me is wrong.  I always felt older though than seventeen.

I thought harder and knew I might regret this. I told him everything about my problems. However, I lied about one thing a while ago.  I figured it didn’t matter now. “Remember that day you found my texts. I told you that you didn’t need to worry because I would be out of that house in no time since my eighteenth birthday was coming up?”

His hand, in the grass, relaxed. “Yeah.”

Here it goes. “I lied. I was never going to college, never investing in a bright future for myself, and never leaving home. My dad wouldn’t allow it. I knew too much for him to let me leave. I didn’t want you to worry about me, so I lied about that and therefore about my age.”

I regretted it after saying it. He tensed again but not because of the cut. He didn’t turn around, but I could see he wanted to. “What?” I just barely caught the question.

“I didn’t want to tell you.  If you knew that I was stuck there for life, you would have gone to the cops in a second. Telling you I was near eighteen and would get away soon ensured me you wouldn’t.”

Well, it worked. He was distracted alright. He was silent before he finally asked, “This is why you gave up in school, isn’t it?  You really thought it was useless because you never would get the chance to go to college for a good education anyway.  Not if he forced you to stay with him.”

I sighed. “Exactly.”  I ran my hand up to where the cut ended at his hip. 

His hand tightened again after a few seconds. “How old?” he asked.

“Why? Does it matter?” I teased, but a small part of me wondered if it really did matter.  He chuckled nervously, probably wondering if I was fifteen or something. I smiled as I spoke.  “I’m seventeen.”

“Oh. Well, that was what you said before,” he said, relieved.

“I said I was nearly eighteen. I only just turned seventeen.”

He stayed silent, and I felt my heart shoot up in pace. What if that was too much of a difference for him to handle?  Nervous, I was about to say ‘Mr. Rush’ but caught myself in time. That would take time to get used to. “Casey?”

“That does… upset me a little.” He turned his head and smiled, though. “But I’ll get over it. You’re worth it, and age is hard to determine with you.  You seem older than me at times.”

“I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you before,” I said as I stopped cleaning his cut now that it was hopefully clear. Kneeling beside him now, I admired the fire reflecting in his eyes.

“I know. Don’t be sorry.  I probably would have done the same thing.”

Smiling softly to him, I moved onto the next step. We needed to keep it clean and let it heal.  I stood up and found the suitcase, dragging it closer (we left the other bags on the beach for now since we had to tend to his cut first). 

I grabbed the pale blue sundress that was packed in it.  Then, I took a few steps into the woods, finding a tree that supported a vine.  Thankfully, the firelight assisted me slightly in finding the tree where we found vines hanging before.  I jumped up, grabbing the vine, and yanked it down with all my strength. With a snap followed by a thud, I wound it up and headed back to him.

Returning to his side, I knelt beside him. “I will need you to sleep on your stomach tonight.  First, though, I need you to sit up straight for me.”

He didn’t move at first.  When he finally shifted his body, I knew it was getting worse. All he did was straighten his posture, and it sent him grunting.  He couldn’t move at all without his back and side hurting.

“Man, that’s embarrassing,” he said. “I’m only eight years older, and you are taking care of me like a good nurse should.” I heard the smile in his voice as I unrolled my findings from the forest, smiling myself.

“How were you even able to walk when I found you on the beach?” I wondered.

He thought for a minute. “I honestly think I was too distracted to care or even mentally process it until you started cleaning it. And I do think you make me feel physically stronger if I work hard at it mentally.”

I smiled at his words but also wondered something. “Can I ask you something?” I asked, grabbing the sundress and pressing it against his cut gently.  It covered it perfectly, even the part of the cut that curved around his hip.

“Anything,” he said softly, not knowing what I was doing but more concerned with what I had to say.

“Why aren’t you guilty anymore?” I asked reluctantly. Eyeing what I had to do next, I continued speaking.  “Oh, and can you hold this to the cut?  It will help if your arms are up too.”

He craned his neck so he could find my eyes. He watched me as I held the sundress to his injury. He did as I asked, lifting his arms above him and behind his shoulders.  Fighting off a grunt as he did it, he held the fabric in place.  It freed my hands to grab the vine. He answered my first question as I started to wrap the vine around his whole body, needing it to hold the dress in place.

“I want you so much that it doesn’t matter anymore.  It’s worth it all, even if I am a little guilty. I can’t care anymore if it’s right or wrong after the shit you pulled today. If it’s between doing the right thing and being with you, I choose you, which I, in many ways, see as the right thing.”

I wasn’t sure what to think of that, but I did understand. Was he cheating on Jill?  Was it actually ‘wrong’?  I couldn’t find it in me to feel guilty after what she did to him, but it is worth it.  Though he is a little guilty, as he said, it’s something he will deal with.  Hopefully the fact that we weren’t home to face the consequences would make him feel better.  We were on an island.  This was freedom.

Getting the vine wrapped completely around his body several times, starting at his chest and ending at his waist, it secured the dress against the cut.  It wasn’t like I could make him a belt like how he did for my cut. This was much worse, unfortunately.  It required something I was scared to do, which was to tighten it in place. 

I could tell it was bad enough, what I was doing now.  The vine now tucked under his arms, he was able to grip the grass.  It was hurting already. I did not want to tighten it, but I would have to.

“You know I need to tighten this more right?  It’s going to keep the dirt out and secure it so it won’t slide down.”

He didn’t answer, but I knew he was listening. His hands held on to the grass as if holding on for dear life. I wanted to comfort him, but instead, I was going to cause him extreme pain. If a light touch brought this to him, I didn’t want to know how it will feel when I pull the vine. I think I started shaking myself.

“Casey?”

“J-Just do it, Janice,” he hissed.  His voice cracked, and I knew this was going to be bad.  The vine wasn’t even that tight; just enough so the dress wouldn’t slide down.  I don’t want to see what tightening it is going to do. 

I sat down behind him, holding both ends of the vine in my hands. He was shaking harder, and it made me feel as if was torturing him.  I ended up placing both ends in one hand, deciding I wanted to hold his hand for this. 

I extended my free hand towards his side and where one of his hands gripped the grass. “Give me your hand,” I said. He did so without hesitation.  It made me bite my lip, his grip was that hard and tight.  I squeezed back as hard as I could too.

“Ready?” I asked.  He nodded, and I did what I had to.  Holding the vines tight, I cranked my hand back hard, and it set him off. His hand squeezed harder in mine, his neck stiff as well.

“AAHHH!” he screamed between what I could tell were grinding teeth.  The shaking left his body, but the grip grew harder. It took a lot for me to make sure it was tight enough.  It was too much for him.

He jerked up slightly, his body very tense.  My hand in his, his grip made me want to scream myself.  But then… it went slack.  His hand, his body, all of him went slack.  There was no movement as I stared at his back.  Then, since I was pulling the vines, he fell back.  I moved the few inches forward just as he slumped back and against me. He completely passed out! 

Dropping the ends of the vine and his hand, I grabbed him and sat him up more.  Looking around where his back was against me, I saw his eyelids were closed.  “Oh god, get up.  Casey, get up!” 

He wouldn’t move. He laid there, unconscious.  It scared me — bad!  I needed to know he would be okay.  I needed to wake him.  I knew it was my turn to make everything better.

Chapter 30

I knew he was okay.  I could feel him breathing steadily from where he was settled in front of me, his back against my chest.  That didn’t mean I wasn’t freaking out either.

I couldn’t believe that I made him black out.  I didn’t do it
that
hard.  I didn’t even tie the vines together yet.  I had only just tightened them when he passed out. At least he wouldn’t feel the pain right now since he was out.

When I tilted back and held him up, I could see that the dress was pressed into his cut and would be staying there. Now, I just needed to tie it. I groaned, not wanting to do this, but I had to.  I made sure to get it over with as soon as possible.  Grabbing the two ends of the vine, I tightened them slightly again, watching to see if he reacted.  When he didn’t, I shifted my position.  Propping his body to stay up with my knee, I leaned my body back with the ends of the vine.  I gave it a few small tugs, making sure that I was tightening the slack.  When it was tight enough, I checked to make sure it was holding the dress and covering all of his long cut.  I tied it off with shaky hands, trying hard to stay focused. 

Since that was done, though… now what?  What do I do?  The fire lighting up his expressionless face, I sighed and became more aware of my surroundings.  The air was growing colder.  I started to shake for more than one reason.

Knowing he was probably out for the rest of the night, I started eyeing up the fire.  It could use more brush and wood. 

“Mr. Rush?” After I had said those words, I smiled, remembering I didn’t need to call him that.  I knew it was hopeless, but I wanted to try to wake him.  “Casey? I am going to move us. I need to put more on the fire.”

With him still slumped back against me, it made my heart ache.   He looked so human, and it made me worry more about him.  He didn’t move when I spoke. Though I knew he was probably out for the night, I tried again.              

“Hey, come on. Come on, get up,” I pleaded as calmly as I could.

No movement from him, making me more nervous by the second.  Sighing, I moved a hand up towards his head, which rested against my shoulder.  Running it softly through his hair, I pursed my lips.  “You better wake up for me soon,” I whispered in his ear.  “I need you.”

That scream he released before he passed out ran through my head again.  Making my eyebrows dip in concern and pain, I tried staying strong and did what I had to do. 

Hooking my arms under his, I inched us back and towards the closest tree a few feet away.  Dragging his limp body along, I stopped before we got to it.  I gingerly lowered his upper body to the ground for a moment as I stood up.  From where this tree was, I could still feel the heat of the fire.  I needed to make it last through the night.    

I walked off swiftly into the woods, scanning the invisible ground with my feet. I had collected dry sticks, leaves, and branches before I carried them back to the fire. Throwing what I gathered onto it, the light swimming and growing in heat, I returned to him quickly.  Feeling the heat more intensely, I pulled him back up slightly and moved behind him.  I moved us to how we were before, with him laying back into me.  Only now, I was resting back against a tree, knowing I should get some sleep if I couldn’t wake him.

Against him, like I was, I could feel his soothing and even breath. I started to relax more myself.  Resting my hand on top of his head, I continued to stroke back his hair.  The orange dancing light holding my eyes, I felt warmer just staring into it.  I rested my head as well against him, in the crook of his neck and breathed in his sweet scent.  It wasn’t a good or bad smell, but it was him.  I liked it.

I sat there, watching the fire for a few more minutes, pondering over how we were going to do it… How I would heal his cut and take care of him, how we needed to live, how we needed to stay together, and how was I going to keep my sanity through this?  I still think I’m losing it. I didn’t even want to think about that.

Those thoughts and my wandering mind brought out the images from earlier I tried blocking. Those sharks, those bodies, and then those bodies turning into my mother.  It was a nightmare, and I knew it wouldn’t fully hit me until later.

I forced my thoughts to stay on him.  What else was good and worth thinking about?  After everything he told me and confessed to me, I spent the remainder of the day grasping the truth.  It was so unbelievable and amazing.  I couldn’t wait until he was out of this state because I just wanted to share more with him.

Stroking his hair, my eyelids became heavier.  I listened to the crackle of the fire until soon, I drifted off.

The rush of water filled my ears along with the echo of birds. I was hot, not surprisingly, but I couldn’t see the red light through my eyelids. I knew I was under shade.

Opening my eyes with the burn of sweat, I squinted in and out of focus. I grunted with soreness, seeing I was still propped up in that position with Casey leaning back against me.  The only thing that was different was my one hand was curled around his. Our fingers are intertwined, sweat sliding between them, I squeezed, wanting him desperately to be up and okay.

Lifting my head, I tilted forward and out of the crook of his neck until I could just make out his face. His eyes remained closed, but I couldn’t help but notice that he was also grasping my hand back, using some form of muscle to do so. He must be getting some feeling back, which meant I had to be very careful this time. If he were close to waking, he would be able to feel things, including his long and nasty cut. I carefully moved my head, getting a better angle at where the cut was wrapped up.

I was happy to see it held well.  The only difference was that through the vine, I could see the dress wasn’t a pale blue color.  A dark and damp red blushed from some of the fabric on the sundress. It made me cringe, but at least it was doing the job.

Sweat covered his body and covered mine even more. His weight wasn’t too much I couldn’t handle but with it brought a lot of heat. I didn’t dare and wouldn’t move, though. That scream he let out last night… I would sit here all day if it meant I didn’t get to hear that heartbreaking sound again.

His head resting against my shoulder, I felt myself start to drift off after a few minutes. Better to sleep than get up and make him hurt more. My stomach was threatening me so I figured sleeping was better than letting it torment me.

Right before I went under, I felt a movement against me. My eyes flew open, and I saw Casey was squirming slightly. The back of his head was still against my chest, but I heard a moan from him after he shifted again.

“Don’t move,” I whispered into his ear, trying to sound relaxed and not as relieved and excited as I felt.  I didn’t realize how scared I had been for him up until this moment. I now understood why he finally came clean with his feelings yesterday.  The amount of relief I felt now was overwhelming.   It made me almost sick to know I put him through that hell yesterday when we swam down to the plane.  But then to know how tormented he had been, thinking I died… I felt terrible.  I would for a long time for being stupid.

I didn’t get much time to dwell over that more.  My attention was on him.  Hearing me, he froze on top of me, his hand still holding mine. He must have realized what happened as he cautiously took in the vine wrapped around his torso.  He continued to stay leaning against me, unsure of what to do. “Janice…?” he asked, voice cracking and slightly raspy.

It was a wonderful sound to hear that voice.  I couldn’t help but smile.  The last time I heard that voice was when he screamed.  It was heaven knowing that wasn’t the last thing I heard from him now. His head resting against my shoulder, I spoke in his ear. “I’m here but don’t move. Do you remember what happened?”

“Yes.  I had that cut, and it was really bad.
Really bad
.”

“Yeah, it was.”

“I fainted, didn’t I?” he spoke, a hint of embarrassment there.

“Yeah,” I said softly, sighing.  “You did much more than that, though.  Jesus, I was so worried!”  I took a deep breath, recalling my thoughts. “I can’t imagine what it was like for you yesterday after seeing you like this—”

“I was so broken,” he said, not even pausing to think about it. He stayed relaxed, unmoving, and uncaring against me. “You destroyed me when you wrapped my arm around that cord and raft.  You went against me, betrayed me in a way, and made me realize I was blind.”  He paused, taking a deep breath and speaking louder. “You never considered how I might feel if you died. Never thought it through.” He shook his head, making me feel worse about what I did.  His next words surprised me. “And I love you because you were able to go against me like that.”

“What do you mean?”

“You threw yourself in front of me, willing to die for me. So brave and strong. You have no idea how much I wanted to hate you for the guilt you caused me in those hours after. Realizing you strapped that damned thing to me….  When I started to go up and reached the surface…” He shook his head, and I heard his voice broke. “I tried so hard to come back down. I let the raft go and just tried swimming back to you, but you made sure I couldn’t.”

It was strange. After he had confessed to me, it was nice. He told me why he never said anything before and how he wasn’t giving me up. Very sweet. We, however, never really talked about yesterday’s actual events, which was the main reason why he confessed that he loved me.

I felt awful, but I couldn’t lie. “Of course, I would die for you.  It was the easiest thing to do,” I said, repeating what I said just before I forced him up with that raft.  “I needed to.  Plus, I was the one that caused it.  I was the stupid one! I can never be sorry enough for that.”

I felt him try to lift himself off me, but I grabbed him, worried about his movement causing him more pain. He didn’t care, though. A moment later, he did however end up stomach first in the grass, releasing a loud groan.

He recovered a moment later, lifting his head with his body, slowly crawling up to my side, careful of his cut. He sat and leaned against the tree with me, his head tilted down to look at me. His eyes were sweet while mine were wide.  How was he not hurting more from that?

“What you did was foolish, no matter the reason. For how smart you are, I don’t understand how you could have been so stupid. It doesn’t matter, though. We are both okay. It’s because you saved me.” He looked down and smiled, emotion filling his eyes.  “Nobody has ever done anything like that for me.”

“I had to. You were trying to drag me out because you knew you weren’t going to make it,” I said with a cracked voice.  The thought made me bite my lip and take a deep breath. 

“It was the hardest thing I was about to do,” he stated.  “Dying for you that was going to be a privilege. It was entirely simple, that decision to save you. What was hard was knowing, or thinking, that I would never see you again.”  His hand cupped my cheek. “I already knew, I didn’t have a chance to be with you, but I still wanted to be here with you despite in what way.”

I searched his eyes.  All I could see was how much he meant those words.  Being very careful, I stretched up, connecting my lips with his. His hand on my cheek slid back, cupping the back of my neck as he kissed me back.

Taking in him in, I had to force myself from going deeper with him.  This was going to be very hard for us, the reason being that I could feel our need for each other grow.  I wanted to finally express it, but I couldn’t touch him in the same way he could. I needed to remember that he was hurt badly, no matter how brave he was acting now.

Breaking our lips, I looked up into his face surrounded by his messy hair.  I said the words that I have wanted to tell him.  “I love you, Casey Rush.  You can’t blame me for wanting you alive.”

He said nothing, searching my face.  His hand tightening in my hair, he moved my face back up to meet his moist lips. Kissing him slowly and deeply, I felt a smile tug at my lips. He smiled too.

I knew we would make this all work.  We could fix each other and love to an extent of true power. I could feel that power growing between us.