It Had to Be You (14 page)

Lizzy had always felt like a heifer next to Hayley-bloody-Bidwell, but now as she looked at her spare tyre cooking nicely in the August sunshine, she had the wonderful realization that she didn’t
care
any more. Hayley had got her body by passing up on moments. What kind of life was that? Lizzy might never win a swimwear competition, but her wobbly bits were the physical manifestation of all the things that made her happy: the wine-fuelled evenings with Nic and Poppet, and Saturday nights at her parents’ having cosy dinners on trays in front of the telly. It was about sunny afternoons whiled away in beer gardens, and cold winter days in the office warmed by Starbucks runs for pumpkin lattes. It turned out Lizzy’s squashy stomach was a pretty good thing after all, because what was a person without human experiences and friendships and love and laughter?

‘I’m sorry, old friend,’ she said emotionally. ‘I’ll give you the respect you deserve from now on.’

‘Uh oh, talking to yourself! First sign of madness!’

Lizzy almost jumped out of her skin. David from next door was poking his head over the fence. ‘Sorry!’ she said. ‘I didn’t see you there.’

‘So I see. Were you talking to your tummy?’

‘I was just, er, thinking out loud.’

‘Jacqui talks to her bottom all the time. Calls it her “Plumptious”. I’ve heard her singing to it in the bathroom.’

‘I think that’s very nice,’ Lizzy said decisively. ‘More women should make friends with their body parts.’

‘I’ve been on intimate terms with my todger for years, ha ha! Your dad around?’

Barf
. ‘He’s inside. Do you want me to call him?’

‘No need, just tell him I’m going to the tip tomorrow. He’s got a couple of things he wants me to take down for him.’ He nodded at Lizzy’s chest. ‘Tesco must be missing themselves a couple of melons, ha ha ha!’

The house was quiet when Lizzy came back indoors to get a drink. Wandering through into the hall she found her dad in his study. He was sat at the desk with two A4 files open, one saying ‘DIANE’ and the other saying ‘BOILER’.

‘Hullo Lizard.’

‘Hi Dad, what you up to?’

‘Just going through some admin.’

Lizzy’s dad kept files for everything, including chronological records for each family member. ‘LAUREN’ was gargantuan and held all her sporting, musical and academic accolades, including a special achievement award for being Outstanding Air Cadet four years in a row. ‘ROBBIE’ was bulging with various skateboarding and cross-country certificates, and the letter from the BBC confirming he’d got on to
Junior Masterchef
. ‘LIZZY’ was woefully thin by comparison. Her crowning achievement was first prize in the ‘Bromley Hawaiian Rollerdisco 1998’, plus X-rays from all the bones she’d broken while growing up.

Lizzy pointed at ‘DIANE’. ‘Who’s Mum run over now?’

Mrs Spellman was a law unto herself, but this was especially true when she got behind the wheel. One of Lizzy’s earliest memories was getting pulled over on the school run by the police. Her mother’s speeding tickets had been a constant source of amusement to the rest of the family over the years, especially Robbie who’d never failed to point out his mother’s criminal history whenever she’d tried to bollock him about something.

‘No one for once. She wants to know if she can get her bunions done on BUPA.’

The house phone started ringing. ‘Can you get that, Lizard? Your mother’s upstairs descaling the shower.’

Lizzy soon found out why her dad had been keen to avoid answering. ‘Lizzy?’ Lauren barked. ‘Is that you?’

‘Yes.’ It was very noisy in the background. ‘Where are you?’

‘Gym. Did you get that link I emailed you?’

‘The one about how the sugar in white wine causes premature ageing?’ Lizzy said. ‘I did, thank you. Very informative.’

‘Think how much money you’d save on buying expensive wrinkle creams. Dad there?’

Lizzy looked at her father. He shook his head violently.

‘He’s just popped out to the shop,’ she lied. ‘Do you want me to give him a message?’

‘Your sister keeps trying to reorganize my portfolio,’ her father sighed after Lizzy had put the phone down. ‘I’ve had the same financial advisor for years and I’m perfectly happy.’

Mrs Spellman came down the stairs in a pair of Marigolds. ‘You look very pink,’ she told Lizzy. ‘Who was that on the phone?’

‘Lauren. She sends her love; she was about to go into a spin class.’

Mrs Spellman snapped the gloves off. ‘Did she mention she and Perry are coming over at the start of December?’

Perry was Lauren’s trader boyfriend, who the family had yet to meet. Lizzy had seen pictures: Perry had very short hair and the same glaring look as Lauren. Apparently he’d been a star rower at college.

‘They’re staying here for a few days before they go skiing. Europe somewhere.’ Lizzy’s mum sighed wistfully. ‘It would have been nice if they could’ve been here for Christmas Day, but Lauren’s a busy girl.’

‘Are you with us for Christmas, Lizard?’ Lizzy’s dad asked.

‘Of course she is,’ Mrs Spellman shouted as she went into the kitchen. ‘Where else is she going to be?’

Things were pretty slow at work. No one wanted to think about Christmas at the height of summer, and a lot of people were away on holiday. Bianca had gone to her dad’s place in France – no one knew how long for because Antonia had forgotten to write the dates down in her diary. Antonia herself had been summoned by Jocasta to a two-day crisis summit at Babington House, although Lizzy suspected they were probably sitting round drinking chai tea all day and getting pedicures.

As usual it had been left to Lizzy to do everything, including the appraisal for a junior member of staff that Antonia had forgotten about. ‘Just tell her she’s not getting a salary increase!’ she’d bellowed on a crackly line from Somerset.

In the afternoon Lizzy trekked out to Milton Keynes to see Brian and Debbie Baxter. They went to a Harvester for their business lunch (which Lizzy ended up paying for), where they took her through their five-year vision, which included Man Down and Santa’s Little Helper being included in Oscar goodie bags. By the time Lizzy got on the 17.51 back to London she felt like someone had reached inside her ear and pulled out her brain.

Nic was away with work, so Lizzy went to meet Poppet for a drink in Clapham. ‘You look stressed,’ Poppet told her. ‘Bad day at work?’

‘You could say that.’ Lizzy ripped into a bag of crisps. ‘I seem to be doing the job of three people but on only one person’s salary.’

Halfway down a bottle of wine the creases had started to get ironed out of the day. ‘Do you fancy getting something to eat?’ Poppet asked. ‘I’m not meant to be spending money this week, but I’ll just load up on bread and only have a starter.’

There was a whole market garden sitting in the bottom of Lizzy’s fridge, but after the day she’d had, she was in need of carbohydrates. ‘I’ll get up early tomorrow and make a vegetable soup instead,’ she told Poppet. ‘If I make up a big batch and freeze the rest, it will save me a fortune in buying lunch.’

‘That’s a good idea,’ Poppet said encouragingly. She paused. ‘Do you think anyone ever does that?’

Having decided to go to their favourite burger joint (‘Men love their meat so you always get a good HMQ there,’ Poppet pointed out), Lizzy went to the loo. When she returned Poppet was sitting there with a strange look on her face. Her iPhone was face-down on the table next to her.

‘Are you all right?’ Lizzy asked.

‘Yes fine!’ Poppet said brightly. ‘Nothing to see here.’

She was acting very shiftily. ‘Pops, what’s going on?’ Lizzy asked.

There was an ominous silence. ‘Um, I’ve got something to tell you and I really don’t think you’re going to like it.’

Lizzy went cold. Had someone died? ‘What’s happened?’ she whispered.

Poppet glanced down at her phone. ‘I was just on Facebook while you were in the loo. Um, I don’t know how to tell you this but …’

‘Pops, you’re scaring me! What is it?’

Poppet visibly swallowed. ‘Justin’s got a new girlfriend.’

Lizzy stared at her friend’s face for a long moment. ‘Oh, OK.’

‘What are you feeling right now?’ Poppet said. ‘Tell me everything!’

‘I’m not feeling anything.’

‘Are you sure? You don’t want to cry or throw something?’

Lizzy shrugged nonchalantly. ‘Why would I get upset about someone who has shown such spectacular levels of twatdom? Justin means nothing to me.’

‘It’s still not nice finding out he’s got a new girlfriend.’

‘Honestly, Pops, she’s welcome to him.’

‘It’s not anyone we know, if that makes you feel better.’

‘Pops, you don’t have to make me feel better. Like, who do I care who he goes out with?’

‘Well, I think you’re handling this amazingly.’

‘Oh come on, it’s not like he was never going to get another girlfriend again!’ Lizzy gave a smile. ‘I wish him all the best. Truly.’

‘Bravo you. I’ll just get the bill then …’

‘So who is she anyway?’

Poppet glanced up from her purse. ‘I thought you didn’t want to know?’

‘I might as well. Just in case I ever run into her.’

‘Um, she’s called Natalie Chloe Dunn.’

‘Is she pretty?’ Lizzy asked pleasantly.

‘I guess … if you like that sort of thing.’

‘And what is “that sort of thing”?’

Poppet was starting to look very nervous again. ‘Petite, brunette, er …’

Lizzy held her hand out. ‘I want to see for myself.’

‘Do you think that’s a good idea?’

‘Give me the phone!’ Lizzy lowered her voice. ‘Please.’

She watched Poppet type in her password and reluctantly hand it over. Sure enough, there it was.
Justin Thomas: In a relationship with Natalie Chloe Dunn
. His profile picture was him standing with a pretty brunette, their arms wrapped round each other.

‘Are you OK?’ Poppet asked anxiously.

A red mist started to build inside Lizzy. Did Justin not give even an iota of a shit about her feelings? They’d only been finished six weeks! And here he was, going out with a girl who looked at least a stone lighter than Lizzy
and
had nice, shiny hair. Meanwhile Lizzy was still single and reduced to terrible sex with manic depressives. Hot manic depressives, yes, but that wasn’t the point. It wasn’t fair!

‘I don’t think you should see any more.’ Poppet made a grab for the phone.

‘I want to see more! Get off!’

They began to wrestle over it. A waitress had started to come over with the card machine, but seeing what was going on, did a last-minute swerve.

‘Ow! You just scratched me!’

‘I didn’t mean it! I’ve only got your best interests at heart!’

‘THEN LET ME SEE THE STUPID BITCH!’

At that point the manager came over. ‘Ladies, if you don’t start behaving yourselves I’m going to have to ask you to leave.’

The two friends fell back, breathing heavily. Poppet had her iPhone clasped to her chest. ‘You’re allowed to ask three questions and that’s it!’ she told Lizzy.

Lizzy muttered something under her breath about the meaning of true friendship and ordered another bottle of wine.

The next day Lizzy woke up with a horrible hangover and the same sense of burning outrage. She was uncharacteristically snappy at work, and even Antonia gave her a wide berth, choosing to terrorize one of the other account managers for a change.

Poppet had reluctantly gone off on a reconnaissance mission and called Lizzy at work to give her an update. ‘They met through friends. It’s only been going on for about three weeks.’

‘Three weeks!’ Lizzy seethed. ‘Three whole
weeks
.’

‘I bet it’s only a rebound relationship, it won’t last.’

‘Yes it will! The rate they’re going she’ll have moved in by next week, and then they’ll get married and live in a beautiful Victorian conversion and have a beautiful family, while I’ll end up old and alone, reduced to pressing myself against hot schoolboys on the bus to get my sexual kicks!’

‘Do you think there’s a chance you’re being a touch melodramatic?’

‘Melodramatic?’ Lizzy kicked a waste-paper bin across the office. ‘Why would you say that?’

All afternoon she stewed. Her alloted questions to Poppet the night before – did Natalie look like the kind of girl who might get fat later in life, did Justin still have that giant blackhead on the side of his nose, and was there a tinge of regret and everlasting sadness on his face? – had hardly garnered her the information she wanted. She continued to bombard Poppet with more emails until Poppet put her foot down. ‘You’ll only torment yourself even more,’ she told Lizzy. But Lizzy had to know more. It was like a festering wound that needed to be picked open.

The only way she could find out more information was if she had access to Justin’s Facebook page herself. But there was a rather large problem in that she and Justin were no longer friends. An idea struck her. Suppose she set up a fake profile and sent him a friend request? Justin had over twelve hundred ‘friends’ so he wasn’t exactly discerning.

Giving herself the moniker ‘Heidi Milton’, Lizzy downloaded a picture of a fit girl in gym shorts running along a beach. That was bound to get his attention.

‘Lizzy, are there one or two Ls in “holistic”?’ Bianca asked.

‘You’re meant to be the one with the expensive education,’ Lizzy snarled. ‘Look it up.’

For the next hour Lizzy checked Facebook like a nervous twitch. Just before 4 p.m. she struck gold.
Justin Thomas has accepted your friend request
. Steeling herself, Lizzy went on to his wall.

‘Feeling happy
,’ he’d written at 8.03 p.m. the night before, tagging a ‘Natalie Chloe Dunn’. There were photos of him and Natalie at the pub together, him and Natalie sitting by the Thames with plastic glasses of Pimms together, a filtered Instagram shot of two lattes with hearts swirled into the froth with the hashtag #
sundays.
It was like they’d been together for three years, not three weeks! Another post said
Justin was at Sophie’s Steakhouse with Natalie Chloe Dunn and two others
. Lizzy clicked on to see the other names. Helen Naylor! The same Helen Naylor who Lizzy had shared a tent with at Glastonbury! Helen Naylor, who still had Lizzy’s seventy-five pound All Saints top Lizzy had generously lent her two years ago!