Jolted (Conflicted Encounters #1) (27 page)

"Kallie, you missed a lot back home," he started. "There was a lot of information pouring in about the accident, and you were just gone."

"I know. I just couldn't handle it anymore. I had to get away."

"I get that. I really do, believe me. You could have checked in from time to time, though," he said giving me a smile that was so familiar it ripped at my insides. I could only nod while I choked down the tears threatening to make their way out. "Where have you been staying?"

"I met some really nice people that took me in while I waited for my car," I half lied. Scarlett really took me in. Ryder dealt with me because he had to.
 

"Are you okay?" he asked, looking at me with worry and concern.
 

"I'm fine." At least that was true.

"Look, Kallie, I should fill you in. The police report came back from the accident. The roads were wet and apparently another car swerved, causing Carter to drive off the road," he explained, tilting his head to read my face.

"And into the tree," I finished for him.
 

"Yes," he said quietly. "There were no charges. The driver was drinking, but just under the limit. Apparently, there is such a thing as not drunk enough. The driver and passenger stopped to try to help him." He stopped, his voice thick with emotion. "I came here to meet him. To face who I feel is at fault for his death."

My head swam and my body tingled from the blood leaving my extremities. I clenched the end of the table to stable myself. I swallowed repeatedly to keep the cries down inside, where they belonged. I hadn't thought to place blame, to seek closure. I just knew he was gone and left a gaping, bleeding hole in me. I stood on weak legs and strode out of the diner and into the hot air.
 

I gasped with the thickness and humidity in the air. The sun scorched my skin and my sore feet continued to carry me away from Josh's calling voice. When his hands finally grabbed my hand and spun me around to face him, I let the tears fall. He pulled me into his arms and stayed silent while I soaked his shirt with my tears.
 

When I felt empty again and the tears dried up, he pushed away to look down at my face. His blue eyes reminded me of Carter's. I had to look away.
 

"You should come with me, Kallie," he suggested.

"I don't think I can," I said, shaking my head and backing away from him.
 

"I think you need to," he urged, holding me still by my shoulders. "You need closure and you need to move on."

I looked up at him in shock and confusion. "Move on?"

"Yes," he said in a gentle voice. "We all miss him, and loved him, but you don't deserve to be hurting like this."

"I'm not," I lied.

"You are. I can see it in your eyes. In your face."

I backed away. "No."

"Yes, Kallie. We need to do this. This wasn't his fault. Someone screwed up and caused him to lose control, ending his life. I need this. You need this."

Josh didn't wait for me to agree. He took my elbow and slowly led me over to his jeep that sat parked in the lot next to the diner. He opened the door for me and I climbed in. He got in the driver's seat and started it up. He looked over at me and waited. I didn't know if he was waiting for agreement or for refusal. He wasn't going to get either one from me.

As he pulled out onto the road, I felt the numbness blanket over me again. A cover of indifference and unfeeling washed over. I didn't realize that the cover had lifted until it snapped back in place. We drove past the garage and the apartment, and I felt more immobilized the further we became from the places I once felt something.
 

Kallie

It didn't take long for us to reach the tree. I stared out the open car window at the large maple. I remembered our previous scuffle months before. I could feel the bark under my balled fists again. I could smell the damp grass and dirt. I felt the loneliness and despair that I harbored the last time I collapsed at the base of this tree.
 

I could feel Josh's eyes on me as he slowly opened his door, waiting for me to do the same. The old Kallie in me complied and obediently opened her door. I slowly approached the spot that brought me here in the first place. I didn't think about the times and experiences between then and now. I just thought about everything leading up to the day I fled my house and landed on the ground here.

Some photos were still nailed to the trunk. Moss grew up the side of the tree and the grass was thicker, growing over the tire tracks that were once there. The weather, or people, had removed some of the notes of memories and condolences.
 

I picked up a note from a name I didn't recognize about how much they missed him. I briefly thought of how pointless the gesture was. Carter wasn't going to stop by the tree to read the notes. This wasn't a mailbox that we could send messages to our lost ones. It was just a tree. Deep in my bitter thoughts, I barely registered the sound of the approaching vehicle.
 

I bowed my head down as I ran my open palm down the rough bark. Josh's footsteps sounded behind me as he came up and placed a hand on my shoulder. The gesture meant to be comforting only set every nerve and cell on high alert. My body tensed like I was ready for flight or fight. My blood rushed in my ears and I braced myself to be jolted out of the world I knew.
 

The sound of gravel crunching told me someone was walking up to us. I glared down at the photo of Carter and his soccer team. I burned the image of his smiling face into my memory. I placed my hands on the soft ground and pushed myself up to stand. When I came around the tree, I had a clear view of who Josh wanted to place his blame on.

Logan stood just a few feet away, looking down and pushing a loose rock with his shoe. Ryder stood next to him, his eyes wide and locked onto mine. All the air left my lungs. I heard my heartbeat slam to a screeching halt and the slight breeze around me froze. Logan, sensing the tension in the air, finally looked up and his eyes landed on mine.
 

"Thank you for meeting me," Josh said in a tight voice, unaware of the world crumbling around him.
 

Logan nodded and walked slowly to meet Josh's extended hand. Both men's eyes never left me. I blinked rapidly, trying to will myself to wake up from this dream. I internally begged that understanding would soon take over and I would see clearly what was happening in front of me. I felt underwater as my head swam.
 

My hand shook as it lifted to cover my mouth. I heard screams in the distance as my knees suddenly connected with the hard road. Arms wrapped around me and the screams got louder. The sunlight vanished and blackness took over. I saw nothing. I could only hear the screams and the cries mixed with the sounds of tires screeching and glass breaking.
 

Sunlight filtered in under my lashes. My hand felt warm, encased in something soft. I blinked, trying to adjust to the light burning my eyes. I squeezed my hand and the hand in mine squeezed back. Soft murmuring and voices filled my ears as I tried to make out the words. When my eyelids finally opened, deep brown eyes stared down at me.

Scarlett's eyes watered over me and she brushed some hair off my forehead. My skin felt clammy and damp. I slowly turned my head to take in the unfamiliar surroundings. Scarlett continued to run her fingers through my hair soothingly.
 

"Shh. I'm right here, Kallie," she whispered to me as she clenched my hand.
 

"Where am I?" I asked in a thick voice.
 

"Caleb's," she answered. I looked behind her and saw Caleb leaning against the wall. He watched us with apprehension.
 

"Are you okay?" he asked.

"How did I get here?" I asked while I sat up and frantically looked around me. "I was with Josh. I was… ” I cut off. Memories filled in the blanks.
 

Tears leaked out and dripped over my cheeks when I remembered standing at the tree with Josh. I was waiting for the driver of the vehicle that ran the love of my life off the road, killing him. I was supposed to be facing the one that wrecked my life, throwing me into a tornado of hurt, confusion, and emptiness.
 

I saw Logan and Ryder standing in the road, reaching to shake Josh's hand. Both men looked at me in confusion and guilt. The two halves of my severed life collided, crashed, and wrapped around each other, leaving a mangled mess behind.

"No," I gasped.
 

"Kallie, please listen to me," Scarlett pleaded desperately. "You need to stay with me, okay? Don't zone out. Stay with me."

I focused on her desperate eyes and tried to center myself again. Darkness swam at the edges of my vision as I could feel all the blood draining from me. My body trembled and Caleb came to flank my other side on the bed. His warm touch on my shoulder helped me stay grounded. I panted and closed my eyes tightly, battling the pain and hurt threatening to take me over.
 

"What happened?" I asked in a chocked voice.
 

Caleb handed me a bottled water and I took it without thanks. I chugged the water and sighed at the relief the cool water gave my throat. My entire body felt dried up and withered. I greedily drank the water, imagining a dried up raisin hydrating and plumping up.
 

"What do you remember?" Scarlett asked cautiously.
 

"Logan and Ryder. Then nothing."

"You passed out. Panic attack or something," she said, rubbing my arms to calm me.
 

"They killed him?" I asked, my voice cracking.

"It's not that simple," Caleb finally spoke up. I didn't miss the defensiveness in his tone.

I sighed and laid back against the pillows. I concentrated on the warmth I felt from the two bodies next to me. I focused on the hand holding mine tightly. I fought away the darkness hovering at the edges, waiting to consume me and take me under with the current. I was fighting for my own sanity.
 

"Where are they?" I asked.
 

"Josh headed back home, as gently and graciously suggested by me," Scarlett answered, followed immediately by a loud scoff from Caleb.
 

"Ryder? Logan?"

"Logan's." Scarlett didn't add any more information. She didn't answer all the questions swirling around in my rattled brain. She didn't tell me how they were feeling, why they were not here with me now, and why they were at that roadside spot to begin with.
 

"They were in the car," was all I could say.
 

It wasn't a question, but she nodded at me anyway. "You should eat."

Caleb brought me up some chicken noodle soup, claiming it could heal all ailments. After they were satisfied that I choked down enough substance, they both crawled under the covers with me. None of them spoke for the longest time, letting me sort out my thoughts in a cocoon. Being sandwiched between Scarlett's big heart and Caleb's strength gave me a sense of protection.

"You warned me," I said into the room that had finally grown dark.
 

"What?" Scarlett asked, snuggling closer to me in the bed.
 

"You said I would get hurt and to stay away from him. I should have listened."

"Oh, Kallie, I only told you that because I thought you would do the opposite," she confessed while she turned to look at my face.

"That makes no sense," I mumbled.

"Well, it does, really. You were in a rebellious phase. I figured if I said stay away from him, you would disobey and go after him."

"Why?"

"Because you two need each other more than either of you know. You two are good for each other, but can't see it."

"You're wrong."

"I'm not," she said with confidence. "You think I'm stupid? That I didn't see what you were going through? Granted, I didn't know details, but I knew you were hurting. And I knew something was eating him up alive. But when you two were together, I couldn't see the pain and hurt that you both carried around on your sleeves."

The room was silent with her confession. The three of us breathing in unison was the only sound I could hear. Both of my hands were held in one of theirs and I felt safe, calmer. I felt wrapped up in warm armor and nothing could touch me. I looked over to Caleb, questions in my eyes. He shrugged.

"It's true," was all he said.
 

"I don't know if I'll come back from this," I admitted.

"You will," Scarlett countered.
 

Sleep took me over eventually, but couldn't seem to hold on. I woke up over and over again, covered in sweat and trembling. Each time, someone was there to catch and ground me again. Different scenarios flashed before my eyes, trying to piece together what I couldn't understand. I finally gave up on getting rest and stared at the ceiling, waiting for the sun to come up.
 

The sunrise casted colors of pink and orange across the bed when Caleb stirred beside me. I stayed motionless while he sat up and stretched. His sleepy eyes found me awake and waiting. What I was waiting for, I wasn't sure yet.
 

"You okay?"
 

"Sure," I answered quietly to avoid waking Scarlett. He looked over at her sleeping form and frowned.
 

"You can stay here as long as you need. My parents know you're here and they won't bother you," he said.

"You don't have to do this."

"I know, but you guys are my family. Scarlett, Ryder, Logan, and now you. I can't stand to see every single one of you hurting like this. I care about you," he said gently, placing his hand on my stomach. I nodded at him. "I got to get to work. You go back to sleep."

Caleb grabbed some clothes from his dresser and quietly slipped out of the room. When the house went quiet again, my mind ran at a full sprint. I watched Scarlett sleep next to me and realized she was going through this with me. This was her brother and best friend tangled in this tragedy with me. I dragged her down with me, along with Caleb. I was in a head-first spiraling decent.