Judas (2 page)

              She had opened up far too much to him, she knew, but dammit, he made it so easy to talk to and he actually found her interesting and even funny. She felt so alive and so feminine right now, swaying gently against him as the last dance of the evening was coming to a close. He certainly was nothing to be intimidated by and he was nothing at all what she expected. She knew she would cherish this evening for the rest of her life.

             
He excused himself to the men's room as the dance ended, and she watched him make his way across the crowd and disappear down the corridor. He stopped a few times on his way back, to say a quick hello to a few guests he ignored all evening. He seemed so at ease while he was speaking, and though she couldn't hear what was being said, she saw them laugh and couldn't help but smile herself. If she were honest, she might actually admit that she wanted him.

             
As he approached, the handsome grin once again appeared, and he slipped her a folded napkin with words etched inside of it like a school boy passing a love note.

“What is this?” she blinked.

He shrugged coolly, “It's my way of telling you how much I have enjoyed our time here tonight.”

She traced the raised monogram with her thumb as she considered it, “Can I open it?”

He nodded, “Of course you can, but I'd prefer you wait until you are home so you can properly consider it.”

Okay, now she had to know what it said. She unfolded the fancy white napkin and began to read as they started toward the exit. Suddenly, she came to a grinding halt and was unable to put another foot ahead of the other as the words stared back at her.

This night doesn't have to end.

Choose your proposal

The casual approach

So.. wanna get married? *clears throat*

The passionate approach

Marry me, Adessa... *acts dramatic n shit*

The emo approach

Cries
until you propose to me *grabs tissues*

J's approach

Let's do this!

             
She stared at him in shock and confusion as he stopped to look at her. “It's legit, doll.”

The seriousness of his expression told her all she needed to know, and she suddenly felt the e
ffects of the night's champagne hit her with dizzying intensity. “I'm sorry. No.” she said as her hands began to shake. “I... can't.”

He watched her turn and run from the building, quickly jumping into a waiting vehicle.

He stood there in disbelief, wanting to kick himself for the stupid idea. Christ, what was he thinking? Just because she wasn't attached didn't mean she wanted him for fuck sake!

             
Way to go, Judas. Ruin a perfect night. His heart was barely beating, resting in the pit of his stomach as he tried to process what just happened. He was pretty sure he proposed to his goddess and she rejected him, and ran away. No woman had ever told him no before, and they certainly had never ran the hell away.

He walked out the heavy doors to the street, standing there for a full twenty minutes before his car came into sight. He was in a fowl mood now, but he only had himself to blame. It was his own ignorance, or arrogance that caused the scene inside, and whatever had possessed him to  propose to that woman, he had no idea.

CHAPTER two

The ride home was quiet and seemed to drag on for ages. Once inside, he collapsed onto his bed, still wearing the uncomfortable tux and slept until morning. On the other end of town, she was staring at the ceiling, thinking about his proposal. She clutched the napkin in her hand all night as if protecting the words it contained. The effects of the alcohol long faded, she finally gave up on sleep. She sat up and hit the switch on her alarm clock and stumbled to the shower.

              Thirty minutes later, she was dressed in her scrubs and ready for work. This was going to be the longest shift in history but at least by working the weekend, she would have plenty to keep her distracted. She packed a small lunch, knowing she probably wouldn't be able to eat it, and fastened her badge to her top.  After one last check, she had all she needed.

Lunch, badge,
purse, keys. She at least appeared put together, even if she was a mess inside. She could still smell his cologne and feel the warmth of his body as he held her against him, swaying and dancing and, Oh god. Keep it together, Adessa. He's just a man.

She spent the day thinking about him as she went from room to room, checking on patients, and filling out charts. The clinic was small but busy and she was thankful that no one seemed to notice how clumsy her work was. She had twice walked into the wrong room and at one point, she gave the wrong kid a sticker.

Why did she feel so torn over a man she didn't even know? Sure, she had read about his more prominent cases, but she had no idea who this man was. A total stranger had asked her to be his wife. But he wasn't a stranger. He didn't feel like a stranger to her at all. He was Judas Quinn!

             
Her life was always plain and simple and she rarely took risks. The most adventurous thing she ever did in her life was when she tried cigarettes in college.

If there ever were a plain Jane, it was her. She didn't even have freckles to go with the ruddy hair. She would never find Prince Charming because he had nothing to save her from. She groaned at the thought. If Judas only knew how simple and boring she was, he'd have never proposed.

              She wished she could talk to Ms. Verino right now. She was the closest thing she had to a best friend. And then there had been Maggie, her white and brown spotted pitt bull, but she passed away last year. Adessa refused to replace the companion, but at times like this, she would have given anything to have her back. She stopped trying to make friends years ago, and most of the time, she was fine without them. The other nurses and aides at the clinic tried to befriend her but Adessa had always kept them from getting too close.

              The weekend seemed to drag on. He didn't break from his normal routine. Wash the truck, mow the lawn, take the bike for a spin. There was no outward hint that he felt like the biggest fool in the state. Or on the planet, for that matter. His mother would kill him if she knew what he had done. But dammit! He was tired of waking up alone and coming home to no one! This was not the life he was supposed to have. It was time for a leap of faith and he wasn't sorry he had asked.

             
Things were perfect when he had Leanna. She was a wonderful wife and his best friend since the day they met. They tried so hard for so long to start a family but that never happened. He learned to live without her but it had been difficult and the silence surrounding him made it easy to retreat from his former life.

             
He absorbed himself in his work, becoming obsessed with being the best. He did all his own leg work, which most lawyers don't even bother with these days and besides, he would have been a detective, had he not taken the safe route and went to law school, as Leanna suggested. He enjoyed what he did, and his work was his only sense of pride. He didn't get the large family they planned, but he did have a wonderful career he could thank her for.

She was sitting at the small round kitchen table trying to explain what happened. Ms. Verino patiently listened while Adessa told her all about the evening and about the proposal. “I just don't know what to do. It's too soon,” Adessa tried to explain.

“Aint no such thing as too soon. Besides, ya said ya wanted ta see him again. Wasn't til he lost his mind that ya changed yers,” she smiled, sipping her tea.

“Maybe he was drunk. Maybe he was playing games. What if I tell him I've changed my mind, and he rejects me?” Adessa was thinking out loud but Ms. Verino would hear none of it.

             
“Calm down, child!” she chirped. “It's simple, really. If he made ya tweeter all tingly, then ya can't deny ya want him. He's not got a criminal record, I reckon so why not at least hear him out? Go talk to the man,” she reasoned, reaching out to pat Adessa's shoulder.

Something kept holding her back. What about her things? Her home? Her sense of self? She wasn't sure she could be a wife anymore. One thing she knew was that a relationship took work and even then, most still failed. The divorce rate was over fifty percent and she was no intention of going through that mess again.

              “You're missing the point. He doesn't love me, doesn't pretend to love me, and I don't even know his middle name!” Adessa pointed out.

“People stopped marryin fer love long ago, and if that's what yer wantin outta him, ya might be waitin a while. Feelins takes time to develop and some never get em. The question is, can he provide for ya and can the two of ya be friends?” Ms. Verino asked, taking another long sip of tea.

“I guess when you put it that way...,” Adessa trailed off. She had a point. A good one.

             
Friendship did count for something and they already had a good start at that. He was someone she already connected with, and he obviously felt the same. It was either marry the man, or start stocking up on cats. She shuddered at the mental image. Adessa hated cats.

             
She sat there thinking, trying to find the energy to go home, but she had to admit she felt just as comfortable here as she did at her own place. Ms. Verino was the only one who had ever made her feel welcome and she seemed genuinely sad sometimes when Adessa would go. It wasn't often that she visited but she cherished their talks and she even tried to take the old woman's advice when she could. Not everything she suggested was practical but she meant well and Adessa loved her very deeply.

“I'm going to head home, Ms. V.,” she finally said, barely stifling a yawn.

“Alright sweetheart, you just remember what I said. Aint no shame in failin if ya try,” she reminded her.

By the time Adessa made it home, her mind was made up. Tomorrow, she would accept his proposal.

             
Monday morning came too early and after sitting through two minor hearings, he drove back to the office to work on the endless amounts of paperwork that awaited. When he strolled into the front doors, Carrie stopped him. “Mr. Quinn, a lady came by earlier and left an envelope for you. She said it was urgent and that you would want to know right away.” she said, handing it over.

“Thanks, Carrie. Anything else I need to know about before I get tied up?” he asked, raking his fingers through his hair as he studied the sealed envelope.

“No, Sir. But your mother called again. You might want to call her back.”

“Threatening to visit again?” he asked sarcastically.

“Yes, Sir,” she nodded, giving him a knowing wink.

The woman was never going to give up. Why didn't she understand that he had no interest in seeing her? The visits were few and far between and there was a good reason for it. He was a grown man and didn't need his mother hovering over his every move.

              He rolled his eyes and continued down the hall to his office. Sitting down, he tore open the envelope and saw his napkin. She had scrawled her number on it and under his words, she wrote “All of the above!” He stopped breathing for several seconds. “Christ!” he nearly choked as he stood and grabbed his keys.

“Carrie, I'm out of the office for the rest of the day. Tell everyone to fuck off.” he called out as he raced out the door. Reaching his truck, he realized he had no idea where he was even going. He whipped out his cell phone, but it wasn't her that he called. This wasn't a conversation he would have over the phone. It didn't take him long to figure out where she lived. Within the hour, he found himself pulling up in front of her house.

             
She opened the pantry, making a face at her choices of what she might have for dinner. Living alone, she rarely bought enough food to put together a decent meal but at least she did eat and she took very good care of herself. She tried not to think about the note or her response to it. She had accepted so if this was some sick game he was playing, she was up for it. When you have nothing, you have nothing to lose.

             
If he could accept that she was just some nobody who had never had a dime to her name, then she had nothing to hide. It was obvious that they were both either lonely or bored and this was a risk that she wanted to take. She thought long and hard about her life and what she wanted out of it and she knew she would be stupid to miss this chance.

She wanted a family and maybe someday she could talk him into a baby or two.
Her mind was made up. She was tired of being afraid to go after what she wanted and if she didn’t take matters into her own hands, she would never have a family of her own, and right now the only family she wanted was the one she would have with this man.

              The small, handmade wreath shook as he knocked firmly on her door. His six feet four inch stature filled the entire trellis that framed the entrance and she knew it was him. Before he could knock a second time, she opened the door with a bright smile.

“Adessa are you sure?” he asked, still holding the rumpled napkin.

She felt fluttering deep in her belly at the sound of his now familiar voice. “I am.” she nodded as she motioned for him to come inside.

He smiled wide, “Let's do this!”

              She threw her arms around his neck with the enthusiasm of a kid who just won a prize at the county fair. He leaned into the hug and held her briefly against him before his expression turned serious. “I don't believe in divorce. This is forever.” he said as his emerald eyes locked onto hers. 

“Neither do I.” she answered softly, suddenly wanting to run and hide. She had already told him she was divorced but hadn't given him any details.

              He sensed her unease and quickly added “Oh, and never tickle me. Ever.”

“I'll try to keep that in mind. But you should know, I don't like bugs,” she giggled.

He nodded, “Got it. I'm the bug smasher. You can also add to the record, I hate seafood.”

“And I hate dirty sheets,” she said, pretending to shutter.

He chuckled, adding, “Socks with holes in them really piss me off.”

They laughed as they invented a list of their dislikes but she understood he was playing for keeps.

             
Hours later, he excused himself to smoke. He sat on the concrete step of the back patio but she wanted to join him. She grabbed an old patchwork quilt and draped it over their shoulders, fending off the chill in the air, as she settled in beside him.
“Thank you, doll.” he said, though he wasn't cold. Her eagerness to nurture him was not unnoticed but he said nothing for several moments. He thought they looked awkward sitting side by side so he crushed out his cigarette and pulled her onto his lap, settling her between his legs so he could wrap his arms around her.

             
“I'm really looking forward to this, Adessa.” he said easily, lending her his warmth.

“Me too, Judas. I feel like the luckiest girl alive,” she murmured.

“It's mutual,” he reassured her.

She smirked and couldn't help but tease, “Mutual? Like, you feel like a girl? Or you feel lucky?”

He chuckled at the remark.  Once this woman warmed to him, and he had no doubt that she would, he was going to have his hands full.

             
Throughout the evening, his thoughts frequently turned to Jaime and the arrangement between them. He knew this was a part of his life that Adessa would never understand or approve of. She was soft and sensitive. Everything that Jaime wasn't. He would have to be careful but giving either of them up was not an option he would consider.

“Tell me about your first husband.” He kept his voice neutral.

“There isn't much to tell.” she sighed. “We were too young to get married. I needed an out. He left me.”

“Why did you need an out?”

“My parents were killed in a plane crash when I was thirteen. After that, I just hopped around to whoever would let me stay a few weeks. Mostly family, but I was a burden.”

“How in the hell can one person be a burden? Is that possible?” His heart ached for her.