Judas (5 page)

CHAPTER five

              He stepped out onto the patio, wearing nothing but his navy blue boxers and lit a cigarette as he sat down on the back step, staring out at the blackness. If there was a chill outside, he didn't feel it. His mind was reeling from all that had happened over the past few days and though he didn't regret it, he did feel that she deserved so much better than him. If she only knew the things he was capable of doing, she would never have allowed him to touch her.

A day rarely slipped by that he didn't call the service to send him a girl. The redhead he managed to make time for this morning reminded him of his wife, and he nearly sent her away but she had lips that were meant for sucking, and that was exactly what he used her for, right there in his office.

              His appetite was strong and his tastes varied and no matter how much he tried to resist, he knew that those small daily releases were the only thing that stopped the beast that lurked within. It was always present and rarely unleashed. He knew that he would die to protect Adessa from ever having to experience that side of him. The response of her body as she writhed beneath him had been intoxicating, allowing him to forget, and for that, he was thankful. He gave her all he had, but it wasn't him. He gave her the man he wished he could be.

The one he would be if he could choose. He would be husband, and he would care for her, but he knew he would never be faithful. It just wasn't in him. Most of his life had been centered around guarding his secret. He could pull it off.

              Leanna had been the only woman who had ever accepted him completely. She allowed him to use her in any way he needed, and whether she enjoyed him or not, she endured it. For him. She gave herself completely and without complaint. She didn't judge him and had only wanted his happiness. He was happy and he gave her the world in return.

He would never love another woman the way he loved her. He couldn't imagine anyone ever giving him that level of acceptance and to him, it wasn't worth it to try. Adessa wasn't an exception. She was inexperienced and he knew that she would leave him if she ever found out the truth. Women like her believed
in fairy tales and he was determined to be hers.

             
He crushed out his third cigarette almost an hour later and quietly went back inside.  He had finally started to feel the chill as it set deep in his bones. As he entered the living room, he saw her there, curled up on the sofa. He couldn't help but go to her and pull her into his arms. She shifted to make herself comfortable against him and though her eyes were on him, she said nothing.

             
They sat there in the embrace, warming each other until she finally asked “Judas, are you alright?”

“Of course,” he said softly before adding “It's just a lot of changes so quickly.”

“Have I upset you?” she asked hesitantly.

“No, you're perfect. I promise.” he said as he pushed a stray tendril from her eyes. "What we shared was perfect."

“Thank you.”, she said softly, but she didn't sound convinced. "I've just never had someone make me feel like that and then just leave. Or just make me feel like that. Or just leave," she was babbling now and he cut her off.

             
“It's just how I process things.  Sometimes I just need to step back and look at things. It's no big deal, doll. I'm here,” he said as he shifted them both against the sofa. He knew with time, she would understand that about him. He wasn't used to having someone try to interpret his every move, but he knew that as a woman, she would do it anyway. She was seeking reassurance and he would do his best to give it to her.

“Is it too much?” she persisted.

He took a deep breath. “No, it's not. I want this. I want you.”

Her mouth curved into a faint smile as she reached up to stroke his hair. "I want this too. And, you. And whatever comes."

              “Good, because you're stuck with me.” He hated conversations like these, and he had his fair share with Leanna, but it was all part of the deal and he would take all of her. Even the insecure plain Jane she thought she was. Not that he was under any illusions. He knew that if given a reason, she could unleash the fire that he knew was buried within.

He had sensed that it was there as he made love to her, and he hoped for her sake that it stayed contained. If her
inner desires were ever recognized, she would be painting a clear target on herself. God help them both.

             
"All I ask is that you tell me if you ever get upset with me," she said quietly.

"Of course I will, doll. Since when do I hold back?" Never. All the time.

She accepted his answer with a small nod. "I just want the chance to work through problems and not have you feel the need to run off," she opened up, and though her words stung, he knew that

wasn't what she was talking about. The reference was to her bastard of an ex who abandoned her.

"I promise, doll. I will talk to you. Not IF, but WHEN. Because you know, eventually we won't see eye to eye," he told her, honestly.

"I know," she said, lowering her eyes.

"You promise me something in return. When that day comes, you won't take any shit. If my hard head isn't listening, you might need a thick skillet," he told her, not quite teasing.

She smiled, "I'll keep that in mind."

              "Let's go back to bed," he said, scooping her up into his arms.

She nodded, giving a weak smile as she wrapped her arms securely around his neck. He carried her all the way and though he was already aching to make love to her again, he just held her in his arms as she slept. His words had soothed her and he though sleep didn't come for him, he was content.

             
The next couple of weeks seemed to fly. Judas freed up every moment he could to be with her. They were settling into a routine now and since she only worked three days a week, she had plenty of time to tend to the house and develop a system for the chores. She was enjoying her new domestic duties immensely and she had even started to feel like a wife. A role she didn't connect with nor enjoy the first time around. Judas always made time to take her places and she could never wait to see him.

             
They made love every morning and every night. He never seemed to be able to get enough of her and he made her feel like the only woman on the planet. He had unlocked something in her that she had denied for way too long. It only took a glance or a touch to send heat coursing through her veins, sending color to her cheeks and that sexy little smirk of his told her that he knew it.

             
He had taken her to a small jewelry shop there in town to pick out their wedding rings and she gasped when she saw the price tag on the only one that had stood out in the entire selection. It was a weighty four karat, cushion cut, square diamond, set in 18k gold and had several smaller diamonds that created a sparkling frame around the center stone. It was gorgeous and he insisted that she try it on.

             
"I'd rather pick out something smaller. Something less flashy, she told him, trying to be modest."

"I've watched your eyes travel from ring to ring and I know you keep going back to this one," he said, calling her bluff. "I want you to have it, doll. Please."

She was trembling with excitement and even though the ring was flashier than her taste, it wasn't gaudy and it had fit her finger perfectly. The sales lady was waiting on a reply but Adessa tried to stand her ground, asking to see two others. Neither of them were her size and she finally took it as a sign.

             
They argued a bit but in the end, she knew he could afford it and she had wanted it desperately so she allowed him to buy it for her. She had never owned anything this expensive and she knew she could have lived a lifetime on what he had spent for it. When he slipped the heavy jewel onto her finger, she felt like a princess. His princess. She threw her arms around his neck and kissed him, and he chuckled when she finally released him. "That just made it worth every penny," he winked playfully at her.

             
"You know, there are matching necklaces and also some earrings, if you're interested," the sales lady chimed in.

"That won't be necessary," Adessa told her, but again, he trumped her.

"Show us what you have," he answered politely, and Adessa shot him a glare. "What? I'm only being polite," he smirked as the woman disappeared. They looked at a few lockets and the diamond studs but despite how gorgeous they were, she wasn't going to push her luck. She was thankful, that he believed she was uninterested and they left the store with only the ring.

              It was date night again but neither of them was in the mood for the frippery. She didn't mind playing dress up but her favorite times with him were the simple ones, when she would throw on old jeans and skip the makeup. Today was one of those days. She pulled her hair up into a tight ponytail and strapped a small teacup helmet to her head. They were heading off for a ride through the country, where they would stop and picnic at a randomly selected destination.

             
Judas spent the morning washing and polishing his motorcycle to a gleaming shine and she had sat and watched him, thinking that even in his old jeans and long sleeved t-shirt, he was still sexy as hell. His oversized aviator shades sat atop his head, and for the first time, she noticed the slight salt-and-pepper that had begun to creep into the shining mass of short black hair. She could easily picture him in thirty years, after the black had faded into silver. She smiled, thinking he would still be just as handsome.

             
She hopped onto the back of the waiting ride and wrapped her arms tightly around his waist. “Hang on!” he warned before tearing down the lane and heading into town. He pulled into a small gas station to fuel up for the trip and she went inside to pick up a few scratch off lottery tickets. He shook his head at her but didn't comment. She shoved them in her back pocket and they headed off on their trip.

             
Colorful leaves littered the asphalt, whirring through the air behind them as they rode along the country road. Dips and curves garnished the landscape, adding a simplistic charm to the journey. They drove past farms and fields and little churches and cemeteries and several times along the way, she could smell burning leaves in the distance. This was heaven. It was mid- afternoon when he pulled down a back road and followed it to the end, coming to a stop by a broken down bridge that hovered above a dry creek. He turned off the engine and helped her down, smiling as they stretched.

             
“No, but I wanted to show you this place.” he said, removing his helmet.

“Been here before?” she asked, already spreading the thin blanket on the grass to prepare their lunch. He chuckled, checking tires on the bike. “Never leave without a destination, doll.”

"You planned this? That's cheating," she scolded teasingly.

He smirked, sliding his glasses down over his eyes as he plopped down on the blanket beside her. "No such thing as cheating. I like to call it, being prepared."

"So what is this place?" she asked, digging through the small bag.

"Just an old haunt
. Thought you would want to see," he told her. "This used to be the old party grounds. First place I ever got trashed."

She grinned looking around, "You trashed? Never."

"No, it's true. Back before Leanna and I decided to settle down together. Nothing better than ten friends, a few cases of beer and some tunes," he continued.

She smiled at the images he created, remembering her own youth, which in comparison had been completely different. She worked so much, there was no time for play and she didn't even have any old friends that stood out in her mind. She finished unpacking their meal, which consisted of sandwiches and fruit with a thermos of sweet tea. They sat there in a clearing by the side of the dirt road, chatting easily while they ate. He helped her clean the mess, and they returned to the blanket, to relax and enjoy the scenery. She reached into her pocket and pulled out the lottery tickets she picked up in town.

              “Want to help me scratch?” she offered, holding one out to him.

He looked at her like she had lost her mind. “Why do you buy these things?” he asked, taking the ticket.

She shrugged, “I guess because it reminds me of my childhood. Dad was addicted to them,” she said as she rubbed a quarter against the paper.

“Loser,” he said as he saw the mismatched pattern on the card. “I can see where these would be addicting,” he chuckled as he went to work on the second one.

“Totally! He and I would scratch these in the parking lot of the gas station because he just knew the next one was going to hit big,” she told him. “He never did win more than a few bucks but it was our thing. He called me his lucky charm.”