Jumping Puddles (17 page)

“I want details, bitch. Every. Last. One,” Aubrey demands as she walks past me and into the apartment.

“What details? I met a bunch of people, said hello, avoided talking about the art, and came home. Now, I’m ready to crawl into bed and call it a night. You really didn’t miss much.”

I’m such a horrible liar. I know she’s going to see right through me, right through the stupid smile on my face, and know I’m holding something back.

“Whatever. That’s all standard work bullshit. Did Blake show up?”

My smile falls at the mention of his name. Way to ruin my high, Aubrey.

“He did, and then he left without saying goodbye.”

“Seriously? What a loser.”

“I have no idea why. I’m going to call him tomorrow and find out.”

“Don’t. You shouldn’t have to chase after him like that. Let it go. Move on.”

It’s as if she’s in my head sometimes. I know I need to, but it’s easier said than done.

“I was hoping I missed something exciting. The last event I went to, someone got caught making out in the bathroom. It made the entire evening more bearable.”

My face beings to flush, and I can feel the heat from my cheeks. Aubrey notices and gives me an inquisitive look, squinting her eyes, and then a knowing smile forms.

“Who did you make out with you little slut?”

“What?”

“You did!”

I don’t confirm or deny her suspicions, which pisses her off. She leaves an hour later without the answers she was practically begging me for. I wanted to tell her, but at the same time, I want to keep it to myself. For now. If something more happens, if we start something, we’ll have to tell her. If I didn’t, it’d be like I was keeping Zach my dirty little secret or something. I don’t want that. It doesn’t seem right.

I’ll tell her. As soon as I figure out what this is. If this is something.

FOCUS. ONE FOOT IN
front of the other. Look straight ahead. Don’t look at the lights. Ignore all the flashes.

Stop.

Pivot.

Push off.

Head up.

Focus straight ahead.

Down the stairs.

Strip.

Where’s Genevieve? There she is.

Arms up.

It’s stuck. My hair!

Never mind.

Zipped. Change shoes. Fresh powder.

Back in line.

I’m up.

Look straight.

Head up.

The end of the runway is coming up.

Stop.

“Charlie.”

Freeze

There are only two people that have ever called me that in my lifetime. One was my father. He died when I was six. That was almost 20 years ago.

The other was Blake. I haven’t heard from him since I left LA. Almost seven years ago. It couldn’t be but… I heard my name.

Unfreeze.

Shit!

Pivot.

Push off.

Focus, Char. Focus. This is your last run. It’s almost over.

“Char! Great job. You looked magnificent.” Zach’s praises come with a cost these days. I take them with a grain of salt. He may be more than just my manager, but when a runway show is involved, he’s the worst manager to have. “You did perfectly.”

“Except?” I know it’s coming so I’ll ask and get the conversation over with.

“You paused too long on that last run.”

“I know.”

“What happened? I was watching on the screen. Your face, it appeared… frazzled.”

“Nothing.” I don’t want to tell him. No one’s called me Charlie in years. The last person to call me that was Blake. If I bring him up, it’ll only cause a fight.

After Blake disappeared, my career started to take off. One day I was living in LA, downstairs from Aubrey. Two months later, we were living in New York together, along with Zach. Things changed so quickly I didn’t have time to call Blake to ask what happened. I went from nobody to somebody overnight.

According to Zach, that never happens. Normally, it takes years to get noticed. Someone important noticed me that night at the gala. I was set up to have a photo shoot the following week. Those photos opened doors for me I never thought would open. They also opened doors for Zach and Aubrey.

I didn’t know it at the time, but Zach was a newbie to the industry as well. He was just getting started when he signed Aubrey as a client. Me? I was only his second client. My success was his success. His success meant success for Aubrey. It all rolled downhill, in a good way.

We’ve been a team now for nearly seven years. The only thing that’s changed is the living arrangements. Aubrey moved out after Zach and I officially started dating, even though it still feels like she’s living there most days. She’s at the apartment every day, all hours of the day, but she no longer lives with us.

“I need you to change for the after party. Ben is having all the models back to his place. I’ll be back in ten minutes. Be ready to leave.”

He’s gone before I can tell him I don’t want to go to the designer’s party. It wouldn’t matter anyway. It’s not an option—it’s an expectation. If I want to stay working in this industry, I have to play by the rules. The parties, the ones Blake warned me about, are part of the deal. The rest of what Blake warned me about—drugs and alcohol—that’s a choice. I choose not to engage.

“Oh! My! God! That was so freaking amazing!” Aubrey bounces over, half falling out of her top. She doesn’t seem to notice as she pulls at the two piece outfit, tossing it at the waiting assistant. “What’s the matter with you? You seem so glum. You’ve been like this since your birthday.”

My birthday. That was a hard one to suck up this year. I wasn’t able to go home to visit Alice and Scott. It’s the first time I’ve celebrated without them. I tried everything I could to rearrange my schedule to no avail. I even tried to get them to come here to see me, but with two new foster kids at home, it just wasn’t possible. It shouldn’t be a big deal, but to me, it was.

“I’m fine. It was just a weird show for me.”

“Weird how?”

“I swear I heard someone whisper my name during the last run.”

“I’m sure you did. There are a ton of people noticing you up there. They were probably talking about you.”

Not likely.

“Yeah, maybe that was it.” I need to shake this. I need to change the subject. “Are you riding with us to the party?”

“Yeah. You need to get changed before Zach comes back. I’ll meet you at the car.”

Brushing past me, I notice Aubrey has already changed, fixed her hair, and is ready to get out of here. I’ve been so lost in my own little world, I hadn’t even realized how much time I had wasted.

Stripping off the final outfit and handing it to the assistant who was patiently waiting on me, I re-dress in my own clothes and gather my things in record time. Zach is approaching, a large grin on his face, just as I’m pulling my purse up on my shoulder.

“I have good news for you.”

“How good?” Judging by the excitement in his voice, it’s awesome.

“I just finished speaking with an editor from one of the biggest fashion mags here in New York, and they want you to come in for a shoot next week. I guess one of their photographers got some great shots of you, sent them over, and insisted they book you as soon as possible. That’s big money, Char. This is going to be a good thing.”

My smile fades at the mention of a photographer. It has to be Blake. I wasn’t hearing things. He was here tonight. That’s the only explanation. This is not a good thing. My life is about to blow up in my face. I can’t tell him no; he’ll ask why I don’t want to do it. I don’t know for sure it’s Blake, but my gut tells me it is.

“Sounds great.”

“A little enthusiasm would be appreciated. You’re so ungrateful sometimes.” What? Are you fucking kidding me? “I’ll meet you in the car.”

Without waiting for a reply, Zach storms off in the same direction Aubrey went. Forcing myself to place one foot in front of the other, I follow behind him at a distance. His mood swings have gotten worse over the last few months. I wanted to chalk it up to stress. This was our first time at Fashion Week, and I know he worked really hard to make it happen. The stress of the week can tear you apart if you let it. He’s letting it get to him. We had a great show. Everyone—especially the designers—seemed pleased with both me and Aubrey. Zach has nothing to worry about. I’m sure we’ll be invited back again. Maybe we’ll even be invited to Paris or Milan. That would be amazing.

“Charlie!”

Stopping abruptly, the person behind me bumps into me and mutters something under her breath as she walks around.

“Charlie!”

There is it again. My name. Someone is calling my name. I knew I wasn’t hearing things.

Afraid to turn around and be face to face with my past, I stand perfectly still and wait. When goosebumps appear on my arms, I know he’s close. When the hairs on the back of my neck come to attention, I know he’s right behind me. If I wanted to ignore him or escape, my opportunity has passed.

“Are you going to turn around and say hello, or are you going to continue to stare straight ahead and pretend you don’t know I’m here?”

“I don’t know.”

His arm brushes mine as he walks around me and plants himself in my line of sight. He’s a vision. I hadn’t realized how much I missed him until this moment, and my eyes are starting to fill with tears. My best friend. The love of my life. The one who walked out on me and never called.

Blinking away the tears before they have a chance to fall, I tilt my chin up and make eye contact with Blake. “Hey.”

“After all this time, that’s all you have to say to me? Hey?”

“How are you?”

“Okay. That’s a little better. I’m good. How are you?”

“I’m okay.”

“How’s modeling?”

“I don’t want to fight with you, Blake.”

“I don’t want to fight with you, either. I really want to know. Is it going well? I mean, you’re here,” he says, waving his arms and looking around the enormous room. “It has to be going fairly well if you made it here.”

“It is. Things are pretty good actually.” I don’t want to lie to him and say they’re great because, at the moment, I feel anything but great. I’m pissed off at Zach, hungry, and now, nervous.

“I’m happy for you.”

“Thanks. What are you doing here?”

“Work.” He holds up the camera dangling from his neck and waves it around. “You know me, always stuck behind the lens.”

“I thought you were going to try and—”

“Char! We need to go.”

I look around Blake to find an irritated Zach holding the exit door open.

“There’s a party I need to get to.”

“I get it. Don’t want to keep your fiancé waiting.”

I cringe slightly before recovering with a fake smile. “It was good to see you, Blake. Tell your parents I said hello.”

“I will. I’ll see you soon, Charlie.” The way he says it confirms what I already suspected. That photo shoot next week for the magazine Zach is excited about is with Blake.

As I walk away, I feel Blake’s eyes on me, watching my every move. My suspicions are confirmed when I look up to find Zach shooting evil looks over my shoulder. He finally makes eye contact with me, his anger apparent.

I manage to avoid fighting with Zach in the car and at the party. I cling to Aubrey for dear life most of the night, knowing if Zach can get me alone, he’s going to unleash on me. He’s never hit me, but when he gets angry like this, when the look in his eye causes fear to build in my chest, I wonder if it might happen. He scares me, this side of him. I don’t see it often, and for that I’m grateful. The last time was when I brought up leaving modeling because I was unhappy. He got pissed, punched the wall, broke a knuckle or two, and a week later, after he thought all was forgotten, he proposed.

Afraid of what might happen if I said no, I agreed to marry him. I regret my decision most days. He keeps asking me to set a date, and I won’t. I’m not ready, at least that’s what I keep telling him. The truth of the matter is, I’ll probably never marry him. My heart belongs to someone else, and it always will.

Arriving home, I’m ready for the fight. I’ve been mentally preparing for the last hour with what I’m going to say to him to attempt to calm him down and soothe the situation. What I didn’t count on was how much he had to drink tonight.

Zach stumbles to the couch and plops down. Turning on the television, he flips through the channels until he comes across something that suits him. I think I’m in the clear, so relieving myself of my shoes, I make my way to our bedroom and change. I hear Zach approach me from behind, but my reaction isn’t quick enough.

He pushes me into the wall, pinning me with his body. I don’t fight him. I won’t win. He grinds against my ass and runs his hands up my naked body, clumsily massaging my breasts. He won’t be able to stand much longer. The last time he drank this much, I crawled on top of him, and he passed out moments later. I don’t like him when he’s like this.

Zach falls asleep quickly, just like last time. Tomorrow will come too soon for me, and there will be a fight. No amount of wishing or praying will change that. I can only hope he’s hungover in the morning and won’t start in on me right away. Aubrey will be here around noon so we can go to the spa. If I can avoid him until she gets here, maybe he’ll forget about it all together.