Just Between Us (35 page)

             
“I’m leaving first thing tomorrow,” he said, “I’ve got a lot on leading up to new year.”

             
“Oh,” I said, looking to the floor. “It has been great to see you,” I whispered. I suddenly felt nostalgic, perhaps due to the copious amounts of alcohol consumed and the fact that Kyle in his bedroom and me in mine brought back so many memories, both happy and sad. He saw my face fall and moved from the bed, I swallowed hard as I watched him approach me.

             
He stood before me and placed his hands gingerly on my bare arms, waiting for me to resist. I didn’t resist, I just looked up into his beautiful eyes and he stared into mine. He ran his hands up and down my arms tenderly and I moved into him, closer until our bodies touched lightly. I couldn’t meet his eyes in this position, we were so close and so I leaned my forehead on his chest. He moved his arms to hug me, and I moulded myself into his hard, muscled body, allowing him to cradle my weak body next to his. I breathed him in, allowed myself to take comfort from everything about him that was so familiar. We stood there, immobile for some time, and eventually I tore myself backwards away from his warmth. He watched me closely. I tipped my head back, and put my hand gently behind his head. We were so close and the air between us was so electrically charged that I felt unable to move form the spot where I was rooted.

             
He moved slowly, so slowly that I was afraid he would stop, and he was allowing me to say no. I tipped my head back and kept my eyes open as his lips softly grazed mine. It was delicate, quick and soft and nowhere near enough. I launched myself at him and he caught me. I kissed him like I hadn’t been kissed in years, I fused my lips to him, tasting him, feeling him and allowing his tongue to roam my mouth. He held me tightly against him and our breathing became laboured, torrid and we were quickly out of control.

             
“You’re going to regret this tomorrow, Soph,” he said between kisses. “You know you will.”

             
“No,” I said simply, pulling him closer to me, if that was even possible.

             
“You will, you can’t keep coming back to me when you know I’m not what you want,” he said firmly. “I’m not your happy ending, babe.” He said that with such assurance and just a hint of sadness that it made me think. He was right, wasn’t he? I didn’t want Kyle. I had made my mind up years ago that we didn’t have a future, that I should find someone else, and here I was yet again unable to resist him when he stood in front of me in the flesh for the first time in five years.

             
He sensed my unease and dropped me back to my feet.

             
“It’s only because we can’t be together that we want each other so much.” I sighed.

             
Kyle nodded sombrely. “I used to think that,” he said, his hand under my chin and his thumb rubbing my cheek gently, “but I stopped thinking that a long time ago.”

             
“What do you mean?” I watched him, dumbstruck, as he started to back away.

             
“I just mean that I can’t imagine any situation where I wouldn’t want you, whether I could have you or not.”

             
I stood, unable to move at his admission, and wondered what the hell I was doing. It was starting all over again, my body was craving Kyle and every word he uttered just drew me in like the pied piper. I had to distance myself, this was self-preservation and sheer madness once again where Kyle was concerned. He walked back to his bed, and I stepped back into our bathroom. It would have been so easy to follow him to that bed, let him hold me or make me feel good, but the stronger person inside me had to honour the decisions I had made and had to walk away. I had chosen Simon, not just him, but what he represented. He was dependable, safe, uncomplicated, three things that Kyle was not.

             
It was another four and a half years until I saw Kyle again … the day I had been due to marry dependable Simon.

Twenty-Seven
– Just hospitalised

Now

Despite the way I felt about Kyle I managed to slot back into my old life very well. It was surprising really, refreshing even, how I existed on auto-pilot, but I think it was because he had never been a part of who I was now, and so I couldn’t miss him in my every day routine. I was Miss King, Year 5 teacher. I was known in our local community, and I had friends who were glad that I was finally out of hiding, none of whom even knew Kyle. I had kept myself holed up at my parent’s house for so long that people didn’t try and contact me, as they felt awkward. I had hidden myself away from them all and their seemingly perfect lives because I was embarrassed about what Simon had done. However, when I did venture outside, they seemed to be waiting with open arms. 

             
I was able to bury the happy memories of my summer with Kyle and push the happy thoughts of our time together deep, deep down into my subconscious. I also managed to mask the hurt and the pain of leaving him by not associating anything I did with him. My home would always remind me of us, but I could embrace that when I was alone and have a cry if I needed to.

             
Most days I could just be Sophie King, teacher, friend to Ashley who had a lovely newborn baby, and daughter to the ever-social Maggie Hanson. My friend from work, Tasha, who was ten years older than me and single, tried to get me to venture out and socialise. She mistook my existence as mourning for Simon, not knowing that it was Kyle that I really missed. I couldn’t say that I hadn’t been upset about Simon at first, hurt and heartbroken, but that was just consumed by feelings I had for Kyle. I never dealt with how I felt about Kyle, so now I was dealing with both, in a way.

             
I managed to fool them all, Mum thought I was back to normal and was glad to see me back at work and taking some pride in my appearance. Ashley and I skirted the Kyle topic and were able to focus on Stanley and the daily changes in his little face and abilities. I loved going round to her house and holding that little bundle of joy, helping me forget how messed up my life was. After the conversation with Kyle I had to finally admit defeat. It was not written in the stars for us. We were Romeo and Juliet, and if we weren’t careful we’d kill each other trying to be together. I had pushed him away again because I was ashamed, and yet I always wanted to go back for more, which wasn’t fair for either of us.

             
Simon hadn’t contacted me since our chat at the old house. We had communicated through the solicitor who acted on both our behalves very amicably. I didn’t want any of the furniture and so was allocated a little more of the profit from the sale than Simon. The money was placed in an account waiting for me to purchase a property of my own.

             
Mick had offered to double the money, so I could afford a decently sized house in Lytham, as on my single income the area was a little bit pricey for me. The problem was that at the point in time I had no impetus to actually move and couldn’t face looking for my spinster pad.

             
It was getting very cold out and nearing the beginning of December when things changed in a heartbeat for our family.

I was in my classroom, and it was a Thursday, the children were getting tired and restless, it was almost 3.30 pm, the time when they would be going home. Just as we were discussing homework there was a tap at my classroom door. It was the headmistress Dana Lancaster.

             
“Hello Miss King, could I please have a word.”

             
As I slid out of the room, the school secretary, Karen, slipped in and gave me a worried smile. I looked at Karen and then Dana and followed her into the quiet hallway.

             
“Sophie.” She put her arm around me. “You need to get your things, your mother called, and it’s your step-father.”

             
“What?” I asked panicked, “What is it?”

             
“I’m afraid he’s suffered a heart attack. I don’t know the specifics, but she sounded very upset and wanted to be sure that someone would tell you and be with you coming to the hospital.”

             
“Oh God, is he alive?”

             
Dana looked at me with sympathy, “I really have no more information. I’m so sorry, I’ll drive you to the hospital.”

             
“No,” I shook my head, “I’ll be fine; you don’t need to do that,” I squeaked as a sob escaped from my mouth without warning. Just then the bell chimed and children started to filter out of the various classrooms. Dana put her arm around me and marched me to her office, which was a few feet away off the main corridor.

             
“Karen will get your bag from your desk, then we’ll go,” Dana soothed.

             
“Oh good God,” I gasped, “My poor mum and Mick, oh God.”

             
Within minutes Karen had retrieved my things, and I was marching with Dana to the staff car park to drive to meet my mum and Mick at the hospital.

             
Dana insisted on walking inside the hospital with me despite my constant refusal. I just wanted to be alone, not observed by my bloody boss. We barged into A&E where the waiting room was massive and there were scattered pockets of people sitting in isolation. I saw my mum straight away, doubled over with her head in her hands, wearing a pale grey suit that made her look so business like, in complete contrast to her tattered stance.

             
“Mum,” I said, running to her and crouching in front of her. She looked up at me and her face was puffy from the tears. She leaned into me and held me tightly.

             
“Oh Sophie, thank God.” She pulled me closer to her, and I clung to her.

             
“What happened? Is he Okay? What’s going on?”

             
“He’s alive,” she said quickly. “He stopped breathing, they had to resuscitate, he hasn’t regained consciousness yet, and they won’t let me in to see him. He’s critical,” she said through silent sobs.

             
“Where was he? What happened?” I asked frantically.

             
“At the sales room,” she said. “One minute he was chatting away and the next minute he was blue on the floor, thankfully one of the staff members had had some first aid training and got to work keeping his heart pumping until the ambulance got there.”

             
“Oh my God.” I gasped.

             
“I was at work, and Deirdre, his secretary, called me in tears. I got here before the bloody ambulance,” she said. “I’ve just abandoned my car out there somewhere, they can tow the thing away.”

             
“Okay.” I gave Mum’s arms a rub and stood up slowly. “He’s going to be fine; I know it. He’s a fighter.” I knew I had to be strong. I needed to be there for Mum as she fell apart, and I needed to take charge. “Have you called Kyle?” I asked. It pained me to say his name.

             
“No, oh my God, no.” She shook her head frantically and the tears began again.

             
“Right, calm down, give me your car keys.” She handed them over and wiped her tears away, looking at me expectantly. I turned to Dana who stood close behind me and smiled.

             
“I need to move my mum’s car,” I said calmly, “please could you just sit with her, I’ll get her a coffee, I’ll only be ten minutes.”

             
“Of course.” She nodded. I managed to take over, I managed to take a deep breath and spring into action as Mum fell apart on her chair. I got her a sugary coffee from the machine and gave her a quick kiss.

             
“I won’t be long,” I said, “I’ll get the car in the car park and call Kyle.” I swallowed hard at the last part and wondered what the hell I was going to say that would make it easy and not make him drive home dangerously at 150 miles per hour on the motorway. Despite his difficult childhood with Mick, these last ten years my mum had helped them form a stronger relationship, and I knew this would devastate him.

             
I stepped outside and easily saw Mum’s car nestled between the ambulance bay and temporary parking. It wasn’t actually a space but luckily she didn’t have a ticket. The air was crisp and cold. I pulled my coat around myself and dialled Kyle’s number for the first time in two months.

             
He answered after only a couple of rings. “Hello,” he said tentatively.

             
“Hi Kyle. Erm …”

             
“Everything okay?” he said casually.

             
“Well no.” My voice cracked a little. “No actually that’s why I’m ringing, please try not to panic.”

             
“What? What is it?” he asked hurriedly.

             
“It’s Mick,” I said, “he’s had a heart attack, he’s been rushed to the hospital. They’re still working on him.”

             
“What?” I could hear the shock, the devastation, the realisation of what I had said. “How bad?” he asked simply, “could he die?”             

             
“I don’t know. We can’t see him, but he had to be resuscitated. He’s critical.”

             
“Oh God.” He was quiet, and I had no words to describe the enormity of the situation. “I’m on my way,” he said quickly and ended the call.

Four hours later the nursing staff sent us home, we were able to briefly see Mick who was hooked up to machines and now considered stable. Dana had long since left. It was approaching nine o’clock, and the hospital seemed completely deserted besides the odd drunk being admitted to A&E.

             
We walked towards Mum’s car arm in arm and the tears had dried up for now, “We need some food,” I said quietly. “You need to keep your strength up.”

             
“I can’t face it,” Mum sighed, “but I can’t face home either.”

             
“Okay,” I said quietly, “how about we go to McDonalds and have some fries and a milkshake.”

             
“All right,” she nodded, squeezing my arm with hers, “thank God for my daughter,” she said aloud. “I’d be lost without you.” I hugged her as we neared the car park.

             
“I love you, Mum.”

             
“I love you, too.”

McDonalds was pretty much deserted, except for a few tables. It was quiet and dark and we had to wait quite a while just for our fries. We sat across from each other and mum took my hand.

             
“I can’t bear to think of losing him,” she said quietly, “I mean I know we don’t live forever, but I thought we had longer than this.”

             
“You do,” I soothed.

             
“I mean I loved your dad, Soph, I really did. He was my first love, my first chance at happiness, but Mick, he was something else. He has brought me something that I didn’t think existed.”

             
“What’s that?” I said, captivated by her honesty and wondering why I had never heard this before.

             
“He gave me a second chance.” She smiled. “After your dad I wasn’t sure that I’d ever find someone else to settle down with, and I found so much more than that in Mick. I found my best friend, someone who indulged my whims rather than batting me down, someone who let me be successful without any apology, someone who embraced me for who I am rather than worrying that another man might find me attractive. He’s been nothing but proud of me, and he’s never once made me try and be who I’m not. People think I struck gold with Mick for the money, and when they look at him they see a loud-mouthed, pot-bellied know-it-all. But …” she laughed lightly and shook her head, “Mick is the most accepting, generous, and loving man I ever met, and I did strike gold because he’s everything to me.”             

             
I looked at her smile and realised who she had just described … Kyle. I thought about the words and how I had judged Mick when she first met him. He didn’t give off a good first impression, he was flashy and loud and people listened to him when he spoke because he commanded it. He seemed arrogant and untrustworthy although for an older man he was devilishly handsome. I had always judged Kyle the exact same way. But unlike Mum, I didn’t use evidence to form my opinion once I got to know him, I just ran from everything I thought I knew.             

             
“Mum.” I leaned forward on the table and took her hands. “I need to tell you something.” She looked up at me with tears in her eyes.

             
“Yes?” she said.

             
“I um, life is so short and when you find someone who makes you complete then you should take it.”

             
“Yes.” She nodded. “You should.” She squeezed my hand.