Just Tell Me (The Justice Series) (19 page)

Chapter 16

May

Nicole
returned from her run, she was warm and sweaty and felt fantastic, her legs were sore and she stopped for a moment outside her house, stretching her muscles.  Her mum came to the lounge window holding George and she smiled at her daughter through the glass, Nicole was famished and she opened the door.

“
Hi mum, do you want some lunch?  Come through to the kitchen I will make us something” she kissed George on her head as her mum came to the doorway.  Nicole sliced some thick bread.  She found some beef in the fridge, it was pink and tender and she sliced it thinly and covered the bread in butter and horseradish, a packet of crisps were opened and she grabbed two plates from the cupboard.  She sliced the sandwich and shared the crisps between the plates.  

“
Good run?” her mum asked “You’re getting your figure back quickly to say you only had a baby three months ago, don’t over do it”

Nicole rolled her eyes “M
um I feel great” she reassured her “And I’m eating like a horse” she said as she wolfed down the beef sandwich.  Her mum told her she had taken George round the park and to the Tesco Express, Nicole smiled, so grateful her mum was there to help her “Thanks mum” she said “I really appreciate it”.  She knew how lucky she was having her mum help.  

She spent the rest of the day
in the lounge with George.  He was getting so alert now and he watched her as she sat with him, she played games with his toys, his eyes lit up a smile as she played peek-a-boo and Nicole was overcome with love for her tiny son.  He looked so much like his father, he was a little Daniel, she smiled and wondered what his father was doing, remembering the person in her dreams would soon become real again and she felt nervous. 

Today was a strange day, she could feel the paradigm shift.
Her life was moving in an alternative direction. She knew she would make the call tonight and wondered what he would be doing when she rang him. If she caught him out in a bar with some slut she would be furious, she irrationally thought to herself.  It wasn’t like he didn’t have the right to be wherever he wanted to be, but she couldn’t bear thinking of him with anyone else. She was still angry at him and in her head he was like a petulant teenage boy.  

The night fell an
d George fell asleep in his cot. Nicole ate with her parents, her dad made a rocket and gorgonzola salad with caramelised pears. She stayed behind in the kitchen to clear down as her parents went through to the lounge watch television, waiting until the right time. George’s baby monitor blinked at her on the table and she poured herself a glass of wine and picked up her phone. She had a missed call from a mobile and she knew it was him again, her stomach flipped with nerves as she pressed redial, she felt her heart beating quickly as it started to ring.  Daniel answered it and Nicole suddenly felt sick, her hands were shaking.

“Hello?” 

“Daniel.”

“
Nicole! Oh God I can’t believe it, how are you?”  

“It’s been a year
now why are you trying to contact me?  I thought you would have moved on?” she spoke coldly, with no emotion in her voice it was the only way she could deal with him “What does Britain’s next top arsehole or whatever it is you’re calling yourself now want with me?”.

Nicole felt the anger well up inside her
at the humiliation, she would not cry she told herself but she felt the tears start and her voice was shaky, it was amazing to hear his voice again. Her whole body trembled as he spoke and she listened to his words, it was her Daniel, the one that she remembered.

“I don’t think I can move on
. I’m so sorry Nicole about going on that stupid program,” he swallowed “I just felt so confused and that note left so much unsaid, you didn’t want me after…” he couldn’t get the words out and she interrupted him

“
What after you gave me that cheque?” 

“
God no” he was taken aback at her reference to the cheque “After you know, after the time we spent together, I thought we shared something special and after Andrew, that was awful finding you in your flat”  

Nicole was unable to speak now, the tears fell freely and she took a large drink of her wine “
Don’t, please I don’t want to remember that time in my life, look I couldn’t cope with any of it when I found out who you were, it was a bad time for me and I was in a strange place emotionally” She tried to explain as much as she could but it all sounded so lame “I’m sorry, I’m glad you have found me again” she couldn’t lie to him.

He spoke again desperation in his voice
“So that letter you wrote. You didn’t mean it then?”

She interrupted him “O
h I don’t know anymore, it was a difficult time” she couldn’t hold back “It was all too soon after Andrew and what had happened. Too much to take in. I’m so sorry I left you like that Daniel, I had to get away, sort my head out. But when I found out you had paid him off” she stopped for a moment her voice was shaky as she fought back the tears “Thank you, it changed my life” 

“
You changed my life, just the short time we spent together and no matter what you said I needed to make sure you were safe away from him” he felt hope “Oh Nicole what a mess, is it too late? Can I come to Manchester? I need to see you”. 

Nicole composed herself “N
o please you can’t come here you need to promise me you wont” she said quickly “You don’t really know me, I’m not the person you think I am, it was so out of character meeting you and you know….” she smiled at this despite herself “Look I’m just a boring solicitor Daniel, I can’t match your expectations” she wiped the tears away and spoke again “I’m trying to move on I’m getting on with my life”

Daniel spoke again “I can’t move on.
You’re not boring, I’ve never felt this way about anyone before Nicole” he said quietly “Have you met someone else?”  He didn’t want to hear the answer.

She
didn’t say anything his words finally had caught her, she felt a lump in her throat as the tears fell and Daniel carried on “Nicole talk to me” he held the phone close to his ear, he couldn’t believe he was speaking to her again after all this time, he felt so desperate “Please”.  

“There is someone else Daniel” she s
poke and the words stung him, “And what do you expect me to do now, drop everything? Please don’t come to Manchester unannounced and ruin it for me, if you have any respect you will stay away”, the baby monitor suddenly started to crackle and Nicole knew George was waking up
oh shit
“I have to go”. 

“No please Nicole don’t go we can’t leave it like this, do you remember?”
Daniel stood up and walked into the kitchen, pouring himself a glass of wine. “Do you remember how it really was between us or was it all in my head?”

Nicole
had to get him off the phone “It was real” she whispered into the phone as her heart raced at his words and she couldn’t hold back “The best and worst moments of my life Daniel. Look I really have to go” she said as her baby started to stir, she opened the door to the garden and stood in the night air “We can talk about this later, OK” She whispered, she didn’t want to put the phone down on him like this but she had no choice “I promise we will talk again but right now I really have to go”.  She pressed the red button on her phone and cut him off. 

As she soothed her crying baby she
felt like her heart was going to explode. Her mind was in pieces just one short conversation had flipped everything on it’s head,  she missed Daniel even more now she had spoken to him after all this time. Did I remember? He sounded different, desperate even and for the first time she wondered if he had suffered as much as her when she had walked away, they shared the same thoughts. They had a connection, like they were soul mates. Did he have the same dreams as her in the night? Did he wake up at 3am thinking of her?

She had a year of life changing pain and happiness
, but deep down she wanted him to come to Manchester right now, she wanted him to be with her, to share their son and she wished it had worked out differently.

George
settled and she made her way up to bed, she lay down and looked at her phone, her phone blinked with a new message and her heart leapt.

NICOLE  PLEASE BELIEVE ME, I WISH THINGS COULD BE DIFFERENT. I WANT TO BE PART OF YOUR LIFE, CAN WE AT LEAST BE FRIENDS?

She smiled as she read the text, she thought about the Daniel MacIntyre she had seen on the television and it was like she was talking with someone else.  She text back she couldn’t speak to him again tonight

“
yes of course, goodnight x”

Her phone beeped one last time, she didn’t want to get into a text frenzy, she had to keep control of the situation, she still didn’t trust him
he could be playing a game with her.

“
Goodnight Nicole.  Daniel xxxx”  

She
lay back in bed and smiled, it took all her strength to not reply and she stared at his last text message.  Just seeing their names together was enough and she saved his name on her phone, a surge of happiness filled her soul. Her heart was racing but she must stay strong, she resolved and felt her strength return.
I can’t trust him, not after what I’ve seen of him in the magazines, he’s dangerous. 
She couldn’t stop her emotions as the tears fell again and she hugged her pillow, this time it was a mixture of happiness and confusion.  She needed to sleep, knowing her son would wake in a few hours and she had no idea how long it would be before he went back down again.  She finally drifted into a restless sleep, her mind awake with thoughts of Daniel.

Chapter 17

Daniel woke up early, he had left his curtains and felt irritable as the early morning light filtered through.  The sunlight hit his white sheets and he shaded his eyes with his hand.  He sat up and checked his phone, 6.30am on a Saturday morning he should be asleep but he felt full of life. He flicked through his messages and reread the one she had sent him. She had signed it with a kiss. 

Daniel didn’t know if this was standard text etiquette but
he didn’t care, he felt so elated. He was just happy to be in contact with her at last even if they were just going to be friends, he wanted to text her again this morning but stopped himself.
She could be in bed with her boyfriend right now
, he thought darkly as his mood flipped. He couldn’t think about her with anyone else, he texted Alex instead letting her know he had finally spoken to Nicole. He expected a call later from his friend as soon as she got the message, he smiled at the image of her wanting all the details.

Daniel
put his Blackberry down before he changed his mind and sent Nicole another message. He ran downstairs and made an espresso, he would have breakfast and go riding, the early morning light was so clear and he wanted to make the most of his weekend.  The weather was still fine as he ran to the stables after breakfast and rode Monty fast up the hill. 

The view spread out in front of him, the air was clear and he felt the rush of the adrenaline as
he let his horse go once more. The sounds of early Depeche Mode played in his ears and he pulled his horse up by the woods. Daniel was smiling, he felt so happy and he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket.  He pulled Monty to a walk and opened the message
.

GOOD MORNING!

Nicole had messaged him, he checked the time, it was 8.45, she wasn’t lazing around with anyone on a Saturday morning then.  He felt relieved and messaged back.

JUST OUT RIDING WILL TEXT WHEN I GET HOME

He put his phone back in his pocket and urged Monty back into a
canter, he had to get back.  He rushed home and sent her another message.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING TODAY?

He pressed send and another message came back almost instantly.

JUST STUFF.  WHY ARENT YOU ON FACEBOOK?  GET AN ACCOUNT
!

He wasn’t on
Facebook, Daniel didn’t like the idea of social media, he was in the public eye enough without having a constant stream of communication from strangers.  His laptop was open on the kitchen table and he quickly created an account, worked out how to find Nicole, added her as a friend and then sent her a message. She accepted his friend request a short time after, Daniel was unaware she had blocked all her profile content from him.

“
Hi it’s Daniel, I’ve worked out this Facebook, now what do I do?”

He fired it into the blank space, why couldn’t he just ring her? 
He wasn’t sure how he felt about speaking to her over this like a lovesick teenager contacting someone in America, but he sat up when he got a message back.

“
Hello Daniel, welcome to Facebook, at last!”

The message popped up on the screen and he felt unsure what to type next but before he could continue words kept appearing.

“I’ve been for a run and am thinking what to have for lunch, do you still watch the cooking programs?” 

Daniel smiled and replied

“Yes when I have time, I love the one about Italian cooking, have you been to Italy recently?”

They
chatted on the computer about food and cooking and travel, they both wanted to go to the Sahara. The clock chimed in his kitchen it was nearly lunchtime, two hours of his day chatting to Nicole.  

He told her he was going to get lunch and he ate his sandwich quickly as he stood outside his garden ru
bbing his eyes in the sunshine. He hated this Facebook chat but wanted to go back on the computer and talk to her again. It was frustrating, he wanted to be with her in person, not talking through a machine and he felt a wave of jealously at her boyfriend as he finished his sandwich.  He didn’t want to think about her relationship with someone else, he returned to his laptop and was disappointed she had signed out, he messaged her on his phone

HEY YOU HAVE GONE? Dx

THINGS TO DO, WILL SPEAK LATER

He felt frustrated he really needed to see her; it was like having her in his head now like she wasn’t even a real person.  Just a voice he couldn’t touch or see.

CAN I RING YOU LATER?

She didn’t answer.  He put his phone back on the table and sighed, his earlier mood was disappearing and he needed to get out of the house. The walls were closing in on him now and he felt frustrated as he grabbed his car keys and went for a drive.  He put his iPod in the docking station and pressed shuffle, waiting for his devices take of life and it burst into Razerlight.  He could deal with that he thought as he pulled out of the driveway. 

Daniel drove for miles, he drove across towards the west coast and as the countryside became flatter he saw signs to the M74, he thought how easy it would be to drive to
Manchester from here.  It would take three hours he calculated but then he remembered Nicole’s words, he had to respect her wishes, and he needed to learn some self control.  He couldn’t just turn up unannounced and carry on where they had left off; he pulled over and checked his messages.  There were no more from Nicole. 

He thought of her having dinner with her boyfriend, going to bed with him later, of someone else touching her and his stomach knotted.
This was worse than when he thought she didn’t want him.  Daniel’s jealousy started to eat away at him, he wanted to kill her boyfriend and he headed back to Edinburgh.  He started to felt hungry as he got back into the city, he knew he didn’t have any food in the house and pulled his Audi up to a pizza take away. 

As he stood under the neon lights of the grubby shop, and waited for his order, he caught a glimpse at hi
mself in the glass reflection. He hadn’t shaved and his stubble was starting to feel bristly as he rubbed his chin. He was looking tired in the unforgiving harsh light he stared down at his phone again, he thought he looked older and felt a pang of despair. He wanted to contact Nicole but he would wait, he needed to control his intensity, he didn’t want to scare her away. He didn’t know what to write or what she was doing, he didn’t want to push the fragility of their fresh start, or come on too strong. 
God I need a drink
he thought as he stood up to get his pizza, his tongue felt dry and the greasy smell in the takeaway had stripped him of his appetite. 

Once back at his house he sat down in his sofa and turned the television on,
flicking through the channels.  He poured himself a large gin and tonic and picked at his pizza, it was greasy and plastic, he picked at it miserably. 
This is the worst thing I have ever eaten.
The orange pool of oil stained the white plate.  Daniel’s phone buzzed and he grabbed it.

MMM IM HAVING A CHICKEN AND LEEK FRICASSE, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? OUT WITH SOME SUPERMODEL?

He winced at her suggestion, no he really wasn’t.

NOPE, READY MEAL FOR ONE

LOG ONTO FACEBOOK?

His heart leapt as he logged back onto his computer. As the hours rolled by Daniel typed away, he told her little snippets of his life, but kept it light and happy, and he had a strange thought. It was Saturday night and he was sat on his own talking to his computer, and having the best night he had had in a long time. He smiled to himself as he poured another glass of wine, and read Nicole’s latest message, she made him laugh and he wanted to talk to her all night.

It beats talking to my kitchen appliances
he glanced at the fridge and smiled at it in his happy drunken state.