Kade Loves Alex (4 page)

Alex

I
wake up and my head is pounding.  I see a glass of water and some Tylenol
on my dresser and quickly gulp it down.  Feeling dizzy, I take a cold
shower and wash my hair, memories of the night before playing behind my eyes
hazily. 
What happened last night? What did I do? I have to call Kade.

The
last thing I remember is seeing Kade and Evelyn making out… I had gotten upset
and proceeded to get shit faced drunk afterwards.  I sigh, dejectedly, as
I sit in front of my mirror running a comb through my wet hair.  Kade has
always been a bit of a player.  Maybe it’s time that I realize that Kade
and I could never be anything more than just friends.  Trying to mess with
our dynamic was a huge mistake.  I need to talk to him and explain that
nothing means more to me than our friendship.  I will never sacrifice that
for anything or anyone… even my own selfish feelings. He is happy playing the
field.  He always tells me that. He is not looking for anything
serious.  What the hell was I thinking??

Picking
up my phone to call Kade I see that there is already a text message from him.

Kade:
Morning Alex. Let me know as soon as u r up.  We need to talk.

I
grimace.

Me:
I’m up…

I
pull a pink top and shorts out of my closet and head downstairs. As soon as I
hit the bottom steps, I hear the doorbell ringing.
Kade?

I
open the door and standing in front of me is Nathan. 

“What
are you doing here?” I ask him coldly. 

“I
came to apologize, Alex… I am really sorry. I was a complete douchebag the past
few weeks.  I am so
so
sorry.”  He looks
genuinely upset and my heart melts just a little.  I look up at him trying
to figure out what to do.  He moves some of my wet hair out of my eyes and
continues solemnly, “You mean so much to me, Alex.  More than I want to
admit to myself.  Whenever I see you my heart speeds up.  My body
moves towards you without any permission from my brain.”  His blue eyes
plead with me and he repeats, “I am sorry.”   

“It’s
okay Nathan…” I begin.

“No. 
It’s not okay.  I began dating you knowing that you and Kade are best
friends, knowing how much you two care about each other.  I am sorry that
I tried to come in between that... I am asking for another chance.  I can
show you that I care for you, Alex.” He takes my hand into his. “Please give me
another chance.”

I
hesitate.  “Please...” he repeats.

He
takes me into his arms.  He is not as big as Kade, but I still feel
comfortable and safe in his hold. He was a good boyfriend … before all of this
jealousy and he will be a good distraction from my feelings for
Kade.  

“Ok,
Nathan.” I hear myself saying.  He smiles at me warmly, his blue eyes
brightening immediately. We walk hand in hand into my house where my mom makes
us pancakes with lots of syrup.

Kade

I
think that I am going to have an anxiety attack as I drive slowly to Alex’s
house.  Even though I am feeling anxious, I am still very excited that I
can finally come clean about these feelings that I have been having for
her.  She has no idea how hard it has been watching her with other guys –
especially Nathan.  If we come clean with each other I can finally stop
wasting my time with random girls.  I don’t know why it has taken me so
long to make a move.  But If I was going to be honest with myself I would
have to admit that I did try to kiss Alex once.  It was a year ago. Summer
Break.  She had just broken up with an asshole
who
had cheated on her and we decided to go celebrate at a club using fake ID’s.

We
walked into the club hand in hand.  As soon as we stepped inside, she
began taking shots – something she preferred to regular drinks – she always
says that other mixed drinks and beer just make her pee every five
minutes. 

I
sat at the bar with Jon and Ryan and looked at her as she danced with Laura and
Kayla. She was so beautiful.  She caught me staring and walked up to
me.  She placed her hands around my neck and danced seductively between my
legs.  There was a slow, sexy song playing, and with the alcohol buzzing
in my head my entire body felt warm.  As she moved her body slowly over
mine, I felt my hands travelling up and down her waist.  She was looking
up at me her lips slightly upturned and I felt my head lowering down to
hers.  Suddenly Kayla stood between us dragging Alex through the door
gesturing for me to follow.  It was time to go.

Neither
of us ever made mention of that night.  I think that we were both too
afraid to even think of it.

But
I am tired of being afraid. 

Pulling
up to her house I am shocked when I see Alex and Nathan on her porch. 
Nathan is holding her hands and she is looking up at him.  I see them
talking, and suddenly he pulls her into a long embrace. 

Oh,
God… no. I should stop this; I should get out of my car …

But
I stay in the car, immobilized watching their make-up unfold before me. 
She looks up at him and smiles and they walk hand in hand into her house.

I
don’t know how long I stared at her empty porch.  One minute I was staring
at the porch and another I was in my room punching a wall. 

I
spend the rest of my Sunday in my bedroom watching movies on mute and sinking
into a deep, deep depression.  I don’t think that I can do this much
longer.  I am a simple guy. I hate drama.

“Will
I need to stage an intervention?” Jacob asks as he walks into my room.  I
stare at the clock behind his head and see that it is already 8:00 pm.  I
hadn’t moved from this spot since I came back home this morning.

I
sigh loudly, not in the mood for his antics.

“Listen,”
he says flopping down on the love seat that sits parallel to my bed. “I can’t
stand this moping around shit for much longer.  What is the big deal
here?  Tell her how you feel!”

I
am surprised; I had never spoken to Jacob about my feelings for Alex.  

“No
idea what you’re talking about.”
I grumble. Of all my
brothers, Jacob and I are the closest, probably because we are only a year
apart.   We were always arguing playfully, but truth be told,
if  anything were to ever happen to him, I don’t know what I would
do.  He knew me better than most people.

“You
act like a caveman around her, Kade.  You don’t like it when any other guy
is near her.  Everyone can see that you guys are into each other except
for the two of you.” He finishes vehemently.

“Some
advice?” he questions as he stands up to leave.

“I
wasn’t asking for advice.”  I place a pillow over my head.

“Just
lay it out there.  Pull her aside like the caveman that you are.  I
can lend you a club! I have one upstairs.” He jokes.

“I
wish it were that easy.  She got back with Nathan.” I confess
,
my voice muffled from beneath the pillow.

“What??!
They just broke up! Why didn’t you make a move?”

“What
did you expect me to do?! Jump on her?” I exclaim sitting up on my bed.

He
nods his head. “Yes! That’s exactly what you should have done!”

“I
couldn’t do that to her, I wanted to give her some time to get over him.” I
finish lamely.  I sounded pathetic even to myself.

Jacob
sighs loudly as he walks through my bedroom door.

“Everything
will work out the way it is supposed to,” he calls over his shoulder. 
“But try to be proactive next time.
Because they will break
up again.
  Alex loves you too.” I stare at his back as he exits my
room.

Maybe
I should just let this go.  I know that Nathan isn’t a bad guy for her,
but we never did get along.

The
first day that I saw Alex and Nathan together was probably the day that I
realized that I had feelings for Alex.  Our usual group was hanging out
for lunch around a picnic table on campus.  I looked at my watch wondering
where Alex was.   I was just about to get up and go look for her,
when I saw her ambling towards us with a tallish guy in tow.  This was the
new guy that I had been hearing about all morning.  They walked towards
the group of us, and their chemistry was palpable.

“Hey
Guys!” Alex exclaimed, her cheeks flushing prettily. “This is Nathan.”

“Hey,”
new guy said.  Alex walked towards me and gave me my customary kiss on the
cheek and my hand slipped around her waist. “Hi, your day is going good?” she
questioned.

“Yeah,”
I replied, holding onto her a little longer than I usually did.

“Come
sit with me, Nathan.” She said as she turned away from me and patted a seat
beside her.

He
looked confused for a few seconds looking at me as if he wanted to ask
permission first.

When
I didn’t respond and turned my eyes away from his, he sat beside her. 
Soon he was laughing and talking to the lot of us, fitting in like a glove. I
hated him immediately.  I looked on as Alex’s eyes sparkled whenever he
spoke. 

As
easy as that he became part of the group. Even Ryan and Jon were joking around
with him.  I was going to beat the shit out of Ryan for this. From the
pieces of conversation around me I found out that he would be joining us at the
beach for the weekend.
Great.

That
evening I drove Alex home and she looked extremely excited.  She was
practically bouncing in her seat.

“You’ve
been awfully quiet,” she stated taking my right hand into her lap.

“I’m
just … tired, I guess.” But in my mind I am thinking about Nathan and Alex and
the way that Nathan looked at Alex when lunch was over.  They had
exchanged numbers and Alex blushed as Nathan waved goodbye to her.

“So…
what do you think of Nathan?” Alex asked cautiously.

“He
seems … nice” I said carefully.

“Doesn’t
he?!?! She exclaimed. “I really think that I’m
gonna
like him, Kade.” She concluded her hands tightening around mine.

“As
long as you’re happy, love” I stated even though I felt a sudden panic rising
within me.  Where was this reaction coming from?  It wasn’t the first
boy Alex had ever liked.

As
I pulled into her drive way, I heard her phone buzzing, it was a text message.

“It’s
Nathan!!” she exclaimed, happiness flooding her eyes.   She opened
the door to leave kissing me softly on my cheeks.

“I’ll
see you tomorrow at the beach ok? Love you.”  She said as she jumped down
from her seat.

“I
love you too,” I replied but she had already slammed my car door and was
skipping into her house.

When
I drove home that day, I sat on my bed for a long time staring into
space. 
You’re overreacting.
I told myself. It’s not like they’re
getting married.  They’ve only known each other for 24 hours.  They
might not even like each other after this weekend ... Yup.
Completely
overreacting.

My
phone buzzes beside me breaking me out of my thoughts and I see that it is a
text from Evelyn.

Ev
: Hey, What are you up
to? Can I come over?

I
check the clock and see that it is nearly eleven. 
Even
though we have school in the morning, I text her back immediately.

Me:
Yes.

Anything
to make my mind forget.

Kade

Alex:
Hey, didn’t see you at school today.  Are you sick? Do you want me to make
you some soup?

Me:
You know you can’t make soup.

Alex:
Shut up.  I’ll ask mom to make it. I’m
Coming
over.

Me:
No, no.  I’m Fine.  I will see you tomorrow, ok? 

A
few minutes later she replies.

Alex:
Ok.  I Love you. 

I
stare at my phone and her words for twenty minutes straight.

I
place my phone back on my side table, and stare up at my ceiling.  If I
don’t move out of this room soon, I know that it will take me longer to get out
of this depression.  Evelyn had left around three that morning.  I
thought that I would feel tired after she left, but my eyes stayed open all
night up until I heard my alarm going off at 7:00 am.  I decided that I
didn’t have the stomach to see Nathan and Alex hugging and kissing all day so I
skipped school.

“Kade?”
I hear my mom questioning.  I look up and she walks slowly into my
bedroom.

“What’s
going on? I haven’t seen you all day. What’s wrong?” She questions as she looks
over my disheveled appearance.

“Nothing,
Mom.”
  I reply.

“Don’t
lie to me.  Is everything ok? Did something happen with Alex?” Worry
washed over her face.

“I
wish,” I murmur.  She stares at me, understanding immediately dawning over
her expression.

She
walks over to my bed and sits on the very edge. “I was wondering when this was
going to happen.  I honestly thought that it would happen sooner…” she
trails off.

I
sit up slowly.  “Mom, I don’t know what to do.  I’m … I’m in love
with her,” I confess.  I could never lie to my mom.

“Did
you tell her?” she questions.

“No. 
I was going to… but ... it’s just too complicated. I was waiting for the right
time, but always chickened out. I have a bad feeling that it won’t go the way I
want it to.  Suppose she gets upset? I don’t want to lose her…” I hesitate
raking my hands through my hair.  “And then” I continue, “There’s Nathan.
I wanted to wait until they broke up…give her a little time to get over him,
but then they got back together.”  I finish lamely. 

“Honey,
maybe you should give her some space.” I hear my mom say.  “The Friendship
that you and Alex have is rare.  Think about what you are doing properly
before you make any more decisions.  Is it really worth sacrificing all
these years of friendship for a crush?  Are you truly in love with her?
Think about it some more, son.  I do not want you to make the wrong
decision.”  She reaches over and touches my cheek. “Now, go and take a
shower and come with me.  Dinner is ready.”

I
stare at her retreating frame, and place my head in my palms.  She is
completely right… as usual.

Alex

I
lay in my bed.  I had finished my homework early and decided to get an
early night in.   I stared at my phone.  Except for a few text
messages, I had barely seen Kade all week. 

I
usually texted Kade, but I decided to text Nathan tonight instead.  He is
my boyfriend, after all.  I remind myself.

Me:
Nite
– sleep tight,
I text before
plugging in my phone to charge. 

There
are two teddy bears on my bed.  One is old and tattered – a little grey
elephant that Kade had given me when we were ten.  He had given it to me
for Valentine’s Day.  He had wrapped it in a red box with a messy bow and
I had squealed with delight when I saw it. 

I
play with its long trunk and smile at the memory.  The other one I have on
my bed is a much larger brown bear.  It was a gift from Nathan three
months ago. 

I
hold both bears in my arms and close my eyes, thinking of Nathan.

One
week after we met Nathan walked me to my car after school.  It had taken
me one weekend and a mere week, but I was already falling for Nathan.

“So
you and Kade?”
Nathan questioned as we approached my
car.

“We’re
just friends,” I answered automatically.  I had been through this
conversation so many times before with every guy that I had ever dated. 
Most of the time they took one look at Kade and
I
together and never called back.

“You
two seem so close.” He murmured as I shoved my bag into the passenger seat.

“Listen,
Nathan.” I began tired of always having to explain myself.  “Kade and I
have been best friends all of my life.  Nothing and no one can or ever
will change that.  He has many girlfriends.  You don’t have to worry
about him.”

“I
just wanted to make sure … because I really like you Alex.” He reached out and
touched my cheek softly.  My heart beat sped up as he pulled me into his
arms.

“I
would love to take you out, as my date tonight.”

I
smiled up at him. “I would love to go out with you.”

He
leaned down and gave me a soft kiss on my lips.  His lips tasted lovely
and I leaned into him as the kiss deepened.  I didn’t want to let him go.

He
kissed my nose before releasing me from his hold.  “I will see you
tonight.” He called over his shoulders.

Becoming
Nathan’s girlfriend happened overnight. 

We
were inseparable and spent lots of time together.  I could barely keep my
hands off of him – even when I was at school, we would spend all of our time
kissing and hugging.  

I
had honestly given up on finding a nice guy.  I felt like the luckiest
girl in the entire school when our relationship became official.  And for
a while everything in my life seemed perfect until one very cold Friday night.

Kade
and I had spent our Friday watching movies like we usually did.  I made
sure that Nathaniel was okay with this, and he seemed to reluctantly understand
our ritual.  He made me promise that Saturday nights would be his and I
happily complied.

That
Friday after we watched our first movie, I got hungry.

Kade
laughed when my tummy growled and he turned off the TV and led me to his
jeep. 

I
turned up the music to full blast and sang loudly, always comfortable and happy
with Kade.  The night was a bit nippy and I was shivering as we headed
from the restaurant back to his car, our hands filled with take out.

“Alex!”
I turned quickly to see Kayla and Ryan approaching us.

“Hey!”
I called giving her a hug.  We leaned against the car and ended up talking
for a couple minutes.

I
shivered slightly but felt much better when Kade pulled me in front of him,
covering my body with his from behind.

We
were just about to leave when I saw a vehicle pulling up beside
Kade’s
and out walked Nathan with a couple of guys from our
school.  I heard them murmuring and pointing at me and Kade.  I
smiled when I saw him, not realizing that he was angry until I saw his eyes
rake over
Kade’s
hands on my waist.

It
was the first time that I had ever seen Nathan so angry.  I didn’t move as
he walked up to us.

“What’s
going on?” he questioned.

“Nothing
man,” I heard Ryan say, trying to calm the situation. “We were just grabbing
some food.”

“Yeah
Right,” one of Nathan’s friends muttered though he kept his distance from our
circle.

Nathan
continued staring at
Kade’s
hands around my waist and
I reluctantly removed myself from his safety immediately missing his warmth.

“Come
on, Alex” I heard him say angrily.

Was
I supposed to feel guilty?  I didn’t, and I didn’t like his tone.

“C’mon!”
he almost shouted.

“You
need to calm down,” I said as calmly as I could muster, even though I felt
anger roiling inside me. 
Who did he think he was talking to?
I had
a short temper.

I
felt Kade stand up behind me.  Shit.  This wasn’t going to be good.

“Nathan,”
I heard
Kade’s
voice strain. He was angry. “You need
to calm down.  You’re not taking her anywhere with that attitude.”

“Who
the hell was talking to you?” Nathan shouted.

Kade
walked straight up to Nathan, looming over him. Ryan stepped up behind
Kade.  I saw Laura’s eyes widen.  Nathan’s friends were now nowhere
to be seen.  They knew better than to pick a fight with Kade.

I
heard Ryan mumbling to Kade, telling him that he needed to calm
down.   I walked in between them, knowing that I had to stop this
before it got out of hand.

“I’ll
call you later,” I whispered to Kade hating the angry look in his eyes.  I
grabbed Nathan’s hand and pulled him towards his truck.  His fists were
clenched tightly.

“Take
me home.” I told him icily as I strapped myself in.

He
looked at me angrily before putting his car in drive and driving the short
distance to my house.

“Do
not ever talk to me like that.  I am nobody’s property.” I said before I
opened his truck’s door and walked inside my house. 

He
tried calling me all night but I didn’t answer.  He came to my house the
next day apologizing profusely.  He told me that he had never been jealous
in his life, but seeing me in
Kade’s
arms had made
him angry.

I
forgave him, but it was hard to ever get Kade and Nathan in the same room after
that night. 

I
fell asleep with a slight frown on my face.  When I woke up, I was
gripping my little elephant and the Brown Teddy Bear was at my feet. 

I
slowly got ready for school.  I was feeling much better now that
everything seemed to be getting back to normal.  Nathan and I were
spending a lot of time together, and we were putting lots of effort into having
a good relationship.  I felt a little bit guilty that I hadn’t spoken to
Kade much   but I was trying my best to focus on mine and Nathan’s
relationship.  Kade seemed to be fine with this.  Every time I saw
him he was with a different girl. 

I
tried to reign in my jealousy whenever I saw him especially when Evelyn sat in
between his legs during lunch.  He had barely even been to our table,
stopping only to say hello before wandering around with random girls.

Not
dealing with the feelings that I had developed for Kade was probably a bad
idea, but I couldn’t quite bring myself to deal with it just yet.

Where
Kade was mysterious and quiet, Nathaniel wore his feelings on his
sleeves.  He was extremely attentive and sweet, always telling me how nice
I looked and always pulling me into his arms for kisses.  He picked me up
almost every morning from home to take me to school.

I
hear Nathan blowing his horn outside.  I run down the stairs yelling
goodbye to my mom and climb into his large blue pickup.

“Morning!”
I exclaim giving him a kiss on his cheek.

“Morning,”
he replies turning to me and giving me a soft kiss on my lips. “I was thinking,”
he began as he drove slowly to school “that we should go out tonight. Let’s do
something different.”

“Tonight?”
I answer biting my lips. “But tonight is Friday…” I trail off.
 He
knows that it is movie night.

“Ok…”
he responds sounding disheartened.  I feel guilty immediately. 
  

Shit.

I
come up with an idea, pick up my phone and send Kade a text.

Me:
Morning
Pumkin
… how do you feel about doubling
tonight with me and Nathan?  We can go catch a movie? Or have dinner?”

I
wait a few seconds, hoping he doesn’t get too upset at Nathan’s intrusion.

My
phone vibrates a few seconds later.

Kade:
Sounds good. 

“Do
you mind doubling?” I ask Nathan happily. “Kade is ok with it.”

His
eyes brighten. “I’ll be happy as long as I am with you.”

Around
6:00 that evening I head downstairs.  I tried to look extra good
tonight.  When I wasn’t too sure what to wear, I sent Kade a quick
text.  It was a bad habit, but I valued his opinion.

Me: 
No idea what to
wear :
/ should I wear my little red
dress? Or jeans with a see through chiffon top?

Kade:
See through huh? I like see through things on you.

I
chuckle before replying.      

Me:
That’s what u tell all the
girls ;
)  So go with
the top?

Kade:
No, wear the red dress. 

And
so I chose a pretty, tight red mini dress, and let my hair fall straight down
my back.  I am excited, mostly because I barely saw Kade all week, and was
really looking forward to seeing him even if I had to share the time with our
dates.