Keep Her (33 page)

Her eyes were red and swollen from crying. Her hair greasy and unruly, her clothing wrinkled and mismatched. She was always a beautiful girl—still was, even if she was a mess. But something just wasn’t right about all this. Becoming a lawyer was her life, so failing the bar definitely had to have rocked her, but there was something more. Something about the irrational look in her eye as she watched my mental exchange with Griffin.

“You can take it again, Rissy. Why are you so worked up? Why didn’t you call
me
, or Dad? We would have been here in a second.”

She flopped onto the couch, turning off the Pandora channel. She’d been listening to the Mumford & Sons station—I’d always told her they were too damn depressing. “My whole life is falling apart. Everything is just… gone.” She held her head in her hands, her shoulders jutting up and down as the sobs wracked her body.

I’d never seen her so out of control. This was so uncharacteristic of the strong, confident, career-hungry woman I used to call my girlfriend. Unable to make sense of it all, I stood, stunned-still, behind the couch.

Griffin took the initiative and sat next to her, wrapping an arm around her small frame. “Rissy, stop this. Nothing’s falling apart. You’re just upset. This too shall pass, remember?”

Marissa took a long, deep, shaky breath, and let her hands fall from her face. She swiveled around to face me and zeroed in on my eyes. Her lip quivered and her tears flowed freely. “Why did you leave me, Beck? I thought we’d work things out. I never imagined it would be over for good. I can change. Maybe I’m not cut out to be a hard-assed lawyer after all. I can’t even pass the damn test. I can put that aside and be the woman you wanted. Marriage and babies. I want that all with you.”

Shit!
This wasn’t about me. She was just overwhelmed and confused and it was all coming to a head—here, in front of her brother who was eyeing me like I was Jeffry Dahmer incarnate. Not tonight. I couldn’t talk my ex-girlfriend off the ledge with her brother ready to pounce and my heart belonging to someone else—someone who was unknowingly waiting for me to surprise her with our first I love you.
Not fucking tonight!

“Marissa, you don’t mean that. I know you better than this. Sure, I miss you too.” I didn’t really, but I wasn’t about to pour salt in her wounds. “But we’re just not right for each other anymore. You’re going to pass that test, land the sickest job in the most prestigious law firm and when you’re ready—not when someone tells you to be ready—you’re going to make some guy the luckiest bastard on the planet.” I’d walked around the couch during my speech and sat in front of her on the coffee table. I reached out to grab her hands, to comfort her, but Griffin’s scowl warned me not to.

“Why don’t
you
want to be that lucky bastard? Why am I not good enough anymore?”

I hated to see her so weak. I hated to think I made her this way, but I couldn’t do anything about it. I didn’t love her anymore. It wasn’t my place to fix her.

“Rissy, have you eaten yet today?” Griffin tried to divert his sister’s attention from me, rubbing circles on her back with his thumb. “I can order from that Thai place you like. It will make you feel better.”

Ignoring Griffin, Marissa’s eyes never left mine. “Will you stay? Just to eat?”

“You have me here, sis. Aren’t I good enough?” Griffin faked a smile, nudging his sister.

“Of course you are, Griff, but… he’s already here. And who knows when I’ll see him again.”

Griffin stared me down again. I wasn’t afraid of him, but I wanted to respect his wishes for his sister. He had her best interests at heart. I was just here because she called. “I can stay until you’ve calmed down. Until I know you’re okay. But I have plans. I have to finish helping Ramos with his baby’s room.”

“Okay,” she conceded, still disappointed. “I’ll take what I can get.”

I never wanted to run out of a place so badly in my life. This was wrong. Everything about it felt wrong. I shouldn’t be here comforting Marissa. She had her brother for that, but I couldn’t just up and go and leave her in this state. There was a sense of security that I guessed only I could give her right now. I’d spend an hour here, getting her to come to her senses and then hand her off to Griffin so I could get on with my night.

But she dragged an extra hour out of me, playing on my guilty nerve and convincing me to stay for the rest of the Yankees game. During the last inning of the longest playoff game in history, my nightmare of an evening quickly turned into a full on horrific reality.

My cell phone rang, reminding me that I had somewhere else to be. I figured it would be Riley, checking in, but when Tessa’s number appeared on the screen, the blood drained from my face. “Beck! It’s Tessa. Get to Methodist Hospital as soon as you can. It’s Marcus
and
Riley, Beck. They’re both… Zack almost…” Her sobs broke her and before I could ask her to explain, I was beckoned by a pleading, desperate woman for the second time tonight. “Just come quick, Beck. Please!”

“
Miss Grayson. Can you hear me? Miss Grayson
?” The angelic voice sounded like it was in the distance. “Doctor, she’s awake,” she buzzed an intercom. “And, sir, you really can’t be in here. Please let us do our jobs.” The angelic voice turned stern and became clearer.

And then there was another, more familiar male voice trying to make its way through my groggy haze. He was frantic, concerned, scared.

It didn’t take long to figure out who it was.
Beck.
If I didn’t recognize him by sound, I certainly knew it was him by the touch of his hand on my face.
Ouch!
His soft touch actually hurt. My cheek felt swollen and my jaw ached as I tried to open my mouth to speak. “Where am I?” I managed to croak out through gritted teeth. I took in the white coats, the beeping, the tubes protruding from my arm. “Am I in the hospital?”

I tried to sit up, but Beck stopped me in place and the throbbing in my brain backed him up.
Not a good idea to move,
it told me.
Stay put and relax.

“Riley, baby. Do you remember what happened? Do you know why you’re here?”

I searched the room, looking for answers. My vision was a little fuzzy and my memories grainy, but one glance at the police officers standing guard by my door and it all came back to me in a fury of flashes.

“Call her
again
, you bitch!” He held the gun against my head, tightening his grip on my wrist.

“Tessa’s not answering, Zack. Please, just let me go get Luca.” The baby was upstairs screaming bloody murder for at least ten minutes already. I prayed I’d left his bedroom window open so a nosy neighbor would hear him and come over to see if we needed help. We did, desperately, because I wasn’t one of those courageous women you saw on those survival stories. The fight or flight instinct was all flight for me. I was too scared to fight back. I didn’t know how. There was no outsmart-the-bad-guy plan hatching in my terrified brain. Suddenly, I was praying more than I had in a long time. To God, to my mother. Please don’t let this psycho kill me or that little boy. Please, Mom, watch over us and keep us safe.

“You are a useless piece of shit,” he spat at me as I dialed the phone for what had to be the twentieth time. I was glad she hadn’t answered. As helpless as I felt, I was hoping I could take care of this myself so she and Marcus didn’t have to come home to face her lunatic, alcoholic, homicidal, ex-husband.

“Please, Zack. Tell me what you want. It doesn’t have to be like this, you know?” I tried to remain composed, but the stone-cold look in his bloodshot eyes scared me more than the gun digging into my temple.

“Shut the fuck up and try her again. And this time if she doesn’t answer…”

He didn’t finish but I knew where he was going with his threats. He was irrational and his actions were way beyond that. Even though it was obviously not my fault Tessa wasn’t picking up her phone, to Zack it
was
my problem.

When she didn’t pick up again, my heart dropped, but instead of giving in and finding out exactly what he would do to me for not getting him what he wanted… I lied. Her voicemail picked up and I pretended I was speaking to a live person. “Oh, hi, Tess.” I paused for effect hoping he would buy it. His eyes were wide now. I could see very little white peeking through the veiny lines of red that masked what used to be an attractive hazel-green. “Yes, sorry for calling so many times, but… Luca’s really cranky; you think you can—”

“Give that to me!” He ripped the phone from my hand and in that moment I sincerely feared for my life. Not only had I failed in getting through to Tessa, again, but now I’d lied to the psycho.

“Tessa, baby, is that you?” His face softened for a moment. I almost felt sorry for him. As sick and maniacal as he was, he was a human being who was hurting. It was too bad that his alcoholism and abusive behavior turned my compassion into disgust.

“Hello? Hello!” When he realized Tessa wasn’t on the other end, that I’d made up the whole thing, anger seeped out of every crevice in his body. “You must think I’m some kind of idiot, don’t you, Riley?” He mimicked a little boy’s voice when he said, it as if he was making fun of me.

I shook my head, holding back tears. The closer he got, the more I wanted to scream. What did it matter at this point? Luca was still wailing and Zack had me cornered with a gun pointed in my face.

So that’s what I did. I dug deep down into my core and released the loudest, most blood-curdling scream I could. “Heeeelllllpppppp!”

Before I could beg for mercy again, his fist was flying at me, the metal of the gun shining in the dim light. The last thing I remember before the floor fell out from under me was praying that he didn’t harm his innocent son.

“That mother fucker,” Beck growled, after I’d recounted my story to the police officer.

He jotted everything down, nodding as I spoke. He wasn’t very informative; but then again, how could he be? We were putting together the pieces as best we could, with the little we had to go on.

“Beck? Oh my god. Did he… How’s Luca? And what about Tessa and Marcus?” I had no idea how I’d gotten to the hospital or how Beck even knew to find me here. Someone needed to fill me in… and soon. I was starting to feel like an amnesia patient.
Shit!
Did I have amnesia? As I rummaged through my mind for every fact about myself, I didn’t fall short
. Okay, no amnesia.

Before Beck could calm my fears, the nurse was interrupting with an update. “You need to take it easy, hun. Try to relax. The attending doctor will be in shortly to see you.” She adjusted a few contraptions and then scurried to the doorway.

When she’d disappeared into the great hospital unknown, everyone else followed suit. One by one the two policemen and the orderly who’d delivered my tray of food left me and Beck to our privacy.

I focused on my poor worried man, who hadn’t let go of my hand since I’d woken. Although I was the one who needed comforting, I wanted to take away his pain. I squeezed his hand and smiled. When his worry lines smoothed and his lips curled up out of a serious straight line, I asked about everyone again. “How are they? Please tell me everyone’s okay.”

He brought his hand up to my face, steering clear of what I assumed were the bruises that throbbed under my skin. “They’re all fine now. I promise. We’ll talk about them later. I have to say something first.”

Shit! Was he stalling?
He was making me nervous. “Okay. But you’re kind of freaking me out. You’re not lying to me about them are you? Are you trying to change the subject? Oh god. Something happened, didn’t it?”

Beck sat on the bed next to me, careful not to disturb any wires or harm my already bruised body parts. He cupped my face softly and sucked in a long, heavy breath. “No, baby. I promised, didn’t I? I wouldn’t lie about something like that. Now, there’s something I’ve been wanting to tell you, so let me say this. It can’t wait.”

I nodded and he continued with a shy smile. “I was supposed to come over to Tessa’s and tell you this tonight. I should have come sooner, dammit. I hate that I wasn’t there so that asshole couldn’t do this to you, but—” His frustration vanished as he caressed the top of my hand with his thumb. “I can’t wait another second to tell you, Riley. I don’t want another minute to go by. I don’t want to be scared of ever losing you again. Nothing else matters. Nothing can get in the way of this ever again. I love you, Riley. I’ve loved you for a long time and I should have told you the first time I realized it, but I wanted it to be right… perfect. And here I am, telling you this in a damn hospital bed. I’m so sorry I wasn’t there to protect you. I’m so sorry he hurt you and I’m—”