Keep Her (29 page)

I thought that would put her at ease. I figured once she knew the truth her anger would subside, her tears would stop, but that wasn’t the case.

“Then why did you end it with me? Why didn’t you even give me a reason?” The tears came down in fat drops from her eyes. Had I known she was this upset over the way things had turned out with us…

“I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to—” I didn’t mean to what? I had no idea how to finish that sentence. I’d wanted to be with her all this time, but according to Tessa, and even a few of the guys at the house, giving in to what I wanted was selfish. They didn’t think I was ready to be serious yet. But maybe
they
were fucking crazy. It wasn’t their life. They weren’t in my head. What the fuck did they know? “I was trying to do the right thing, Riley. I didn’t want to hurt you.”

“You don’t think the way you ended things hurt me? I’ve been left wondering what I did wrong all this time. Why I wasn’t good enough. And then Marissa says what she said and at least I felt there was a reason, but now—I’m still so fucking lost here, Beck. What am I missing?”

She couldn’t feel inadequate. No. I couldn’t make her feel that about herself. She was perfect. Every single thing about her was fucking perfect. She needed to know how I felt. Inching closer, I reached out to hold her but she backed away. “Baby, there’s nothing wrong with you. You’re perfect. You are
the
girl. Everything I’ve ever wanted. I’m the one with the flaws. I’m the one at fault. Everyone made me believe that if I rushed into things with you right after breaking up with Marissa—it wasn’t right. I needed time to be completely yours.” I felt so vulnerable, telling her everything, baring my soul. But it was about time. I was tired of pretending I was okay without her. I wasn’t. And obviously she was not okay without me either.

“There hasn’t been a day since our last time together that I haven’t missed you.” I reached out to her again and when I saw she wasn’t rejecting my touch this time, I grabbed her hand and pulled her closer to me. Cupping her face with the other hand, I gazed into her blue eyes and spoke more truth. “I want you so bad, Riley. Not just for fun, not on the side, not as a distraction. I want you because I can’t stand to be
without
you. I want you because you are the most incredible woman I’ve ever known and even though we weren’t together long, I know without a doubt that we’re supposed to be together. You’ve been right under my nose all these years—I can’t believe I was so blind. I can’t believe I ever let you go.”

She gulped back her tears and a shy smile spread across her lips. It seemed like she was mentally appraising everything I’d just confessed, then she rested her head against my chest and let me hold her. “I missed you so much, B.”

Kissing the top of her head, I closed my eyes and sniffed in the scent I’d dreamt about since our last night together. “I missed you too. No more time apart. No matter what anyone says.”

As tired as I’d been before Riley showed up, I was now full of energy and wanting to make up for lost time. We’d been apart nearly a month, but in all honesty, it felt like a lifetime. My hands ached to touch her soft skin, my lips craved hers, my tongue begged to taste her. I’d never felt this empty or disoriented by the loss of someone before. Not even Marissa—and not just because I’d had Riley to help ease that loss. Forcing myself to be without Riley and not tell her what was going on in my mind was like being shackled and restrained unwillingly. It took more willpower than anyone could ever imagine.

But I did it for her.

I did it because I thought it was right to wait it out and revisit my feelings when I had more to give. I should’ve known by the way my head was cluttered and distracted this whole month that none of that mattered. There were no guidelines and time limits when it came to love. And while this might not be love just
yet
, I was certain it wouldn’t take long.

Not wanting to waste one more second apart, I crashed my mouth against hers. Her lips parted as soon as our mouths touched, allowing my tongue the access it was starved for. Our tongues flicked together in a familiar rhythm, but it was also hurried and frenzied as if making up for what we’d been missing.

“I’m sorry, Riles. I wanted to come to you so many times. It was so hard to stay away.” I spoke between frantic kisses, finally pulling away to make sure this wasn’t a dream. I needed to see her, smell her, hold her to know she was
actually
here.

The way she anchored herself to me by tangling her hands in my hair told me that she felt the same urgency. Letting out a long breath of air as if she’d been holding it in all this time, she pressed her forehead to mine and whispered, “Then why did you?”

“I wanted to be able to give you all of me. I can do that now. I can give you everything. If you let me.”

Closing her eyes and melting my heart when a few more tears escaped, she pleaded with me. “Please don’t hurt me again, B. I thought I was okay, but… well, look at me like a psycho ex, showing up here unannounced. You must think I’m crazy!” She stared down at the floor, avoiding eye contact, but I lifted her chin with my finger bringing her gaze back to mine.

“I don’t care how it looks. I’m just glad you’re here. It’s been fucking torture.”

“Good.” She grinned. The first sign of happiness on her face since she showed up on my doorstep.

Although I was glad to see some of the sadness disappear, I was confused. “Good?”

“Yes, good. I hope you were in agony. You deserve to suffer for making me wonder all this time.”

I couldn’t argue with her there. I knew the suffering she was referring to because I was dealing with it too. While it was noble to keep my distance, it also stung like a mother fucker to think I could lose her in the end. But I didn’t want to focus on how I’d almost screwed this up. I wanted to move forward. It was time to fuck the past, forget about what everyone else thought, and live in the goddamn moment. YOLO, right?

Making light of the situation, I jabbed her in the ribs with my finger, making her squirm. “Suffer? Ha! I’ll show you suffering… upstairs.”

She let out an adorable, almost musical giggle as I picked her up and flung her over my shoulder like a caveman. “If we’re going up to your bed, suffering is an impossibility.”

Happy to hear her mood turned playful, I started our journey to my room. “Oh, we’ll see about that.” I ignored her fists drumming on my back and continued up the steps, two at a time. “Hey, you never told me how you ran into Marissa.”

“Please don’t ever say her name while holding me again,” she scolded and her body stiffened under my grip.

“Sorry. Point taken, but—”

“It’s not important. It was just a casual run-in.”

I could tell the topic bothered her and I didn’t want to screw up our reunion, so I changed the subject. “Can you stay the night?”

“Sure can.”

“Those two words never sounded so fucking beautiful.”

Once we made it to my bedroom, I tossed her onto the bed and she let out a girly squeal. “Such a gentleman.”

Crawling over her body, making sure to grind my stiffening cock against her as I made my way up to claim her mouth again, I said, “Sweet thing, I’m pretty sure you don’t want me to be a gentleman when I fuck you.”

Her eyes widened, her smile brightened, and her cheeks flushed. I brought my hand up to caress her embarrassment away. “All of a sudden you’re shy? Would you rather we take it slow?” I pressed against her again, demonstrating how gentle it could be. Bringing my hand down to wrap her leg around my waist, I whispered against her ear, “We can take our time getting reacquainted if you’d like that better.”

Her leg tightened around me as her hips arched off the bed to meet my gentle thrusts. She was eager—just the way I wanted her.

“Or you can let me fuck you the way I’ve been dreaming of—with your sweet pussy swallowing me deep and milking me dry.”

“That,” she panted into my neck. “Let’s do that!”

I collapsed on top of her, laughing at how needy the two of us were for each other. She joined me with a cute giggle that soon turned into uncontrollable laughter. Our bodies rocked and jiggled as we clutched our stomachs, lying next to each other. When we’d caught our breaths, I turned to face her, resting my head on a propped up pillow. “Damn, I missed you, Riles. I’m sorry I didn’t come to my senses sooner.”

“Mmm hmm,” she groaned sarcastically.

“No. I’m serious. Listening to everyone was a mistake. I should have taken Marcus’s advice instead.”

“Wait? What?” She shot into a sitting position, staring down at me. “You told him about us?”

Shaking my head, I grabbed her hand and brought it to my lips to kiss her knuckles. “No. Not exactly.”

Pulling her hand from my grasp, she arched a brow and pursed her lips. “Speak.”

“Yes, Mistress,” I chuckled, but there was no amusement on her face. “Fine. When I was over at Tessa’s that night we watched the game together, the two lovebirds offered some advice. Tessa, knowing the situation, was the one who convinced me to keep my distance.”

“I should kill her,” she grumbled.

“No. She meant well, babe. She knew my head was all fucked up and she worried that I’d be stringing you along. In the end, even though your amateur Casanova of a brother was very convincing, Tessa’s advice made more sense. It was the least selfish thing to do.”

“And what
did
my idiot brother tell you to do?” she mused, with an unconvinced expression.

“He told me to go for the girl. Of course, he didn’t know the girl was his sister, but still—”

Scooting down to settle in my arms, she interrupted me. “I can’t believe I’m gonna say this, but you should’ve listened to him. Would’ve saved us both a lot of heartache.”

Brushing a few strands of hair off her face, I focused on her plump lips, wanting to take a bite. “Your heart was aching? Over me?”

“Don’t sound so stunned, Beckster. We had a connection at the lake house. One of those I-think-I-met-my-soulmate moments. Don’t tell me you didn’t feel that too.”

“Of course I did.” With one hand still playing with her silky hair, I laced the fingers of my other hand with hers.

“So, how can you think I wasn’t affected by you just up and leaving after that? It was such a mind-fuck. I played it cool because I didn’t want to come on too strong or make it more than it was. I thought maybe you
weren’t
feeling the same way I was, after all.”

“I was
definitely
feeling the same thing. There’s no doubt about that. I guess—I just guess I didn’t know how to process it all. It seemed wrong to be able to let go of Marissa so easily. I had no regrets and I worried that maybe the way you and I rushed into things so hastily was what kept me from actually… mourning… the end of a two-year relationship.”

“Are you still
mourning
?” she asked quietly, as if she were afraid to hear the answer.

“There’s nothing to mourn, babe. As heartless as it sounds, I don’t feel anything at all when it comes to her. I really hate that stupid expression about everything happening for a reason, but I do think we got together at the perfect time. I was ready to take the next step with Marissa because I thought it was right. I thought I loved her unconditionally. But when things got a little rocky—” I combed my fingers through my hair, trying to find the right words. “—let’s just say we didn’t have a future. We don’t want the same things. We probably never did. I guess I just stayed, holding on to hope that I could change her mind.” I hated talking to her about Marissa, but she wasn’t stopping me. Maybe this was her way of understanding.

“Do you really want to hear all this?” I finally asked, not wanting to make things awkward.

“Yes and no. I don’t like the idea of you with another woman, even if it was before me, but maybe you’re right. Maybe things happen the way they do for a reason.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean maybe it was smart that you took Tessa’s advice and we came back to each other this way. Now you
know
how you feel. You have your closure and the rest can just be called his-to-ry.” She sang that last word with giddy excitement.

Talking to my current girl about my past girl could not have gone smoother. I was a lucky mofo.